Issue 36

Redneck Ramblins

1. This week remember that some gave all so that we can be free! Fly your American flag.

2. Did you remember that Armed Forces Day was on Saturday the 16^th? Media must not of remembered. Didn’t see it anywhere in the news.

3. Now I know what is the matter with Pelosi. She is so busy spinning that she is dizzy.

4. Watching the astronauts fix Hubble is truly amazing. And we can’t even get a street light changed in the city.

5. Without all of the dealerships, where are Chrysler and GM going to park all of their inventory?

6. “If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the past 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers. The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period. That means you are about 25 per cent more likely to be shot and killed in the US capital, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the US, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion: “The US should pull out of Washington DC.”

7. Too bad Obama’s speech politized Notre Dame’s graduation. It should have been all about the graduates.

8. Be still my heart! Saw the headline saying that the Speaker of the House was stepping down. I got all excited until I saw it was for the House of Commons. Dang!

9. There is more to life than having it all.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Solar-Powered Show House Near Detroit Still Dark

Friday, May 15, 2009

It’s the house of the future, brought low by the problems of the past.

Lawrence Technological University in Southfield, Mich., and DTE, the Detroit-area power company, spent $900,000 to build a solar-powered demonstration house that wouldn’t need electric or gas hookups.

But seven months after the Troy, Mich., facility was unveiled, the Detroit News reports, it remains closed to the public and will be for the foreseeable future.

Despite the modern energy efficiencies built into the equally modern-looking edifice, someone forgot to keep the water pipes heated over the winter. They froze and burst, causing thousands of dollars in damage to the hardwood floors.

“It’s not safe right now, and there’s no estimated opening time because it depends on when we can get funding,” the city of Troy’s Parks and Recreation Department told the newspaper.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Here in the Kentucky hills, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Ol’ Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes!

Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sittin on the porch swing, talkin bout the good ol days when maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen!

Look at the size of that bird, Paw! she exclaims.

Paw raises up, Git my gun, Maw.

Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG…BANG…..BANG…..BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops.

I think ya missed him, Paw, she says.

Yeah, he replies, but at least he let go of ol Zeek!

Redneck Picture of the Week

Real American Idol

Racin’

This weekend will be racin’ overload.

Redneck Tim and I will be sittin’ high in turn 3 at the Indy 500. Then we race back to the hotel in Effingham, IL to watch the Coca Cola 600 in Charlotte. 1,100 miles of pure racin’ heaven!

Picks this week:

Indy 500 – Helio “I Can’t Believe I Am Free” Castroneves

Coke 600 – Jimmy “I Own Lowes” Johnson

Ain’t True

Ain’t true that all of the AOL and other junk cd’s are worthless.

Is He Mad

It’s always been a mad MAD world for Neil Cuadra.

The 55-year-old Internet entrepreneur has photographed a portrait he made of MAD magazine mascot Alfred E. Neuman’s head using junk mail CDs and DVDs and sent it to the magazine, a feat that landed him in the magazine’s 500th issue, published in April.

“You just blew our mind. You used junk mail from AOL to create a piece of art that became junk mail to us,” the magazine’s editors said in a footnote to his letter.

Cuadra, who runs a business creating information retrieval software, said in a recent interview that he was inspired a dozen years ago by a MAD parody poking fun at a fledgling Internet service provider called AOL for mailing CDs to people by the millions, offering them 500 hours of free connection to a newfangled thing called the Web.

The self-professed computer geek with a Ph.D in computer science then saved about 2,000 junk mail CDs and DVDs over years. When Internet use went viral and the AOL disc supply dried up, Cuadra started saving any other disc he could scrounge, adding to his collection an Army recruitment video and an ad for a car.

“I didn’t need the car but I needed the disc, so I popped it into the pile,” the computer scientist recalled.

He then built a computer matrix of Neuman’s head and used it as a blueprint for building the giant CD mural on a Los Angeles parking lot. Security guards looked the other way as he filled it with 400 square feet of discs in the shape of Neuman’s head and his gap-toothed grin.

Cuadra, a MAD magazine fan who’s been a subscriber for more than 40 years, said getting the photo published was a dream and that it was a good time to put his idea to practice. He said his wife was becoming increasingly annoyed by the pile of worthless CDs filling their home.