Issue 33

Redneck Ramblins

1. Fox Network shows “Lie to Me” instead of Obama’s address to the nation. Seems fitting.

2. I don’t need reality TV. I watch C-Span instead of “Lost” and talk to my neighbors instead of “Survivor”. Same thing!

3. Specter a democrat? Who knew? He has always acted like one.

4. Report this week showed that CEO’s lost salary in 2008. I’ll put my percentage loss up against theirs any day.

5. Rep. Joe Barton wants to congress to investigate the BCS and wants to know where the money went. Joe, that is only millions! What about the trillions in bailouts? Where did that money go?

6. VP Biden showed again this week why we need to keep ole Obama safe. His remarks about the Swine Flu were totally off base and irresponsible.

7. A new book says that A-Fraud used steroids even back in high school and with the Yankees. A-Fraud less than truthful? Come on now………..

8. I wish there was as much hysteria about the gummit spending as there is about the swine flu.

9. Time magazine just issued its list of the Most 100 Influential People. I don’t know about y’all, but the most influential people in my life back in the day were my parents, grandparents, preacher, teachers, scoutmaster, and coaches. None of them were rich and famous.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Pittsfield Man Takes ‘Bad Day’ Out On Wal-Mart TVs

PITTSFIELD (AP) -

Police say a Pittsfield man “having a bad day” walked into a city Wal-Mart and used an aluminum baseball bat to smash 16 flat-screen televisions worth $13,000.

Police tell The Berkshire Eagle that 26-year-old Nicholas Adornetto walked into the store at about 1 p.m. on Thursday, grabbed a bat in the sporting goods section and walked to the electronics department, where he started swinging.

Adornetto expressed anger at the government and complained of being unemployed.

Detective Sgt. Marc Strout says when police arrived, Adornetto was “peaceful, calm and cooperative.”

Adornetto was arraigned Friday in Central Berkshire District Court on 16 counts of vandalizing property and one count of disorderly conduct. Bail was set at $500 and the case continued until May 11.

Boy, did he make a bad day worse.

Redneck Joke of the Week

The Dog Food Diet

Yesterday I was at my local Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Target won’t let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

The racin’ world lost a good one this week. David Poole, a popular NASCAR writer with the Charlotte Observer and a radio host on Sirius radio “Morning Drive”, died of a heart attack on Monday. His passion for the sport was unsurpassed and I loved his fact-based opinionated approach. He was a rare journalist who asked the tough questions and really did not care about being all that pc about anything. He was well respected by all in the sport and will be missed.

Watch this unrestricted exciting finish at ‘Dega last week

Now it is on to Saturday night racin’ at Richmond.

I have been contacted by many drivers over the last several weeks asking me not to pick them in my weekly predictions. They say that something bad happens to all of my picks and I am a big jinx. So this week, I am picking”