Issue #15

Redneck Ramblins

Say a prayer for our troops today – and everyday.
Well it’s now official. We are in a recession and have been for a year according to the gummit. Hello!!I know that a recession is definable by reduced GNP of several quarters and that can only be seen retroactively, but it didn’t take a genius to figure this one out!
I like the idea of replacing the CEO’s of all the bailout companies and holding them accountable. I also like the idea of replacing everyone in our dysfunctional congress and holding them accountable.
Has anyone talked to Lee Iacocca? He has experience in a government- backed auto company restructuring and successful comeback.
Tell me that Auburn didn’t run off their coach. The one that was 7-3 against Bama; the one that delivered them a 13-0 record 5 seasons ago; the one that won them a SEC championship. Who they gonna get that is any better? Deserves them right.
You’d have to be nuts to wanna be a head coach in the SEC. The expectations are way too unreasonable; caused by boosters who run the athletic departments. You have to win at all costs including your integrity and doing the right things. Are you listening Turner Gill?
Of course Auburn’s athletic director said the very next day that he and the university president pleaded with Tuberville not to resign and then were shocked when he did. They then said that they would pay his buyout of $ 6 million because it was the right thing to do. Save yer watches, boys. It’s getting’ deep.
Obama: “You know, the days of just pork coming out of Congress as a strategy, those days are over.” When pigs fly! This is coming from a man that ranks #2 in all pork spending…right behind Hillary!! Time to start walking the talk.
Now that OJ is doing time, who is going to look for the real killers?

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Deer gets revenge after hunter shoots him

SEDALIA, Mo. (AP) — A hunter bagged a big buck on the second day of firearms season, but the kill caused him a lot of pain. Randy Goodman, 49, said he thought two well-placed shots with his .270-caliber rifle had killed the buck on Nov. 19. Goodman said the deer looked dead to him, but seconds later the nine-point, 240-pound animal came to life.

The buck rose up, knocked Goodman down and attacked him with his antlers in what the veteran hunter called “15 seconds of hell.” The deer ran a short distance and went down, and died after Goodman fired two more shots.

Soon Goodman started feeling dizzy and noticed his vest was soaked in blood.

So he reached his truck and drove to a hospital, where he received seven staples in his scalp and was treated for a slight concussion and bruises.

I’d call it a tie – Hunter 1 Deer 1 – except the deer ended up dead. That would be the ultimate tie breaker.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Sign From God

An Auburn fan and Bama fan collide in a huge accident on I-20 on the way to the Iron Bowl. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.

“This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends.” says the Auburn fan. “I agree,” replies the Bama fan.

The Bama fan then returns to the wreckage of his car and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.

“Look,” he says to the Auburn fan, “this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival”

He hands the bottle over to the Auburn fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Bama fan, who then puts the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.

“Aren’t you having any?” asks the Auburn fan. “No,” replies the Bama fan, “I think I’ll wait ’til the police get here.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

Ain’t True

Top 10 stupid gifts from chickens to toilet golf
Tue Dec 2, 2008 2:45pm EST

NEW YORK (Reuters) – Short of gift ideas for that person who really does have everything? Then how about an underwear repair kit or maybe a Barack Obama “Yes, We Can” can opener?

Web site Stupid.com, which claims finding a truly stupid gift is an art form, on Tuesday unveiled its second annual list of the top 10 “stupidest” holiday gifts for 2008.

“2008 might have been a bad year for the economy, but it was a great year for stupidity,” said Stupid.com’s founder Gary Apple. “Weird products seemed to come out of the woodwork this year. There was almost too much stupidity to choose from!”

Last year the list featured a Hillary Clinton nutcracker, a Mother Teresa breath spray, and portable mistletoe with a suction cup to attach to your forehead.

Here is New York-based stupid.com’s top 10 list for 2008 (http://www.stupid.com/fun) which is not endorsed by Reuters:

Screaming Chicken, The World’s Most Annoying Toy:
This rubber chicken doesn’t squeak or squawk. It screams.

Wealth Redistribution 2008 Holiday Ornament:
This tree ornament announces that the ornament that used to be there has been removed and given to someone who needs it more. The Redistribution Holiday Ornament will let everyone know you’re spreading the wealth whether you want to or not.

Mini Guitar Hero:
This miniature version of that mega-hit game is barely 6-inches long but you can still rock out to songs by Queen, Cheap Trick, Nirvana, and The Police

Potty Putter:
Why waste time on the toilet, when you can use it to get ready for the fairway? Potty Putter contains everything you need for an exciting round of golf without leaving your seat including a putting green for around the toilet, mini putter, flag stick and two golf balls.

Wasabi Flavored Gumballs:
These potent little green confections offer an intense explosion of wasabi. Strangely, the gum is actually delicious.

Men’s Underwear Repair Kit:
In this troubled economy, don’t throw away your old underwear but repair it with the Men’s Underwear Repair Kit. This handy, inexpensive kit provides everything you need to get your unsightly undershorts back into presentable shape.

Obama “Yes We Can” Opener:
Every election spawns some interesting products, but this has to be one of the stupidest. To Obama fans, the “Yes, We Can” opener, seizing on his campaign refrain, could be a treasure.

“How To Tie A Tie” Tie:
Still struggle with your tie? This stylish tie has simple knot-tying instructions printed right on the front. Just follow the six step-by-step diagrams and you’ll look as dashing as George Clooney in seconds.

2009 Dog Poop Calendar:
Each month features a spectacular landscape or breathtaking tableau, but somewhere in every shot there’s a pile of dog poop. Distasteful? You bet it is, but the contrast between the beautiful photography and dog poop is remarkable.

Pole Dancer Alarm Clock:
When the alarm goes off, dance music plays and disco lights flash. At the same time, a buxom blonde dancer gyrates around a pole under the spinning disco ball.

Ain’t true if you buy any of the above that it is the thought that counts…….

Redneck Song of the Week

Leroy the Redneck Reindeer

Redneck Video of the Week

Larry the Cable Guy Tries to Sing Christmas Carols

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: History According to the BCS

BCS Declares Germany Winner in World War II; US #4

AP – After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II

“Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland , France , Norway , Sweden , Denmark , Belgium and the Netherlands . Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work–including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule–our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking.”

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated “The US only had two major victories–Japan and Germany . The computer models, unlike humans, aren’t influenced by head-to-head contests–they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event.”

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said “Yes, we lost to the US ; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks.” Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn ’style points’ to enhance Germany ’s rankings. Hitler protested “Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces.”

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented “ France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2.”

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

United States head coach Harry S Truman was criticized by many as having poor taste for scheduling a “politicking” interview during halftime of the German bombing raids over Great Britain.

In that interview, Truman stated, “Any way you look at it, there is going to be a really good military force that gets left out. But when you come right down to it, our head-to-head victory over the Germans has to be the deciding factor.”

A US fan also made the point that “ Germany is getting all the style points right now because of their sexy offense, which continues to obliterate weaker opponents and show off their might after the battle is already won. But what about defense?”