Issue 63
Redneck Ramblins
- No matter who you are, give thanks for you are blessed.
- Federal tasks force says that women under 50 do not need mammograms? This is a hint on the kind of healthcare if this is passed.
- Bubba says that he will do breast exams for free.
- Reid says that the Senate health care bill is only $849 billion. Any bets on the actual costs?
- Love the way they dump a 2,074 page bill out on late Thursday for a Saturday vote. No way they could even read the thing much less understand it.
- UGA VII was the only good dawg and then he died last week at the age of 3. RIP.
- When the government says that they saved 600,000 jobs, does that mean that’s all that’s left?
- Dallas got a bailout from Washington! Problem if was from the Redskins.
- Ever notice that when a singer dies their careers take off?
- Moderate Democrats are trying to derail the healthcare bill. Let’s all pull for the Moderates!
- Happy Thanksgiving, Y’all!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
According to Recovery.gov, our government’s $18 million dollar web site, $191,727,818 in stimulus money has been spent in the 12th district to “create or save” 625.5 jobs at a cost of $306,764 per job. But that’s not all. Recovery.gov also reports 30 jobs were “saved or created” in Texas’ 91st congressional district. 45 jobs were saved for $3,659,964 in district 58, and 1 job was saved in the 68th district for $310,963.
The problem is there are only 32 congressional districts in Texas.
When asked to explain why the stimulus information listed congressional districts that don’t exist, Ed Pound, spokesman for Recovery.gov, told our Congresswoman, “Who knows, man? Who really knows?”
How can we expect the administration to lead our economy into recovery when they take credit for spending $14,717,592 in congressional districts that don’t even exist?
Headlines
Not an ordinary Obama town hall
You mean this one wasn’t staged with all Obama supporters; softball questions with rehearsed answers?
Obesity will cost U.S. $344 billion a year by 2018
That is a pretty heavy burden, but not nearly what the fat cat politicians have spent just this year.
Obama creates panel to investigate financial crimes
Depends who is on the panel. Bet it will be like the fox guarding the hen house.
Obama: Too much debt could fuel double-dip recession...
Why didn’t he think of that before he supported the spending of all the bailouts and stimulus packages?
Redneck Joke of the Week
An Alabama fan was looking for a place to live, but wasn’t having much success. Finally he came upon a farm house, figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked the farmer if he had a room for rent. The farmer said the only place he had left was the outhouse and that he was welcome to rent it. The fan was grateful and moved in right away. The next day the farmer saw 2 T.V. antennas on top of the outhouse and was bewildered, so he knocked on the door to ask about the extra antenna. The fan said, “Well, I sublet the basement to an Auburn fan.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
How to Make Pumpkin Pie
There is a shortage of pumpkin this year so this should help out by decreasing the demand.
Racin’
Denny Hamlin won the race at Homestead, but Jimmie Johnson made history winning his fourth consecutive Sprint Cup Championship. Nobody in the 61 year history of NASCAR has ever done it.
7Congratulations to Kyle Busch for winning the Nationwide Championship and to Ron Hornaday for winning the Camping World Truck Championship.
Next race is in 2 ½ months in Daytona. I am feeling the withdrawal pains already.
Ain’t True
Drilling for Scotch whisky on frozen continent
WELLINGTON, New Zealand — A beverage company has asked a team to drill through Antarctica’s ice for a lost cache of some vintage Scotch whisky that has been on the rocks since a century ago.
The drillers will be trying to reach two crates of McKinlay and Co. whisky that were shipped to the Antarctic by British polar explorer Sir Ernest Shackleton as part of his abandoned 1909 expedition.
Whyte & Mackay, the drinks group that now owns McKinlay and Co., has asked for a sample of the 100-year-old scotch for a series of tests that could decide whether to relaunch the now-defunct Scotch.
Workers from New Zealand’s Antarctic Heritage Trust will use special drills to reach the crates, frozen in Antarctic ice under the Nimrod Expedition hut near Cape Royds.
Al Fastier, who will lead the expedition in January, said restoration workers found the crates of whisky under the hut’s floorboards in 2006. At the time, the crates and bottles were too deeply embedded in ice to be dislodged.
The New Zealanders have agreed to try to retrieve some bottles, although the rest must stay under conservation guidelines agreed by 12 Antarctic Treaty nations.
Fastier said he did not want to sample the contents.
“It’s better to imagine it than to taste it,” he said. “That way it keeps its mystery.”
Richard Paterson, Whyte & Mackay’s master blender, said the Shackleton expedition’s whisky could still be drinkable and taste exactly as it did 100 years ago.
If he can get a sample, he intends to replicate the old Scotch and put McKinlay whisky back on sale.
“I really hope we can get some back here,” he was quoted as telling London’s Telegraph newspaper. “It’s been laying there lonely and neglected. It should come back to Scotland where it was born.
“Even if most of the bottles have to remain in Antarctica for historic reasons, it would be good if we could get a couple,” Paterson said.
Ain’t true that the liberals are against all off shore drilling. They are all for this if they get their share.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Alabama – “Tennessee River”
Redneck Video of the Week:
Redneck Dragster
Hey, that thang got a Hemi?
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Larry’s Proverbs
1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
16.. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,
‘What the heck happened?’
22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 21 – 6 (.778)
Season 218 – 63 (.776)
Texas A&M loses to Texas
The start of many in-state rivalries this week.
Louisville loses to Rutgers
Scarlet Knights win one on the road
Auburn loses to Bama
I love that sound, but anything can happen in the Iron Bowl.
Memphis loses to Tulsa
Hurricanes blow away Tigers
West VA loses to Pitt
Panthers pound Mountaineers
Wake Forest loses to Duke
Blue Devils out smart the Deacons for the upset
NC State loses to NC
Tar Heels triumph for great season
South Carolina loses to Clemson
Old Ball Coach is upset and whines after this one
Miss State loses to Ole Miss
Rebels rally by Bulldogs
Oklahoma loses to Oklahoma State
Oklahoma loses. I just love the sound of that
New Mexico loses to TCU
Horned Frogs stay undefeated but still don’t get to go to the big show
Southern Miss loses to East Carolina
Pirates win at home
UAB loses to Central Fla
Blazers bow to the Knights
North Texas loses to Ark State
Mean Green not as mean as the Red Wolves
Tulane loses to SMU
Mustangs tromp through the Green Wave
Marshall loses to UTEP
Miners win in El Paso
Fla State loses to Fla
Anything can happen in a game like this, but Gators win
Maryland loses to Boston College
Terps trip
South Fla loses to Miami, FL
Bulls make it close, but Hurricanes depth wins it
VA loses to VA Tech
Hokies happy – Cavs cry
Western KY loses to Fla – Atlantic
Owls hoot after handling the Hilltoppers
Baylor loses to Texas Tech
Bears barely score
Kentucky loses to Tennessee
Close one that Rocky Tops win
Arkansas loses to LSU
Tigers win one at home
Georgia loses to GA Tech
Yellow Jackets repeatedly sting the Dawgs
Rice loses to Houston
Cougars clobber Owls
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up by itself.”
– (Thomas) Woodrow Wilson
