Issue 86
Redneck Ramblins
- Happy Mother’s Day to all Redneck Mothers.
- Bubba is celebrating Mother’s Day too since he says he has been called a mother a lot this year.
- Y’all who don’t like the Arizona Immigration Law, change it. Until then, the state has the right to enforce the law.
- Most don’t like the idea of profiling. Well, I get “profiled” for my senior discounts all the dang time. If you obey the law, you don’t have anything to worry ‘bout.
- Wonder if you could invent a spam filter for snail mail?
- Now that phone books are obsolete, we have been getting them from every company that prints them. What a waste.
- I hope it is just a rumor that a stock trader’s typo of b for billion instead of m for million caused the stock market to go down a thousand points. The thought of my small fortune being in the hands of a fat thumbed trader is just too much to bear.
- We reached a new low when four boys in California were sent home from high school on Cinco de Mayo Day because they wore “American Flag” shirts.
- If the price of oil keeps going up, some of them Cajuns will be out in their pirogues scooping it up off of the Gulf.
- Y’all pray for our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
‘Lord Jesus Christ’ Run Over In Mass. Crosswalk
NORTHAMPTON (AP) ?
The victim has probably forgiven the woman who ran him down in a Northampton crosswalk.
The police haven’t.
Police say a Pittsfield woman has been cited for running down Lord Jesus Christ as he crossed the street in Northampton.
Officers responding to Tuesday’s incident checked the 50-year-old Belchertown man’s ID and discovered that, indeed, Lord Jesus Christ is his legal name.
He was taken to the hospital for treatment of minor facial injuries.
Police say 20-year-old Brittany Cantarella was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk.
Headlines
Group aims to stop spread of deadly bat disease
Hope they find a cure soon. There is a pandemic in the Texas Rangers’ dugout.
Fire blazes through Maine meat plant
Dinner’s ready!
Psychiatrists: Global warming fears seen in 28% of obsessive compulsive disorder patients…
Does this mean you are mentally ill if you believe in global warming?
Dallas ISD blog: No support at the top for a return to paddling bottoms
Until they do the inmates will run the asylum.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Bubba’s pregnant sister was in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma.
After nearly six months, she awoke and saw that she was no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asked the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replied, ”Ma’am, you had twins – a boy and a girl.”
“The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them. “
The woman thought to herself, “Oh, no! Not Bubba; he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, ”Well, what’s the girl’s name?”
“Denise,” the doctor answers.
The new mother says, “Wow! That’s a beautiful name; maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name ‘Denise.’ What’s the boy’s name?”
The doctor replies, “Denephew.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Redneck Trike Outside of Wal-Mart
Racin’
Another great race in Richmond, although I wish somebody other than Kyle Busch would have won it. This week is the Southern 500 in Darlington, The Lady in Black, the track too tough to tame.
The picks:
- Kyle Busch – using reverse logic here. Everybody I picks usually does bad
- Jeff Gordon – been close, but no cigar.
- Jeff Burton
Ain’t True
FARMINGTON, Maine – A forecast of sunny skies in April in Farmington, Maine, seems like the perfect time to put the top down. But a drive in an open-air convertible isn’t what female residents have in mind.
On Friday, nearly two dozen women marched topless through the college town to protest a double-standard that allows men to take off their shirts on a hot summer day.
It’s already legal for women to bare their chests in public in Maine. But the protesters want it to also become socially acceptable.
Friday’s event was organized by University of Maine at Farmington student Andrea Simoneau. She participated in a similar event earlier this month in Portland and decided to try it in Farmington.
Ain’t true that the cops looked the other way on this one.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Josh Thompson – Way Out Here
Redneck Video of the Week:
FROM THE RED GREEN SHOW – BEER HOLDERS
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
“10 Poorest US Cities”
City, State, % of People Below the Poverty Level
1. Detroit , MI 32.5%
2. Buffalo , NY 29.9%
3. Cincinnati , OH 27.8%
4. Cleveland , OH 27.0%
5. Miami , FL 26.9%
5. St. Louis , MO 26.8%
7. El Paso , TX 26.4%
8. Milwaukee , WI 26.2%
9. Philadelphia , PA 25.1%
10. Newark , NJ 24.2%
U.S. Census Bureau, 2006 American Community Survey, August 2007
What do the top ten cities (over 250,000) with the highest poverty rate all have in common?
Detroit, MI (1st on the poverty rate list) hasn’t elected a Republican mayor since 1961;
Buffalo, NY (2nd) hasn’t elected one since 1954;
Cincinnati, OH (3rd)…since 1984;
Cleveland, OH (4th)…since 1989;
Miami, FL (5th) has never had a Republican mayor;
St. Louis, MO (6th)…..since 1949;
El Paso, TX (7th) has never had a Republican mayor;
Milwaukee, WI (8th)…since 1908;
Philadelphia, PA (9th)…since 1952;
Newark, NJ (10th)…since 1907.
Einstein once said, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’
It is the poor who habitually elect Democrats—yet they are still POOR !
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“Actions lie louder than words.”
- Carolyn Wells
