Issue 65

Redneck Ramblins

I think the only jobs this administration is creating is in their government and the only jobs that are trying to save are their own.
Our justice system is seriously flawed if the guy who allegedly killed 4 cops in an ambush was freed after 13 felony convictions and over 100 years in sentences. How does this stuff happen?
This global warming talk is a bunch of hot air. Lots of hot air after they found that the data had been manipulated.
Better watch it or the administration will claim that they created all the jobs open as head football coach of all the colleges.
Honk if have not been with Tiger Woods
I think Tiger has found an unplayable lie
I was sure hoping that he could be a positive role model for young black men, but he is no better than Jessie Jackson
TCU came with 1 second and a couple of feet of playing for the National Championship. Now they get jobbed by playing Boise State in the Fiesta. Why doesn’t the BcS let the non-BcS conference champs play other teams rather than each other. Doesn’t solve a dang thang!
Did you hear about the NFL player that said that he couldn’t remember how many concussions he had suffered?
In Oakland, a group of fans rented a billboard to plead with Al Davis to hire a real general manager for the Oakland Raiders. Hope it works so the Cowboy fans can do the same thing.
What happened to the virtue of Truth?
Pray for the troops. Especially this time of year.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

christmas

Headlines

Michael Moore is a blowhard

This is news? Tell me something I don’t already know.

Safety harnesses not used when men fell atop Cowboys Stadium dome

Gee, let’s see. 300 feet off of the ground, 30 degree slope, ice, wind, slick surface. We don’t need no stinking safety gear.

Bouncing truck tire hits minvan on I-35E in Dallas

A fine time to leave me loose wheel

25% of workforce could become temps

The other 75% will be laid off.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Hallelujah and Amen

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say,

“Hallelujah!”

And the only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, “Amen!”

The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher’s instructions.

“Hallelujah!” shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. “Amen!” shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately.

“This is great!” said the man. With a “Hallelujah“, he rode off very proud of his new purchase.

The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading towards a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop.

“Stop,” said the man. “Halt!” he cried. The donkey just kept going.

“Oh, no…

‘Bible…Church!…Please Stop!!,” shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge.

Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer…

“Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN.”

The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff.

“HALLELUJAH!”, shouted the man.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck Christmas Decoration

Whatcha wanna bet that this was done by a guy that would have rather been watchin’ the game instead of decorating the house.

Ain’t True

Hopefully any new plan will have a better ROI than the current stimulus package. Economic analyst Ed Yardeni runs the numbers:

The Obama Administration is touting that their stimulus program has saved or created 640,329 jobs since it was enacted back in February through the end of October. This number is updated and posted on the Administration’s recovery.gov web site. That amounts to $246,436 per job based on the $157.8bn that has been awarded so far! Total compensation earned by the average payroll employee during October, on an annualized basis, was $59,867. If the government had simply used the funds awarded so far to pay for a year’s worth of labor, that would have paid for 2.6mn jobs!

Ain’t true that they are that smart!

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Christmas in Dixie” – Alabama

Redneck Video of the Week:

What Christmas is All About

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

How to roast a turkey on your car’s engine as you drive to Christmas dinner

Why wait until you get to grandmother’s house to start cooking when you can make the whole dinner from the heat of your car engine on the way?

That’s basically the idea behind Manifold Destiny (Simon and Schuster Paperbacks, $14), the guide to cooking on your car engine.

engine roasted turkey

This is a roast turkey from Cooking Light Magazine. It’s too big to cook in a car engine.

By Becky Luigart, Cooking Light

The book explains how to prepare, foil wrap and tuck an uncooked dinner into various places under your car’s hood so that your casserole or roast is sizzling hot and waiting when you arrive. The book by Chris Maynard and Bill Scheller includes recipes for such delectables like “Impressive Veal Impreza,” “Prius Pork” and “Ford F-150 Hot Texas Wieners,” but the question is, is it possible to tackle a whole turkey dinner? The answer is yes…and, um, no. Here’s the recipe for “To Grandmother’s House Road Turkey:”

Cooking a 20-pound turkey might be a bit of a challenge under a car engine, even if you were driving from Omaha to Memphis. But a breast, complete with potatoes, shouldn’t require much more than 220 miles, or Charlotte, N.C., to Atlanta. From the book:

TO GRANDMOTHER’S HOUSE ROAD TURKEY

1 Boneless turkey breast, about five pounds, sliced into thin strips against the grain

3 large baking potatoes, peeled and diced

3 carrots, finely diced

Dry white wine

Flour for dredging

Butter for greasing foil

Salt and pepper to taste

Three-quarters cup heavy cream

1. At home, combine the turkey, potatoes and carrots into a bowl with the wine and cover. Marinate two hours in the refrigerator, then drain well (and don’t drink the wine). Setting the vegetables aside, dredge the turkey pieces in flour, then heavily butter five large squares of foil. Arrange equal amounts of turkey and vegetables in each square, and season with sale and pepper as desired. Cup the foil around the turkey and vegetables, and pour over each serving as much heavy cream as you can without making a soupy mess, then seal carefully.

2. Cook on the engine about four hours, turning once. We’re assuming grandmother doesn’t live in the next town.

There. Easy. And when you arrive, let’s hope that grandma has already made the stuffing, peas and pecan pie. Cooking on an engine isn’t all that complicated, but does include a few do’s and don’ts to keep from losing fingers or setting the car on fire, which can ruin your dinner party. So you might want to consult the book.