Ramblins Issue #2

Redneck Ramblins

1. I don’t like Ike!
2. The thing that I hate worse than engine gunk and the dreaded aero-push, is the media trying to make nothing into something.
3. It’s a good thing that my granddaddy never lived to see bottled water, fitness centers, and $4 lattes. He drank from a dipper at the well, stayed in shape with manual labor, and ground his own coffee with a hand-cranked mill. He often said that if you had trouble sleeping at night it was because you didn’t work hard enough during the day.
4. Does it bother you too that the side effects of the prescriptions advertised on TV sound worse that the symptoms they are supposed to cure?
5. Did you hear the bad news? An Auburn grad was killed this week out huntin’. Yep, he was all dressed in his Realtree® camo following some tracks. Train hit him.
6. The thing I like most about retirement is that every day is like a Saturday, except Sunday which is church day.
7. Another good thing about retirement is that I don’t have to be PC anymore. What are they going to do kick me out of the account or fire me?

Redneck Political News

Tired of all the election goings ons? Don’t know who to vote for?

Lookie here………. Petty for President
http://www.inews3.com/topstory.php?id=526963686172647c5065747479

What we need in this country right now is a King! One man doing what is right instead of a bunch of fools only worrying about getting re-elected and lining their own pockets. It would end the partisan paralysis. Since Elvis is supposedly dead, the only “King” I know available is King Richard. He could straighten things out for four years and then turn it back over to the politicians. He has horsepower, goes fast, could shake that finger at people and get things done. If they mess with him, he could put ‘em into the wall. The democrats would love him since he would only turn left. This could bring reunification to the great US of A.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Duck stamp number sends callers to sex line

• Phone number was written in letter and number form
• The number listed in all numerals led callers to 1-800-TRAMP24
• Card did also correctly list number as 1-800-STAMP24
• The Fish and Wildlife Service, in charge of program, printed 3.5 million card

Then the dude in charge makes it worse:

Ashton Potter’s president and chief executive, Barry Switzer, said that the company was provided with the wrong telephone number.

“We reproduced the wrong number correctly,” he said. “We regret this whole situation happened, but we did our job properly.”

You did your job properly? Dang gummit…….Never accountable for anything! Bunch of booger eating morons.

Redneck Joke of the Week (compliments of my redneck buddy, Ron)

Deep in the back woods, of Letcher County Kentucky a hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here. You hold this high so I can see what I am doing!’

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. ‘Whoa there’, said the doctor, ‘Don’t be in such a rush to put that lantern down I think there’s another one coming.’

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. ‘Hold that lantern up, don’t set it down there’s another one!’, said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby ‘No, don’t be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there’s yet another one coming!’ cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor…

‘You reckon it might be the light that’s attractin’ ‘em?’

Redneck Picture of the Week

Oh my gawd! I think she may be a bit serious about change!
(Yea, I know this is a fake, but so is wrastlin’ and people still watch it.)

Racin’ Recap – Richmond:

Junior got into Rowdy “Punk” Busch at Richmond and it was an accident – I promise! Wink-wink. If you remember last week’s wishful thinking. I just missed it a little. Jr did give JR Nation what they wanted though. Redemption!

Racin Picks of the Week – New Hampshire -The Chase is On!

1. Kevin Harvick
2. Martin Truex, Jr.
3. Joey “the best thing since sliced bread” Logano (first cup race)

Ain’t True — Only in NASCAR

NASCAR recently announced the qualifications for entry into the start-of -the year classic Bud Shootout. In years past, you gained entry by winning the Bud Pole Award for at least one race in the prior year or were a past champion of the event.

In 2009, NASCAR announced that it was going to help support the automobile makers that supported NASACR. The top 6 drivers by make – Chevy, Ford, Dodge, and Toyota – will make up the 24 driver field in the Bud Shootout.

Despite the spin of NASCAR, the real reason they changed things up was to cover their own mess – a marketing wreck. At the start of the 2008 season, Coors replaced Bud as the sponsor of Pole Day. Therefore, if NASCAR hadn’t changed the entry rules, the Coors Pole Award Winners would be racin’ in the Bud Shootout. A good redneck knows that you don’t mix your beers.

Redneck Song of the Week

In memory of the “Snowman” (Jerry Reed) from Smokey and the Bandit who died this past week, you get to pick your favorite song that he wrote:

“When You’re Hot, You’re Hot”
“Lord, Mr. Ford”
“She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)”
“(I’m Just a Redneck) in a Rock ‘n’ Roll Bar”
“East Bound and Down”
“The Bird”

Redneck Commercial of the Week:

This one is a classic. I’ve seen it a hundred times and it’s still funny. Happy Harvick is hilarious.

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

How Beer Works
http://mithuro.com/presscuefiles/january/beer_goggle.swf
(Compliments of my WVA ridge runner buddy, DK)

Rebel Football Pickins

S Florida beats The Other Univ in Kansas

Some times you’re the pigeon and sometimes you’re the statue. Jayhawks get pooped on this week.

Clemson beats NC State

After the embarrassment against Bama, Bowden beats the boys from Raleigh.

Tennessee over UAB

Rocky Tops top Bama Birmingham.

E. Carolina beats Tulane

Doubt this game will be played (Ike), but if it is – my upset special of last week, EC, will prevail.

LSU wallops UNT

Another game that is doubtful to be played due to Ike and UNT better hope that it does get blown away before they do!

UGA over SC

The dawgs win another versus the Ole Ball Coach.

Duke over Navy

A very academic game. Duke solves the problem to sink the Midshipmen.

Vanderbilt over Rice

Another brain game. Vandy cooks Rice.

t.u. beats Arkansas

In a battle of old SWC rivals, the Longhorns gore the Razorbacks.

Va Tech over Ga Tech

Beamer engineers a win over the engineers.

Auburn beats Miss St

This will be a tough win for the Tigers and they barely win.

Bama best W Kentucky

This is the bet yer double-wide game of the week.

Fla State beats Chattanooga

Seminoles do a snake dance on the Moccasins.

Last Week Record    8-1      .888
Season Record        8-1    .888

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“Boy, what is there to do after midnight that ain’t trouble?”

(the late great Daddy  4/7/1921- 9/8/2001)
I sure miss the ole man and to this day have been unable to answer the question.