Issue #18

Redneck Ramblins

Happy New Year!
No matter what happened in ’08 that wasn’t great and ’09 might not be so fine, we still have been blessed and have much to be thankful for.
We get so wrapped up in making a living that we forget to live life.
Dallas Cowboys owner needs to fire his general manager.
The Cowboys are the shining example of a team with tons of talent that isn’t a team.
After spending some time in Kansas over Christmas, I will take some global warming. Beats the heck out of global cooling.
Besides, if it warmed up in the North, then the Yankees could stay there instead of moving South.
There is a leak in Washington. It is in the common sense bucket!
Always do the right thing.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Police Report
True story: Told by the Jacksonville, FL driver at his first AA meeting

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink.
His friends plead with him to let them take him home.
He says no he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the man to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Joe is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

The police have his driver’s license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

Redneck Joke of the Week

You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ‘em.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … when the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” five guys and two women stand up.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of” (Love it!)
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the choir is known as the “OK Chorale”.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … people think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized ” Wheeling ” washtub.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the collection plates are really hubcaps from a’56 Chevy
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if .. the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink”.
You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… “Thou shall not covet” applies to huntin’ dogs, too.
You know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, Ya hear”.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Picture of My Birthday Cake This Past Week

Racin’

<a href=”http://www.7is7.com/otto/countdown.html?year=2009&month=2&date=15&hrs=14&ts=12&min=30&sec=0&tz=-360&lang=en&show=dhms&mode=r&cdir=down&bgcolor=%230000CC&fgcolor=%23FFFFFF&title=Countdown%20to%20the%202009%20Daytona%20500″ mce_href=”http://www.7is7.com/otto/countdown.html?year=2009&month=2&date=15&hrs=14&ts=12&min=30&sec=0&tz=-360&lang=en&show=dhms&mode=r&cdir=down&bgcolor=%230000CC&fgcolor=%23FFFFFF&title=Countdown%20to%20the%202009%20Daytona%20500″>Countdown to the 2009 Daytona 500</a>

Ain’t True

Dead man receives calls in grave
Published: Dec. 21, 2008 at 3:02 PM

NEW YORK, Dec. 21 (UPI) — New York defense lawyer John Jacobs continues to receive voice-mail messages three years after he was buried with his beloved cell phone.
Jacobs’ family buried him with his fully charged Motorola T720 phone after he died of pancreatic cancer, the New York Post reported Sunday.
His wife, Marian Seltzer, also a defense lawyer, continues to pay his monthly $55 phone bill and his cell number is etched into his gravestone under the words “Rest in Peace.”
The first call after death came during the funeral from Jacobs’ son, Simon. “The poor grave diggers. I thought they’d have a heart attack,” Seltzer said.
Seltzer and her two sons, who regularly leave messages, hear this when they dial his number: “Hi. You’ve reached the voice mail of John Jacobs. After you hear the beep, leave a voice mail and I will return your call.”
Seltzer said she keeps her husband up to date on sports news and how their sons are doing.
“Some people talk to God,” Seltzer said. “I talk to my deceased husband.”

Ain’t true that he is picking up his messages though…