Issue 68

Redneck Ramblins

Some people’s smart phones are smarter than they are.
Oklahoma – under construction since………Their roads suck!
Heard that Obama is mad that Jimmie Johnson got the AP Athlete of the Year. He thought he should have gotten it since he plays basketball.
Only in Texas do you have 75 on Wednesday and 2 ½ inches of snow the next day. First White Christmas for Dallas – Fort Worth area since 1926 – 83 years.
Almost 2/3rds of the US had “global warming” on the ground for Christmas.
Thanks Congress for my Christmas gift. Where do I return it?
At my age, every year I have a birthday is a good thing.
Just how does a known terrorist not have to go through the same security measures as all the grandmas?
Snowing again in North Texas. Y’all this is nuts!
Happy New Year, y’all!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

THOMSON, Ga. — An east Georgia man trying to get revenge on his estranged girlfriend by firebombing her home was being held without bond after he threw the device into the wrong house. Authorities said a 25-year-old man was charged with arson, aggravated assault and possession of an explosive device — all felonies. The Augusta Chronicle reported Tuesday he was being held in the McDuffie County jail.

Authorities said no one was injured Sunday night when the man allegedly tossed the Molotov cocktail through the front window of a Thomson home just before 9 p.m. Police arrested the man soon after the incident.

Headlines

CDC: People in sunny states happiest, N.Y. least

That’s because people up North have to put up with Yankees.

No danger on Sunday flight – just an ill passenger

Sick of putting up with meaningless security?

Napolitano concedes security system failed

Really? Ya think…………..

How to Stick to New Year’s Resolutions

I suggest using a really good glue.

Redneck Joke of the Week

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A Congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane
when the he turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that
flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and
said to the total stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the congressman. ‘How about global
warming or universal health care’, and he smiles smugly.

OK, ‘ she said. ‘Those could be interesting topics. But let me
ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the
same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow
turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.
Why do you suppose that is?’

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks

about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’

To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to
discuss global warming or universal health care when you don’t
know crap?

Redneck Picture of the Week

Humvee General Lee

Ain’t True

HARRISBURG, Pa. — Why is the cafeteria at the Pennsylvania Capitol infested with mice? Probably because health inspectors didn’t visit it for four years.

State law requires annual checks for health and sanitation. Auditor General Jack Wagner said Thursday he received assurances in 2005 that the state Agriculture Department would inspect it.

He says his auditors later received false assurances that it was being inspected regularly.

When an inspection was finally done last week, authorities found “excessive” droppings on food preparation equipment and in cabinets and utensil bins. That’s an imminent health risk.

The ground-floor cafeteria is now closed and is not expected to reopen until January.

It is a popular coffee and lunch spot for statehouse visitors and employees.

Ain’t true that the gummit lives by its own laws.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Bonfire” – Criag Morton

Redneck Video of the Week:

Reba – “You Lie”

Dedicated to all politicians

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

The History of ’APRONS’

I don’t think our kids know what an apron is.

The principal use of Grandma’s apron was to protect the dress underneath, because she only had a few. It was easier to wash aprons than dresses and they used less material, but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing

hot pans from the oven.

It was wonderful for drying children’s tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears..

From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.

When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.

And when the weather was cold grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove..

Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.

From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from the trees.

When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.

When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron, and the men folks knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner.
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace that ‘old-time apron’ that served so many purposes.

REMEMBER:

Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies on the window sill to cool.

Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.

They would go crazy now trying to figure out how many germs were on that apron. I never caught anything from an apron