After spending $ 1.4 trillion, the administration is now freezing federal spending?
You can start by eliminating all the earmarks (campaign promise) and not buying votes for your legislation.
Hearing that Favre’s retirement hinges on his endorsement deal with Waffle House.
Ford posted a $ 2.7 billion profit for 2009 and is the only domestic carmaker to not get a gummit bailout. Ummmmmmmm.
Bubba is trying to figure out how every insurance company can save you $300-$400 compared to the others. He is now switching from State Farm, to Progressive and then to Nationwide and then to Geico…….For long he be getting insurance for free!
Have you noticed all the tax services that are advertising to do your 1040-EZ filing for $39? Seriously, if you need help with the EZ form, then you really do need help.
Common sense is now an oxymoron. Ain’t too common anymore.
Mrs. Redneck’s vehicle just alerted her that she had low tire pressure. She was not impressed with the smartness of the vehicle. She said that it should just send a message directly to me to fix it.
Obama’s new budget axes the NASA moon missions. That’s okay, we can just climb the trillions of dollars in deficit and reach the moon anyway.
Although I agree with Obama that there should be a playoff system in the top tier of NCAA football, please keep yer dang hands off of our beloved sport. The gummit ain’t got no bidness messing with it. It’s messed up enough already. Don’t ya even think about NASCAR or you might get hurt.
Happy Groundhog’s Day!
Pray for the troops.
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
JOPLIN, Mo. – Police in Missouri say a man accused of stealing a ring coughed up the evidence while officers were questioning him.
Pictures of the two-carat diamond ring worth about $20,000 were sent to jewelers in the Joplin area after it was reported stolen when someone took the owner’s purse from her car on Thursday.
The Joplin Globe reports that the owner of Newton’s Jewelry recognized the ring when a man and woman came to his store a few hours after the theft and said they wanted to sell it. L.T. Newton and his staff stalled them and called police.
Police say the man swallowed the ring when officers arrived. While being questioned, he began to cough uncontrollably and eventually coughed up the ring.
The man and woman are charged with receiving stolen property.
Headlines
Obama: I’d rather be a ‘really good’ one-term president
Here’s hoping for both.
Winter Storm Smacks Dixie
Tell Al Gore that there is 4-6 inches of global warming all over the ground in the South.
NASCAR cuts team purses by 10 percent
Okay, this economy has gone far enough……..
Cessna lands on Houston golf course
Landed on 11th fairway. Does that count as a fairway hit?
Redneck Joke of the Week
A farmer had been taken several times by a local car dealer.
One day, the car dealer informed the farmer
that he was coming over to purchase a cow.
The farmer priced the unit as follows:
Basic Cow $ 999.95
Shipping and Handling 35.75
Extra Stomach 79.25
Two-tone Exterior 142.10
Produce Storage Compartment 128.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper 189.60
4-Spigot/High Output Drain System 149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter 88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery 170.80
Deluxe Dual Horns 59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment 339.40
4 X 4 Traction Drive Assembly 884.16
Pre-Delivery Wash and Comb 69.80
Farmer Suggested List Price $ 3336.26
Additional Dealer Adjustment 300.00
Total list price
(including options) $ 3636.26
Tax and Ear Tags 418.00
TOTAL PURCHASE PRICE $ 4054.26
Redneck Picture of the Week
State Of The Union Address
“It’s All Bush’s Fault!”
Racin’
They start practicin’ on Thursday for the Shootout and the Daytona 500. Gatorade Duals this week! Life is about to return to normal.
Ain’t True
An auto shop owner in Sanibel totaled his customer’s Porsche when he took it out for “diagnostics,” hitting speeds as high as 164 mph and flipping the car on a road shoulder, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.
Kenneth R. Kasten, 50, escaped without injury from the crash, which occurred on a curve by the Sanibel Tollbooth around 6 a.m. The 2008 Porsche Boxster suffered $50,000 in damage. It came to rest upside-down on the shoulder of McGregor Boulevard, east of the toll booth.
Kasten was charged with willful and wreckless driving and leaving the scene of a crash.
According to reports, the car’s owner dropped the car at Kasten’s shop, Sanibel Shell, for service on Wednesday. She was aware he had driven the sportscar home for diagnostics, the report said. She didn’t know about the wreck until notified by at trooper.
When discovered, the car was thought to be stolen. Kasten was later found at the toll parking lot at 11:30 a.m., according to the report.
He was wearing a seatbelt at the time of the crash, according to the report. Alcohol was not believed to be a factor.
Ain’t true that alcohol was a factor, but stupidity or lack of talent surely was.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Trace Adkins – “Ala Freakin Bama”
Redneck Video of the Week:
G.R.I.T.S. – Girls Raised in the South – Brantley Gilbert
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
How to Build Ultimate Deer Stand
Start with medium camping trailer
Haul to hunting area
Jam some poles in the ground
Raise using front loaders
Raise way up and fasten
Drink beer and admire your work
Add a deck so you will have place to drink beer
Build some stairs so you do not have to climb ladder after drinking beer
Add bbq grill. Can't live on beer alone.
Practice shooting deer with piece of lumber
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.”
As punishment for bad grades, a Georgia mother forced her 12-year-old son to kill his pet hamster with a hammer, police said.
The day after he was forced to kill his pet, the child told his teacher, Meriwether County Sheriff Steve Whitlock told the AJC Thursday evening.
The teacher reported the incident to DFCS authorities, who contacted police, Whitlock said. The pet’s death allegedly took place at the family’s Warm Springs home.
On Friday, 38-year-old Lynn Middlebrooks Geter was arrested, Whitlock said. Geter faces one charge each of animal cruelty, child cruelty and battery.
Geter remained in the Meriwether County jail Thursday evening, Whitlock said. Meriwether County is located about 90 minutes southwest of Atlanta.
Headlines
Dems in Panic?
Might as well join the rest of us.
FRENCH ACCUSE USA OF HAITI 'OCCUPATION'...
Then y’all come and we can go home.
President Obama: We Lost Touch with American People Last Year
Duh……….
Wal-Mart cuts about 11,200 Sam’s Club staffers
Watch for falling jobs at Wal-Mart.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Brother John entered the “Monastery of Silence” and the Abbott said,
“Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”
Brother John lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbott said to him, “Brother John, you have been here five years now; you may speak two words.”
Brother John said, “Hard bed.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” the Abbot said. “We will get you a better bed.”
After another five years, Brother John was called by the Abbott. “You may say another two words, Brother John.”
“Cold food,” said Brother John, and the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in the future.
On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again call Brother John into his office. “Two words you may say today.”
“I quit,” said Brother John.
“It is probably best; you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
The Sign of Change
Highway 15 & 501 Lamm’s Grove Intersection Near Durham, NC
Racin’
Speed Weeks in Daytona starts next week. The good ol’ boys will be runnin’ again.
Ain’t True
FAIRBANKS, Alaska – An Alaska man who hit a Taco Bell manager in the face with a double-decker taco has been sentenced to one day in jail and one year probation.
Warren Strickland of Fairbanks must also pay a $100 fine after pleading guilty Tuesday to disorderly conduct.
The 31-year-old says he threw the taco because it contained spit after he went through the drive-thru twice because the restaurant messed up his order. He claims the manager accused him of lying to get free food.
Strickland is barred from Taco Bell during his year of probation.
Ain’t true that the judge gave him the worse sentence. He could have made him go to Taco Bell every day for a year. That would be cruel and unusual punishment for sure.
Redneck Song of the Week:
“Pants on the Ground” General Larry Platt
(try getting this one out of your head)
Redneck Video of the Week:
Maxine Waters Slips Up or Reveals Liberal Strategy?
Hey, Al Gore. Please tell the South about that global warming thing again.
Got to think Pete Carroll’s leaving USC largely due to NCAA investigations.
Reid would be a racist except he is a Democrat.
Soon it will costs as much to fly your bag as you.
Conan O’Brien – NBC’s redheaded stepchild.
Bubba has figured out how to get aid to global disasters real quick. Ya just need to send it with the TV News correspondents. They somehow get there within hours.
I hereby withdraw my name from consideration as the next head coach at Tennessee. Had to do it since everyone else is.
Obama wants to tax the bailout banks. Why not just call it a fee. Serves them right.
USC = Unable to Stay Clean
The best part of an election year is that it is the only time politicians speak the truth. They call each other liars.
Happy Confederate Heroes Day! (Tuesday, January 19th)
Pray for your troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Wife allegedly changes wires on saw to shock hubby
The Associated Press
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Court papers allege that an Olympia woman, angry that her husband left her, tampered with his power tools so that he received a powerful electric shock. Carolyn Paulsen-Riat was booked Friday into the Thurston County Jail for investigation of third-degree assault, domestic violence, and second-degree malicious mischief. A judge released the 33-year-old woman on her own recognizance.
The Olympian newspaper reported that court documents said that on Jan. 1, the man was using a 220-volt table saw when he received the shock, knocking him to the ground. Thurston County sheriff’s deputies said the man did not need to go to a hospital.
In the documents, deputies said the woman told them she had reversed the wires on his power tools because she was angry he was leaving.
That is just downright low to mess with a man’s tools.
Headlines
REPORT: Corrupt China officials pocket 50 billion...
Our politicians can teach them a thing or two….
California lawmakers to decide whether to consider legalizing pot for pleasure.
The state will still be broke, but they won’t care, Man!
Lane Kiffin leaves Tennessee for USC
Why mess around with minor NCAA infractions when you can go big time.
Joe Biden update: He meets on transparency today. But the meeting is closed
It is very transparent that they don’t want anyone to know what they’re doing.
Redneck Joke of the Week
It Pays to be Old
No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had
moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.
Holding hands they walked back to their old school.
I t was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk
they’d shared where Andy had carved ‘I love you, Sally.’
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of
an armored car, practically landing at their feet.
Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure
what to do with it, they took it home.
There, she counted the money:
fifty-thousand dollars!
Andy said, ‘We’ve got to give it back.’
Sally said, ‘Finders keepers.’
She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood
looking for the money and knocked on the door.
‘Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag
that fell out of an armored car yesterday?’
Sally said, ‘No.’
Andy said, ‘She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.’
The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
One says: ’Tell us the story from the beginning’
Andy said, ‘Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . …’
The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, ‘We’re outta here.’
Redneck Picture of the Week
Stampede
Racin’
Less than a month to the Daytona 500.
Ain’t True
Duck hunters spark nuclear weapons plant lockdown
A pair of duck hunters has trigged a security alert at a nuclear weapons assembly plant in Amarillo, Texas.
Officials locked the plant after getting reports of individuals in camouflage gear stalking across the road from the factory.
They turned out to be two plant employees who had decided to spend their day off hunting fowl.
The plant was briefly shut as a “precautionary measure,” a plant official said.
“They were just doing what people do around here,” said Carson County Sheriff Tam Terry.
“They just had a lot more company than they were planning on.”
The pair, who sparked the alert when spotted early in the morning carrying arms and dressed in camouflage gear, were later found in a nearby field setting up decoys.
No charges will be filed against the men who both had permission to hunt from the local landowner.
Ain’t true that their ammunition was from the plant inventory.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Brooks & Dunn – Play Something Country
Redneck Video of the Week:
Lost Generation
(watch all the way to the end)
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
IT DON’T COST NUTHIN’ TO BE NICE
At a Touchdown Club meeting many years before his
death, Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant told the following
story:
I had just been named the new head coach at Alabama
and was off in my old car down in South Alabama recruiting a
prospect who was supposed to have been a pretty good player
and I was having’ trouble finding the place..
Getting hungry I spied an old cinder block building
with a small sign out front that simply said
“Restaurant.” I pull up, go in and every head in
the place turns to stare at me. Seems I’m the only white
fella in the place. But the food smelled good so I skip a
table and go up to a cement bar and sit. A big ole man in a
tee shirt and cap comes over and says, “What do you
need?”
I told him I needed lunch and what did they have
today?
He says, “You probably won’t like it here,
today we’re having chitlins, collared greens and black
eyed peas with cornbread. I’ll bet you don’t even
know what chitlins are, do you?”(small intestines of hogs prepared as
food in the deep South)
I looked him square in the eye and said, “I’m
from Arkansas , I’ve probably eaten a mile of them.
Sounds like I’m in the right place.”
They all smiled as he left to serve me up a big plate.
When he comes back he says, “You ain’t from around
here then?”
I explain I’m the new football coach up
in Tuscaloosa at the University and I’m here to find
whatever that boy’s name was, and he says, “Yeah I’ve
heard of him, he’s supposed to be pretty good.” And he
gives me directions to the school so I can meet him and his
coach.
As I’m paying up to leave, I remember my manners
and leave a tip, not too big to be flashy, but a good one
and he told me lunch was on him, but I told him for a lunch
that good, I felt I should pay. The big man asked me if I
had a photograph or something he could hang up to show
I’d been there.
I was so new that I didn’t have any yet. It really
wasn’t that big a thing back then to be asked for, but I
took a napkin and wrote his name and address on it and told
him I’d get him one. I met the kid I was looking’
for later that afternoon and I don’t remember his name,
but do remember I didn’t think much of him when I met
him.
I had wasted a day, or so I thought. When I got back
to Tuscaloosa late that night, I took that napkin from my
shirt pocket and put it under my keys so I wouldn’t
forget it. Back then I was excited that anybody would want a
picture of me.
The next day we found a picture and I wrote on it,
“Thanks for the best lunch I’ve ever had.”
Now let’s go a whole buncha years down the road.
Now we have black players at Alabama and I’m back down
in that part of the country scouting an offensive lineman we
sure needed.
Y’all remember, (and I forget the name, but
it’s not important to the story), well anyway, he’s
got two friends going to Auburn and he tells me he’s got
his heart set on Auburn too, so I leave empty handed and go
on to see some others while I’m down there.
Two days later, I’m in my office in Tuscaloosa and
the phone rings and it’s this kid who just turned me
down, and he says, “Coach, do you still want me at
Alabama ?”
And I said, “Yes I sure do.” And he says OK, he’ll come.
And I say, “Well son, what changed your mind?”
And he said, “When my grandpa found out
that I had a chance to play for you and said no, he pitched
a fit and told me I wasn’t going nowhere but Alabama ,
and wasn’t playing for nobody but you. He thinks a lot
of you and has ever since y’all met.”
Well, I didn’t know his granddad from Adam’s
housecat so I asked him who his granddaddy was and he said,
“You probably don’t remember him, but you ate in
his restaurant your first year at Alabama and you sent him a
picture that he’s had hung in that place ever since….
That picture’s his pride and joy and he still
tells everybody about the day that Bear Bryant came in and
had chitlins with him…”
“My grandpa said that when you left there, he
never expected you to remember him or to send him that
picture, but you kept your word to him and to Grandpa,
that’s everything. He said you could teach me more than
football and I had to play for a man like you, so I guess
I’m going to.”
I was floored. But I learned that the lessons my mama taught me were
always right. It don’t cost nuthin’ to be nice. It don’t cost nuthin’ to do the right thing most of the time, and it costs a lot to lose your good name by breaking
your word to someone.
When I went back to sign that boy, I looked up his
Grandpa and he’s still running that place, but it looks
a lot better now; and he didn’t have chitlins that day,
but he had some ribs that would make Dreamland proud and I
made sure I posed for a lot of pictures; and don’t think
I didn’t leave some new ones for him, too, along with a
signed football. I made it clear to all my assistants to keep this
story and these lessons in mind when they’re out on the
road. If you remember anything else from me, remember this.
It really doesn’t cost anything to be nice, and
the rewards can be unimaginable. ~ Coach Paul
“Bear” Bryant
*********************************
Editor’s Note: Coach Bryant was in the presence of
these few gentlemen for only minutes, and he defined himself
for life. Regardless of our profession, we do define
ourselves by how we treat others, and how we behave in the
presence of others, and most of the time, we have only
minutes or seconds to leave a lasting impression… We can
be rude, crude, arrogant, cantankerous, or we can be nice.
Nice is always a better choice.
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“As an American I am not so shocked that Obama was given
the Nobel Peace Prize without any accomplishments to his
name, but that America gave him the White House based on
the same credentials.”
Only in Alabama can you go see the Championship trophy at Wal-Mart. Latest report is that the $30,000 trophy’s price has now been rolled back to $ 88.87.
Reid says he apologized for his “poor word choices” and Obama accepted. Wow. If a conservative had said what Reid said, there would have been a hanging.
I think sixty senators had poor word choices. They said yes, when they shoulda said no.
I had a dog in the fight and he won, but I still don’t like the BcS.
Only thing a prevent offense or prevent defense does is prevent you from winning. Dang near happened to Bama the other night.
Gotta give it to Texas. They never quit.
Bubba was watching that Miller Lite commercial the other night where the girlfriend makes the guy decide between her and his dog. So he did a ‘speriment. Bubba locked his dog and his wife in the trunk of the car for an hour to see which one would be the most glad to see him. Doc says that the swelling should go down in a couple of days to allow him to see again –outta one eye anyways.
Billions and billions in stimulus and still no jobs?
Pray for our troops.
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Headlines
Children who are spanked are more successful later in life
Well at least our redneck kids will be very successful.
Obama ends Hawaiian vacation by visiting the zoo
Just getting ready to reacclimatize to DC
Pelosi tells C-SPAN: ‘There has never been a more open process’
Maybe never been more open to her
Naked jogger nabbed near White House
Too much transparency near the White House that has none.
Redneck Joke of the Week
DEER CAMP
Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Frank’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going.
Frank’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
“Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”
“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday.
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’”
I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose pedals all over.
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, “Do what ever you want.”
So, Here I am.
Redneck Picture of the Week
Dual Air Bags
Racin’
Only a little more than a month to go until the Daytona 500.
Ain’t True
Man Ties Record for Largest Largemouth
A man was being credited with tying the 77-year-old world record for catching the biggest largemouth bass. The International Game Fish Association announced Friday that it had confirmed the 22-pound, 4-ounce fish caught by Manabu Kurita. The Florida-based group said Kurita caught the fish July 2 on Lake Biwa, Japan’s largest lake.
Kurita’s fish tied the record of George Perry, who caught his bass on Georgia’s Montgomery Lake on June 2, 1932.
Kurita used 25-pound test line and a live blue gill as bait.
The Designated Driver program just turned 21. Does that mean it can drink now?
If Congress wants to pass a bill, here is one. There shall be no blue football fields. The Humanitarian Bowl is played in Idaho on that dang blue field. The game was almost unwatchable until it snowed a bit and muted some of the blue. There is no such thing as blue grass. Yea, there is bluegrass in Kentucky, but it is still greenish. Glad I did watch –great game especially the finish.
Note to Mike Leach – The boss is the boss. Insubordination is never a good play call.
The talking heads on all the sports shows are missing the point of Leach’s firing. They are saying it was because he abused a player. He got fired for his lack of smarts in dealing with the administration.
Obama and Rush both vacationing in Hawaii at the same time? Is that little state big enough for both of their egos?
Bubba likes to recycle. He plans to do his best to recycle everybody in Washington at each election.
Still can’t believe that the Senate gave us the Christmas present of the Affordable Healthcare Act. Nobody still understands what’s in the bill, but they voted on it. Unbelievable and unforgivable.
These are the times that try men’s souls.
Hoping that 2010 is the best that’s ever been.
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Funeral home offers drunk drivers a free burial
The Associated Press
ROME, Ga. — Planning to drink and drive this New Year’s? A north Georgia funeral home has a deal for you. Between now and noon Thursday, drivers can visit McGuire, Jennings and Miller Funeral Home in Rome to sign a contract stating they plan to drink or take drugs and then drive on New Year’s Eve. If they die in a wreck that day, the funeral home will give them a free burial.
Services included in the package are a casket, grave, limousine and preparation of remains.
Funeral home officials said the program is designed to save lives by making partygoers think twice about drinking and driving.
Headlines
Americans most admire Obama, Clinton, Palin
I most admire our soldiers, teachers, preachers, nurses – people that make a difference instead of a fortune.
Reports: Wizard’s Arenas, teammate pull guns in dispute
This supposedly happened at the Verizon Center in DC. Therefore it could not have happened, because you cannot have guns in DC. They must have just misunderstood the term shoot around.
East Coast Faces Deep Freeze; Florida Oranges Threatened…
Cold, Colder, Coldest
Iowa temps ‘a solid 30 degrees below normal’…
Peru’s mountain people ‘face extinction because of cold conditions’…
Beijing — coldest in 40 years…
World copes with Arctic weather…
Are you sure we don’t have a global cooling problem?
Elton John Helping Eminem With Drug Abuse Problem
What? Is he buying the drugs or helping him abuse them?
Redneck Joke of the Week
My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head…. My dog is a Democrat !
Redneck Picture of the Week
Sign in Rockwall, Texas
Racin’
Just 6 more weeks until the Daytona 500!
Ain’t True
MOUNT CLEMENS, Mich. — Taking a bite out of crime has never been so bland at a southeast Michigan jail.
Failing freezers have forced Macomb County Jail inmates to forgo warm meals in favor of an endless stream of bologna and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Sheriff’s officials said Wednesday that mold was spotted last month in the jail’s 50-year-old freezers. But with no money for replacements, the sandwich diets may continue through early next year.
The Detroit Free Press reports that county officials warned commissioners as early as 2005 that the freezers needed to be replaced. Officials next month plan to ask commissioners for emergency funds to buy new refrigerators.
Ain’t true that Yankees is all that smart. It is below freezing in Michigan this time of year. Just put the food outside. Problem solved.
Some people’s smart phones are smarter than they are.
Oklahoma – under construction since………Their roads suck!
Heard that Obama is mad that Jimmie Johnson got the AP Athlete of the Year. He thought he should have gotten it since he plays basketball.
Only in Texas do you have 75 on Wednesday and 2 ½ inches of snow the next day. First White Christmas for Dallas – Fort Worth area since 1926 – 83 years.
Almost 2/3rds of the US had “global warming” on the ground for Christmas.
Thanks Congress for my Christmas gift. Where do I return it?
At my age, every year I have a birthday is a good thing.
Just how does a known terrorist not have to go through the same security measures as all the grandmas?
Snowing again in North Texas. Y’all this is nuts!
Happy New Year, y’all!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
THOMSON, Ga. — An east Georgia man trying to get revenge on his estranged girlfriend by firebombing her home was being held without bond after he threw the device into the wrong house. Authorities said a 25-year-old man was charged with arson, aggravated assault and possession of an explosive device — all felonies. The Augusta Chronicle reported Tuesday he was being held in the McDuffie County jail.
Authorities said no one was injured Sunday night when the man allegedly tossed the Molotov cocktail through the front window of a Thomson home just before 9 p.m. Police arrested the man soon after the incident.
Headlines
CDC: People in sunny states happiest, N.Y. least
That’s because people up North have to put up with Yankees.
No danger on Sunday flight – just an ill passenger
Sick of putting up with meaningless security?
Napolitano concedes security system failed
Really? Ya think…………..
How to Stick to New Year’s Resolutions
I suggest using a really good glue.
Redneck Joke of the Week
LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane
when the he turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that
flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger.’
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and
said to the total stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the congressman. ‘How about global
warming or universal health care’, and he smiles smugly.
OK, ‘ she said. ‘Those could be interesting topics. But let me
ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the
same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow
turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?’
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks
about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to
discuss global warming or universal health care when you don’t
know crap?
Redneck Picture of the Week
Ain’t True
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Why is the cafeteria at the Pennsylvania Capitol infested with mice? Probably because health inspectors didn’t visit it for four years.
State law requires annual checks for health and sanitation. Auditor General Jack Wagner said Thursday he received assurances in 2005 that the state Agriculture Department would inspect it.
He says his auditors later received false assurances that it was being inspected regularly.
When an inspection was finally done last week, authorities found “excessive” droppings on food preparation equipment and in cabinets and utensil bins. That’s an imminent health risk.
The ground-floor cafeteria is now closed and is not expected to reopen until January.
It is a popular coffee and lunch spot for statehouse visitors and employees.
Ain’t true that the gummit lives by its own laws.
Redneck Song of the Week:
“Bonfire” – Criag Morton
Redneck Video of the Week:
Reba – “You Lie”
Dedicated to all politicians
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
The History of ’APRONS’
I don’t think our kids know what an apron is.
The principal use of Grandma’s apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a few. It was easier to wash aprons than dresses and they used less material, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing
hot pans from the oven.
It was wonderful for drying children’s tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears..
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
And when the weather was cold grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove..
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men folks knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that ‘old-time apron’ that served so many purposes.
REMEMBER:
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.
Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron. I never caught anything from an apron
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Bowling Green loses to Idaho
Humanitarian Bowl
Arizona loses to Nebraska
Holiday Bowl
Missouri loses to Navy
Texas Bowl
Air Force loses to Houston
Armed Forces Bowl
Stanford loses to Oklahoma
Sun Bowl
IowaState loses to Minnesota
Insight Bowl
Tennessee loses to VA Tech
Chick-fil-A Bowl
OhioState loses to Oregon
Rose Bowl
Cincy loses to Florida
Sugar Bowl
Northwestern loses to Auburn
Outback Bowl
WestVA loses to FloridaState
Gator Bowl (Bobby Bowden’s last game I hope)
LSU loses to PennState
Capital One Bowl
N. Illinois loses to South Florida
International Bowl
South Carolina loses to UConn
Papajohns.com Bowl
OklahomaState loses to Ole Miss
Cotton Bowl played at Jerry World
East Carolina loses to Arkansas
Liberty Bowl
MichiganState loses to Texas Tech
Alamo Bowl
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
- Bill Cosby
May my favorite mother-in-law rest in peace. She was a good’n. They say that your wife turns out just like her mother. In that case, I got a great deal with Mrs. Redneck.
At least Wanda will be home for Christmas surrounded by her husband, parents, other family and friends. What a blessing!
Bubba has been calling India for free for years. Every time he calls for tech support.
Wonder why NBC and CBS sports departments, who cover most of the golf events, haven’t made any big deal about “Cheetah” Woods taking time off from the tour. This is a big sports story and the effect on the tour should be reported. They claim that they are respecting his privacy. I can understand not talking about the sex scandal and his marital problems, but if Jimmie Johnson left NASCAR for the same reason, we would not hear the end of it from these folks. Are they intimidated?
Now Tiger is being linked to performance enhancing drugs. Bubba said that if he had a wife and 14 mistresses, he dang sure would need performance enhancing drugs.
Something smells rotten in Denmark!
Only two months to racin’ begins again.
To My Democratic Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish.
To My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ 2010.
Merry CHRISTmas, y’all!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Federal workers owe Uncle Sam $3B in unpaid taxes
December 14, 2009 – 10:43am
Mark Segraves, wtop.com
WASHINGTON – At a time when the White House is projecting the largest deficit in the nation’s history, Uncle Sam is trying to recover billions of dollars in unpaid taxes from its own employees.
Federal workers owe more than $3 billion in income taxes they failed to pay in 2008. According to Internal Revenue Service documents, 276,300 federal employees and retirees owe $3,042,200,000.
The IRS tracks the voluntary compliance rate of federal employees and retirees each year, and each year feds come up short. The one bright spot in this year’s report is that after several years of a steady increase, the amount owed by feds is down from the previous year.
Federal employees and retirees owed $3,586,784,725 in unpaid income taxes in 2007.
The documents show delinquent employees from nearly every federal agency with more than 25 employees. Based on percentages, the Department of The Treasury, which includes the IRS, has the best compliance rate. Fewer than 1 percent of Treasury employees didn’t pay their taxes in 2008.
The IRS is the only federal agency where employees can be fired for not paying their taxes. The non-compliance rate for IRS employees in 2008 was 0.76 percent — down from 0.89 percent in 2007.
The agency with the most tax scofflaws is the U.S. Postal Service, with 28,913 employees who owe $297,933,756. But that is still a dramatic improvement from 2007 when more than 54,000 employees owed more than $407 million.
“We urge our employees to comply with all tax laws and are encouraged that many who have been delinquent have agreed to payment plan with the IRS,” USPS spokesperson Mark Saunders tells WTOP in a statement.
“It’s important to look at the percentage of postal employees who may be delinquent on their federal taxes, not just the number itself. According to IRS figures, the delinquency rate for Postal Service employees is relatively small.”
The Postal Service, the largest employer in the federal government aside from the military, has a non-compliance rate of 3.95 percent compared to the federal average of 2.8 percent.
Retired military personnel make up about 33 percent of the money owed with $1,343,538,055 in unpaid taxes for 2008.
The agency with the highest percentage of delinquent employees is the National Capital Planning Commission, where 10.42 percent of its 48 employees owe $26,947.
“NCPC is committed to working closely with the Department of The Treasury to resolve issues of federal income tax delinquency involving its staff,” NCPC spokeswoman Lisa MacSpadden said in a statement.
“The agency takes this matter very seriously and recognizes that federal employees must adhere to the highest ethical standards regarding financial matters.
“We remind our employees of this responsibility as part of our mandatory annual ethics training. Upon receipt of an official notice from the IRS about a specific employee’s noncompliance, NCPC will take appropriate administrative action.”
Other notable agencies on the list:
Executive Office of the President (includes the White House): 50 employees owe $812,917;
U.S. Senate: 231 employees owe $2,469,026;
U.S. House of Representatives: 447 employees owe $5,809,631;
U.S. Tax Court: 3 employees owe $39,752;
Active Duty Military: 27,111 employees $102,474,672.
While some taxpayers may scratch their heads and ask why the federal government doesn’t garnish the wages of these employees, the reality is they can’t. According to federal tax laws, employees are treated the same as any other taxpayer who doesn’t pay their taxes.
The IRS must go through the same procedures and court process with feds as it does with John Q. Public. Once a court awards the IRS a judgment or if the employees enter a voluntary payment plan, the IRS can garnish wages. However, federal employees do jeopardize any security clearance they may have if they don’t pay their income taxes.
As for the general public’s voluntary compliance rate, the IRS no longer tracks those numbers, so it is impossible to compare. But an IRS report from 2001 (PDF) showed the total tax gap to be about $345 billion. The tax gap is the difference between what is owed each year and what is paid, and includes income, corporate, employment, estate and excise taxes.
Headlines
PELOSI: NO HEALTH CARE DEAL THIS YEAR
Or your health care deal any year, please.
Tiger Woods was voted male Player of the Year by the Golf Writers Association of America
A great player on and off the course
BIG SCARE: OBAMA WARNS USA ‘WILL GO BANKRUPT’ WITHOUT HEALTH BILL
And faster with it
Woods Doctor Being Probed…
See how he likes it… Ain’t no fun is it, Doc.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.’
Passenger: ‘Who?’
Cabbie: ‘Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.’
Passenger: ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’
Cabbie: ‘Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard
him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.’
Passenger: ‘Sounds like he was something really special.
Cabbie: ‘There’s more… He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right’
Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then.’
Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.’
Passenger: ‘An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?’
Cabbie: ‘Well, I never actually met Frank, he died.
I married his widow.
Redneck Picture of the Week
Redneck Santa
Ain’t True
Woman allegedly pours grits on sleeping boyfriend
BOUTTE, La. — A 44-year-old woman was booked with second-degree battery after allegedly pouring a pot of boiling grits onto her sleeping boyfriend. St. Charles Parish sheriff’s deputies said Carolyn Brown caused second-degree burns on the man’s face and arms. The man told deputies that he came home from work on Nov. 7, got into an argument with Brown, told her that he was breaking up with her, then went to bed.
The Times-Picayune reported Brown was arrested Wednesday and booked into the Nelson Coleman Correctional Facility.
Ain’t true that she is in trouble for burning her boyfriend as much as wasting good grits.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer
Redneck Video of the Week:
I’ll Be Home for Christmas – Rascal Flatts
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
The Yale Book of Quotations
Most Notable Quotations of 2009
Author Fred R. Shapiro’s
1. “Keep your government hands off my Medicare.” Speaker at health care reform town hall meeting in Simpsonville, S.C., commenting on the government-created Medicare program, quoted by The Washington Post on July 28.
2. “We’re going to be in the Hudson.” Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, responding to air traffic controllers asking on which runway he preferred to land US Airways Flight 1549 on Jan. 15 before he landed in the Hudson River.
3. “There’s an app for that.” Apple’s advertising slogan for the iPhone.
4. “You lie!” Wilson’s shouted retort to Obama’s address before a joint session of Congress on Sept. 9.
5. “The Cambridge police acted stupidly.” Obama, commenting on a white police officer’s arrest of black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. at his home in Cambridge, Mass., at a news conference July 22.
6. “I’m going to let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!” Kanye West, interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sept. 13.
7. “Um, you guys said that we, um, did this for the show.” Falcon Heene, during an interview on CNN about his parents’ balloon hoax on Oct. 15.
8. “The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel.’” Palin, posting on her Facebook page on Aug. 7.
9. “The governor is hiking the Appalachian Trail.” Spokesman for South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford regarding Sanford’s disappearance on June 22.
10. “You give me a water board, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I’ll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.” Jesse Ventura, during a CNN interview May 11.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
(will update season standings next week)
Bowl Games Continue
California loses to Utah
Poinsettia Bowl
SMU loses to Nevada
Hawaii Bowl
Marshall loses to Ohio
Little Caesars Pizza Bowl
North Carolina loses to Pitt
Meineke Bowl
BostonCollege loses to USC
Emerald Bowl
Kentucky loses to Clemson
Music City Bowl
Texas A&M loses to Georgia
Independence Bowl
Temple loses to UCLA
EagleBank Bowl
Wisconsin loses to Miami
Champs Sports Bowl
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
A good conscience is a continual Christmas.
Benjamin Franklin US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 – 1790)
Gee, I didn’t get an invite to the Obama’s Christmas party.
Tiger Woods is making John Daly look like an angel.
“The Biggest Loser” was just announced –Tiger Woods.
Takes two to cheat and neither is blameless.
Bubba said that he is all for Cap and Trade. He wants to cap federal spending and trade the bozos in Washington for some real public servants.
Mrs. Redneck and I went window shopping the other day and we bought some.
No wonder Accenture terminated their marketing agreement with “Cheetah” Woods since their slogan was “Be a Tiger!”. What about Nike’s “Just Do It”?
The whole Tiger drama is getting in the way of important stuff. Congress has gotta love it that the attention is being diverted off of them.
Congratulations to Mark Ingram, Alabama’s first Heisman Trophy winner.
Pray for the troops during this CHRISTmas season.
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
What Can Brown Do To You
CAPE CORAL, Fla., Dec. 11 (UPI) — Authorities in Florida said a former UPSdriver allegedly stole 350 items sent via the shipping service and sold them on eBay.
Documents released by the state attorney’s office revealed Craig Podleski, 38, of Cape Coral, Fla., is accused of stealing $250,000 worth of items he was supposed to deliver during the course of several years and selling the items under eBay username Bulldoglover4life, the Fort Myers (Fla.) News-Press reported Friday.
He could face up to 30 years in prison if convicted.
Podleski’s wife, Cheryl Podleski, 43, was charged with helping her husband sell the stolen items. She could face a maximum prison sentence of five years.
Authorities said numerous stolen items were found at the couple’s home, including firearms, jewelry and electronics. Investigators said they have not yet determined the amount of money Podleski allegedly made from selling the stolen goods on eBay, other auction sites and garage sales.
Headlines
Why has Paris Hilton disappeared?
That’s a bad thing?
Gibbs slams Gallup poll showing record low approval for Obama
They are trying to kill the messenger. The truth hurts.
Coffee, Exercise Fight Prostate Cancer
Can I just drink more coffee and forget the exercise?
98-year-old woman charged with killing 100-year-old roommate
I wonder if they will give her a life sentence.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Bubba’s Thoughts on Exercise
It is well documented that for every mile that you jog, you add one minute to your life. This enables you to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at the age of 85 for $ 5,000 per month.
My grandmother started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 95 now and we have no idea where she is.
I don’t jog since it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
If God meant for us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on our body.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people that annoy me.
I joined a health club last year and so far have spent $ 400. I haven’t lost a pound. Evidently you have to show up.
If you are going to try cross country skiing, pick a very small country.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
The only reason that I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to exercise early, early in the morning before my brain figures out what the heck I’m doing.
Redneck Picture of the Week
Redneck Christmas Tree Stand
Ain’t True
Pa. Police: Girl, 13, Led High-Speed Car Chase
LEBANON, Pa. (AP) ?
State police in central Pennsylvania say a 13-year-old girl led troopers on a high-speed chase that reached speeds of more than 100 mph.
Authorities say the pursuit started around 9:30 a.m. Monday when troopers observed a driver weaving in and out of her lane on Interstate 81 in Swatara Township.
Police say the driver wouldn’t stop when they tried to pull her over. The high-speed pursuit continued for nine miles onto Interstate 78.
They say she finally stopped the 1994 Pontiac Grand Am on the Fredericksburg off-ramp of I-78.
Troopers say the girl was taken into custody and charged with several violations. Her name was not released, and police could not immediately offer more details of the case.
Ain’t true that she was speeding. She was just trying to be like Danika.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Christmas with a Capital C
Redneck Video of the Week:
Loop-D-Loop
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
How to Fix the Political Mess in Congress
The entire Congress of the United States is corrupt – both houses and both political parties. There may be a few members of each house that are good, ethical, and trustworthy, but as a whole they are the most corrupt group to ever disgrace our great Nation.
The citizens have no one to blame but ourselves. We have elected them and have not held them accountable.
Here are some ideas for US to fix the situation in a rational and peaceful manner:
1. Vote all the bums out of office
In November 2010 all seats in the House of Representatives will stand for re-election – all 435 of them. In the Senate, one third will also stand for re-election. Vote every incumbent out of office.
In November 2012 do the same for the next third of the Senators and in November 2014 vote out the remaining third.
In just 4 years, we can replace every one of these corrupt politicians.
2. Term Limits
Establish term limits at 8 years for the House Representatives and 12 years for Senators.
3. 28th Amendment
“Congress shall make no law that applies to citizens of the United States of America that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or Representative, and Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States of America.”
Some say that it would be very dangerous to replace our current Congress with people that have no experience in how to govern a country. I state that it is more dangerous to entrust our great Nation to those that have been bought and paid for by the lobbyist and other special interest.
It is past time that the citizens of this country take the initiative to do our civic duty!
Correction: Found out that the story on the Origin of Taps in Issue 64 was not true. It has been removed from the post. Sorry for the misinformation!
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 1 – 0 (1.000)
Season 244 – 74 (.767)
Bowl Games
Wyoming loses to FresnoState
New Mexico Bowl sees
U of Central Florida loses to Rutgers
St. Petersburg Bowl
Middle Tennessee loses to Southern Miss
New Orleans Bowl
BYU loses to OregonState
Las Vegas Bowl
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“By the time we’ve made it, we’ve had it.”
- Malcolm Forbes
I think the only jobs this administration is creating is in their government and the only jobs that are trying to save are their own.
Our justice system is seriously flawed if the guy who allegedly killed 4 cops in an ambush was freed after 13 felony convictions and over 100 years in sentences. How does this stuff happen?
This global warming talk is a bunch of hot air. Lots of hot air after they found that the data had been manipulated.
Better watch it or the administration will claim that they created all the jobs open as head football coach of all the colleges.
Honk if have not been with Tiger Woods
I think Tiger has found an unplayable lie
I was sure hoping that he could be a positive role model for young black men, but he is no better than Jessie Jackson
TCU came with 1 second and a couple of feet of playing for the National Championship. Now they get jobbed by playing Boise State in the Fiesta. Why doesn’t the BcS let the non-BcS conference champs play other teams rather than each other. Doesn’t solve a dang thang!
Did you hear about the NFL player that said that he couldn’t remember how many concussions he had suffered?
In Oakland, a group of fans rented a billboard to plead with Al Davis to hire a real general manager for the Oakland Raiders. Hope it works so the Cowboy fans can do the same thing.
What happened to the virtue of Truth?
Pray for the troops. Especially this time of year.
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Headlines
Michael Moore is a blowhard
This is news? Tell me something I don’t already know.
Safety harnesses not used when men fell atop Cowboys Stadium dome
Gee, let’s see. 300 feet off of the ground, 30 degree slope, ice, wind, slick surface. We don’t need no stinking safety gear.
Bouncing truck tire hits minvan on I-35E in Dallas
A fine time to leave me loose wheel
25% of workforce could become temps
The other 75% will be laid off.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Hallelujah and Amen
A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say,
“Hallelujah!”
And the only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, “Amen!”
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher’s instructions.
“Hallelujah!” shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. “Amen!” shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.
“This is great!” said the man. With a “Hallelujah“, he rode off very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop.
“Stop,” said the man. “Halt!” he cried. The donkey just kept going.
“Oh, no…
‘Bible…Church!…Please Stop!!,” shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.
Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer…
“Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN.”
The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.
“HALLELUJAH!”, shouted the man.
Redneck Picture of the Week
Redneck Christmas Decoration
Whatcha wanna bet that this was done by a guy that would have rather been watchin’ the game instead of decorating the house.
Ain’t True
Hopefully any new plan will have a better ROI than the current stimulus package. Economic analyst Ed Yardeni runs the numbers:
The Obama Administration is touting that their stimulus program has saved or created 640,329 jobs since it was enacted back in February through the end of October. This number is updated and posted on the Administration’s recovery.gov web site. That amounts to $246,436 per job based on the $157.8bn that has been awarded so far! Total compensation earned by the average payroll employee during October, on an annualized basis, was $59,867. If the government had simply used the funds awarded so far to pay for a year’s worth of labor, that would have paid for 2.6mn jobs!
Ain’t true that they are that smart!
Redneck Song of the Week:
“Christmas in Dixie” – Alabama
Redneck Video of the Week:
What Christmas is All About
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
How to roast a turkey on your car’s engine as you drive to Christmas dinner
Why wait until you get to grandmother’s house to start cooking when you can make the whole dinner from the heat of your car engine on the way?
That’s basically the idea behind Manifold Destiny (Simon and Schuster Paperbacks, $14), the guide to cooking on your car engine.
This is a roast turkey from Cooking Light Magazine. It’s too big to cook in a car engine.
By Becky Luigart, Cooking Light
The book explains how to prepare, foil wrap and tuck an uncooked dinner into various places under your car’s hood so that your casserole or roast is sizzling hot and waiting when you arrive. The book by Chris Maynard and Bill Scheller includes recipes for such delectables like “Impressive Veal Impreza,” “Prius Pork” and “Ford F-150 Hot Texas Wieners,” but the question is, is it possible to tackle a whole turkey dinner? The answer is yes…and, um, no. Here’s the recipe for “To Grandmother’s House Road Turkey:”
Cooking a 20-pound turkey might be a bit of a challenge under a car engine, even if you were driving from Omaha to Memphis. But a breast, complete with potatoes, shouldn’t require much more than 220 miles, or Charlotte, N.C., to Atlanta. From the book:
TO GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE ROAD TURKEY
1 Boneless turkey breast, about five pounds, sliced into thin strips against the grain
3 large baking potatoes, peeled and diced
3 carrots, finely diced
Dry white wine
Flour for dredging
Butter for greasing foil
Salt and pepper to taste
Three-quarters cup heavy cream
1. At home, combine the turkey, potatoes and carrots into a bowl with the wine and cover. Marinate two hours in the refrigerator, then drain well (and don’t drink the wine). Setting the vegetables aside, dredge the turkey pieces in flour, then heavily butter five large squares of foil. Arrange equal amounts of turkey and vegetables in each square, and season with sale and pepper as desired. Cup the foil around the turkey and vegetables, and pour over each serving as much heavy cream as you can without making a soupy mess, then seal carefully.
2. Cook on the engine about four hours, turning once. We’re assuming grandmother doesn’t live in the next town.
There. Easy. And when you arrive, let’s hope that grandma has already made the stuffing, peas and pecan pie. Cooking on an engine isn’t all that complicated, but does include a few do’s and don’ts to keep from losing fingers or setting the car on fire, which can ruin your dinner party. So you might want to consult the book.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 6 – 4 .600
Season 243 – 74 .767
Army loses to Navy
Midshipmen sink the Cadets, but it is surely a patriotic game. Go USA!
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.”
Gee. I didn’t get an invite to Obama’s state dinner. Wonder why?
The word of the week was crash as in crash the state dinner, Tiger’s incident with the fire hydrant and the tree, and Mrs. Redneck…uh, we won’t go there.
Let’s see how Tiger scrambles after hitting this tree.
If two sides is arguing, don’t mean that either is right.
The simple life is sure a lot simpler.
Ain’t fair to the teams that have conference championship games when others do not. Set the BcS on the season ending standings. Let the conferences play their championship games with no impact to BcS standings.
The national championship game this year will be the SEC Championship.
Hey, a little respect for us retired guys. We are under a lot of stress. Big decisions such as whether to play golf or go fishing; what to fix for supper; when to take our naps.
The turkeys are back in Washington beefing up their bills with pork thinking we are too chicken to cry fowl!
Pray for the troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
100 Proof Turkey
NEW YORK (AP) – You’ll need to be 21 to take a bite out of this Thanksgiving turkey. New York City tavern owner Paul Hurley said he’ll unveil what he is calling the nation’s first 100-proof turkey on Monday. A spokesman for the owner of O’Casey’s Tavern in Midtown Manhattan said that the bird is infused with fruit-flavored and 100-proof Georgi vodka for three days before being cooked. The flavors of vodka include peach, raspberry, cherry and apple.
The gravy is also laced with the distilled liquor.
Out of concern for the danger of drinking-and-driving, the tavern is offering free taxi ride home to anyone who orders the turkey.
It wasn’t immediately clear how much it will cost to have some of the boozy bird.
Not so sure I would want to fry this bird. Might be a little hazardous getting it close to open flame.
Headlines
Obama’s day: Which turkey will get pardoned?
Pelosi? Reid? Biden? Himself?
Party crashers made it past security at the president’s state dinner.
And made it a lot easier than getting through security at the airport.
Adam Lambert: I got ‘carried away’ at AMAs
I wish someone would carry him away. What he says was artistic was lewd and a total lack of class.
ACORN considers name change
Different name, but same nuts
It’s official: Chelsea Clinton confirms engagement
Poor guy is going to have Hillary as a mother-in-law.!
Redneck Joke of the Week
A woman awakes during the night to find her husband isn’t in bed. She finds him downstairs, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room.
The husband looks up from his coffee, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly.
“Yes, I do,” she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car fooling around?”
“Yes, I remember…” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years?”
“I remember that too,” she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, “I would’ve gotten out today.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Scariest Site in the World
Racin’
This past weekend, folks were goin’ fast, beatin’ and bangin’, putting people into the wall. Unfortunately it wasn’t on the track – it was at those dang Black Friday sales.
Only 2 ½ months to the Daytona 500.
Ain’t True
CARY, N.C. (AP) – Police said a North Carolina man rammed his car into a hot dog stand when the vendor refused to sell him a hot dog and drink for a dollar. WRAL-TV reported 23-year-old David Kelbaugh of Rolesville was charged Wednesday with assault with a deadly weapon, hit-and-run, driving while intoxicated and injury to property. Police said Kelbaugh was drinking at a bar in Cary early Wednesday when he left to order food at the hot dog stand.
Kelbaugh asked for a hot dog and a drink for one dollar and the vendor told him that wasn’t enough money.
Police said Kelbaugh yelled at the vendor, got in his car and rammed the hot dog stand twice. The vendor was treated for back injuries. His name was not released.
Kelbaugh fled and was later arrested. He’s been released on $6,000 bond. A phone number for Kelbaugh was disconnected.
Ain’t true that everything is on the dollar meal deal.
Redneck Song of the Week:
“Carolina” – Eric Church
Redneck Video of the Week:
Bill Gates’ Retirement Video
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 19 – 7 (.731)
Season 237 – 70 (.772)
Lots of upsets in the rivalry games last week. This is championship week:
W. Ky loses to Arkansas State
Red Wolves win
New MexicoState loses to Boise State
Not much of a game – Boise big
South Florida loses to U Conn
Huskies round up the Bulls
Fla – International loses to Fla – Atlantic
Golden Panthers lose to the Owls
San JoseState loses to La – Tech
Spartans beaten by Bulldogs
WVA loses to Rutgers
Rutgers wins a home. Great game
East Carolina loses to Houston
Cougars pillage the Pirates in a gooden
Alabama loses to Florida
Reverse psych in this one. National championship game.
Ga Tech loses to Clemson
Tigers are peaking at the right time and the Yellow Jackets are bunged up
Nebraska loses to Texas
Wish they both could lose, but Nebraska loses sounds better
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“If you believe in yourself and have dedication and pride – and never quit, you’ll be a winner. The price of victory is high – but so are the rewards.”
