Issue #20
Redneck Ramblins
- I really would like to see the college athletes stay in school through their graduation. It certainly would help them develop as athletes, leaders, and with their maturity. But it is really hard to counsel a kid to stay in school when he will receive a signing bonus more than what he can earn working a regular job for his whole life.
- As a public service, I have included Caroline Kennedy’s resume for US Senator. Here it is:
- Madoff is out on bail living in his $7 million Manhattan apartment and not in jail? Some house arrest! Injustice!!!
- On January 19th, I will be taking the day off in remembrance of Robert Edward Lee who was born on this day in 1807 in Stratford Hall, Virginia.
- Note to CEO’s: Want to compete in a tuff economy? Try quality and customer service! They will actually save you money in the long run.
- I am so old school that my cell phone is rotary dial.
- I remember when journalist were journalist not just pretty actors/actresses reading the news.
- Somebody finally figured out how to shut up Charles Barkley. Himself. Gets drunk, drives, gets arrested, goes to jail, gets “a leave of absence from TNT”.
- Remember to pray for the troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Detroit lawyer gets 5-cent IRS bill, 4-cent refund
Jan 3, 9:43 AM (ET)DETROIT (AP) – James Howarth is a little confused by two letters he has received from the Internal Revenue Service.
The Detroit defense lawyer received one letter in November that said he owed the IRS money – five cents.
He was warned that he should pay “to avoid additional penalty and/or interest,” the Detroit Free Press reported Saturday.
Howarth says he then received a second letter telling him the government owes him money – four cents.
He was told he would have to request the refund since it’s less than $1.
“When I owe them a nickel, I must pay them. It’s not optional,” he said. “But when they owe me, I have to ask for it.”
Howarth says he’s not sure if there is a connection between the two notices, or if the refund represents a recalculation of the original bill.
The perplexed lawyer says he called an IRS 800 telephone number but gave up after spending a long time on hold.
IRS spokesman Luis D. Garcia says the agency doesn’t comment on individual accounts.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Hello, is this the Sheriff’s Office?
Yes. What can I do for you?
I’m calling to report ’bout my neighbor Virgil Smith…He’s hidin’ marijuana inside his firewood! Don’t quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he’s hidin’ it there..
Thank you very much for the call, sir.
The next day, twelve Sheriff’s Deputies descend on Virgil’s house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil and leave.
Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil’s house.
Hey, Virgil! This here’s Floyd….Did the Sheriff come?
Yeah!
Did they chop your firewood?
Yep!
Happy Birthday, buddy!
(Rednecks know how to git-R-dun).
Redneck Picture of the Week
How Bubba and Earl lost their jobs!
Ain’t True
Lou the mule alerts Tenn. woman to house on fire
McMINNVILLE, Tenn. — Lou the mule brayed his way into his owner’s heart with a New Year’s warning that her rural Tennessee home was on fire.
Jolene Solomon says the mule saved her life by alerting her to the attic blaze so that she could get out of the house before it burned down.he Southern Standard in McMinnville reported Solomon had just finished supper on New Year’s Day when Lou’s braying and acting up got her attention. The 63-year-old — who lives alone — stepped outside and saw the fire.
The farm house in south-central Tennessee built by Solomon’s grandfather was gutted. Solomon is staying with family while she plans to rebuild.
Solomon said her father bought Lou years ago to help her and her late sister, Blue, around the farm.
Ain’t true that all asses are dumb. It is just that most dumb ones are in Washington DC.
Redneck Song of the Week
“American by Birth & Southern by the Grace of God”
Rebel Syndicate a Southern Rock Band
Redneck Video of the Week
Southern Culture on the Skids/ Deja Varoom!
Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Common Sense
My parents told me about Mr. Common Sense early in my life and told me I would do well to call on him when making decisions. It seems he was always around in my early years but less and less as time passed by until today I read his obituary. Please join me in a moment of silence in remembrance. For Common Sense had served us all so well for so many generations.*
Obituary
Common Sense
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a class mate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. ** He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I’m a Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Author unknown
Rebel Football Pickins
Last Week Record 2 – 0 1.000
Season Record 164-59 .735
End of Season
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week
Duty then is the sublimest word in the English language. You should do your duty in all things. You can never do more, you should never wish to do less.
Robert E. Lee
US-Confederate general (1807 – 1870)
