Issue 93

Redneck Ramblins

Looks like BP and the Obama administration have stopped the flow. Problem is it is the flow of vacationers, oil jobs, and seafood business in the Gulf.
Could not believe the amount of people that stood in long lines for the new iphone. They need a life. Wonder if there is an app for that?
Bubba is so disappointed. Sex is banned on the International Space Station. Therefore it has shattered his dream of becoming a member of the 240 mile high club.
Supreme Court rules that all Americans have fundamental right to bear arms in a 5 to 4 vote. If the Supreme Court was actually following the Constitution the vote would have been 9 to 0 in favor. There is a thingee called the 2^nd Amendment!
If you think that you have high expectations at work, remember you could be England’s soccer coach.
Looks like Al Gore has joined the list of naughty boys.
Nothing like a Texas summer thunderstorm.
Did you notice all the violent protest at the G20 Summit? Thought that only happened at those violent Tea Party gatherings.
Happy Independence Day!
God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Parent brawl erupts at kindergarten graduation

The Associated Press

VICTORVILLE, Calif. — Brawling parents interrupted a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony.

School officials placed Puesta del Sol Elementary in desert Victorville on lockdown Wednesday morning after a fight broke out among a group of parents.

San Bernardino County sheriff’s spokeswoman Karen Hunt says witnesses told deputies several mothers were involved in a verbal argument and it got physical in a field near the ceremony. Several men then jumped into the fray and the incident turned into a brawl.

Hunt says arriving deputies didn’t see any physical contact. There were no arrests and no one reported injuries.

No children were hurt.

What a great example for the children!!

Headlines

Lakers coach Jackson leaning toward retirement

Highly recommend retirement, Phil!

Has Lady Gaga gotten your attention yet?

Nope and won’t.

FDA report: Airline food could pose health threat

After my experience with airline food, I would recommend that the EPA should be investigating.

TSA bogged down in bureaucracy

Everything the federal gummit runs is bogged down in bureaucracy!

Redneck Joke of the Week

Two Rednecks Go on a Fishing Trip

Two rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”

The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck Green Engine Technology

green engine technology

Racin’

Kurt Busch gave Jimmie Johnson the ol’ chrome horn Sunday at New Hampshire, but Johnson gave it back to Busch to win.

This week is the Firecracker 400 at Daytona. I know they changed the name to identify the sponsor, but I am old school. It is still the Firecracker 400 to me.

The picks:

Tony Stewart
Dale Jr.
Anybody but a Busch

Ain’t True

Ohio clerk flubs lottery ticket, but wins $250K

The Associated Press

NEW LEXINGTON, Ohio — An Ohio store clerk’s mistake when printing a Mega Millions lottery ticket has won her $250,000. Naomi Mauller forgot to add an extra game to a customer’s lottery ticket on Tuesday night, so she printed a new ticket and bought her $2 mistake. Both her ticket and its twin hit, raking in $250,000 for each winner.

Mauller works at Woolfe’s Huff & Puff Mini Mart in New Lexington in southeastern Ohio. She’s going to use the money to buy a car and pay off some debt.

The store’s owner, Mike Kane, said the other customer was a local. Mauller met him at the store Friday for a happy reunion. The state lottery commission did not have his name.

The winning numbers on the Mega Millions tickets were 12, 17, 21, 23 and 30. The Woolfe’s winners didn’t hit the Mega Ball number, 24.

Ain’t true that it is a good idea to hide your mistakes. Paying for your mistakes can pay-off big.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Charlie Daniels – (Late 70’s) – Long Haired Country Boy

Redneck Video of the Week:

Casey at the Bat?

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

California vs Texas

California

Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the dog.

#1. Governor starts to intervene, reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

#2. He calls animal control. Animal control captures coyote and spends $200 testing it for diseases and $500 upon relocating it.
#3. He calls veterinarian. Vet collects dead dog and spends $200 testing it for diseases.

#4. Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting bite wound bandaged.

#5. Running trail gets shut down for 6 months while wildlife services conduct a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is clear of dangerous animals.

#6. Governor spends $50,000 of state funds implementing a “coyote awareness” program for residents of the area.

#7. State legislature spends $2 million investigating how to better handle rabies and how to possibly eradicate the disease.

#8. Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack and for letting the Governor intervene.

#9. Cost: $75,000 to train new security agent.

#10. PETA protests the coyote relocation and files suit against the state.

Texas:

Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the dog.

#1. Governor shoots coyote and keeps jogging.

#2. Governor has spent $0.65 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

#3. Buzzards eat dead coyote (no cost).
Any wonder why California is broke???