At my age, if I had a woman go cougar on me, she most likely would have a walker.
Bubba and Earl have been doing exhaustive research on the NCAA Basketball Tournament. After many six packs while watching many, many games, they have determined that the team with the most points wins. They say that this is a small testing sample and must do much more drinking, uh research.
I never will forget the time that I went to Nebraska, but I am still trying.
Looks like the Jets now have two quarterbacks that can’t throw, but at least they have one guy that has been a winner wherever he’s been.
Did ya see the vicious hit the Saints took? Wonder if there was a bounty on that one.
Peyton Manning ended up in Denver. Surprising! Rumor had it that Auburn and Florida were offering the most money.
I only drink during Truck Month. Fortunately I live in Texas and that is every month.
The Texas Rangers will be offering a $26 one pound hot dog covered in onions, cheese, and chili this season. Everything’s bigger in Texas!
Bubba says that he is a light beer drinker. As soon as it’s light, he’s drinkin’.
Jerry Jones fires himself as the General Manager of the Cowboys. Now that is Fantasy Football!
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
School Busts 5th Grader For Organizing NCAA Tourney Pool
OMAHA, Neb. (CBS Houston) — An elementary school plays bracket buster to one fifth grade boy.
Columbian Elementary in Omaha shut down an NCAA tournament pool put together by 11-year-old Max Kohll, the Omaha World-Herald reports.
“I got in trouble because I was filling out a bracket with my friends and we bet money,” Kohll told the World-Herald. “We each brought $5 each.”
When Kathy Nelson, the school’s principal, found out about the pool, she put an immediate stop to it and called Kohll’s mother about the situation. Janet Kohll was quite amused at what her son did.
“My policy has always been you get in trouble at school, you get in twice as much trouble at home, but this was just too funny,” she told the paper.
Max did not receive any disciplinary action from the principal for setting up the pool.
“It’s not ok to gamble,” he told the paper. “It’s like illegal, sort of.”
Max has North Carolina going all the way.
Tweet of the Week
Charlie Daniels ? @CharlieDaniels
I speak with a southern accent, enjoy the company of rednecks, believe I have a right to own guns and can’t eat with chopsticks Proud hillbilly
Headlines
Golf legend Palmer: The old Tiger Woods will be back
Hope he is referring to the golfer and not the sex addict.
Radio caller charged after allegedly bragging how she faked PTSD to avoid jury duty on air
Can’t fix stupid.
John Edwards denies report he hired a prostitute
Of course you can believe him. He has never lied, right?
The Tim Tebow workout
Bet it features a lot of kneeling.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Redneck Picture of the Week
Sign of the Week
Redneck Song of the Week:
Luke Bryan – Country Man
Redneck Video of the Week:
Texas Tornado in Dallas
Must be April – The Tornado Sirens Are Blaring
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Epitaphs From Near And Far
Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:
Here lies
Johnny Yeast
Pardon me
For not rising.
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
A lawyer’s epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in
the cowboy days of the 1880’s. He’s buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in
Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.
John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
On the 22nd of June
- Jonathan Fiddle -
Went out of tune.
Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that
sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
Gone away
Owin’ more
Than he could pay.
On a grave from the 1880’s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there’s only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with “R.E. Danforth’s
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid”
Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903 – Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down.
It was.
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good Die Young.
In a London, England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. William James
Obamacare gives free healthcare to illegals, but Obama wants to cut the health benefits of our troops and veterans? No way, Jose!!!
In America, everyone takes responsibility for their actions. Except of course, celebrities and poLIEticians.
Did you watch the Wetona Firehundred?
Juan Pablo Montoya blowing up the jet dryer beats anything I have ever stepped in.
What are the odds that a car hits the jet dryer under caution? Juan in 42.
Only Rush Limbaugh could be so right and yet so very wrong.
Big shock that Putin won the Russian election. He was crying at the outcome and I bet the Russian people are too.
Prediction: Israel 1, Iran 0
You haven’t heard much from Bubba and Earl for a while. They have been producing “alternative fuels’ lately. Fuel companies call it ethanol instead of white lightnin’. Bubba and Earl’s is high octane like racin’ fuel.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Plane taking off dumps toilet contents on couple below.
MALVERNE, N.Y. (CBSNewYork) — One Malverne couple was enjoying the mild night Thursday when they became covered by sludge as a plane taking off from Kennedy Airport flew overhead.
“A plane was coming over. Next thing you know she says ‘Oh my God it’s raining.’ I said ‘No it’s not’,” Artie Hughes told 1010 WINS’ Sonia Rincon.
“Some black liquid, black oil came off on her face, and I walked around and I looked and said ‘Oh my God.’ There was quarter-sized, nickel-sized, dime-sized drops all over my deck, my barbecue, my table,” he said.
Thinking something was wrong with the plane, they called police.
“It was oily in substance, blackish-greenish oil. I thought it was hydraulic fluid and then the policeman came down and said ‘No I don’t think so. Looks like something nastier than that’,” Hughes said.
The officer suspected it was most likely treated sewage, returning after making several phone calls for confirmation.
“He had spoken to somebody down at either the Port Authority or the FAA and said ‘Yeah, it looks like there was an incident,” he said. “Some lavatory excrement had leaked out.”
The couple tell Rincon they just want an explanation, and for this kind of incident to not happen again.
“I think they should investigate and find out what happened,” Hughes said. “Was a button pushed? Was the lavatory filled to capacity before it left the ground?”
Snooki is pregnant? Apparently there isn’t enough chlorine in the gene pool.
Headlines
Documents: PETA kills more than 95 percent of pets in its care
Another organization that does not live out its values. Must only be concerned with fund raising, influence, and political power.
UK Government ‘has run out of money’
That’s okay. The US will print them more.
Will rising oil prices snuff out stock rally?
Yep and any other economic recovery we have been able to make.
84-Year-Old Fall River Woman Tries To Vote, Told She’s Dead
What’s the big deal? The dead have been voting in Chicago for decades.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introducing himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers “241.”
“That is wonderful,” says Einstein. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss.”
Then Einstein introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the woman answers “144.”
“That is great,” responds Einstein. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”
Einstein goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “51.”
Einstein responds, “How about them Auburn Tigers?”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
Lots of celebrating in the Commonwealth of Virginia this week as two of its native sons won last week in Phoenix. Hamlin and Sadler took the trophies.
The Phoenix race was rather boring compared to Daytona. No rain delays, jet dryers blowing up, or 80% of the cars being wrecked.
Vegas was won by Smoke. Good race with lots of passin’. Jr even led a bunch of laps.
Now it is on to The World’s Fastest High Mile in Bristol.
The picks:
Kenseth
Jimmie Johnson
Anybody but a Busch!
Sign of the Week
Redneck Song of the Week:
Woman Like You – Lee Brice
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
WE NEED TO BE HEARD!!!
I am a member of golf’s lower 99%.
I am a mediocre golfer, and there’s no way I could ever make it to the professional level. I will never put in the practice time to be the best. I will never have the shots, skills, or mental toughness to “make it” in the sport. I just never felt like working all that hard at it.
… However, I am a part of the golfing community and, as such, feel I should be paid by the top 1% of golfers for what I do. It isn’t fair that those players who have worked harder, have studied the game, have better equipment and are more skilled and dedicated should make all that BIG money.
Where’s my share? I’m a Victim!
The top 1% should pay for my club memberships and green fees and lessons, buy me new clubs, balls, clothes and shoes, and pay me some of their winnings. They can afford it. They are “The Rich.” The whole system should be changed to accommodate people like me. I think we should get together and occupy a golf course and demand that those who are better at what they do, pay for us who generally suck. Whining should get us something – maybe we’ll make the cover of Time Magazine, garnish some public sympathy.
Heck,, during this election year we may even get a law or two passed by legislators who want our votes.
P.S. Don’t mention this to tennis players. We thought of it first.
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”
Had to set my alarm Sunday morning for the first time since July. Wife of Retired Redneck made a nasty comment. Not having to set an alarm is just one of the many rewards of being retired!
It has been 3 years since the Obama Stimulus Package was unveiled. Have you been stimulated? The economy certainly hasn’t been.
Whitney Houston was a fine singer, but dang folks. She was a singer and a diva and her death is being treated like she was royalty or something. I just wish that people who really make a difference in this world were treated as royally.
Dear Lawmakers: we have too many laws and not enough enforcement. If you have to pass a law, make it one that you have to abide by also and make it retroactive for other laws that you have passed. Sincerely, the citizen that you are supposed to serve.
Pitchers and catchers report. There is a life!
Hard to believe that it has been 50 years since John Glenn first orbited the earth.
Michelle Obama is on her 16th vacation in 3 years. I am retired and don’t get that much vacation time.
Iran cuts oil to UK and France. Saudi’s cut oil production. The price of gas is gonna skyrocket. Every administration in recent memory has had an energy promise, but we still find ourselves trapped by other country’s actions. Shame on us!
Rumor has it that Obama used to get in trouble in elementary school for talking too much. The teachers would punish him by taking away his teleprompter.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Mom, Happy 98th Birthday – You’re Evicted
A Connecticut mother reportedly received an unusual gift for her 98th birthday from her eldest son — eviction papers.
Mary Kantorowski, who has lived in the same Fairfield, Conn., home since 1953, is now facing eviction from her yellow, Cape Cod-style home valued at $333,410, the Connecticut Post reports. Her son Peter Kantorowski, 71, a retired taxidermist, said he’s doing it for her own good.
“She would be better off living with people her own age,” he told the newspaper.
According to Probate Court records, Mary Kantorowski and her husband, John, agreed to transfer the house to a trust administered by Peter Kantorowski on the condition that Mary would live there until her death, and upon her death, the house would go to Peter and his younger brother, Jack, the newspaper reports.
In July 2005, however, Peter Kantorowski quitclaimed the house from that trust to another he and his wife control, giving him ownership of the house. Six years later, in Dec. 13, 2011, his mother’s 98th birthday, Peter Kantorowski had his mother served with eviction papers.
“This is just a despicable situation,” said Richard Bortolot Jr., a Stratford lawyer appointed by Fairfield Probate Judge Daniel Caruso to represent Mary Kantorowski. “Mary has been living here happily paying all the expenses for the house and now her son, Peter, comes along and is telling her, ‘Get the hell out,’ so he can sell it.”
A trial on Peter Kantorowski’s efforts to evict his mother is scheduled for March 2 in Superior Court in Bridgeport, the newspaper reports.
“My husband worked hard, difficult jobs to buy this house,” Mary Kantorowski told the Connecticut Post. “He built the garage and did a lot of work on the house and he told me never to leave it.”
Note to readers: SOPA did not shut down the blog. I got the annual sinus infection and got behind on everything. Something had to go, so the blog was suspended for a while, but we are back.
Did you hear about the new LSU credit card? It has Les Miles and NO points.
The wife of a Retired Redneck does not see the efficiency of leaving the Christmas tree up all year.
Loved it when Obama said in the State of the Union Address that “we all must live by the same rules”. Therefore Congress must go on Obamacare, Social Security, and most importantly be encumbered by the No Call List law.
Clint Eastwood’s Chrysler commercial made my day.
I know Coach Hoodie has won a few more NFL games and Super Bowls than I have, but someone has got to ‘splain to me the strategy of “letting the other team score” and giving up the lead. There is lots of stuff that could have happened to the Giants near the goal line – turnover, penalty, blocked or missed FG, etc. Never give up the lead intentionally.
Now that the Super Bowl is over, we can get onto more important stuff like the Daytona 500 and the start of NASCAR season.
One bit of hope. If Obama is re-elected and the Mayans are right, we will not have to bear his second term.
It’s a new week and a new leader for the GOP nomination.
Forget the fountain of youth, we need us a fountain of intelligence and common sense.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
The weather ‘predicting’ groundhog is only right 39% of the time!
Punxsutawney Phil is the name of the groundhog that lives in the town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. Every year, he causes a major hubub.
Every February the 2nd is called Groundhog Day, because Phil comes out of his home. According to the tradition, if Phil sees his shadow and goes back to his hole, it means there will be 6 more weeks of winter. If he does not see his shadow, he predicts an early spring.
This day is a huge celebration, organized by members of the Inner Circle, who dress in top hats and tuxedos. The media comes out to cover the festival, and there was even a famous movie made around the day.
The only problem is, Phil is a terrible predictor! The StormFax weather Almanac has kept records of his predictions. Over the last 115 years, the groundhog has only been correct 39% of the time. That means that you could flip a coin and you would be more accurate.
67 million non working Americans are given $32,750 a year by our govt. The average income of working Americans is $32,500 a year.#whywork?
Headlines
Obama: I’m getting ‘better as time goes on’…
At what? Golf?
When it comes to online dating, you can search but may not click
Especially if you are already married.
Mortgage deal to reduce loans for up to 1 million
Another $ 30 billion ballout that unfortunately is too late to help the ones that really needed it.
PELOSI TRIES HAND AT COMEDY…
She’s been a joke for years.
House passes insider trading bill in 417-2 vote
Wow. They now can’t do what would have put the rest of us in prison.
Redneck Joke of the Week
The IRS sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!!
I guess it was because of my response to the question : “List all
dependents?”
I replied -
“12 million illegal immigrants;
“3 million crack heads;
“42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
“2 million people in over 243 prisons;
“Half of Mexico ; and
“535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.”
Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer
Redneck Picture of the Week
Redneck Sign
Redneck Song of the Week:
Jamey Johnson – In Color
Redneck Video of the Week:
Largest Crash in NASCAR History
1960 Daytona 500
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
A message from the Southern Tourism Bureau to Visiting Northerners and Northeastern Urbanites: Behaviors that will make your visit much more pleasant
Don’t order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It’s just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they’ll woop you.
Don’t laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Billy Bob, Joe Bob, Sissy, Clovis, etc.). Or we will just HAVE to woop you.
Don’t order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it’s called Coke. Nobody gives a flying damn whether it’s Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever — it’s still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an wooping – and often does.
We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g.,Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don’t refer to any group of us as a “bunch of hillbillies”, or we’ll woop you. And you may be happy that we kicked you ass when you think about the movie Deliverance, remember?
We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Fed Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI-WorldCom, MTV, Netscape, Walmart). Naturally, we do, sometimes, have small lapses in judgment (e.g., Edwards, Duke, Clinton). We don’t care if you think we are dumb because we know you are dumb. Just remember, we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to take our seat in the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would woop them.
Don’t laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you’d be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we’ll have no other option but to woop you.
We are fully aware of how high the humidity is; we are not dumb; see #5 above. Therefore, shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here, or we’ll woop you.
Don’t order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you’re a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended — with gravy. When we are forced to go up North, we have the good sense not to ask for okra and collard greens on one of your hero sandwiches. And don’t put sugar on your grits, or we’ll woop you.
Don’t fake a Southern accent. This will almost assuredly incite a riot, and you will get wooped multiple times by multiple people.
Don’t talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have had to visit Northern cities the likes of Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don’t like it here, Delta is ready when you are; in fact, they are even ready before you are so they can get you out of here. Move your butt on home before it gets kicked.
Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don’t want to sound like you. We don’t care if you don’t understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that’s all that matters. If most of us had our way, you would not be here to listen to us. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we’ll kick your butt.
Don’t complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we’ll woop you all the way back to Boston Harbor.
Don’t ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma’am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they’ll woop you just like they did us. Where did you think we learned all the varieties of wooping that we have perfected?
So you think we’re “quaint” or “losers” because most of us live in the countryside? That’s because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we’ll woop you.
Down here the sport that matters is football. Squash is not a game; it is what happens to people in a football game. The second most important sport is spring football. If you insist on talking about tennis or some other goofy game, you’ll wind up with a wooping.
Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to cook barbecue. This will get your rear end shot – after it is thoroughly and properly wooped. You’re lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your well-wooped butt.
If a man stands in the middle of a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
My only New Year’s resolution is to not make any New Year’s resolutions.
Why is it that we seem to hate lawyers so much, yet continually elect them to political office?
How can a restaurant serve “homemade” food?
Bubba is gonna double his exercise program this year. He is gonna make two beer runs per day instead of one.
“Every barrel of oil that comes out of Canada is a barrel we don’t have to buy from a foreign country” – Gov. Rick Perry – makin’ Texans proud everyday!
Turned on the TV to watch the Washington – Baylor football game and a track meet broke out.
If the Mayan calendar is correct, the end of time will happen exactly one week before I am eligible for Social Security. Just my luck.
Of course the New Age interpretation is that it marks the start of time in which Earth and its inhabitants may undergo a positive physical or spiritual transformation, and that 2012 may mark the beginning of a new era. I guess it all depends if you are Democrat or Republican and if Obama is re-elected or not.
Happy New Year Y’all!
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Handicap Scooter Bumper Car Competition At Walmart Ends In 2:30 AM Arrest Of Drunken Louisiana Guy
An early morning game of drunken bumper cars–using Walmart handicap scooters–was broken up Saturday morning by Louisiana cops who arrested a 22-year-old man who copped to driving to the store while intoxicated.
Officers with the West Monroe Police Department arrived at the Walmart around 2:30 AM in response to a call about a disturbance. Store management told cops that a group of intoxicated suspects were “playing ‘bumper cars’ with the handicap scooters in the store,” according to a probable cause affidavit.
A police sergeant contacted Christopher Butler, who appeared “very intoxicated.” Butler admitted driving his 2004 Ford truck to the retailer after consuming “five to six beers.” A subsequent Breathalyzer recorded Butler’s blood alcohol content as .133 (the legal limit is .08).
Butler’s fellow bumper car enthusiasts apparently escaped arrest.
Tweet of the Week
Twitter is over capacity.
Please wait a moment and try again
Happened a lot over the last two weeks………….
Headlines
New laws make life harder for illegal immigrants
Keyword here is “illegal”.
OBAMA PLAYS 90TH GOLF ROUND OF PRESIDENCY
I want to be President so I can play golf. I’m retired and don’t play that much.
Poll: U.S. sees Obama as liberal
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…………….
Maher slammed for Tebow tweet
Why doesn’t he lose his gig like Hank, Jr did? Oh, that’s right, he is a liberal and it is okay.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone’s whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they’ll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles’ graves that they won’t touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. “I NEED FOOD!” he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.
“NO!” Joe retorts. “We promised.”
Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.
“Just for that, I’m not going.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Sign of the Week
Redneck Song of the Week:
Brad Paisley – Anything Like Me (Live on Letterman)
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Redneck Video of the Week:
FedEx Deliveries
FedEx Response to Customer Video
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Black-eyed Peas for New Year’s Luck
Southern Traditions
By Amanda Galiano, About.com Guide
Do you know why black-eyed peas are lucky on New Year’s Day? As with most superstitions, there are several answers to the question. Typically, the belief that black-eyed peas are a lucky New Year’s meal is especially popular in the south, so it has to do with our history, right? Maybe.
Most Southerners will tell you that it dates back to the Civil War. Black-eyed peas were considered animal food (like purple hull peas). The peas were not worthy of General Sherman’s Union troops. When Union soldiers raided the Confederates food supplies, legend says they took everything except the peas and salted pork. The Confederates considered themselves lucky to be left with those meager supplies, and survived the winter. Peas became symbolic of luck.
Black-eyed peas were also given to slaves, as were most other traditional New Year’s foods. Let’s face it: a lot of the stuff we eat on New Year’s is soul food. One explanation of the superstition says that black-eyed peas were all the southern slaves had to celebrate with on the first day of January, 1863. What were they celebrating? That was the day when the Emancipation Proclamation went into effect. From then on, peas were always eaten on the first day of January.
Others say that since the south has generally always been the place for farming, black-eyed peas are just a good thing to celebrate with in the winter. Not many crops grow this time of the year, but black-eyed peas hold up well, were cheap and just make sense.
The oldest explanation for this tradition I found is on Wikipedia. According to Wikipedia, the tradition dates as far ancient Egypt. During the time of the Pharaohs, it was believed that eating a meager food like black-eyed peas showed humility before the gods, and you would be blessed. According to Wikipedia, the Babylonian Talmud, which dates to 339 CE, instructs the faithful Jews to eat black-eyed peas at Rosh Hashanah. The belief was similar: those who ate black-eyes showed their humility and saved themselves from the wrath of God.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Bowl Games – Part 1 16 – 7 .696
Season 283 – 101 .737
Ticket City Bowl
Penn State loses to Houston
Outback Bowl
Michigan State loses to Georgia
Capital One Bowl
Nebraska loses to South Carolina
Gator Bowl
Ohio State loses to Florida
Rose Bowl
Wisconsin loses to Oregon
Fiesta Bowl
Okie State loses to Stanford
Sugar Bowl
VA Tech loses to Michigan
Orange Bowl
West VA loses to Clemson
Cotton Bowl
Kansas State loses to Arkansas
BBVA Compass Bowl
SMU loses to Pitt
GoDaddy.com Bowl
N. Illinois loses to Arkansas State
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“People ask me where I get my jokes. I just watch Congress and report the facts.”
I just got background checked for the 5th time this year. The different organizations should just check with Santa Claus. He knows who has been naughty and nice.
The Iraq War is over for the US, but unfortunately the war ain’t over.
Cletus is trying to get hold of Santa. He wants to know names of the naughty girls.
If at first you do not succeed….at least have someone video it for YouTube.
Help! I Tebowed and I can’t get up.
Y’all have got to watch Rocket City Rednecks on the National Geographic Channel. These rednecks are real rocket scientist during the week in Huntsville, AL and on the weekends invent great redneck stuff. It is a hoot
Lying, obstruction, perjury and misleading investigators plus illegal drug use only gets you probation and home confinement? No wonder punishment for breaking the law is not a deterrent anymore.
Gonna take a break from blogging the next couple of weeks to enjoy family and THE reason for the season. Y’all do the same.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Dear Santa: Give me Bieber or I’ll kill you
A 13-year-old British girl shocked her mother by asking Santa Claus for a bunch of presents — including “the real-life Justin Bieber” — and threatening to kill Santa if he refuses to deliver.
Metro UK reported this week that the girl, Mekeeda Austin, who lives in Brickhill in Bedford, also threatened to “hunt down” Santa’s reindeer so she could “cook them and serve their meat to homeless people on Xmas day.”
The girl said she was mostly joking.
“I don’t really believe in Santa anymore, but I was angry because I thought I wasn’t going to get all the presents I wanted this year,” she said.
The Japanese have bought everything in America except the politicians. They’d buy those too, but they prefer quality products.
Headlines
Obama: Don’t raise taxes, shut down government
Sounds like a plan to me!
Why not get a bachelor’s degree in 3 years?
Because you will not be able to find a job when you graduate?
Ex-Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac execs charged
‘Bout time!
Barry Bonds gets probation, home confinement
2 years probation and 30 days confinement in a Beverly Hills mansion? Heck, drivers have gotten worse sentences this year for criticizing NASCAR on Twitter.
SEVERE DROUGHT LEAVES TEXAS WITH 600K FEWER CATTLE
Less BS too!
Redneck Joke of the Week
Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack
Not a creature was stirrin’, cept the lice on muh back.
The Skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,
With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.
The children were sleepin’, all snug in their beds,
While visions of tractor pulls danced in their heads.
And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.
Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.
When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,
I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.
I ran to the door, like I’s on a mission,
But I tripped on some parts from muh granny’s transmission.
The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin’.
Muh daughter weren’t home yet, she wuz still out parkin’.
When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see
But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin’ sheep.
With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin’ and sick
I said, “Shoot Fire! That must be St. Nick!
More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came
And he belched and he hollered, and he called ‘em by name.
Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS!
On FESTUS! On ELMER! On ROSCOE and CLETUS!
From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins
Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins!
I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack.
Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.
He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog,
I swear that ole’ Santa looked just like Boss Hog.
He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front,
And his jeans were all bloody from that morning’s hunt.
A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm,
And he wore black boots that he’d picked up in ‘Nam.
His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey.
From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.
A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops.
The veins on his face looked ready to pop.
The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip
He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.
He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly.
I ain’t seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.
He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three
And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.
A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head,
From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.
He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic,
Then filled the kid’s stockings with Hooked on Phonics.
His toys came from Big Lots and they weren’t very nice
But he had lots of them and yuh can’t beat the price.
He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells.
Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies,
And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.
When the presents were gone and he had no more,
He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.
He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order
“Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!”
And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl,
“MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL… YEE HAWWWW!
Redneck Picture of the Week
Bubba and Earl Dun Decorated
Redneck Song of the Week:
Redneck Christmas–Ray Stevens
Redneck Video of the Week:
Joe Diffie – Leroy The Redneck Reindeer
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Redneck Christmas Gift Ideas – Redneck in a Box
Getya a 24 can camo cooler from Bass Pro and fill the cooler with some of the following;
WD-40. According to the WD-40 website, there are over 2000 uses for this handy solvent. WD-40 removes sap, tar, adhesives, labels and tape from surfaces without damaging existing paint. It’s an effective cleaner for tools, equipment, and vehicles. It can be used to remove splattered bugs from the front of cars.
Camouflage duct tape. Duct tape is the “Handyman’s Secret Weapon” some Redneck uses include using on cars to hold together, patching boats, gutters or hoses. Duct tape can be used instead of nuts, bolts, glue, staples or propane tanks and solder.
Truck fresheners. Make your own with some felt scrapes and essential oil. Cut out a shape from the felt, a deer head, rifle, beer can and then poke a hole in the top for a piece of string. Sprinkle the essential oil over the felt for a homemade redneck truck freshener.
Beef jerky Purchase a selection of beef jerky or deer jerky or make your own from a piece of flank steak or any of your other killins.
T-shirts. Any of these Redneck t-shirts from this Zazzle store. They have a nice selection of trashy T’s and bumper stickers perfect for any self respectin’ redneck.
A Redneck Cookbook. Print and staple the Top Ten Recipes from Paula Deen’s website
Other ideas include;
Bandanas
Camouflage license plate frame
Gummy worms, sour gummy worms, Swedish fish and fishing bobbers
Honey Buns
King of the Hill boxer shorts
A copy of Bill Engvall’s Here’s Your Sign
DVD of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour
Bass Pro has other useful additions depending on what your recipients specialty is, hunting, fishing, camping, just sitting outside drinking beer…
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 1 – 0 1.000
Season 267 – 94 .740
New Mexico Bowl
Wyoming loses to Temple
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl
Ohio loses to Utah State
New Orleans Bowl
LA – Lafayette loses to San Diego State
Beef O’Brady Bowl
Marshall loses to Fla – International
Poinsettia Bowl
LA Tech loses to TCU
MAACO Bowl
Arizona State loses to Boise State
Hawaii Bowl
Nevada loses to So. Miss
Independence Bowl
NC loses to Missouri
Little Caesars Pizza Bowl
W. Michigan loses to Purdue
Belk Bowl
Louisville loses to NC State
Military Bowl
Air Force loses to Toledo
Holiday Bowl
California loses to Texas
Champs Sports Bowl
Notre Dame loses to Florida State
Alamo Bowl
Washington loses to Baylor
Armed Forces Bowl
BYU loses to Tulsa
Pinstripe Bowl
Iowa State loses to Rutgers
Music City Bowl
Wake Forest loses to Miss State
Insight Bowl
Iowa loses to Oklahoma
Meineke Care Care Bowl
Northwestern loses to TX A&M
Sun Bowl
Utah loses to GA Tech
Fight Hunger Bowl
UCLA loses to Illinois
Liberty Bowl
Cincy loses to Vandy
Chick-fil-A Bowl
Auburn loses to VA
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want – and their kids pay for it. Richard Lamm
Bubba doesn’t have time for procrastination. He is too busy trying to live for yesterday.
You think you had a bad week. Ndamukong Suh was suspended by the NFL for two games for stomping on another player and then wrecked his car into a tree after reckless driving.
Talk of Farve coming out of retirement to play for the Bears. Just say no, Brett! Stay retired!!!
Bubba and Earl had another beer summit trying to figure out women. Earl says, “You have fake hair, fake nails, fake boobs, fake tan, and fake eyelashes but you want a real man?”
I got an e-mail from American Airlines reminding me that I am only 58 segments from earning Platinum status – need 60 total. Don’t believe I will make it this year and better yet, don’t care. Glad to not have to travel anymore.
Pujols will make $68,000 per day. And you wonder what is wrong with this country? #occupypujols
Gotta take everything in life with a grain of salt. Course if you throw in a slice of lime and a shot of tequila it makes it easier to do.
Jon S. Corzine, how in the world do lose $1.2 billion and can’t find it?
Obama celebrated Hanukah at the White House two weeks early and lit all the candles on the Menorah. Boy ain’t got a clue. Sad.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Dog Shoots Duck Hunter From Behind
BRIGHAM CITY, UTAH — A duck hunter is recovering from minor wounds he suffered when he was shot in the buttocks by his partner’s dog over the weekend, law enforcement authorities said on Thursday.
The 46-year-old man, who was not identified, was out hunting on Sunday with a friend and his friend’s dog, a yellow Labrador retriever named Pipper, near the Bear River Bird Refuge in the northern section of the Great Salt Lake, about 10 miles west of Brigham City, officials said.
The two hunting partners had stopped their boat in a marsh area where their duck decoys were placed to retrieve a duck they had shot, and the man laid his 12-gauge shotgun across the bow of the vessel and stepped into the shallow water.
“The dog jumped into the boat and was stepping over the shotgun and made it discharge somehow.
The guy was still walking away from the boat and he took it in the buttocks,” said Box Elder County Sheriff Chief Deputy Kevin Potter.
The men called 911 and walked to a nearby road to wait for emergency assistance to arrive.
The stricken hunter was taken to Brigham City Hospital, where medical personnel removed 27 shotgun pellets from his backside. He was released a short time later.
“The direction your muzzle is pointing and all elements around add to whether accidents happen or not,” Sergeant Mitch Lane of the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources told Reuters.
Lane said the incident sounded like a “fluke” but stressed gun safety is important at all times.
Brett Favre has thrown his hat into the ring to replace the injured Jay Cutler. The hat was immediately intercepted and returned for a TD.
Headlines
Guns are a big seller on Black Friday
They are more effective than pepper spray in getting you to the head of the line.
PELOSI: DIRT ON NEWT TO COME…
That’s all poLIEtics has come to.
Boise’s Petersen says everyone tired of BCS
Not true. The bowl committees and the BcS committee still like it.
Obama: ‘Make or break moment’ for middle class
Too late. We are already broke.
‘M-A-S-H’ star Harry Morgan dies at age 96
He was even better in Dragnet.
Redneck Joke of the Week
A redneck women had a flat tire…So she pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then she got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the women what the problem was.
The women replied, “I have a flat tire.”
The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”
The Women responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back!”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Sign of the Week:
Redneck Song of the Week:
I’m Gonna Miss Her – Brad Paisley
Redneck Video of the Week:
Big Wreck
An outing of luxury sports car enthusiasts in Japan ended in an expensive freeway pileup — smashing a stunning eight Ferraris, a Lamborghini and two Mercedes likely worth more than $1 million together.
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
“Taxes explained in beer”
Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer & the bill for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this :
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1
The sixth would pay $3
The seventh would pay $7
The eighth would pay $12
The ninth would pay $18
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59
So, that’s what they decided to do.
The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball.
“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20″. Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.
So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men-the paying customers?
How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.
And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100%saving).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).
Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.
“I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving,” declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man, “but he got $10!”
“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!”
“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”
“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “we didn’t get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!”
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works.
The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction..
Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.
In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 8 – 4 .667
Season 266 – 94 .739
Army loses to Navy
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
Politics will sooner or later make fools of everybody. Dick Armey
Bubba and Earl want to go see a water polo match. They want to know how they get that many horses in the pool.
Who cares that the NBA is back?
Y’all already know that I am not a fan of the BcS. However, to keep it anywhere near credible, the best two teams have to play for the championship regardless of conference ties or rematches.
Really sad when American Airlines has to file bankruptcy just to compete with the rival airlines that received a competitive advantage when they filed for bankruptcy.
Suffering from acute RDD – Racing Deficit Disorder. Cure is coming in less than 3 months – Daytona 500!
Kinky Friedman: “These are strange political times in Texas. All the blondes and the Aggies are telling Rick Perry jokes.”
You can help create jobs by buying locally and buying American-made.
Occupy LA left behind 30 tons of trash. Then LA had 97 mph Santa Ana winds. Is that how you redistribute?
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Car Crash Victim Saved by Loaf of Bread
Published : Saturday, 26 Nov 2011, 6:44 AM EST
(NewsCore) – A lucky Scottish woman survived what could have been a fatal car accident thanks to a loaf of bread, which projected from the back of the car and cushioned her head against the impact of the crash.
Liz Douglas, 51, said she was on her way home to Stronachlachar after a shopping trip in Glasgow — about 40 miles (64 kilometers) away — when the back end of her car began to slide, and she headed toward a telegraph pole.
The car spun around and landed on its roof, but a loaf of bread flew out of Douglas’ shopping bags in the back seat and jammed between her head and the roof.
“A medium-sliced white loaf may quite literally have saved me from serious injury or worse,” Douglas told the Stirling Observer.
She added, “I was trapped inside the car for almost an hour in total between having the accident and whilst emergency services cut me from the car. During this time, the loaf remained as a cushion and support for my head as I was upside down.”
Douglas said she kept the life-saving loaf — complete with the impression of her head still in it.
“Now we can see the funny side, but it could have been so much worse, and I’m so grateful that I managed to walk away with just cuts and bruises,” she said. The Bread of Life?
Well, it is another week and another leader in the GOP polls.
What do the Auburn Tigers and a Sand Castle have in common? They both look good until the TIDE ROLLS in.
Did ya hear about the Auburn grads that got killed huntin’ this week? They were walking along, found tracks, and followed them. The train hit ‘em.
Lots of upsets in college football last week, but the most upset may be the BcS.
Bubba and Earl don’t know anybody at Penn State, but they do know lots of people in the State Pen.
When I pulled up the AT&T U-Verse web page to pay my bill, the whole dang thing was in Spanish. That’s okay because I paid them in pesos.
When Kurt Busch blew his transmission early in the last race, Dr. Jerry Punch from ESPN tried to interview him. TV was on commercial break and as they were standing by, KuBusch dog-cussed Punch for taking too long. To his credit, Jerry Punch just walked away and told his producers never mind. Busch and Penske Racing have since had to apologize since the incident ended up on YouTube. That’s two corporate apologizes from the Busch brothers in less than 3 weeks. Their mama and daddy have got to be proud.
Most poLIEticians cheated in ethics class.
Nancy Pelosi went to a health club & got one of those facial mud packs. She looked nice for a few days but then the mud wore off.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
UNION CITY, Tenn. — Police in Union City, Tenn., have charged a man with throwing a ham at his mother.
According to the Union City Daily Messenger, 37-year-old Emanual Cordell Kennedy was arrested Tuesday afternoon on a charge of domestic assault.
Brenda King, his mother, told police the two argued at her home and he hit her in the back with the ham while she was walking down a hall. She left the home and went to the police department to report it.
He could have been charged with attempted hamicide.
If u want happiness 4 an hr take a nap, 4 a day go fishing, 4 a year inherit a fortune. If u want happiness 4 life help someone @nbcdfw
Headlines
Another mess for BCS
They deserve it.
Supercommittee members brace for failure
They were doomed before they started. They are a bunch of poLIEticians! Stayed Super-Committed to their own interests.
NEWT: I’m the best debater
Who cares if you can debate? Can you lead?
Pelosi Bashes Catholics: ‘They Have This Conscience Thing’…
If you had one, maybe you would understand, Nancy!
Redneck Joke of the Week
A man walks into a bar with his dog. A Sprint Cup race is on a TV. He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt, Jr is doing. The bartender says “Junior is in 25th”. The dog jumps up, and runs around the barstool 25 times. A couple of laps later, the bartender says “Junior is up to 10th”. The dog jumps up again and runs around the barstool 10 times. A few laps later, the bartender says “Earnhardt is up to 3rd”, after which the dog again jumps up and runs around the barstool 3 times The bartender says “WOW!! That dog is amazing!! What does he do if Dale, Jr. wins?”
“I don’t know”, says the man, “I’ve only had him for 3 years!”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
The race at Homestead for the Chase Championship was unbelievable. Tony and Carl battled to the bitter end. Holy Smoke! Wow! What a way to end a season. Best display of racin’ I have ever seen.
Don’t be sad about season ending, folks. The offseason is short. In a little more than a Kim Kardashian marriage, we’ll be back at Daytona.
Congratulations Champions:
Trucks – Austin Dillon
Nationwide – Ricky Stenhouse
Cup – Tony Stewart
Sign of the Week
Redneck Song of the Week:
Montgomery Gentry – Where I Come From
Redneck Video of the Week:
462 MPH in the Speed Demon
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Social Media Decision Making Flowchart
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 18 – 9 .667
Season 236 – 84 .738
Auburn loses to Bama
This is the only game that matters, but I will pick the rest of the games just to humor you.
Texas loses to Texas A&M
Bowling Green loses to Buffalo
Tulsa loses to Houston
Arkansas loses to LSU
Louisville loses to So. Fla
UTEP loses to Cental Fla
Pittsburgh loses to WVA
Boston College loses to Miami
Texas Tech loses to Baylor
East Carolina loses to Marshall
Florida loses to Fla State
Middle Tenn loses to Fla International
GA Tech loses to Georgia
Tulane loses to Hawaii
New Mexico St loses to LA Tech
Ole Miss loses to Miss State
Duke loses to NC
Maryland loses to NC State
Iowa State loses to Okla
Clemson loses to SC
Rice loses to SMU
Memphis loses to So Miss
KY loses to Tennessee
Fla Atlantic loses to UAB
Wake Forest loses to Vandy
VA loses to VA Tech
Troy loses to WKY
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates. Gore Vidal
In my opinion, all poLIEticians have had oops moments. Sometimes they say stuff that they can’t back up, don’t remember stuff they should say, and say stuff they shouldn’t. Remember in the last campaign when Obama said that he had visited 57 states and had one to go?
Fall in Texas – that time of the year when you switch back and forth between the heater and the air conditioner.
NBA = Nothing But Absurd
I think both sides in the NBA issue have killed the golden goose. Not once have I heard either side mention the fans.
NBA players miss 1st paychecks on 11/15: Kobe ($1,051,832 lost), LeBron ($667,603 lost), Dirk ($795,535 lost). Average player ($220,000 lost).
US debt is now $15 trillion and still climbing. Stop the spending!
Bubba and Earl heard about the hackers putting porn on Facebook. They are going to get a Facebook account…..as soon as they get a computer.
Occupy OPEC. $100+ per barrel oil. Really?
Happy Thanksgiving Y’all! As bad as things seem sometimes, we still got lots to be thankful for.
Congratulations to Coach K for becoming the coach with most wins in college basketball and for doing it the right way. Of course I said the same thing about JoePa.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Man in ‘I’m A Drunk’ T-shirt arrested for DWI
A man wearing a T-shirt reading “I’m A Drunk” crashed into a police car early Thursday on Long Island and is being charged with driving while intoxicated, police said.
Kevin Daly, of Coram, N.Y., was driving a 2000 Saturn on County Road 83 at about 1:45 a.m. when he hit the patrol car.
The entire message on his T-shirt reads “I’m Not An Alcoholic, I’m A Drunk. Alcoholics Go to Meetings.”
The officer, who is assigned to the Suffolk County Police Department’s alcohol fatality enforcement team, was treated for minor injuries. Coram, 22, was not hurt.
He was set to be arraigned later Thursday. It was not immediately clear whether he had a lawyer.
I’ve taken up welding in my garage, not far from where I make ammunition. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
Headlines
The female lion does more than 90% of the hunting, males rest
The way nature intended.
IHOP goes self-service at new San Diego location
Next you get to cook your own breakfast. Then it will be go to the hen house and collect your own eggs………
BIDEN TRANSPARENCY MEETING CLOSED TO PRESS!
What would you expect? The poLIEticians don’t really mean what they say.
How to avoid airline fees
That’s easy – don’t fly. Duh!
Redneck Joke of the Week
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s’ mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ’clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arm and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
White flag for the 2011 season. This is the last race of the year. The championship will be decided in Homestead.
The picks:
Tony Stewart
Carl Edwards
Anybody but a Busch
Sign of the Week
Redneck Song of the Week:
Dierks Bentley – Home
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Why Barns are Red
Red barns started in Europe hundreds of years ago. The barns would be sealed with linseed oil to protect them from the elements and to prevent the wood from rotting. The oil has a naturally tan color.
At some point, farmers started adding rust to the paint. Rust kills mold and moss that would otherwise destroy the wood. Eventually, by the 1800s, there was no real need for the paint to be red-colored but the tradition of having red barns has remained until today.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 23 – 8 .742
Season 218 – 75 .744
Memphis loses to Marshall
UAB loses to So. Miss
NC loses to VA Tech
Iowa State loses to Okla State
Miss State loses to Arkansas
Middle Tenn loses to Ark State
NC State loses to Clemson
VA loses to Fla State
KY loses to Georgia
Duke loses to GA Tech
SMU loses to Houston
Fla International loses to LA – Monroe
Ole Miss loses to LSU
UConn loses to Louisville
So Fla loses to Miami
Texas Tech loses to Mizzou
LA Tech loses to Nevada
Baylor loses to Oklahoma
Tulane loses to Rice
Texas loses to Kansas State (Upset Special of the Week)
Colorado State loses to TCU
Fla Atlantic loses to Troy
UTEP loses to Tulsa
E Carolina loses to Central Fla
Tennessee loses to Vandy
Maryland loses to Wake Forest
North Texas loses to WKY
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. Benjamin Franklin
