Issue 75

Redneck Ramblins

• Sorry the post is a little late this week. Because of a foot of global warming in the DFW area, we did not have power for three days. Running a bit behind……….
• Really do appreciate heat, lights, hot water……….. I think the next big purchase will be a generator.
• Although the experience was just like a long campout, Mrs. Redneck don’t like camping! She likes her luxuries……..
• Best part of being without electricity was not watching the news. Refreshing!
• I thought there for a while that they were going to rename Daytona Beach to Danica Beach with all the press she was getting.
• DC was shut down for a week. Did anybody notice?
• The top Taliban military commander has been captured. Must be Bush’s fault.
• Toyotas have fast acceleration and then you can’t stop them. Dang, sounds like a great racecar to me. No wonder that they do so well in NASCAR.
• Golf tour needs Tiger back. It is dying. TV ratings suck big time.
• Must be political season. The mudslinging has begun.
• Pray for your troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

ALBERT LEA, Minn. – Nothing says “I love you” like a half-mile wide heart made out of manure.

A southern Minnesota man created the Valentine’s Day gift for his wife of 37 years in their farm field about 12 miles southwest of Albert Lea .

Bruce Andersland told the Alberta Lea Tribune that he started the project with his tractor and manure spreader Wednesday and finished Thursday.

His wife, Beth, says it’s the biggest and most original Valentine she has ever received. She says some people might think it’s gross, but she says it’s cute and “Why not do something fun with what you got?”

She says the heart would be darker except for the recent heavy snowfall that mixed with the manure.

This is a bit too mushy for me!

Headlines

Obama: I ‘don’t begrudge people success or wealth’

He just wants to take it away or tax it so he can give it to others.

Obama: I’ll Meet GOP Halfway on Health Care Bill

Of course no one else in his administration will.

REPORT: Alabama shooter is ‘far-left political extremist who was ‘obsessed’ with President Obama’…

Knew she was crazy.

Scientists discover the secret of ageing

Duh. It’s because you get older.

Redneck Joke of the Week

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch .I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low my heart was full.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,

” I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

Daytona is done and the pot hole was repaired with bondo. Great finish after two long delays.

So it is off to California.

The picks:

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Kasey Kahne
3. Matt Kenseth

Ain’t True

CALLAHAN, Fla., Feb. 7 (UPI) — A Florida woman, 66, said she has to crawl between two railroad cars to go anywhere from her home after being trapped by the cars.

Aretha Brown said a train parked 40 cars on the tracks that run in front of her Callahan house Dec. 27 — and just left them there, the Jacksonville (Fla.) Times-Union reported Saturday.

Brown said she must crawl under the cars even to go to her mailbox, or else walk 20 minutes to get around the train. She struggles to keep her Sunday best clean when she goes to church. It’s very difficult making her way under the train with a bag of groceries, the newspaper reported.

“My house is falling apart and I can’t get anyone to come and make repairs because they won’t climb under the train,” Brown told the Times-Union.

She said she banged her shoulder crawling under the cars and it hurt for weeks.

Brown said her parents bought the old white house more than 30 years ago. Her sister and niece, Mae and Rita Hailey, lived in an adjoining house before they moved out in frustration a few weeks ago. Her brother, Frank Cheavers, still lives in the adjoining house.

“I really don’t think anyone would want to buy this,” she laughed when asked if she would sell the homes.

Mae Hailey said she asked CSX Transportation to move the cars, or at least disconnect them in front of Brown’s house, but the railroad declined to do so.

CSX preferred to locate a new destination for the train, and also intends to build an access road that would permit Brown to reach the street without having to cross the tracks, CSX spokesman Gary Sease said.

Ain’t true that this is what they refer to as living on the wrong side of the tracks.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Tim McGraw  – My Next Thirty Years

Redneck Video of the Week:

Take a Two Minute Vacation – Pike’s Peak

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Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

I want to be Trailer Trash

I want to be trailer trash. They did not cause

any of the problems that our country faces

today. They did not get mortgages they

couldn’t afford. They did not run banks to

the ground with greed. They did not use

investors for their personal benefit. They

don’t even belong to the unions that ask

too much of their companies.

I’m tired of paying mortgage bills, utility

bills, and property taxes.

I want to live more simply, pack up

the dog and move into a travel-trailer.

I don’t mind being called “trailer trash,”

but I want to get your opinion.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.”
- Charles Austin Beard