Issue 84

Redneck Ramblins

Bubba says that if everything is comin’ your way, then you are in the wrong lane!!
Retired, Earned it, Living it, Loving it
Ever noticed that you keep stuff for years and throw it away just before you need it?
Since Tiger moved from Buddism to Bootyism, he ain’t playing as good.
Now that you done paid your taxes, do you feel like you got your money’s worth?
Wish that Toyota would recall Kyle Busch’s car?
Did all the cabinet members pay their taxes this year? Just checking…
How do all those telemarketers always call everybody just as they sit down to eat?
Best T-Shirt of race weekend at Texas Muddy Speedway:

I’d rather have a daughter in a whorehouse as to have a son that is a Kyle Busch fan

Y’all pray for the troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Police find suspect neck-deep in liquid manure pit

The Associated Press

ALBION, Ind. — Police said that officers searching for a man wanted on methamphetamine charges found him hiding neck-deep in a liquid manure pit at a northeastern Indiana farm. Noble County sheriff’s deputies thought they’d lost the man until an officer spotted him in the tank beneath an outbuilding floor on the farm near Albion.

Chief Deputy Doug Harp said the man, 52, had been neck-deep in the combination of hog and dog feces for at least an hour Tuesday evening. He later became combative and had to be shocked twice with a stun gun.

The suspect was treated at a hospital for hypothermia before he being taken to jail.

A Steuben County magistrate on Wednesday ordered the suspect held without bail because he missed court hearings in February and March.

Headlines

ARIZONA POLICE TO BEGIN ARRESTING ILLEGALS…

‘Bout time we started arresting people that break the law.

Clinton sees danger in angry anti-government rhetoric…

He sees a lot of poLIEticians losing their jobs.

3D-TV health warning: Tuning in ‘can cause confusion, nausea and even fits’…

That’s because of the programs, not the 3D-TV.

Pew Poll: Trust In Government Hits Near-Historic Low

Wonder how that happened?

Redneck Joke of the Week

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God, USA, they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C., and, as usual, those turkeys deducted $95.00 in taxes.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Coulda Used One of These at Texas Muddy Speedway Last Weekend

Racin’

Limpin’ Denny Hamlin cowboyed up to win the Samsung Mobile 500 at Texas Muddy Speedway on Monday. Rumor is that all the drivers are going to get their ACLs operated on.

This week we are Alabama bound to the restrictor track at Talladega. The picks:

Dale Jr.
Kurt Busch
Anybody but Kyle Busch

Ain’t True

COLUMBUS, Ohio — Two cows got loose on the Ohio State University campus, leading some students to skip classes to watch a roundup that lasted more than 90 minutes.

Police say the pair of Belted Galloway cows got away Wednesday afternoon as their owner was trying to take them into the university’s veterinary medical center to have their hooves trimmed.

They made their way onto a soccer field, where one of them was lassoed as students cheered “Ole!”

The other ran across traffic on a bridge and settled in under a grove of trees. It was caught after a Columbus Zoo veterinarian hit it with a tranquilizer dart.

The owner took the cows back home. A police officer was treated for a shoulder injury.

Ain’t true that this would have happened at a real agricultural school. The students would have been riding them.