Issue 89

Redneck Ramblins

Bubba says that we all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads. So he’s not fat, he’s just really intelligent & his head couldn’t hold more
I think that Oklahoma in Native American for “we always got our roads tore up”.
Ever notice that those folks with the fancy cars loaded with all the techno stuff are the least likely to use those things called a turn signal.
Feel for Armando Galarraga whose perfect game was busted by a terrible call by an ump with two out in the ninth. Bummer…………. At least the ump admitted blowing the call. Galarraga showed true class.
If you can’t take the heat, stay out of Texas!
Stop the oil spill by stuffing BP executives into the leaking pipe.
Mr. T pities the fool….(you get to insert your own – don’t worry there are plenty to go around)
At the National Spelling Bee, those young people are spelling without spell checker. How do they do it?
Pray for the troops, y’all!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Maserati owner collected welfare benefits

LOS ANGELES, May 28 (UPI) — A Cerritos, Calif., woman was charged with welfare fraud for receiving more than $60,000 in benefits while hiding assets including a Maserati, officials say.

Tangela Ridgeway, 35, was arrested with eight others this week in a massive welfare fraud sweep for receiving benefits while concealing ownership of a home, business, a Nissan SUV, the upscale 2006 sports car

and other vehicles, the Los Angeles Times reported Friday.

The Los Angeles County district attorney’s office says she is charged with 16 counts of welfare fraud including aid by misrepresentation and perjury by false application for aid, and 14 counts of perjury by declaration.

In court Friday Ridgeway’s bail was set at $395,000. If convicted, she faces a maximum term of 19 years in state prison, the Times said.

Headlines

Al and Tipper Gore to separate after 40 years

Who would have ever thunk that the Clinton’s marriage would have outlasted the Gores?

Groups want FCC to police hate speech on talk radio, cable news networks…

Because we “hate” what they are doing and say so

$11 million slot jackpot a malfunction, casino says

Folks didn’t get the money. And you think losing a perfect game on a blown call was bad……………

Is the Government Trying to Take Over the News?

Along with everything else……………….

Redneck Joke of the Week

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s
home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered, “Hello?”

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster
the boss asked,” Is your Daddy home?”

“Yes”, whispered the small voice. “May I talk with him?” the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,” Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes”, came the answer. “May I talk with her?” Again
the small voice whispered, “no”.

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home
alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person
who should be there watching over the child. “Is there anyone there
besides you?” the boss asked the child.

“Yes” whispered the child, “A policeman”. Wondering what a cop would be
doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked “May I speak with the
policeman”?

“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.” Busy doing
what?, asked the boss. “Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman”,
came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is
that noise?”

“A hello-copper”, answered the whispering voice. “What is going on
there?”, asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just
landed the hello-copper”

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, “Why are they there”?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:
“They’re looking for me”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Might Get Mrs. Redneck to Camp If I Did This,

(But how long of an extension cord would that take?)

air conditioned tent

Racin’

Well a Busch bro won the Coke 600. Rats! This week the good ol’ boys tangle with the tricky triangle of Pocono.

The Picks:

Denny Hamlin
Tony “Smoke” Stewart
Anybody but a Busch

Ain’t True

SISSONVILLE, W.Va. – Kanawha County authorities said a marital spat over a late dinner has landed a man in jail on an arson charge.

Lt. Sean Crosier of the Sheriff’s Department said 60-year-old Guy Edward Jones came home Sunday and got angry because his wife, Beverly Jones, didn’t have dinner on the table.

Crosier said the couple fought and Beverly Jones ran to a neighbor’s house. Crosier said she turned and saw flames coming out of the basement and her husband exiting through the basement door.

Guy Jones was in the South Central Regional Jail on Monday afternoon in lieu of $50,000 bond. It could not be determined whether he had a lawyer.

Ain’t true around here. I have dinner ready every night so Mrs. Redneck don’t set no fires.