Issue 39

Redneck Ramblins

Why is it that we always have to blame someone when something is messed up? Let’s spend our time and energy fixin’ it! Blame is history and fixin’ it is the future.
I give the gummit 12 months or 12,000 miles to really mess up GM.
Anyone find it funny that the bloated bureaucratic cash spending car companies have been taken over by the federal gummit? I guess it takes one to know one…
What happened to Pelosi and her waterboarding mess? I didn’t forget but obviously the press did.
Ford Motor Company is like most honest hardworking Americans. They did the right things and managed their financials without the government bailouts.
Jerry Jones had his official opening of Cowboy Stadium last week. I didn’t get an invite even though my tax dollars helped build his shrine. I don’t feel nearly as bad as the season ticket and bond holders. They didn’t get an invite either. Jerry really needs a good PR person.
New Orleans Mayor Nagrin quarantined in China! Wish we could make it permanent so that the city could recover from Katrina. Any way to get Pelosi to join him?
As Sotomayor headed for her meetings on the hill, someone yelled out “break a leg”. She interpreted it as break an ankle.
Be interesting to see where all this $787 billion stimulus money goes to create 600,000 jobs! If my ciphering is correct, that is $ 1,311,666 per job! Just give me the $ 1.3 million and leave out the middle man.
Why didn’t somebody tell me the digital switch was this Friday? OMG am I ready? Help!! This is a joke, but I betcha there will be plenty that say that this Friday.
Favorite T-Shirt seen at Texas Motor Speedway this past weekend:

I Spent All My Money on

Beer

Women

And Racin’

The Rest I Just Wasted

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Gov’t posts sensitive list of US nuclear sites

Jun 3, 7:59 AM (ET)

By EILEEN SULLIVAN

WASHINGTON (AP) – The government accidentally posted on the Internet a list of all civilian nuclear sites and their activities in the United States.

The 266-page document was published on May 6 as a transmission from President Barack Obama to the U.S. Congress. According to the document, the list was required by law and will be provided to the International Atomic Energy Agency.

Some of the pages are marked “highly confidential safeguards sensitive.”

While there is security at the facilities, the list could presumably be useful for terrorists or anyone else who would like to harm the United States.

The publication of the list was first reported in an online secrecy newsletter Monday.

The document details the location of the nuclear sites and what is being done there.

For instance, there are nuclear reactors at the Westinghouse Electric Company in Pittsburgh, Pa. This facility is currently working on research into what happens when there are accidents with the nuclear reactors. The project started in 2006 and is expected to end in 2012, according to the document.

The document was posted on the Government Printing Office Web site, and has since been removed.

Don’t it make you feel secure that the federal gummit is running most of the financial companies and the largest car maker in the world. Feel nice and comfy that they have your personal info?

Redneck Joke of the Week

There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the buckeye was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, ”Buddy, I’d sure like to be on your side of the river!”

”Aight, tell ya whut, I’ll shine my flashlight ‘cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!” the redneck yelled back.

The buckeye replied, ”Hain’t no way, buddy. I know you think I’m a fool! When I get halfway ‘cross, you’ll turn your flashlight off!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

The new GM (Government Motors) proudly introduces the
2010 Obama …

Pres Obama GM

This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has
three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns.

It comes complete with two Teleprompters programmed to
help the occupants talk their way out of any violations.

The transparent canopy reveals the plastic smiles still
on the faces of all the “happy” democrat owners

Government Motors

Racin’

Good to see Tony Stewart get his first win as an owner/driver in Pocono.

Not good to see Kyle “Punk” Busch smash a Sam Bass custom painted Les Paul guitar after Nashville’s Nationwide race. I know that this is the race trophy and that he won it, but still…………show some respect, Punk!

The Camping World Truck race in Texas was boring and the Onion Bodine won. Yuck.

The IRL race in Texas was also a boring mess until the IRL threw a “NASCAR debris caution” to tighten the field up. Poor Ryan Briscoe lost a 12 second lead and then the race. Helio Castoneves climbed the fence.

This week it is off to Michigan International Speedway. I hope that there are still some folks up there that can go to the race.

My picks for the 2 mile fast track are:

Roush Fenway Racing
1. Matt Kenseth
2. Greg Biffle
3. Carl Edwards
4. Jamie McMurray
5. David Regan

Ain’t True

Ain’t true that this is a happy household right now. Daughter breaks Mom’s legs and gets Dad a ticket. I think she may be grounded for a while.

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. (AP) — Police said a 17-year-old girl who was practicing how to drive broke her mother’s legs after stepping on the gas pedal instead of the brake. Sgt. Thomas Long told the Republican newspaper that the mother was sitting on a fence when she was struck Saturday morning at a movie theater parking lot.

The woman was taken to Baystate Medical Center for treatment.

Authorities cited the girl’s 39-year-old father, for allowing an unlicensed driver to operate the vehicle.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Kenny Chesney – She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2KmzFABujM

Redneck Video of the Week:

Blue Ridge Mountains in Virginia

Redneck Educational Tip of the Week:

Political Science for Rednecks

DEMOCRAT	You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN	You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST	You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST	You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE	You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE	You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION	You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION	You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION	You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION	You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION	You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION	You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION	You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION	You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION	You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION	You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish. The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION	You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders .