Issue 64
Redneck Ramblins
- Gee. I didn’t get an invite to Obama’s state dinner. Wonder why?
- The word of the week was crash as in crash the state dinner, Tiger’s incident with the fire hydrant and the tree, and Mrs. Redneck…uh, we won’t go there.
- Let’s see how Tiger scrambles after hitting this tree.
- If two sides is arguing, don’t mean that either is right.
- The simple life is sure a lot simpler.
- Ain’t fair to the teams that have conference championship games when others do not. Set the BcS on the season ending standings. Let the conferences play their championship games with no impact to BcS standings.
- The national championship game this year will be the SEC Championship.
- Hey, a little respect for us retired guys. We are under a lot of stress. Big decisions such as whether to play golf or go fishing; what to fix for supper; when to take our naps.
- The turkeys are back in Washington beefing up their bills with pork thinking we are too chicken to cry fowl!
- Pray for the troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
100 Proof Turkey
NEW YORK (AP) – You’ll need to be 21 to take a bite out of this Thanksgiving turkey. New York City tavern owner Paul Hurley said he’ll unveil what he is calling the nation’s first 100-proof turkey on Monday. A spokesman for the owner of O’Casey’s Tavern in Midtown Manhattan said that the bird is infused with fruit-flavored and 100-proof Georgi vodka for three days before being cooked. The flavors of vodka include peach, raspberry, cherry and apple.
The gravy is also laced with the distilled liquor.
Out of concern for the danger of drinking-and-driving, the tavern is offering free taxi ride home to anyone who orders the turkey.
It wasn’t immediately clear how much it will cost to have some of the boozy bird.
Not so sure I would want to fry this bird. Might be a little hazardous getting it close to open flame.
Headlines
Obama’s day: Which turkey will get pardoned?
Pelosi? Reid? Biden? Himself?
Party crashers made it past security at the president’s state dinner.
And made it a lot easier than getting through security at the airport.
Adam Lambert: I got ‘carried away’ at AMAs
I wish someone would carry him away. What he says was artistic was lewd and a total lack of class.
ACORN considers name change
Different name, but same nuts
It’s official: Chelsea Clinton confirms engagement
Poor guy is going to have Hillary as a mother-in-law.!
Redneck Joke of the Week
A woman awakes during the night to find her husband isn’t in bed. She finds him downstairs, sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. “What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room.
The husband looks up from his coffee, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly.
“Yes, I do,” she replies.
The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car fooling around?”
“Yes, I remember…” says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years?”
“I remember that too,” she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, “I would’ve gotten out today.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Scariest Site in the World
Racin’
This past weekend, folks were goin’ fast, beatin’ and bangin’, putting people into the wall. Unfortunately it wasn’t on the track – it was at those dang Black Friday sales.
Only 2 ½ months to the Daytona 500.
Ain’t True
CARY, N.C. (AP) – Police said a North Carolina man rammed his car into a hot dog stand when the vendor refused to sell him a hot dog and drink for a dollar. WRAL-TV reported 23-year-old David Kelbaugh of Rolesville was charged Wednesday with assault with a deadly weapon, hit-and-run, driving while intoxicated and injury to property. Police said Kelbaugh was drinking at a bar in Cary early Wednesday when he left to order food at the hot dog stand.
Kelbaugh asked for a hot dog and a drink for one dollar and the vendor told him that wasn’t enough money.
Police said Kelbaugh yelled at the vendor, got in his car and rammed the hot dog stand twice. The vendor was treated for back injuries. His name was not released.
Kelbaugh fled and was later arrested. He’s been released on $6,000 bond. A phone number for Kelbaugh was disconnected.
Ain’t true that everything is on the dollar meal deal.
Redneck Song of the Week:
“Carolina” – Eric Church
Redneck Video of the Week:
Bill Gates’ Retirement Video
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 19 – 7 (.731)
Season 237 – 70 (.772)
Lots of upsets in the rivalry games last week. This is championship week:
W. Ky loses to Arkansas State
Red Wolves win
New Mexico State loses to Boise State
Not much of a game – Boise big
South Florida loses to U Conn
Huskies round up the Bulls
Fla – International loses to Fla – Atlantic
Golden Panthers lose to the Owls
San Jose State loses to La – Tech
Spartans beaten by Bulldogs
W VA loses to Rutgers
Rutgers wins a home. Great game
East Carolina loses to Houston
Cougars pillage the Pirates in a gooden
Alabama loses to Florida
Reverse psych in this one. National championship game.
Ga Tech loses to Clemson
Tigers are peaking at the right time and the Yellow Jackets are bunged up
Nebraska loses to Texas
Wish they both could lose, but Nebraska loses sounds better
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“If you believe in yourself and have dedication and pride – and never quit, you’ll be a winner. The price of victory is high – but so are the rewards.”
– Paul “Bear” Bryant
