Issue 34

Redneck Ramblins

1. Hear that Obama is looking for some Super Glue for Biden’s mouth.

2. Chrysler is going to come out of bankruptcy in 60 days or 60,00 miles, whichever comes first.

3. Burger King has the best tasting burgers, but their ads have no taste at all.

4. Hey good economic news for Southerners. Pork is down 30%. Fire up the pits.

5. John Edwards needs to do the time if he did the crime.

6. Banks are getting a stress test. Bet it is not even near what their customers have been enduring.

7. Bubba told me he ain’t getting no swine flu – he’s got an oinkment!

8. AIG bonuses are now up to $454 million. This is after they stated in March that the bonuses were $120 million and this was after their CEO reported only $9 million to the Financial Services Subcommittee in January. Hey y’all there are only 3 kinds of people – those that can count and those that can’t count.

9. Only 4 more months until college football season.

10. See where Obama wants to trim $ 17 billion from the 2010 budget of $3.5 trillion. If my ciphering is correct, that is only .0485%. Good start, but not enough!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Man Sues Burger King For Not Holding Pickles!

The Virginian-Pilot
May 6, 2009

VIRGINIA BEACH

Darius Dugger wanted it his way: no tomatoes, no onions, no pickles. He didn’t get it. So, he sued.

Dugger, of Portsmouth, is seeking $100,000 in damages, plus legal fees and court costs, after a Burger King franchise allegedly messed up his order, causing him to fall ill. A lawsuit filed last month in Virginia Beach Circuit Court claims that on April 10, 2007, Dugger ordered a drink and two sandwiches to-go from the restaurant on Monticello Avenue in James City County.

He left the restaurant, joined a group of coworkers for lunch and pulled out his sandwich. But, the suit says, it wasn’t until after he’d already taken a bite – and swallowed – that he realized his “specific request for the omission of onions, pickles and tomatoes had not been complied with.”

Dugger claims he suffered a “severe allergic reaction,” racking up medical bills and forcing him to miss work. In the suit, Dugger’s attorney, Constantine A. Spanoulis, alleged the burger chain’s error was “tantamount to negligence.”

It also constituted a breach of contract, he wrote, citing the restaurant’s “reputation for accepting and providing orders in compliance with specific preferences as requested and as ordered by its anticipated customers.”

Reached Wednesday, Spanoulis declined to speak about the suit. Attorney Steven A. Meade, listed for defendant N&R Dining Inc., which the suit says operated the franchise, did not return a message seeking comment.

Burger King’s competitor, McDonald’s, was named recently in a similar lawsuit. A West Virginia man, along with his mother and a friend, sued the fast-food chain two years ago for $10 million.

The man claimed he was served a Quarter Pounder with cheese, despite his request for no cheese, and that he suffered a severe allergic reaction after biting into the burger. That case was dismissed in March.

He should sue over their awful advertising!

Redneck Joke of the Week

Bubba and Earl were working for the city public works department. Bubba would dig a hole and Earl would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, Bubba digging a hole, Earl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, ‘I’m impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don’t get it — why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?’

Bubba wiped his brow and sighed, ‘Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today Cooter, who plants the trees, called in sick.’

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck’s Pot at the End of the Rainbow

Pot at the End of Rainbow

Racin’

This week we return to Darlington, SC for the Southern 500. It is not the original Southern 500 which used to be held on Labor Day weekend, but at least they have returned to the name for the track that is too tough to tame. There will lots of Darlington stripes on the cars this week as they scrape them walls.

Last week I tried to put the jinx on Punk-faced Kyle Busch by picking him to be the winner. As my bud Redneck Ron said “You can’t jinx a dodo head”. He was right as Punk-face won both the Nationwide and Sprint Cup races.

This weeks picks:

Greg Biffle
Kyle Busch
Carl Edwards

Ain’t True

PUYALLUP, Wash. – A small airplane dropping from the sky after its engine failed wound up on a cushioning bunch of portable toilets – and the pilot was able to walk away apparently unhurt.

Gary Mayor of the Federal Aviation Administration says the Cessna 182 crashed Friday afternoon in Washington state after taking off from Thun Field, an airfield owned by Pierce County southeast of Tacoma.

Sheriff’s spokesman Ed Troyer says the plane was about 150 feet in the air when the engine quit.

Troyer told The News Tribune that the pilot tried to turn around to land but didn’t quite make it.

The plane hit a fence, flipped over and landed upside down on top of the portable toilets standing in a storage yard.

Authorities didn’t immediately give the pilot’s identity.

A pilot friend of mine says that any landing that you walk away from is a good landing. Ain’t true on this one – it was kinda poopy.