Issue #19

Redneck Ramblins

Help me understand this. We are doing what the gummit has asked us to do for years. We are driving less, using less gas. But the gummit is getting less tax revenue. So they want to raise the amount of tax per gallon? How ‘bout doing what everybody else is doing – cut your dang spending.
Nothing sweet about the Sugar Bowl this year. There was a low tide; Bama was bowled over by the Utes.
Utah Utes go 13-0. They deserve a shot at the national championship. Another reason for college football playoff.
After further review, I hate the reviews. Refs get it right almost all the time anyway and quite frankly I have seen some reversals that didn’t make much sense. Just go back to calling the game the way it used to be.
Let’s see. 2.7 million people have lost their jobs since last December. Yet congress still has all of theirs? Ain’t right!!
Most responsible hard working Americans have lost 33% of their retirement funds (401K, IRA) due largely to the failure of congressional oversight, but Congress still has their full pension. Ain’t right!!
Even though their approval ranking is around 10%, Congress gets an automatic raise? See below……….
The revolution has started. Fire the Cowboy’s GM Now. http://firegmjerry.com/
Obama’s current approval rating is 56.3%. It will only go down from here as he is blamed for everything.
When he gets out of prison, Michael Vick should never play in the NFL again. He should have to work in an animal shelter or at Petsmart.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Pay raise?

Tell your congressman to ‘Just say no’

Cumberland Times-News

It may have escaped most people’s notice (which is understandable, because they may have had other things on their minds lately), but Congress will probably include itself in the Great Bailout — and it won’t have to lift a collective finger to do so.

Congressmen have done something for themselves that most of us can only dream about … unless, of course, we are CEOs of a corporation. They have guaranteed themselves an automatic annual pay raise in a way that was designed to save face for all involved.

Under the Ethics Reform Act of 1989, Congress gets an automatic pay raise unless it passes legislation to revise or prohibit the adjustment. Individual members also can turn down their raises, and some do. The idea is that if raises kick in automatically, Congressmen won’t be caught in the position of having to vote themselves more money.

This is a kick in the teeth to the average citizen, particularly if he has lost a job or watched his retirement fund evaporate because of an economy that is sagging in large part because Congress and the various agencies it oversees were caught napping.

It’s like hearing that some of the bailout money voted for banks, insurance companies and other floundering ventures has been converted to salaries and bonuses for the same executives who orchestrated the failure.

However, to say that all Congressmen are alike is as absurd as saying that all CEOs are alike. While sloth, greed or any of the other seven deadly sins can be found at all levels of our society, so can honesty and integrity.

Congress as a whole has rejected the automatic pay raise six times, and numerous congressmen have turned it down individually. If you don’t like the idea of a pay raise for congressmen, call or write to yours and say so.

Redneck Joke of the Week

THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY

* I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
* Duct tape won’t fix that.
* Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.
* We don’t keep firearms in this house.
* Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
* You can’t feed that to the dog.
* I thought Graceland was tacky.
* No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe.
* Wrasslin’s fake.
* Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
* We’re vegetarians.
* Do you think my hair is too big?
* I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.
* Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?
* Who’s Richard Petty?
* Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
* Deer heads detract from the decor.
* Spitting is such a nasty habit.
* I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
* Trim the fat off that steak.
* Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
* The tires on that truck are too big.
* I’ll have the arugula and ridicchio salad.
* I’ve got it all on a floppy disk.
* Unsweetened tea tastes better.
* Would you like you fish poached or broiled?
* My fiancée, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.
* I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
* Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
* Checkmate.
* She’s too old to be wearing a bikini.
* Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
* Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.
* I don’t have a favorite college team.
* Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
* I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
* Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
* Elvis who?

Redneck Picture of the Week

Ain’t True

Wal*Mart Wine

Wal*Mart announced that, sometime in 2009, it will begin
offering customers a new discount item … Wal*Mart’s own
brand of wine in the $2 to $5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of
the Wal*Mart brand into their shopping carts, but “There
is a market for inexpensive wine.” said Kathy Micken,
professor of marketing at University of Arkansas,
Bentonville. “However, branding will be very
important.”

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most
attractive name for the Wal*Mart wine brand.

The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

Chateau Traileur Parc
White Trashfindel
Big Red Gulp
World Championship Riesling
NASCARbernet
Chef Boyardeaux
Peanut Noir
I Can’t Believe it’s not Vinegar
Grape Expectations
Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal*Mart wine is that it can be served with
either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel).

P.S. Don’t bother writing back that this is a hoax. I
know possum is not a white meat.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Country Boy – Alan Jackson
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STW0pJ-6MBw

Redneck Video of the Week:

Xbox Commercial – Redneck Hunting

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Redneck Pride

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It’s time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I’d choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit — that’s what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. If you feel the same, pass this on to your redneck friends. Ya’ll know who ya’ are.

You might be a redneck if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, ‘One nation, under God..’

You might be a redneck if: You’ve never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if: You still say ‘ Christmas’ instead of ‘Winter Festival.’

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if: You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a redneck if: You’ve never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if: You’d give your last dollar to a friend.

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record 10 – 8 .555
Season Record 162-59 .733

Louie’s Losers

GMAC Bowl
Ball State is upset by Tulsa

BcS National Championship Game??
Oklahoma loses to Florida

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

The will of the people is the only legitimate foundation of any government, and to protect its free expression should be our first object.
Thomas Jefferson
3rd president of US (1743 – 1826)

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