Issue 88

Redneck Ramblins

I get really irritated at baseball’s all-star voting. Taylor Teagarden, the Ranger’s catcher, has 108,000 votes and is 4th in the voting for catchers in the American League. He is in the minors after getting just one hit and batting .037. Vote for true all-stars that are performing this year!
The stock market charts look like an EKG. I just hope it doesn’t flat line.
North Korea just severed all ties with South Korea. Like the ties that they had meant anything.
Scariest thing I have heard in a while – BP says it is doing all it can.
Seems like everyone is blaming everyone instead of concentrating on fixin’ the problem.
Think inflation is coming! In the first 220 years of recorded financial records of the USA (i.e., 1789-2008), the nation had cumulative deficits of $5.3 trillion (i.e., outlays in excess of receipts). The combined deficits in the 3 years of 2009-10-11 (i.e., the actual deficit of $1.4 trillion in 2009 plus the government’s projected deficits in 2010 and 2011) are estimated to reach $4.2 trillion (source: White House).
Something just ain’t right about building a mosque at the site of the World Trade Center.
Somebody said that Obama finally admitted he was wrong about something. He said that he was wrong about thinking the oil industry was prepared for an accident. This will happen when Willie Nelson cuts his hair. Hey, wait…………
Memorial Day – the day we remember those that gave all so that we can have our freedom.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Miami Company Creates “Gringo Masks” for Illegals

By TODD WRIGHT

Updated 10:11 AM EDT, Tue, May 25, 2010

If you are looking for a way to beat Arizona’s new immigration law, look no further than Miami’s new Gringo Masks.

The new product, brainchild of Miami advertising agency Zubi Advertising, guarantees the cops won’t be stopping you or your loved ones after you put your best white face forward.

The product is simple. Choose from a cut out of a blue-eyed, sandy hair-colored white guy or a green-eyed, blond haired white woman.

Cut the face to fit yours. Poke out the eyes. And presto! You don’t look like a “suspicious, potentially illegal” alien. Rubber band or green card not included.

Headlines

More older Americans start own businesses

Duh!.They were the ones most affected by the layoffs and older folks aren’t being hired.for the new jobs.

PRIVATE PAY PLUMMETS, GOVT HANDOUTS SOAR

Just like liberals like it.

Obama Approval Falls to New Low: 42%…

Surprised that he still has that many people fooled.

Obama: Government is in charge of oil disaster response:

Now I’m scared……..

Redneck Joke of the Week

Here’s a story that could’ve easily played out in any small town where
everybody knows everybody and they all know more than they should
about their neighbors. We’ll just say it happened in a courthouse
somewhere in the South and leave it at that. The way I heard it, a small-
town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother
type to the stand.

Once she was sworn in the attorney approached her and asked, “Mrs.
Jones, do you know me?”

Mrs. Jones rolled her eyes. “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams I’ve
known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big
disappointment to me. I’m glad your granddaddy didn’t live to see this
day. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you
haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything but a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes, I’d say I know you.” The lawyer was stunned! The
courtroom was silent. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?”

She again replied, “Of course. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one
of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife
with three different women and the last one was your wife. Yes, I know
him.”

The defense attorney likta died. Before anyone had a chance to
recover the judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and
in a very, very quiet voice he said, “If either of you asks her if she
knows me, I will throw both of you in jail!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Another Use for Duct Tape

duct taped grave monument

Racin’

The Coca Cola 600 is a marathon and the longest race of the year. It is a real test of the drivers, crews, and cars.

The picks:

Jimmie “I Own Charlotte Motor Speedway” Johnson
Kasey “Pretty Boy” Kahne
Martin Truex, Jr. – the other Martin and the other Jr.

Ain’t True

PHILADELPHIA — Airline officials are trying to figure out how a sleeping passenger was left aboard a flight for four hours after it landed in Philadelphia.

According to police and the Transportation Security Administration, the passenger didn’t wake up when her United Express flight from Dulles airport outside Washington landed shortly after midnight Tuesday. At about 4 a.m., a cleaning crew found her.

United Airlines says they’re working with a regional partner carrier to determine why the plane wasn’t cleared upon landing.

Ain’t true that the airline has to pay a $21,000 fine for violating the 3 hour rule.