Issue 91

Redneck Ramblins

Bubba started out with nothing and still has most of it.
BP = beaches polluted
BP needs to do the right thing and stop worrying about its public image. Same goes with the poLIEticians.
June 14^th is Flag Day and the only mention in the paper is in the comics?
Bubba’s dawg ate a bunch of mayonnaise. Fearing that he would be bad sick, Bubba took him to the vet who then referred him to the …….Mayo Clinic.
I think the Big 12 just became the Big 10 and the Big 10 is now the Big 12.
According to Facebook, June 15^th is Man Day. Did they get Mrs. Redneck’s permission for this?
Like everything else, in college athletics the gap between the “haves” and the “have nots” is getting greater.
Joe Barton – you are fired!
God bless America – we need it.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

NAPLES, Fla. (AP) – Authorities arrested a 45-year-old man accused of kicking a fast food restaurant’s door after employees threw away his wine. Maurice Alfred Belmore faces charges of criminal mischief and trespass. He was jailed in Collier County on $3,000 bond. It was unclear if Belmore had an attorney.

According to deputies, a manager of a local Sonic Drive-In told investigators that an employee threw away wine that Belmore had left in the restaurant’s parking lot. Belmore started kicking the restaurant’s door after he realized the wine was missing.

Doubt that wine was worth $3,000.

Headlines

Obama official: BP agrees to speed up oil spill payments

All you gotta do is fill out the paperwork and go to Helen Waite.

After BP cleans up oil, it has to clean up its image

It has a long, long way to go on both accounts.

BP May Lose US Oil Leases, Contracts After Spill

Ya think?

Michael Vick on his dogfighting past: ‘I never thought it was wrong’

Betcha do now.

In First Oval Office Speech, Obama Seeks to Ease Political Damage of Gulf Crisis

Really more interested in getting the physical damange cleaned up.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Bubba, Earl, and Slick were stranded on an island for several years. One day Bubba found a Lamp on the beach so he picked it up and took it to show his two friends. As he started to hand it to Earl, Slick noticed it was dirty and he rubbed the dirt off.

Suddenly there appeared a Genie, who said, “I’ve been in that lamp for centuries so I will grant you each one wish for releasing me.”

Slick said he was in the oil business in Texas and had a big beautiful ranch. He wished he could be back on his ranch. POOF! Slick was gone.

Earl said he wished he could be a millionaire on a cruise ship. POOF! Earl was gone too.

The Genie then turned to Bubba and asked, “What is your wish?” After thinking for several minutes, Bubba just couldn’t make up his mind. He suddenly blurted out, “I wish Earl and Slick were here to help me decide.”

POOF!!! Earl and Slick were back!!!

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck Love Seat

redneck-loveseat

Racin’

Hamlin won again at Michigan. At this pace (5 wins out of the last 10 races), every driver will be getting his ACL fixed. What did the doctors do, make him the bionic driver?

Sonoma is one of the tracks where the drivers will have to turn right some of the time instead of just turning left. It is also important to stay on the track.

The picks:

Jeff Gordon
Tony Stewart
Anybody but a Busch

Ain’t True

NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla. (AP) – A 32-year-old Pasco County man who called 911 to complain about his mother is facing criminal charges. According to a sheriff’s office arrest report, Charles Dennison told a deputy that his mother took his beer and he wanted her arrested. Dennison was reportedly “very intoxicated” when the deputy arrived at the New Port Richey home.

Dennison told the deputy that he would keep calling emergency responders if his mother wasn’t charged. He has been charged with making false 911 calls and was jailed on $150 bond.

Ain’t true that it is a good idea to ever blame your mama.