Redneck Ramblins

1. Too bad most houses now don’t have porches. A good porch sittin’ could take everybody’s mind of this election and economy. Besides takin’ the edge off, you might actually get to know yer neighbors.
2. Taken a couple of trips in the last several weeks to Topeka to visit an ailin’ mother-in-law. I know one thing for sure – Oklahoma roads suck!
3. I am sick and tired of “Stock Analysts”. They are punks that sit in offices in New York City and figure how much money a company should make so that they hit their portfolio earnings for the quarter. Then the poor ole company CEO has to hit that number or the company’s stock crater. “The company reported record sales and earnings today, but they did not hit analyst’s expectations, so the stock went down 10%.” Male bovine excrement!! No wonder companies cheat.
4. Insurance companies should be required to pay claims within 30 days. They are notorious for withholding payment to doctors, hospitals, and you and me, because they “question” something or just outright deny the claim. You wonder why health care is so expensive. Just try being a day late with y’alls premium payment and see what happens.
5. Just heard that Auburn is changing their names from the Tigers to Possums because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
6. Notice that gas prices aren’t coming down as fast as they went up.
7. Did you know that 12 of the 18 provinces in Iraq have been turned over to Iraqi government control? Didn’t think so. Dang liberal US media doesn’t want you to know. Got this out of the UK off that internet that Gore invented.
8. Vote all the bums out! And I approve this message.

Redneck Political News

Feel like you ain’t got no choice? Don’t know who to vote fer?

Petty – Pearson in ‘08
No Debate ‘bout It

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

This was actually printed in a newspaper?

And I thought “No” would win in a landslide!

Redneck Joke of the Week (compliments of redneck Hiker Daniel)

**Virus Alert**

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends.

If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Redneck Picture of the Week  (compliments of Redneck Phil)

Racin’ at Hotlanta!

Everybody was slipping and sliding Sunday in Atlanta. They all were slideways the entire race. Poor ole Cousin Carl Edwards goes out and wins the race only to find out that Jimmie Johnson came back from a lap down and 30th place to finish 2nd. That’s what champions do!!

Racin Picks of the Week – Texas - The Chase is On!

1. Cousin Carl Edwards
2. Jimmie Johnson
3. Anybody else with Roush Racing

Ain’t True

Some say that this is police abuse. Ain’t true!! Bravo for Sheriff Judd!!!

Some “dirtbag” in Polk County Florida who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop ended up “executing” the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range.  Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.  A state-wide manhunt ensued.  The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit the guy 68 times.

Now here’s the kicker:
Naturally, the media asked why they shot him 68 times. Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd, told the Orlando Sentinel:

“That’s all the bullets we had!”
(Talk about an all time classic answer!!!)

Redneck Song of the Week

“Redneck Girl” – Bellamy Brothers

Redneck Video of the Week: (Compliments of my redneck son)

Fishing Down South (Way Down South in Australia)

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Redneck Test

This test really can’t be cheated on… either you know the answers or you don’t.   Yankees may score a 2 or 3, whereas the natives typically score around 20+.   If you score over 30, you should be living in a trailer park with the Trans Am up on blocks.

1. How many Vienna Sausages are in a can?
2. What was the number and color of Richard Petty’s cars?
3. Bill Dance is good at what?
4. What university does Bill Dance root for?
5. Where did Herschel Walker play (college) football?
6. After boiling peanuts for an hour you have what?
7. In cubic inches, how big is the smallest 1966 GM small-block  V8?
8. A Cajun is likely to speak what furrin’ language?
9. What is a chigger?
10. What is scrapple?
11. Where is “The Redneck Riviera”?
12. What’s that fuzzy stuff hanging off the oak trees?
13. What follows logically?  Johnson, Mercury,_______________.
14. What’s the common name for a bowfin?
15. If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get?
16. Who sang “Your Cheatin’ Heart”?
17. What are grits made out of?
18. Who was nicknamed “The Bear”
19. Why is the Blue Ridge blue?
20. What did The Baldwin Sisters make?
21. Who was Andy Taylor’s love interest?
22. What are the radio station call letters that carries “The Grand  Ol’ Opry”?
23. Where would you find Vidalia County?
24. What sport requires 3 legs and a rope?
25. What instrument did Bill Monroe play? (typically)
26. How many strings on a banjo? (two possible answers)
27. When you argue with a fool, what is he doing?
28. What is a scuppernong?
29. Do you want the goats to get into the kudzu?
30. Why do you want to eat “high on the hog”?
31. What color is a John Deere?
32. What do you call the offspring of a mule?
33. What will you harvest when you plant “shade”?

Answers:

1. 7
2. 43, red and blue
3. Fishin’
4. University of Tennessee
5. University of Georgia
6. Hard peanuts
7. 283
8. French
9. A red bug (small parasite)
10. A sausage-like loaf made out of pig parts
11. Panama City, FL
12. Spanish moss
13. Evinrude
14. Mudfish
15. Nothing.  A steer has been castrated.
16. Hank Williams
17. Corn
18. Paul Bryant
19. Because of the pollen
20. “The Recipe”
21. Helen
22. WSM
23. Georgia
24. Calf roping
25. Mandolin
26. 5
27. The same thing
28. A wild grape
29. Yes
30. Because that’s where the better cuts of meat are. Rich folks live high on the hog.
31. Green
32. Another trick animal husbandry question.  Mules are generally sterile.
33. Tobacco

Ah heck. I scored 31. I guess I have to tell Mrs. Redneck we’s moving to the trailer park.

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record    16-2    .889
Season Record               82-21    .796

I am 29-2 since I started picking the losers versus the winners, so on we go……………

Louie’s Losers

Ark St loses to Bama

Saban’s boys don’t run up the score.

Clemson loses to Boston College

Tigers get beaned in Boston

Georgia loses to Florida

The dawgs may want some cocktails after the World’s Largest Cocktail Party

Ga Tech loses to Florida St

Yellow Jackets get stung in a close one

Syracuse loses to Louisville

Orangemen lose at home

Tulane loses to LSU

The battle of the bayou

Miami loses to Virginia

Mild upset of the week

Auburn loses to Ole Miss

Tigers can’t win at home and certainly not on the road

Kentucky loses to Miss St

Wildcats slain in Starkville

Baylor loses to Mizzou

Gotta like what’s going on in Waco, but MU has more talent

Nebraska loses to Oklahoma

Honestly, I wish they could both lose

UAB loses to So. Miss

Blazers beat themselves

Texas loses to Texas Tech

Longhorns leave Lubbock in their rearview mirror losers. Upset of the week!

Texas A&M loses to Colorado

This will be a good game decided in the final minute

Duke loses to Wake Forest

Demons dunk Duke

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

If you’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light, you might be a redneck.
- Jeff Foxworthy