Issue 42

Redneck Ramblins

I am amazed at the folks that have time to Twitter and Facebook, but do not have time to do important stuff.
The South Carolina governor should take a hike! Other politicians should go with him.
The climate bill makes me hot! Bet Congress doesn’t read its 1,300 pages to discover that it is the largest tax in history!
Forget about Jon and Kate. Worry about the 8.
The College World Series was the best baseball I’ve seen in a while. Great to see players playing with their heart instead of their wallet.
Summer is definitely here. Temps in the 100’s and the “sweat index” 105-110. For you Yankees, the sweat index is like a wind chill in reverse. It is a ratio of the temperature and humidity.
Every time I get hot, I remember the troops in Iraq where it gets up to 140. Doesn’t seem so bad after all. Thanks, troops!
Couldn’t help but laugh when one of the talking heads on TV said, “Michael Jackson touched a lot of people in different ways.”
Noticed that Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton both showed up at the MJ deal. Good they finally found somethin’ to do.
Wish the networks had spent as much time and resources reporting the stupidity of the climate bill as they have with the Michael Jackson mess..
Bernie Madoff and his wife had all of their assets taken from them. Now maybe they will know what it is like.
Really sorry he passed away, but I will not miss Billy Mays yelling at me on TV.
Happy Independence Day!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

KISSIMMEE – Marriage and divorce follow standard patterns across the United States, except for the case of Ditzel v. Bowser.

The bridegroom swears he never got married. The bride says he just didn’t want to attend the ceremony.

So on May 24, 2008, the wedding of Matthew J. Ditzel to Heather M. Bowser went on without him.

A marriage license states they became husband and wife on the Kissimmee lakefront. Yet that didn’t happen. One of the bride’s co-workers, a notary public, illegally signed and stamped the document.

A year later, lawyers argue over the wreckage of love. The groom’s request for an immediate annulment was denied by Circuit Judge Jeffrey M. Fleming.

At issue now is how the couple should part.

Details of this rare union comes from Osceola County Courthouse files. Just how rare it is remains unknown. Although about 150,000 marriages are conducted yearly in Florida, no one tracks how many involve bogus licenses or how often the state’s 400,000 notary publics commit fraud.

Ditzel, 30, remains steadfast the marriage never happened.

Bowser, 31, counters that her husband agreed all along to a proxy marriage.

She says he wants an annulment merely to avoid divorce fees and sharing joint property from their 10-year love affair.

Those assets include a $1,500 “promise” ring and a $9,000 engagement ring.

The couple decided to get hitched last year in March. That’s when they picked up their marriage license. To be valid, it had to be signed within 60 days and returned to the same courthouse where their lawyers do battle.

Far from amicable, the case has produced an order for protection and two arrests.

On July 3, Ditzel accused Bowser of domestic violence. A temporary protection order was granted but dismissed weeks later. Then, on Oct. 10, Ditzel called Osceola County Sheriff’s Office to report he had been married without his knowledge, arrest records show.

The notary, Veronica Gonzalez, lost her job at Wyndham Resorts in Orlando and lost her state notary commission for falsely certifying that she married the pair. Reached at home last week, she declined to comment on all marital matters.

Gonzalez pleaded no contest April 30 to false acknowledgment by a notary public, a misdemeanor, and received a year’s probation.

She was ordered to pay $7,500 in restitution to the victim of her notarized fraud.

The victim’s identity is sealed in court records.

Bowser lost her job as well at Wyndham Resorts, where she earned $36,500 a year as a title assistant.

She, too, was arrested and awaits trial on three fraud-related felony charges.

Ditzel’s lawyer, Thomas E. Rhodes, says there’s no reason to discuss divorce when a legal marriage never happened.

“Our premise is it never took place,” Rhodes said. “It never met the statutory requirement. That’s the bottom line.”

Fleming might agree. But court notes of the most recent hearing indicate a trial most likely will be needed to resolve the case.

That’s what the bride wants, a trial.

Nina DeFlora, Bowser’s lawyer, did not return telephone messages.

Court notes show she already alerted the court, “They have witnesses to state that Mr. Ditzel made announcement that they were married, there is a celebratory dinner, announcements made about rings, and they consummated like bunnies.”

The case continues.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break? ‘He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a dumb jerk. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires …

So Mary called him a total idiot. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired.
It’s important at our age

Redneck Picture of the Week

Senior Biker Bar

senior-biker-bar Senior Biker Bar

Racin’

Joey “Sliced Bread” Logano got his first Cup win in a rain shortened race in New Hampshire. Now it is back to Daytona for the formerly known as the Firecracker 400. The picks:

Elliot Sadler
Jimmy Johnson
Jr.
Smoke

Ain’t True

FORT SMITH, Ark. (AP) – A mother who drank 13 beers before a psychological evaluation failed to recover custody of her three young children despite claiming she wasn’t drunk because she “can drink like a fish.” The woman wanted to get the children back from her husband’s stepmother.

The Arkansas Court of Appeals rejected her Wednesday, citing addictions, frequent absences and criminal activity to support her habits. It said the woman made no meaningful efforts to restructure her life.

The children are ages 6, 4 and 4. The state took custody in 2007 when the woman’s mother said she could no longer care for the children. Human Services workers later won an order declaring the children’s mother unfit and want to see the children adopted.

Ain’t true that drinkin’ makes you smarter.