Issue 23

Redneck Ramblins

If I don’t pay my taxes on time, can I get on Obama’s cabinet too?
Former senator Tom Daschle says he was “deeply embarrassed and disappointed” about his failure to pay more than $128,000 in U.S. taxes. I’m disappointed too, but instead of embarrassed, I am furious!
I was in the midst of changing parties when I found out from the IRS that the “not paying your taxes exemption” only applied to Obama cabinet candidates. Shucks!
So much for the administration of transparency. What is transparent is that they too are a bunch of crooks.
They want transparency. How ‘bout all politicians wear uniforms like NASCAR with their “sponsors” all over them.
Oh no! The groundhog saw his shadow. That means 6 more months of NBA basketball.
I guess 8 Olympic Gold Medals doesn’t make you any smarter.
No wonder Phelps eats 12,000 calories a day. He has the munchies.
It’s okay with me to get bills and junk mail only five days a week.
You can’t fix stupid.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Moroccan jailed for selling hot dog… literally

Fri Jan 30, 3:25 pm ET

CASABLANCA (AFP) – Taking things a little too literally, a Moroccan man was jailed for six years for selling customers dog meat instead of beef, a judicial source said Friday.

The man, who admitted mixing the dog meat with chemicals to conceal the different smell and colour, was also made to pay a fine of 10,000 dirhams (900 euros, 1,185 dollars).

A Casablanca court also sentenced four other men to between eight months and four years in prison for their part in hunting and shooting the dogs.

Redneck Joke of the Week

The IRS decides to audit an old Redneck Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor says, ‘Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa. ‘How about a demonstration?’

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, ‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandpa says, ‘I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says, ‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.

Grandpa says, ‘Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’ Grandpa asks. ’I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the

other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides

there’s no way this old redneck guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Redneck Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney. ‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’

Don’t Mess with Old Rednecks!!

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

It’s been a long time coming, but we be bout to go racin’ again! The redneck son and I are heading for the Mecca of stock car racin’ – Daytona!! Check the blog for updates as we report live (well sorta) from the track from Thurs 2/12 thru Sunday 2/15.

Ain’t True

Swiss police spy marijuana field with Google Earth

ZURICH, Switzerland (AP) — Swiss police said Thursday they stumbled across a large marijuana plantation while using Google Earth, the search engine company’s satellite mapping software.

Police said the find was part of a bigger investigation that led to the arrest of 16 people and seizure of 1.2 tons (1.1 metric tons) of marijuana as well as cash and valuables worth 900,000 Swiss francs ($780,000).

Officers discovered the hemp field in the northeastern canton (state) of Thurgau last year while investigating an alleged drug ring, said the head of Zurich police’s specialist narcotics unit Norbert Klossner.

The plantation, measuring almost two acres (7,500 square meters), was hidden inside a field of corn. But officers using Google Earth to locate the address of two farmers suspected of involvement in the drug operation quickly spotted the illegal crop.

“It was an interesting chance discovery,” said Klossner.

Prosecutor Gabi Alkalay told reporters in Zurich that she plans to complete her criminal investigation in February, after which she will formally charge the 16 suspects and ask for prison sentences for all of them.

The gang is alleged to have sold up to 7 tons (7.7 US tons) of hashish and marijuana between 2004 and 2008, with an annual turnover of 3-10 million francs a year, officials said.