Issue 38
Redneck Ramblins
- Wish we could get people to vote with the enthusiasm and passion for their government officials as they did for their American Idol.
- All suicide bombers are first timers.
- Looks like General Motors just got demoted to Pfc. Motors.
- GM now stands for Government Mess.
- Looks like all that bailout money we gave the car companies was so that the union employees could still draw a paycheck while the companies prepared for bankruptcy. Can you smell political payback?
- Wow! I now own one 300 millionth of General Motors and I don’t want to.
- Another American institution is on the rocks, but I bet John and Kate can work it out for the benefit of the 8. (What a waste of TV time!)
- Remember to celebrate President’s Day on June 3rd – the birthday of Jefferson Davis, the best President we ever had.
- Would somebody give Kyle Busch a C and an L so that he would have class? He already has the other letters.
- Why is gasoline going up when demand is way down and supplies are way up? Greed?
- Vote with your bucks!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Ohio man arrested for mowing grass in park
SANDUSKY, Ohio – An Ohio man arrested for mowing unkempt grass at a public park says he just wanted to make his city look nice.
John Hamilton said he took control of the situation because the grass in Sandusky’s Central Park was about a foot high.
According to a police report, a witness said Hamilton was blowing grass onto the sidewalk and shredding trash in the park that had not been picked up. Police said they arrested the 48-year-old Hamilton after he refused to stop mowing and charged him with obstructing official business and disorderly conduct.
City Manager Matt Kline called the arrest unfortunate and said he understands Hamilton’s frustration. Kline said budget cuts have left Sandusky understaffed for seasonal maintenance work.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Bubba became confused when he heard the word ’service’ used with these agencies.
Internal Revenue ‘Service’
U.S. Postal ‘Service’
Telephone ‘Service’
Cable TV ‘Service’
Civil ‘Service’
State, City, County & Public ‘Service’
Customer ‘Service’
This is not what Bubba thought ’service’ meant
But today, he overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to ’service’ a few cows.
BAM! It all came into focus. Now Bubba understands what all those agencies are doing to us.
Redneck Picture of the Week
Florida Biker and His Babe
This will be me and Mrs. Redneck when our kids take our keys away.
Racin’
Did you feel the earth tilt on its axis this past Thursday? Jr got a new crew chief. Junior Nation – you got what you wanted, now shut up and let the boy drive!
Dover proved to be the Monster. Great race with Jimmie Johnson outlasting Smoke and Biffle for the win!
Now it is on to Pocono – one of the most boring races of the year. Picks for the week:
- Denny Hamlin
- Jimmie Johnson
- Jeff Gordon
Three of the most boring drivers do as good as the boring race.
We also get to go Indy racin’ in Texas this weekend. It is almost guaranteed to be a close finish.
Pick:
Tony Kanaan
Ain’t True
DETROIT (AP) – An agent used surveillance cameras to confirm a smelly suspicion: Someone had been urinating in a freight elevator at an Internal Revenue Service data center in Detroit. Authorities filed a criminal charge Tuesday against Michael Hicks. In an affidavit, treasury agent Delmaria Scott said she interviewed Hicks in January 2008 and he admitted urinating in the elevator for months.
Scott said Hicks did it “because he felt he could get away with it.” It cost $4,600 to clean the elevator.
Hicks, who was a contract employee at the IRS, was charged with damaging federal property. A defense lawyer was not listed.
Gina Balaya, a spokeswoman for prosecutors, says the government was unsuccessful in trying to resolve the case without a criminal charge.
Ain’t true that you can pee on the IRS and get away with it.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Wade Hayes – “Old Enough to Know Better”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arxtJNTfs8c
Redneck Video of the Week:
President Jefferson Davis
<
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
North vs. South
The North has sun-dried toe-mah-toes
The South has ‘mater samiches
The North has coffeehouses
The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services
The South has family reunions
The North has switchblade knives
The South has Lee Press-on Nails
The North has double last names
The South has double first names
The North has Ted Kennedy
The South has Jesse Helms
The North has an ambulance
The South has an amalance
The North has the Mafia
The South has NASCAR
The North has Indy car races
The South has Swamp Buggy races
The North has Cream of Wheat or Oatmeal
The South has grits
The North has green salads
The South has collard greens and chitlins
The North has lobsters
The South has crawdads
The North has Distilleries, Breweries, and liquor stores
The South has stills, shine, and them ridgerunners
The North has the rust belt
The South has the Bible Belt
The North has Bill Clinton
The South has George Bush
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
I tried all in my power to avert this war. I saw it coming, for twelve years I worked night and day to prevent it, but I could not. The North was mad and blind; it would not let us govern ourselves, and so the war came, and now it must go on till the last man of this generation falls in his tracks, and his children seize the musket and fight our battle, unless you acknowledge our right to self government. We are not fighting for slavery. We are fighting for Independence, and that, or extermination
- President Jefferson Davis, Confederate States of America
