Issue 40

Redneck Ramblins

Missing Leno yet?
You can’t fix stupid – i.e. Jerry Jones, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi……….
What a normal day – NFL player goes to jail, MLB player on steroids, Senator admits affair. Ho hum!
What did they do with Pelosi? She has disappeared since her waterboarding fit.
The biggest racists I know are not white.
The President says that he wants to help the minorities. Well, here I am. I am a minority in my state.
The same 3 million people who were unprepared for the digital switch must have been the same ones who did not evacuate Katrina and Ike. So glad it is finally over!!
I made it all season without watching the NBA!
The more they talk about national health care, the sicker I get.
Pray for the troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Waxing Mishap Sparks $160 Million Lawsuit

A New Jersey woman, who said she got second and third-degree burns after using hot wax made by Sally Hansen, is now going after the company.

Carmen Canas filed a $160 million lawsuit against Sally Hansen and its manufacturer Wednesday in Brooklyn District Court in New York, WPIX.com reported.

In the lawsuit, Canas claims the hot wax boiled over in its container as she attempted to remove it from her microwave. As a result, Canas said she sustained severe burns on her lower back, breast and right thigh. The 38-year-old went for treatment at St. Mary’s Hospital in Hoboken, N.J. and was later transferred to a burn unit of another hospital, according to the news station.

“It is unconscionable, how multi-million dollar corporations are placing such dangerous products into the stream of commerce without taking into consideration the user’s safety,” her attorney, Phil Rizzuto told WPIX. .

In response to the lawsuit, a spokesperson for the parent company of Sally Hansen told WPIX the company “has not yet been served with the complaint and has not had an opportunity to review it.”

Redneck Joke of the Week

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.

This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occurred, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, “Oh, S***”.

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were:
“Hold my beer and watch this!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck Tank Top!!!!

This was taken in front of the Gardendale, Alabama Wal-Mart, where the young lady was shopping at the Flea market.

Look at it closely.

redneck-tank-top Redneck tank top

Now I ask you…

Who stands and looks at a pair of men’s briefs and says hmmmm…I can make me a nice summer top from these!!

On the other hand…$6 for a three pack is a good price!!

But what if they weren’t bought new? That’s redneck recycling at its best.

Don’t throw out yer feller’s drawers when the skid marks don’t wash out no more. Just cut the crotch out and wear ‘em. How very Green! Al Gore would be proud.

Racin’

Mark “The Kid” Martin (age 50) scored another victory for us old guys at Michigan last week. He won on experience in a fuel mileage thriller. Some say it was a fuel mileage win, but he was the fastest to the checkered flag.

This week it is off to wine country for a road race at Sonoma, CA. This week they have to turn left and right. The picks:

Kyle Busch
Juan Pablo Montoya
Jamie McMurray

Ain’t True

JERUSALEM - An Israeli woman mistakenly threw out a mattress with $1 million inside, setting off a frantic search through tons of garbage at a number of landfill sites, Israeli media reported Wednesday.

The woman told Army Radio that she bought her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise on Monday and threw out the old one, only to discover that her mother had hidden her life savings inside. She was identified only as Anat, a resident of Tel Aviv.

When she went to look for the mattress it had already been taken by garbage men, she said. Subsequent searches at three different landfill sites turned up nothing.

The Israeli daily Yediot Ahronot published a picture of the woman searching through garbage at a dump in southern Israel.

Yitzhak Borba, the dump manager, told the radio station that his staff was helping the woman, saying she appeared “totally desperate.” He said the mattress was hard to find among the 2,500 tons of garbage arriving at the site every day.

He said he increased security at the site to keep would-be treasure hunters at bay.

For her part, Anat said it could be worse. “People have to take everything in proportion and thank God for the good and the bad,” she said.

Another example of it ain’t true that is best to be in cash these days.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Out Last Night” – Kenny Chesney

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8zdV57QLTo

Redneck Video of the Week:

Bass Fishing with Bill Dance

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Federal Gummit Economics

It is the month of June, a resort town sits next to the shores of a lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.

He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 dollar bill on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick ne.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the pig raiser.

The pig raiser takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town’s prostitute that in these hard times, gave her “services” on credit.

The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 dollar bill, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business today.