Issue 67

Redneck Ramblins

May my favorite mother-in-law rest in peace. She was a good’n. They say that your wife turns out just like her mother. In that case, I got a great deal with Mrs. Redneck.
At least Wanda will be home for Christmas surrounded by her husband, parents, other family and friends. What a blessing!
Bubba has been calling India for free for years. Every time he calls for tech support.
Wonder why NBC and CBS sports departments, who cover most of the golf events, haven’t made any big deal about “Cheetah” Woods taking time off from the tour. This is a big sports story and the effect on the tour should be reported. They claim that they are respecting his privacy. I can understand not talking about the sex scandal and his marital problems, but if Jimmie Johnson left NASCAR for the same reason, we would not hear the end of it from these folks. Are they intimidated?
Now Tiger is being linked to performance enhancing drugs. Bubba said that if he had a wife and 14 mistresses, he dang sure would need performance enhancing drugs.
Something smells rotten in Denmark!
Only two months to racin’ begins again.
To My Democratic Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ 2010.

Merry CHRISTmas, y’all!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Federal workers owe Uncle Sam $3B in unpaid taxes

December 14, 2009 – 10:43am

Mark Segraves, wtop.com

WASHINGTON – At a time when the White House is projecting the largest deficit in the nation’s history, Uncle Sam is trying to recover billions of dollars in unpaid taxes from its own employees.

Federal workers owe more than $3 billion in income taxes they failed to pay in 2008. According to Internal Revenue Service documents, 276,300 federal employees and retirees owe $3,042,200,000.

The IRS tracks the voluntary compliance rate of federal employees and retirees each year, and each year feds come up short. The one bright spot in this year’s report is that after several years of a steady increase, the amount owed by feds is down from the previous year.

Federal employees and retirees owed $3,586,784,725 in unpaid income taxes in 2007.

The documents show delinquent employees from nearly every federal agency with more than 25 employees. Based on percentages, the Department of The Treasury, which includes the IRS, has the best compliance rate. Fewer than 1 percent of Treasury employees didn’t pay their taxes in 2008.

The IRS is the only federal agency where employees can be fired for not paying their taxes. The non-compliance rate for IRS employees in 2008 was 0.76 percent — down from 0.89 percent in 2007.

The agency with the most tax scofflaws is the U.S. Postal Service, with 28,913 employees who owe $297,933,756. But that is still a dramatic improvement from 2007 when more than 54,000 employees owed more than $407 million.

“We urge our employees to comply with all tax laws and are encouraged that many who have been delinquent have agreed to payment plan with the IRS,” USPS spokesperson Mark Saunders tells WTOP in a statement.

“It’s important to look at the percentage of postal employees who may be delinquent on their federal taxes, not just the number itself. According to IRS figures, the delinquency rate for Postal Service employees is relatively small.”

The Postal Service, the largest employer in the federal government aside from the military, has a non-compliance rate of 3.95 percent compared to the federal average of 2.8 percent.

Retired military personnel make up about 33 percent of the money owed with $1,343,538,055 in unpaid taxes for 2008.

The agency with the highest percentage of delinquent employees is the National Capital Planning Commission, where 10.42 percent of its 48 employees owe $26,947.

“NCPC is committed to working closely with the Department of The Treasury to resolve issues of federal income tax delinquency involving its staff,” NCPC spokeswoman Lisa MacSpadden said in a statement.

“The agency takes this matter very seriously and recognizes that federal employees must adhere to the highest ethical standards regarding financial matters.

“We remind our employees of this responsibility as part of our mandatory annual ethics training. Upon receipt of an official notice from the IRS about a specific employee’s noncompliance, NCPC will take appropriate administrative action.”

Other notable agencies on the list:

Executive Office of the President (includes the White House): 50 employees owe $812,917;
U.S. Senate: 231 employees owe $2,469,026;
U.S. House of Representatives: 447 employees owe $5,809,631;
U.S. Tax Court: 3 employees owe $39,752;
Active Duty Military: 27,111 employees $102,474,672.

While some taxpayers may scratch their heads and ask why the federal government doesn’t garnish the wages of these employees, the reality is they can’t. According to federal tax laws, employees are treated the same as any other taxpayer who doesn’t pay their taxes.

The IRS must go through the same procedures and court process with feds as it does with John Q. Public. Once a court awards the IRS a judgment or if the employees enter a voluntary payment plan, the IRS can garnish wages. However, federal employees do jeopardize any security clearance they may have if they don’t pay their income taxes.

As for the general public’s voluntary compliance rate, the IRS no longer tracks those numbers, so it is impossible to compare. But an IRS report from 2001 (PDF) showed the total tax gap to be about $345 billion. The tax gap is the difference between what is owed each year and what is paid, and includes income, corporate, employment, estate and excise taxes.

Headlines

PELOSI: NO HEALTH CARE DEAL THIS YEAR

Or your health care deal any year, please.

Tiger Woods was voted male Player of the Year by the Golf Writers Association of America

A great player on and off the course

BIG SCARE: OBAMA WARNS USA ‘WILL GO BANKRUPT’ WITHOUT HEALTH BILL

And faster with it

Woods Doctor Being Probed…

See how he likes it… Ain’t no fun is it, Doc.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.’

Passenger: ‘Who?’

Cabbie: ‘Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.’

Passenger: ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’

Cabbie: ‘Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard
him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.’

Passenger: ‘Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: ‘There’s more… He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right’

Passenger: ‘Wow, some guy then.’

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.’

Passenger: ‘An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?’

Cabbie: ‘Well, I never actually met Frank, he died.

I married his widow.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck Santa

santa-moredeerpower

Ain’t True

Woman allegedly pours grits on sleeping boyfriend

BOUTTE, La. — A 44-year-old woman was booked with second-degree battery after allegedly pouring a pot of boiling grits onto her sleeping boyfriend. St. Charles Parish sheriff’s deputies said Carolyn Brown caused second-degree burns on the man’s face and arms. The man told deputies that he came home from work on Nov. 7, got into an argument with Brown, told her that he was breaking up with her, then went to bed.

The Times-Picayune reported Brown was arrested Wednesday and booked into the Nelson Coleman Correctional Facility.

Ain’t true that she is in trouble for burning her boyfriend as much as wasting good grits.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer

Redneck Video of the Week:

I’ll Be Home for Christmas – Rascal Flatts

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

The Yale Book of Quotations

Most Notable Quotations of 2009

Author Fred R. Shapiro’s

1. “Keep your government hands off my Medicare.” Speaker at health care reform town hall meeting in Simpsonville, S.C., commenting on the government-created Medicare program, quoted by The Washington Post on July 28.

2. “We’re going to be in the Hudson.” Captain Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger, responding to air traffic controllers asking on which runway he preferred to land US Airways Flight 1549 on Jan. 15 before he landed in the Hudson River.

3. “There’s an app for that.” Apple’s advertising slogan for the iPhone.

4. “You lie!” Wilson’s shouted retort to Obama’s address before a joint session of Congress on Sept. 9.

5. “The Cambridge police acted stupidly.” Obama, commenting on a white police officer’s arrest of black scholar Henry Louis Gates Jr. at his home in Cambridge, Mass., at a news conference July 22.

6. “I’m going to let you finish, but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!” Kanye West, interrupting Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sept. 13.

7. “Um, you guys said that we, um, did this for the show.” Falcon Heene, during an interview on CNN about his parents’ balloon hoax on Oct. 15.

8. “The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel.’” Palin, posting on her Facebook page on Aug. 7.

9. “The governor is hiking the Appalachian Trail.” Spokesman for South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford regarding Sanford’s disappearance on June 22.

10. “You give me a water board, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I’ll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders.” Jesse Ventura, during a CNN interview May 11.