Redneck Ramblins

1. I am amazed at the folks that have time to Twitter and Facebook, but do not have time to do important stuff.
2. The South Carolina governor should take a hike! Other politicians should go with him.
3. The climate bill makes me hot! Bet Congress doesn’t read its 1,300 pages to discover that it is the largest tax in history!
4. Forget about Jon and Kate. Worry about the 8.
5. The College World Series was the best baseball I’ve seen in a while. Great to see players playing with their heart instead of their wallet.
6. Summer is definitely here. Temps in the 100’s and the “sweat index” 105-110. For you Yankees, the sweat index is like a wind chill in reverse. It is a ratio of the temperature and humidity.
7. Every time I get hot, I remember the troops in Iraq where it gets up to 140. Doesn’t seem so bad after all. Thanks, troops!
8. Couldn’t help but laugh when one of the talking heads on TV said, “Michael Jackson touched a lot of people in different ways.”
9. Noticed that Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton both showed up at the MJ deal. Good they finally found somethin’ to do.
10. Wish the networks had spent as much time and resources reporting the stupidity of the climate bill as they have with the Michael Jackson mess..
11. Bernie Madoff and his wife had all of their assets taken from them. Now maybe they will know what it is like.
12. Really sorry he passed away, but I will not miss Billy Mays yelling at me on TV.
13. Happy Independence Day!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

KISSIMMEE - Marriage and divorce follow standard patterns across the United States, except for the case of Ditzel v. Bowser.

The bridegroom swears he never got married. The bride says he just didn’t want to attend the ceremony.

So on May 24, 2008, the wedding of Matthew J. Ditzel to Heather M. Bowser went on without him.

A marriage license states they became husband and wife on the Kissimmee lakefront. Yet that didn’t happen. One of the bride’s co-workers, a notary public, illegally signed and stamped the document.

A year later, lawyers argue over the wreckage of love. The groom’s request for an immediate annulment was denied by Circuit Judge Jeffrey M. Fleming.

At issue now is how the couple should part.

Details of this rare union comes from Osceola County Courthouse files. Just how rare it is remains unknown. Although about 150,000 marriages are conducted yearly in Florida, no one tracks how many involve bogus licenses or how often the state’s 400,000 notary publics commit fraud.

Ditzel, 30, remains steadfast the marriage never happened.

Bowser, 31, counters that her husband agreed all along to a proxy marriage.

She says he wants an annulment merely to avoid divorce fees and sharing joint property from their 10-year love affair.

Those assets include a $1,500 “promise” ring and a $9,000 engagement ring.

The couple decided to get hitched last year in March. That’s when they picked up their marriage license. To be valid, it had to be signed within 60 days and returned to the same courthouse where their lawyers do battle.

Far from amicable, the case has produced an order for protection and two arrests.

On July 3, Ditzel accused Bowser of domestic violence. A temporary protection order was granted but dismissed weeks later. Then, on Oct. 10, Ditzel called Osceola County Sheriff’s Office to report he had been married without his knowledge, arrest records show.

The notary, Veronica Gonzalez, lost her job at Wyndham Resorts in Orlando and lost her state notary commission for falsely certifying that she married the pair. Reached at home last week, she declined to comment on all marital matters.

Gonzalez pleaded no contest April 30 to false acknowledgment by a notary public, a misdemeanor, and received a year’s probation.

She was ordered to pay $7,500 in restitution to the victim of her notarized fraud.

The victim’s identity is sealed in court records.

Bowser lost her job as well at Wyndham Resorts, where she earned $36,500 a year as a title assistant.

She, too, was arrested and awaits trial on three fraud-related felony charges.

Ditzel’s lawyer, Thomas E. Rhodes, says there’s no reason to discuss divorce when a legal marriage never happened.

“Our premise is it never took place,” Rhodes said. “It never met the statutory requirement. That’s the bottom line.”

Fleming might agree. But court notes of the most recent hearing indicate a trial most likely will be needed to resolve the case.

That’s what the bride wants, a trial.

Nina DeFlora, Bowser’s lawyer, did not return telephone messages.

Court notes show she already alerted the court, “They have witnesses to state that Mr. Ditzel made announcement that they were married, there is a celebratory dinner, announcements made about rings, and they consummated like bunnies.”

The case continues.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break? ‘He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a dumb jerk. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires …

So Mary called him a total idiot. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired.
It’s important at our age

Redneck Picture of the Week

Senior Biker Bar

Racin’

Joey “Sliced Bread” Logano got his first Cup win in a rain shortened race in New Hampshire. Now it is back to Daytona for the formerly known as the Firecracker 400. The picks:

1. Elliot Sadler
2. Jimmy Johnson
3. Jr.
4. Smoke

Ain’t True

FORT SMITH, Ark. (AP) - A mother who drank 13 beers before a psychological evaluation failed to recover custody of her three young children despite claiming she wasn’t drunk because she “can drink like a fish.” The woman wanted to get the children back from her husband’s stepmother.

The Arkansas Court of Appeals rejected her Wednesday, citing addictions, frequent absences and criminal activity to support her habits. It said the woman made no meaningful efforts to restructure her life.

The children are ages 6, 4 and 4. The state took custody in 2007 when the woman’s mother said she could no longer care for the children. Human Services workers later won an order declaring the children’s mother unfit and want to see the children adopted.

Ain’t true that drinkin’ makes you smarter.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Kenny Chesney - “Summertime”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vSRa-qlKTo

Redneck Video of the Week:

Time for Summer Camp

“13 Boy Scouts in a Port-a-Potty”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GBxwYSyZ340

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Remote Control Bass Fishing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76KUoXmYA0Q

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Redneck Ramblins

1. I know how to fix the North Korea deal. Send Obama, Biden, Pelosi, and all of Congress over there until it is resolved. Then they can go to Iran.
2. If North Korea fires on Hawaii on July 4^th, I reckon’ we ought to show them what fireworks we got!
3. Why is it when a bug decides to commit suicide against your windshield, it always hits right in your line of sight and always one exit since you cleaned it?
4. Okay, we will have regulators overseeing the financial sector. Who will regulate the regulators?
5. All of the special interest groups have become so polarizing that they have lost effectiveness. NRA, PETA, Sierra Club - what happened to common sense and rational behavior?
6. At least they can’t say that Obama wouldn’t hurt a fly!
7. Go, Pelosi, go - and take Boxer with you.
8. Naps are nice.
9. Wow! What an exciting US Open. I was nervous in the last round and I wasn’t playing. Imagine the pressure on those guys.
10. Gas is going up and the stock market is going down. They used to blame it all on Bush. Who do we blame now?
11. I am very fortunate that I had a great dad and two great kids. Thanks for a great Father’s Day!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Jun 19, 9:33 PM (ET)

JEFFERSONVILLE, Ind. (AP) - An Indiana lawyer who was found asleep headfirst in a neighbor’s trash can after a night of drinking has apologized and says he’s embarrassed. No charges have been filed against Larry Wilder, who is the Jeffersonville City Council’s attorney.

Wilder said he had dinner and drinks with friends in nearby Louisville, Ky., on Tuesday night. He said he was driven home in a client’s limousine but remembers little that happened after that.

A neighbor found Wilder in the trash can early Wednesday and called police, who helped Wilder home.

Jeffersonville Police Chief Tim Deeringer said no crime was committed and that Wilder was cooperative and not a threat to anyone.

The City Council president said she will call a special meeting next week to discuss Wilder’s status with the city.

Redneck Joke of the Week

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, “How many children do you have?”

“Ten,” she replied.

“What are their names?” he asked.

“David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David,” she answered.

“They’re all named David?” he asked “What if you want them to come in from playing outside?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just call ‘David,’ and they all come running in.”

“And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?”

“I just say, ‘David, come eat your dinner’,” she answered.

“But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?” he asked.

“Oh, that’s easy,” she said. “I just use their last name!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Grilling Season is Now Open

Racin’

Kasey Kahne got the King his first victory in 10 years by winning at Sonoma.

It is off to New Hampshire this week: Picks:

1. Matt Kenseth
2. Mark Martin
3. Denny Hamlin

Ain’t True

LITTLE ROCK, Ark.

Arkansas State Police say a tractor-trailer rig hauling pigs overturned early Monday on a major highway and some of the four-legged hogs got loose.

The wreck and the roaming porkers closed a stretch of Interstate 430 connecting Little Rock to North Little Rock.

State Police spokesman Bill Sadler said morning commuters were detoured around the area as troopers and others tried to corral the escaped hogs.

The swine could weigh as much as 800 pounds each.

Authorities said the truck was carrying about 90 hogs. Some of them remained in the trailer while others made a break for freedom.

Ain’t true that hogs on the highway are always motorcycles.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Alan Jackson - “Summertime Blues”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qy7eWTaAjfA&feature=channel

Redneck Video of the Week:

Congressman Forbes asks the questions “Did America ever consider itself a Judeo-Christian nation?” and “If America was once a Judeo-Christian nation, when did it cease to be?”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpQOCvthw-o

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Redneck Equation

Redneck + Beer + Gasoline + Fireworks = Fire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvZ-hP-orR0&feature=related

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

Satchel Paige
US baseball player (1906 - 1982)

Redneck Ramblins

1. Missing Leno yet?
2. You can’t fix stupid - i.e. Jerry Jones, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi……….
3. What a normal day - NFL player goes to jail, MLB player on steroids, Senator admits affair. Ho hum!
4. What did they do with Pelosi? She has disappeared since her waterboarding fit.
5. The biggest racists I know are not white.
6. The President says that he wants to help the minorities. Well, here I am. I am a minority in my state.
7. The same 3 million people who were unprepared for the digital switch must have been the same ones who did not evacuate Katrina and Ike. So glad it is finally over!!
8. I made it all season without watching the NBA!
9. The more they talk about national health care, the sicker I get.
10. Pray for the troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Waxing Mishap Sparks $160 Million Lawsuit

A New Jersey woman, who said she got second and third-degree burns after using hot wax made by Sally Hansen, is now going after the company.

Carmen Canas filed a $160 million lawsuit against Sally Hansen and its manufacturer Wednesday in Brooklyn District Court in New York, WPIX.com reported.

In the lawsuit, Canas claims the hot wax boiled over in its container as she attempted to remove it from her microwave. As a result, Canas said she sustained severe burns on her lower back, breast and right thigh. The 38-year-old went for treatment at St. Mary’s Hospital in Hoboken, N.J. and was later transferred to a burn unit of another hospital, according to the news station.

“It is unconscionable, how multi-million dollar corporations are placing such dangerous products into the stream of commerce without taking into consideration the user’s safety,” her attorney, Phil Rizzuto told WPIX. .

In response to the lawsuit, a spokesperson for the parent company of Sally Hansen told WPIX the company “has not yet been served with the complaint and has not had an opportunity to review it.”

Redneck Joke of the Week

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.

This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occurred, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, “Oh, S***”.

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:
“Hold my beer and watch this!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck Tank Top!!!!

This  was taken in front of the Gardendale,  Alabama  Wal-Mart, where  the young  lady was shopping at the  Flea  market.

Look at it  closely.

Now I ask you…

Who stands and looks at a  pair of men’s briefs and says hmmmm…I can make me a nice summer top from these!!

On the other hand…$6 for a three pack is a good price!!

But what if they weren’t bought new?  That’s redneck recycling at its best.

Don’t throw out yer feller’s drawers when the skid marks don’t wash out no more.  Just cut the crotch out and wear ‘em.   How very Green!    Al Gore would be proud.

Racin’

Mark “The Kid” Martin (age 50) scored another victory for us old guys at Michigan last week. He won on experience in a fuel mileage thriller. Some say it was a fuel mileage win, but he was the fastest to the checkered flag.

This week it is off to wine country for a road race at Sonoma, CA. This week they have to turn left and right. The picks:

1. Kyle Busch
2. Juan Pablo Montoya
3. Jamie McMurray

Ain’t True

JERUSALEM -  An Israeli woman mistakenly threw out a mattress with $1 million inside, setting off a frantic search through tons of garbage at a number of landfill sites, Israeli media reported Wednesday.

The woman told Army Radio that she bought her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise on Monday and threw out the old one, only to discover that her mother had hidden her life savings inside. She was identified only as Anat, a resident of Tel Aviv.

When she went to look for the mattress it had already been taken by garbage men, she said. Subsequent searches at three different landfill sites turned up nothing.

The Israeli daily Yediot Ahronot published a picture of the woman searching through garbage at a dump in southern Israel.

Yitzhak Borba, the dump manager, told the radio station that his staff was helping the woman, saying she appeared “totally desperate.” He said the mattress was hard to find among the 2,500 tons of garbage arriving at the site every day.

He said he increased security at the site to keep would-be treasure hunters at bay.

For her part, Anat said it could be worse. “People have to take everything in proportion and thank God for the good and the bad,” she said.

Another example of it ain’t true that is best to be in cash these days.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Out Last Night” - Kenny Chesney

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8zdV57QLTo

Redneck Video of the Week:

Bass Fishing with Bill Dance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3F5ioMZDTM

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Federal Gummit Economics

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
P. J. O’Rourke

Redneck Ramblins

1. Why is it that we always have to blame someone when something is messed up? Let’s spend our time and energy fixin’ it! Blame is history and fixin’ it is the future.
2. I give the gummit 12 months or 12,000 miles to really mess up GM.
3. Anyone find it funny that the bloated bureaucratic cash spending car companies have been taken over by the federal gummit? I guess it takes one to know one…
4. What happened to Pelosi and her waterboarding mess? I didn’t forget but obviously the press did.
5. Ford Motor Company is like most honest hardworking Americans. They did the right things and managed their financials without the government bailouts.
6. Jerry Jones had his official opening of Cowboy Stadium last week. I didn’t get an invite even though my tax dollars helped build his shrine. I don’t feel nearly as bad as the season ticket and bond holders. They didn’t get an invite either. Jerry really needs a good PR person.
7. New Orleans Mayor Nagrin quarantined in China! Wish we could make it permanent so that the city could recover from Katrina. Any way to get Pelosi to join him?
8. As Sotomayor headed for her meetings on the hill, someone yelled out “break a leg”. She interpreted it as break an ankle.
9. Be interesting to see where all this $787 billion stimulus money goes to create 600,000 jobs! If my ciphering is correct, that is $ 1,311,666 per job! Just give me the $ 1.3 million and leave out the middle man.
10. Why didn’t somebody tell me the digital switch was this Friday? OMG am I ready? Help!! This is a joke, but I betcha there will be plenty that say that this Friday.
11. Favorite T-Shirt seen at Texas Motor Speedway this past weekend:

I Spent All My Money on

Beer

Women

And Racin’

The Rest I Just Wasted

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Gov’t posts sensitive list of US nuclear sites

Jun 3, 7:59 AM (ET)

By EILEEN SULLIVAN

WASHINGTON (AP) - The government accidentally posted on the Internet a list of all civilian nuclear sites and their activities in the United States.

The 266-page document was published on May 6 as a transmission from President Barack Obama to the U.S. Congress. According to the document, the list was required by law and will be provided to the International Atomic Energy Agency.

Some of the pages are marked “highly confidential safeguards sensitive.”

While there is security at the facilities, the list could presumably be useful for terrorists or anyone else who would like to harm the United States.

The publication of the list was first reported in an online secrecy newsletter Monday.

The document details the location of the nuclear sites and what is being done there.

For instance, there are nuclear reactors at the Westinghouse Electric Company in Pittsburgh, Pa. This facility is currently working on research into what happens when there are accidents with the nuclear reactors. The project started in 2006 and is expected to end in 2012, according to the document.

The document was posted on the Government Printing Office Web site, and has since been removed.

Don’t it make you feel secure that the federal gummit is running most of the financial companies and the largest car maker in the world. Feel nice and comfy that they have your personal info?

Redneck Joke of the Week

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the buckeye was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, ”Buddy, I’d sure like to be on your side of the river!”

”Aight, tell ya whut, I’ll shine my flashlight ‘cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!” the redneck yelled back.

The buckeye replied, ”Hain’t no way, buddy. I know you think I’m a fool! When I get halfway ‘cross, you’ll turn your flashlight off!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

The new GM (Government Motors) proudly introduces the
2010 Obama …

This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has
three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns.

It comes complete with two Teleprompters programmed to
help the occupants talk their way out of any violations.

The transparent canopy reveals the plastic smiles still
on the faces of all the “happy” democrat owners

Racin’

Good to see Tony Stewart get his first win as an owner/driver in Pocono.

Not good to see Kyle “Punk” Busch smash a Sam Bass custom painted Les Paul guitar after Nashville’s Nationwide race. I know that this is the race trophy and that he won it, but still…………show some respect, Punk!

The Camping World Truck race in Texas was boring and the Onion Bodine won. Yuck.

The IRL race in Texas was also a boring mess until the IRL threw a “NASCAR debris caution” to tighten the field up. Poor Ryan Briscoe lost a 12 second lead and then the race. Helio Castoneves climbed the fence.

This week it is off to Michigan International Speedway. I hope that there are still some folks up there that can go to the race.

My picks for the 2 mile fast track are:

1. Roush Fenway Racing
   1. Matt Kenseth
   2. Greg Biffle
   3. Carl Edwards
   4. Jamie McMurray
   5. David Regan

Ain’t True

Ain’t true that this is a happy household right now. Daughter breaks Mom’s legs and gets Dad a ticket. I think she may be grounded for a while.

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) — Police said a 17-year-old girl who was practicing how to drive broke her mother’s legs after stepping on the gas pedal instead of the brake. Sgt. Thomas Long told the Republican newspaper that the mother was sitting on a fence when she was struck Saturday morning at a movie theater parking lot.

The woman was taken to Baystate Medical Center for treatment.

Authorities cited the girl’s 39-year-old father, for allowing an unlicensed driver to operate the vehicle.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Kenny Chesney - She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2KmzFABujM

Redneck Video of the Week:

Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBBsj7GLH-A&feature=PlayList&p=4B06820C968C148F&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=1

Redneck Educational Tip of the Week:

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

This President is going to lead us out of this recovery.
Dan Quayle

Redneck Ramblins

1. Wish we could get people to vote with the enthusiasm and passion for their government officials as they did for their American Idol.
2. All suicide bombers are first timers.
3. Looks like General Motors just got demoted to Pfc. Motors.
4. GM now stands for Government Mess.
5. Looks like all that bailout money we gave the car companies was so that the union employees could still draw a paycheck while the companies prepared for bankruptcy. Can you smell political payback?
6. Wow! I now own one 300 millionth of General Motors and I don’t want to.
7. Another American institution is on the rocks, but I bet John and Kate can work it out for the benefit of the 8. (What a waste of TV time!)
8. Remember to celebrate President’s Day on June 3^rd - the birthday of Jefferson Davis, the best President we ever had.
9. Would somebody give Kyle Busch a C and an L so that he would have class? He already has the other letters.
10. Why is gasoline going up when demand is way down and supplies are way up? Greed?
11. Vote with your bucks!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Ohio man arrested for mowing grass in park

SANDUSKY, Ohio - An Ohio man arrested for mowing unkempt grass at a public park says he just wanted to make his city look nice.

John Hamilton said he took control of the situation because the grass in Sandusky’s Central Park was about a foot high.

According to a police report, a witness said Hamilton was blowing grass onto the sidewalk and shredding trash in the park that had not been picked up. Police said they arrested the 48-year-old Hamilton after he refused to stop mowing and charged him with obstructing official business and disorderly conduct.

City Manager Matt Kline called the arrest unfortunate and said he understands Hamilton’s frustration. Kline said budget cuts have left Sandusky understaffed for seasonal maintenance work.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Bubba became confused when he heard the word ’service’ used with these agencies.

Internal Revenue ‘Service’
U.S. Postal ‘Service’
Telephone ‘Service’
Cable TV ‘Service’
Civil ‘Service’
State, City, County & Public ‘Service’
Customer ‘Service’

This is not what Bubba thought ’service’ meant

But today, he overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to ’service’ a few cows.

BAM!  It all came into focus.   Now Bubba understands what all those agencies are doing to us.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Florida Biker and His Babe

This will be me and Mrs. Redneck when our kids take our keys away.

Racin’

Did you feel the earth tilt on its axis this past Thursday? Jr got a new crew chief. Junior Nation - you got what you wanted, now shut up and let the boy drive!

Dover proved to be the Monster. Great race with Jimmie Johnson outlasting Smoke and Biffle for the win!

Now it is on to Pocono - one of the most boring races of the year. Picks for the week:

1. Denny Hamlin
2. Jimmie Johnson
3. Jeff Gordon

Three of the most boring drivers do as good as the boring race.

We also get to go Indy racin’ in Texas this weekend. It is almost guaranteed to be a close finish.

Pick:

Tony Kanaan

Ain’t True

DETROIT (AP) - An agent used surveillance cameras to confirm a smelly suspicion: Someone had been urinating in a freight elevator at an Internal Revenue Service data center in Detroit. Authorities filed a criminal charge Tuesday against Michael Hicks. In an affidavit, treasury agent Delmaria Scott said she interviewed Hicks in January 2008 and he admitted urinating in the elevator for months.

Scott said Hicks did it “because he felt he could get away with it.” It cost $4,600 to clean the elevator.

Hicks, who was a contract employee at the IRS, was charged with damaging federal property. A defense lawyer was not listed.

Gina Balaya, a spokeswoman for prosecutors, says the government was unsuccessful in trying to resolve the case without a criminal charge.

Ain’t true that you can pee on the IRS and get away with it.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Wade Hayes - “Old Enough to Know Better”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arxtJNTfs8c

Redneck Video of the Week:

President Jefferson Davis

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDGtPOgcPF0&feature=related

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

North vs. South

The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has ‘mater samiches

The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services
The South has family reunions

The North has switchblade knives
The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names
The South has double first names

The North has Ted Kennedy
The South has Jesse Helms

The North has an ambulance
The South has an amalance

The North has the Mafia
The South has NASCAR

The North has Indy car races
The South has Swamp Buggy races

The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal
The South has grits

The North has green salads
The South has collard greens and chitlins

The North has lobsters
The South has crawdads

The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores
The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners

The North has the rust belt
The South has the Bible Belt

The North has Bill Clinton
The South has George Bush

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

I tried all in my power to avert this war. I saw it coming, for twelve years I worked night and day to prevent it, but I could not. The North was mad and blind; it would not let us govern ourselves, and so the war came, and now it must go on till the last man of this generation falls in his tracks, and his children seize the musket and fight our battle, unless you acknowledge our right to self government. We are not fighting for slavery. We are fighting for Independence, and that, or extermination

- President Jefferson Davis, Confederate States of America

Redneck Ramblins

1. I am all ready for national healthcare if Congress is under it too. Same goes for social security and medicare.
2. Somehow we have allowed our elected officials to forget that they were elected by the people to serve the same people.
3. It has been almost 4 years since the storm in New Orleans and we are still hearing about how disadvantaged and mistreated the citizens are there. It has been less than a year since Ike devastated Galveston and we have heard nothing. Come to think of it, Katrina and Rita devastated more than just New Orleans - East Texas, most of Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama. Haven’t heard a word from those fine folks cause they are too busy rebuilding and getting their lives back together. Could be that the multi-generational welfare city of New Orleans will never be happy.
4. Time for another “Contract with America”.
5. Bubba says he’s ready to secede again.
6. Joe Biden’s mouth is the best personal protection for the President.
7. Has Sotomayor paid her taxes? Lots of Obama’s other appointees didn’t.
8. I don’t like that Sotomayor has been rebuffed by the Supreme Court six times - five times her decisions were reversed and the other they disagreed with her reasoning in her decision. Seems she has a problem understanding that her job is to interpret the laws not use her bias to further her agenda.
9. It is time for a solid third party in America. We could even call it the American Party. Maybe it would stop the partisan deadlock we have in government today.
10. Both current parties can be defined as dysfunctional.
11. If you are reading this today, thank a teacher. If you are reading this in English, thank a soldier.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Australian doctor uses household drill to save boy

Wed May 20, 8:44 am ET

MELBOURNE, Australia - A doctor in rural Australia used a handyman’s power drill to bore a hole into the skull of a boy with a severe head injury, saving his life.

Nicholas Rossi fell off his bike on Friday in the small Victoria state city of Maryborough, hitting his head on the pavement, his father, Michael, said Wednesday. By the time Rossi got to the hospital, he was slipping in and out of consciousness.

The doctor on duty, Rob Carson, quickly recognized the boy was experiencing potentially fatal bleeding on the brain and knew he had only minutes to make a hole in the boy’s skull to relieve the pressure.

But the small hospital was not equipped with neurological drills - so Carson sent for a household drill from the maintenance room.

“Dr. Carson came over to us and said, ‘I am going to have to drill into (Nicholas) to relieve the pressure on the brain - we’ve got one shot at this and one shot only,’” Michael Rossi told The Australian newspaper.

Carson called a neurosurgeon in the state capital of Melbourne for help, who talked Carson through the procedure - which he had never before attempted - by telling him where to aim the drill and how deep to go.

“All of a sudden the emergency ward was turned into an operating theater,” Michael Rossi told Fairfax Radio on Wednesday. “We didn’t see anything, but we heard the noises, heard the drill. It was just one of those surreal experiences.”

The procedure took just over a minute, said anesthetist Dr. David Tynan, who assisted Carson.

“It was pretty scary. You obviously worry, (are) you pushing hard enough or pushing too hard, but then when some blood came out after we’d gone through the skull, we realized we’d made the right decision,” Tynan told Australian Broadcasting Corp.

Rossi was airlifted to a larger hospital in Melbourne and released Tuesday - his 13th birthday.

Carson was modest about his feat.

“It is not a personal achievement, it is just a part of the job and I had a very good team of people helping me,” he told The Australian.

Michael Rossi was more effusive.

“He saved our son’s life,” he said.

Carson did not immediately respond to messages left Wednesday by The Associated Press. The hospital said he was busy delivering a baby.

See Mrs. Redneck all of them tools in the garage is for life saving emergencies!

Redneck Joke of the Week

Louisiana Tourist Attraction

Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town.

They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are… very slowly?”

The guy leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrr-gerrrrr Kiiinnnggg.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

Had a great trip with Redneck Tim Bob to Indy last weekend. It was hard to tell that this great nation was in a deep recession with all the racin’ folks there. It was packed.

Mother Nature decided to interrupt the Coke 600 schedule and delayed the race to Monday. What a stirring tribute to our fallen veterans when they stopped the race at 3:00 pm for 30 seconds of absolute silence. Wow!! Made you proud to be an American.

Now it is off to the concrete monster of Dover. This week’s picks:

1. Mark “The Kid” Martin
2. “Concrete: Carl Edwards
3. Greg Biffle

Ain’t True

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE WHITE  FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I’m a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I’ll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6723 and ask for Daisy, I’ll be waiting….

Too good to be totally true. The phone number is for the Humane Society.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“My List” - Toby Keith

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPqp8z2zLHw

Redneck Video of the Week:

Great Smoky Mountain DVD Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtWONxVCYBw

(hint: click on the red HQ (high quality) button

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Redneck Medical Advice

If you are bothered by occasional or frequent constipation, look in the mirror and repeat the following phrase three times in succession when symptoms occur:

“My financial and personal well being are totally in the hands of Barack Obama,  Joe Biden, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Tim Geithner, Rahm Emmanual, Barney Frank, Chris Dodd, and Al Gore”

If that doesn’t scare the poop out of you, then you are probably destined to be backed up the rest of your life.

There is no need to thank me for this advice. I’m just doing a public service.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

Don’t expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong.
Calvin Coolidge

Redneck Ramblins

1.      This week remember that some gave all so that we can be free! Fly your American flag.

2.      Did you remember that Armed Forces Day was on Saturday the 16^th? Media must not of remembered. Didn’t see it anywhere in the news.

3.      Now I know what is the matter with Pelosi. She is so busy spinning that she is dizzy.

4.      Watching the astronauts fix Hubble is truly amazing. And we can’t even get a street light changed in the city.

5.      Without all of the dealerships, where are Chrysler and GM going to park all of their inventory?

6.       “If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the past 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers. The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period. That means you are about 25 per cent more likely to be shot and killed in the US capital, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the US, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion:  “The US should pull out of Washington DC.”

7.      Too bad Obama’s speech politized Notre Dame’s graduation. It should have been all about the graduates.

8.      Be still my heart! Saw the headline saying that the Speaker of the House was stepping down. I got all excited until I saw it was for the House of Commons. Dang!

9.      There is more to life than having it all.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Solar-Powered Show House Near Detroit Still Dark

Friday, May 15, 2009

It’s the house of the future, brought low by the problems of the past.

Lawrence Technological University in Southfield, Mich., and DTE, the Detroit-area power company, spent $900,000 to build a solar-powered demonstration house that wouldn’t need electric or gas hookups.

But seven months after the Troy, Mich., facility was unveiled, the Detroit News reports, it remains closed to the public and will be for the foreseeable future.

Despite the modern energy efficiencies built into the equally modern-looking edifice, someone forgot to keep the water pipes heated over the winter. They froze and burst, causing thousands of dollars in damage to the hardwood floors.

“It’s not safe right now, and there’s no estimated opening time because it depends on when we can get funding,” the city of Troy’s Parks and Recreation Department told the newspaper.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Here in the Kentucky hills, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Ol’ Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sittin on the porch swing, talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen!

Look at the size of that bird, Paw! she exclaims.

Paw raises up, Git my gun, Maw.

Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG…BANG…..BANG…..BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

I think ya missed him, Paw, she says.

Yeah, he replies, but at least he let go of ol Zeek!

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

This weekend will be racin’ overload.

Redneck Tim and I will be sittin’ high in turn 3 at the Indy 500. Then we race back to the hotel in Effingham, IL to watch the Coca Cola 600 in Charlotte. 1,100 miles of pure racin’ heaven!

Picks this week:

Indy 500 - Helio “I Can’t Believe I Am Free” Castroneves

Coke 600 - Jimmy “I Own Lowes” Johnson

Ain’t True

Ain’t true that all of the AOL and other junk cd’s are worthless.

It’s always been a mad MAD world for Neil Cuadra.

The 55-year-old Internet entrepreneur has photographed a portrait he made of MAD magazine mascot Alfred E. Neuman’s head using junk mail CDs and DVDs and sent it to the magazine, a feat that landed him in the magazine’s 500th issue, published in April.

“You just blew our mind. You used junk mail from AOL to create a piece of art that became junk mail to us,” the magazine’s editors said in a footnote to his letter.

Cuadra, who runs a business creating information retrieval software, said in a recent interview that he was inspired a dozen years ago by a MAD parody poking fun at a fledgling Internet service provider called AOL for mailing CDs to people by the millions, offering them 500 hours of free connection to a newfangled thing called the Web.

The self-professed computer geek with a Ph.D in computer science then saved about 2,000 junk mail CDs and DVDs over years. When Internet use went viral and the AOL disc supply dried up, Cuadra started saving any other disc he could scrounge, adding to his collection an Army recruitment video and an ad for a car.

“I didn’t need the car but I needed the disc, so I popped it into the pile,” the computer scientist recalled.

He then built a computer matrix of Neuman’s head and used it as a blueprint for building the giant CD mural on a Los Angeles parking lot. Security guards looked the other way as he filled it with 400 square feet of discs in the shape of Neuman’s head and his gap-toothed grin.

Cuadra, a MAD magazine fan who’s been a subscriber for more than 40 years, said getting the photo published was a dream and that it was a good time to put his idea to practice. He said his wife was becoming increasingly annoyed by the pile of worthless CDs filling their home.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Brothers” - Dean Brody

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3GWKAsEP4A

Redneck Video of the Week:

Memorial Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOih0MHNmZU

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Redneck Banking

http://www.redneckbank.com/

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
George S. Patton

Redneck Ramblins

1.      AIG is still “toxic” after $ 180 billion in bailouts? Something smells about that!

2.      Donald Trump must be hard up for help if Joan Rivers is new apprentice..

3.      The NBA series with Dallas and Denver was nothing but a display of thugs - including Mark Cuban.

4.      Quincy Carter arrested again. I think he has more TA’s than TD’s.  TA = total arrests.

5.      Don’t know about y’all, but I want a pilot that makes more than $ 16,000 per year when I fly.

6.      Pelosi says that the CIA misled her on waterboarding. She says that she wasn’t briefed even when records show that she was. Who is misleading who?

7.      Now she wants a “Truth Commission”. Who is going to sit on it? Everyone on the hill is a liar!! Not real sure they know truth if they saw it.

8.      $ 7 trillion deficit. That’s 12 zeroes….. $ 7,000,000,000,000!

9.      Time to get real leaders in office and ditch the politicians.

10.   Have we forgotten the Swine Flu already? After non-stop media coverage for several weeks, you don’t even hear about it anymore.

11.  Pray for the troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Oops, Wrong Address: Stolen Phones Sent to FBI

Saturday, May 09, 2009

MONROE, La. -  If you’re going to buy something with a forged cashier’s check, don’t misspell “cashier’s” or use an FBI office as your shipping address.

Police in Monroe, La., say they arrested a 44-year-old man from Memphis, Tenn., after he did both.

He was held Friday on two counts of forgery and as a fugitive from justice in Georgia, where he is accused of a similar scheme.

The FBI called police Thursday after a Minnesota cell phone distributor called the bureau.

The company had sent 50 phones to the address for the FBI office Monroe, only to discover its $2,359.45 payment was a “cahier’s check.”

FBI agents saw the suspect wave down a delivery truck driver outside the bureau later Thursday, stopped the transaction and waited for police.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Archeology Find

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion,  that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100  years ago.

Not to be out-done by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed,  in California an archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: ‘California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers. ’

One week later, a local newspaper in Texas, reported the following: after digging as deep as 30 feet in his 2000 acre pasture near Cut-n-Shoot, Montgomery County, Texas, Bubba Rathbone, a self-taught archaeologist,  reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Texas had already gone wireless.

Thank God for Bubba.

Us TEXANS are an intelligent bunch……

Redneck Picture of the Week

From a Retired Chemist

I’ve often been asked, ‘What do you old folks do now that you’re     retired?’  Well…I’m fortunate to have a chemistry degree, and one of the t hings I enjoy most is turning beer, Wine, Scotch, and Margaritas into urine.

And I’m pretty damn good at it, too!!

Racin’

“Crazy Old Man” Martin did it again in the Southern 500 at Darlington.

This week is All-Star Week in Charlotte. I’m saying the Crazy Old Man does it again in the All-Star Race.

Ain’t True

Who says that you can’t make a grocery run on a motorcycle? Ain’t true. Lookie here:

Redneck Song of the Week:

“My List” - Toby Keith

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPqp8z2zLHw&feature=channel

Redneck Video of the Week:

Very Effective Exercise Program

http://www.z24540.us/SweatinWithTheSocialists.html

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Kudzu

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLH1qLCvqSg

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

There ain’t no free lunches in this country. And don’t go spending your whole life commiserating that you got raw deals. You’ve got to say, ‘I think that if I keep working at this and want it bad enough I can have it.

Lee Iacocca
US automobile businessman (1924 - )

Redneck Ramblins

1.      Hear that Obama is looking for some Super Glue for Biden’s mouth.

2.      Chrysler is going to come out of bankruptcy in 60 days or 60,00 miles, whichever comes first.

3.      Burger King has the best tasting burgers, but their ads have no taste at all.

4.      Hey good economic news for Southerners. Pork is down 30%. Fire up the pits.

5.      John Edwards needs to do the time if he did the crime.

6.      Banks are getting a stress test. Bet it is not even near what their customers have been enduring.

7.      Bubba told me he ain’t getting no swine flu - he’s got an oinkment!

8.      AIG bonuses are now up to $454 million. This is after they stated in March that the bonuses were $120 million and this was after their CEO reported only $9 million to the Financial Services Subcommittee in January. Hey y’all there are only 3 kinds of people - those that can count and those that can’t count.

9.      Only 4 more months until college football season.

10.  See where Obama wants to trim $ 17 billion from the 2010 budget of $3.5 trillion. If my ciphering is correct, that is only .0485%. Good start, but not enough!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Man Sues Burger King For Not Holding Pickles!

The Virginian-Pilot
May 6, 2009

VIRGINIA BEACH

Darius Dugger wanted it his way: no tomatoes, no onions, no pickles. He didn’t get it. So, he sued.

Dugger, of Portsmouth, is seeking $100,000 in damages, plus legal fees and court costs, after a Burger King franchise allegedly messed up his order, causing him to fall ill. A lawsuit filed last month in Virginia Beach Circuit Court claims that on April 10, 2007, Dugger ordered a drink and two sandwiches to-go from the restaurant on Monticello Avenue in James City County.

He left the restaurant, joined a group of coworkers for lunch and pulled out his sandwich. But, the suit says, it wasn’t until after he’d already taken a bite - and swallowed - that he realized his “specific request for the omission of onions, pickles and tomatoes had not been complied with.”

Dugger claims he suffered a “severe allergic reaction,” racking up medical bills and forcing him to miss work. In the suit, Dugger’s attorney, Constantine A. Spanoulis, alleged the burger chain’s error was “tantamount to negligence.”

It also constituted a breach of contract, he wrote, citing the restaurant’s “reputation for accepting and providing orders in compliance with specific preferences as requested and as ordered by its anticipated customers.”

Reached Wednesday, Spanoulis declined to speak about the suit. Attorney Steven A. Meade, listed for defendant N&R Dining Inc., which the suit says operated the franchise, did not return a message seeking comment.

Burger King’s competitor, McDonald’s, was named recently in a similar lawsuit. A West Virginia man, along with his mother and a friend, sued the fast-food chain two years ago for $10 million.

The man claimed he was served a Quarter Pounder with cheese, despite his request for no cheese, and that he suffered a severe allergic reaction after biting into the burger. That case was dismissed in March.

He should sue over their awful advertising!

Redneck Joke of the Week

Bubba and Earl were working for the city public works department. Bubba would dig a hole and Earl would follow behind him and fill the   hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, Bubba digging a hole, Earl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, ‘I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don’t get it — why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?’

Bubba wiped his brow and sighed, ‘Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today Cooter, who plants the trees, called in sick.’

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck’s Pot at the End of the Rainbow

Racin’

This week we return to Darlington, SC for the Southern 500. It is not the original Southern 500 which used to be held on Labor Day weekend, but at least they have returned to the name for the track that is too tough to tame. There will lots of Darlington stripes on the cars this week as they scrape them walls.

Last week I tried to put the jinx on Punk-faced Kyle Busch by picking him to be the winner. As my bud Redneck Ron said “You can’t jinx a dodo head”. He was right as Punk-face won both the Nationwide and Sprint Cup races.

This weeks picks:

1. Greg Biffle
2. Kyle Busch
3. Carl Edwards

Ain’t True

PUYALLUP, Wash. - A small airplane dropping from the sky after its engine failed wound up on a cushioning bunch of portable toilets - and the pilot was able to walk away apparently unhurt.

Gary Mayor of the Federal Aviation Administration says the Cessna 182 crashed Friday afternoon in Washington state after taking off from Thun Field, an airfield owned by Pierce County southeast of Tacoma.

Sheriff’s spokesman Ed Troyer says the plane was about 150 feet in the air when the engine quit.

Troyer told The News Tribune that the pilot tried to turn around to land but didn’t quite make it.

The plane hit a fence, flipped over and landed upside down on top of the portable toilets standing in a storage yard.

Authorities didn’t immediately give the pilot’s identity.

A pilot friend of mine says that any landing that you walk away from is a good landing. Ain’t true on this one - it was kinda poopy.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Small Town Southern Man” - Alan Jackson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUhaqUHGeQU

Redneck Video of the Week:

Cale Goes Over the Fence in ‘65 Southern 500 in Darlington

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPsWR7a_Gyk

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Roundin’ Up Rattlers in Sweetwater, TX

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkiA4Hhrjuo

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

Robert Frost
US poet (1874 - 1963)

Redneck Ramblins

1.      Fox Network shows “Lie to Me” instead of Obama’s address to the nation. Seems fitting.

2.      I don’t need reality TV. I watch C-Span instead of “Lost” and talk to my neighbors instead of “Survivor”. Same thing!

3.      Specter a democrat? Who knew? He has always acted like one.

4.      Report this week showed that CEO’s lost salary in 2008. I’ll put my percentage loss up against theirs any day.

5.      Rep. Joe Barton wants to congress to investigate the BCS and wants to know where the money went. Joe, that is only millions! What about the trillions in bailouts? Where did that money go?

6.      VP Biden showed again this week why we need to keep ole Obama safe. His remarks about the Swine Flu were totally off base and irresponsible.

7.      A new book says that A-Fraud used steroids even back in high school and with the Yankees. A-Fraud less than truthful? Come on now………..

8.      I wish there was as much hysteria about the gummit spending as there is about the swine flu.

9.      Time magazine just issued its list of the Most 100 Influential People. I don’t know about y’all, but the most influential people in my life back in the day were my parents, grandparents, preacher, teachers, scoutmaster, and coaches. None of them were rich and famous.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Pittsfield Man Takes ‘Bad Day’ Out On Wal-Mart TVs

PITTSFIELD (AP) -

Police say a Pittsfield man “having a bad day” walked into a city Wal-Mart and used an aluminum baseball bat to smash 16 flat-screen televisions worth $13,000.

Police tell The Berkshire Eagle that 26-year-old Nicholas Adornetto walked into the store at about 1 p.m. on Thursday, grabbed a bat in the sporting goods section and walked to the electronics department, where he started swinging.

Adornetto expressed anger at the government and complained of being unemployed.

Detective Sgt. Marc Strout says when police arrived, Adornetto was “peaceful, calm and cooperative.”

Adornetto was arraigned Friday in Central Berkshire District Court on 16 counts of vandalizing property and one count of disorderly conduct. Bail was set at $500 and the case continued until May 11.

Boy, did he make a bad day worse.

Redneck Joke of the Week

The Dog Food Diet

Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Target won’t let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

The racin’ world lost a good one this week. David Poole, a popular NASCAR writer with the Charlotte Observer and a radio host on Sirius radio “Morning Drive”, died of a heart attack on Monday. His passion for the sport was unsurpassed and I loved his fact-based opinionated approach. He was a rare journalist who asked the tough questions and really did not care about being all that pc about anything. He was well respected by all in the sport and will be missed.

Watch this unrestricted exciting finish at ‘Dega last week

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcCWhltnS2E

Now it is on to Saturday night racin’ at Richmond.

I have been contacted by many drivers over the last several weeks asking me not to pick them in my weekly predictions. They say that something bad happens to all of my picks and I am a big jinx. So this week, I am picking”

1. Kyle Busch
2. Kyle Busch
3. Kyle Busch

Here is hoping that some guy driving a car with 88 on it packs him into the wall.

Ain’t True

Radio Shack employee punches customer

Apr. 29, 2009 08:05 AM
Associated Press

EAU CLAIRE, Wis. - A Radio Shack employee in Eau Claire is facing disorderly conduct and battery charges for punching a customer.

Police say the customer was trying to return an item Sunday, but the employee wouldn’t let him. The customer then asked to talk to a manager.

That’s when the 52-year-old male employee began punching the man. A bystander called 911.

The employee is due in court May 19.

I reckon it ain’t true that customer service is making a comeback.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Song of the South” - Alabama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07evJobAelE

Redneck Video of the Week:

Redneck Camping

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XsaCuGFy9M

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Redneck BBQ Art

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3pz2VgIM7E&feature=related

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

Bank failures are caused by depositors who don’t deposit enough money to cover losses due to mismanagement.
Dan Quayle