Redneck Ramblins

1. Gas at $4 is bad enough. You would think that the stations could now afford to put paper in pumps for receipts, change the water in the washer stations, get some new squeegees, and clean the restrooms.
2. Remember when gas was 20 cents and the nice guys, as they pumped your gas for you, checked your oil, battery, radiator, cleaned your windshield, and aired up the tires? And then they thanked you for business.
3. We don’t need more government regulation, we need corporate responsibility!
4. Tell me one thing besides war that the federal gummit can do better than private enterprise?
5. Come to think of it, if we told a redneck mercenary force that Osamba bin Laden was responsible for Dale Earnhardt’s death, he would be found by sundown.
6. Another Auburn grad died this week. This time at a pie eating contest. Yep, a cow stepped on him.
7. Ever seen a Florida State grad in a three piece suit without hearing “will the defendant please rise”?
8. Am I supposed to feel sorry for those that were told to evacuate or die and now refuse to leave a place that is uninhabitable?
9. The TV remote is a wonderful thing during election season and I approve of this message.
10. If NASCAR adopted the English only policy that the LPGA tried, there would be only 5-6 cars on the track each week. Them good ol’ boys ain’t bilingual.
11. Some people have asked why I don’t write this entire blog in Suthern. Well, some Yankees read this and I don’t want them to be confused with things like retard and retired.

What it is Like to be a Retired Redneck

Many have written to ask what retirement is like. Here is my weekly schedule:

Last week it rained on Tuesday and the power went out for four hours. I got behind and had to work on Friday, so this week I took a comp day.

Redneck Political News:

Tired of all the election goings ons? Don’t know who to vote fer?

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Woman faces charge after dishwashing dispute

Sep 15, 4:49 PM (ET)
FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) - Police say a 20-year-old woman faces an aggravated assault charge after she bit her boyfriend, broke a picture frame across his face and swung at him with a sword during an argument about him not doing the dishes.

The woman was arrested Thursday afternoon at the couple’s apartment, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported on its Web site.

The 21-year-old man told police that he became involved in an argument because the woman was upset that the dishes were not clean. Police Lt. Paul Henderson said the woman told the man to leave the apartment, but he refused.

Henderson said the woman then tried to physically remove the man. During the ensuing struggle, the woman bit the man’s right shoulder and broke a picture frame across his face, causing visible cuts, Henderson said.

The woman then grabbed an approximately 2-foot sword and swung it at him, but missed, police said.

The woman was released from a Mansfield jail after posting a $10,000 bond, jail officials said.

You still wundering why I do the dishes everyday???

Redneck Joke of the Week (compliments of my redneck buddy, Rich J. – a yankee)

One morning three Alabama good old boys and three Yankees were in a ticket line at the Birmingham train station heading to Atlanta for a big football game.

The three Northerners each bought a ticket and watched as the three Southerners bought just one ticket between them.

‘How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?’ asked one of the Yankees.

‘Watch and learn,’ answered one of the boys from the South.

When the six travelers boarded the train, the three Yankees sat down, but the three Southerners crammed into a bathroom together and closed the door.

Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around to collect tickets.

He knocked on the bathroom door and said, ‘Ticket, please.’ The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.

The Yankees saw this happen and agreed it was quite a clever idea Indeed, so clever that they decided to do the same thing on the return trip and save some money.

That evening after the game when they got to the Atlanta train station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip while to their astonishment the three Southerners didn’t buy even one ticket.

‘How are you going to travel without a ticket?’ asked one of the perplexed Yankees.

‘Watch and learn,’ answered one of the Southern boys.

When they boarded the train, the three Northerners crammed themselves into a bathroom and the three Southerners crammed themselves into the other bathroom across from it. Shortly after the train began to move, one of the Southerners left their bathroom and walked quietly over to the Yankee’s bathroom. He knocked on the door and said, ‘Ticket, please.’

There’s just no way on God’s green earth to explain how the Yankees won the war.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck Timeout

Set Yer Tivo!

New Dodge Challenger Test Drive
SPEED, September 27th at 6:30pm ET.

Racin’ at Dover:

Roush boys had ‘er dialed in at Dover finishing 1-2-3. This is the 7th time since 1997 that a team has had the top 3 finishers – 5 of them by the Roush team. In fact, one of them – Homestead 2005 – Roush finished 1-2-3-4. This is the second time this year a team has finished 1-2-3, the other being done by RCR at Bristol. Me and Mrs. Redneck were at that race! The only other time a non-Roush team did it was Hendrick’s boys at the Daytona 500 in ’97.

Racin Picks of the Week – Kansas - The Chase is On!

1. Clint “Home Boy” Bowyer (from Emporia, KS)
2. Greg “Can he make it 3 in a row” Biffle
3. David “The Roo” Reutimann

Ain’t True

Even though Snopes.com did not investigate this, I did some real deep searching to find out if John McCain helped develop the blackberry.

This is false, although he is almost old enough to have been around when God invented the juicy little berries. Them berries is good in cobblers.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Rednecks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer” – Johnny Russell
Nominated for Grammy Award in 1973

Redneck Video of the Week:

Bocephus (Hank Jr.) “Country Boy Can Survive”

We might get an opportunity to prove this if the economy doesn’t get better soon!

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record        11-1    .917
Season Record            31-2    .939

Clemson thumps Terrapins

Clemson rubs the rock at home to mush Maryland

Miami mauls NC

NC is blue again after another close one.

Florida mashes Ole Miss

In the swamp, the Gators are tuff.

Auburn barely beats Rocky Tops

Another great SEC game and the Tigers thank God that they are home.

E. Carolina humbles Houston

EC rebounds for victory after OT upset last week.

Wake Forest sinks Navy

Devils defy defeat to remain unbeaten.

Kentucky klobbers W. Kentucky

Intrastate game of the week.

SC skates by UAB

The ole ball coach wins easily.

LSU bullies Miss St Bulldogs

The bet yer double-wide game of the week.

Texas A&M over Army

Corps win ugly over Cadets. Best bet is that Aggie Band wins yet another halftime.

NC State upsets S. Fla

Riding high from OT upset of EC, NC State does it again.

Bama beats Dawgs

Upset special of the week. Saban’s boys win between the hedges.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.”

– Retired rednecks everywhere.