Issue 96

Redneck Ramblins

If you are lucky enough to be from the South, then you are lucky enough.
Had a great time on vacation last week, but man is it tiring. A lot more than retirement is.
100 days since the Deep Horizon oil disaster started, and BP seems only worried about its shareholder value.
I am doing my part to save the Postal Service. Every time I get junk mail with a business reply envelope, I load it up with all of my junk mail that doesn’t have my name or my information on it and mail it back.
Bubba got a 4.0 in college. Not his GPA, but his blood alcohol level.
Saw a car this morning that had a bumper sticker that said “God is my co-pilot”. The way she was driving, she better switch seats with Him.
The President went on the “View” this week instead of attending the Boy Scouts’ 100 Year Celebration at their National Jamboree. Bad move. The 250,000 in attendance are voters or will be in a few years.
I am bilingual. I speak fluent redneck and English is my second language.
College football season is just a little over a month away.
God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Bell, California: City Manager $800,000, Police Chief $450,000, City Council $100,000

I’m moving to Bell, California and running for City Council. A report by the LA Times sparked a protest at last night’s council meeting when it was learned that the Bell, California city manager makes nearly $800,000 dollars annually. That’s not all, the police chief of the 38,000 resident Town makes over $450,000 per year and each city council member rakes in $100,000 for their part time gig. Good work if you can get it.

Bell is a mostly Hispanic town of just under 40,000 people about 10 miles southeast of Los Angeles. At the City Council meeting last night it was like the final scene of Frankenstein, pitchforks and torches. The crowd showed up to call for the resignations of the Mayor, City Manager, and other city officials.

When the crowd arrived and began to fill the venue, council members adjourned for a private session. The attorney for the city said they were not allowed to talk about salaries without advance notice. At one point the Fire Department wanted to cancel the meeting because the crowd had become so large they were blocking the door. The “brave” city council returned saying that they would have a report on salaries at the next meeting and they would take public comments at that time. Somebody please get a video. The meeting will be held July 26th.

The Los Angeles County DA has opened an investigation into the Bell, California city officials pay. State Assemblyman Hector De La Torre says that state law limits council member’s salaries to several hundred dollars per month. I don’t think that adds up to nearly $100,000 per year. You can read more about this abuse of power here.

The Mayor of Bell, California said in an interview that “Our streets are cleaner, we have lovely parks, better lighting throughout the area, our community is better. These things just don’t happen; they happen because he had a vision and made it happen.” Yep, that should fix it.

Probably the most outrageous of all is the Bell, California City Manager’s $800,000 per year salary; not to mention his automatic 12% raise annually. Chief Administrative Officer Robert Rizzo earns $787,637 to be exact. While the Police Chief pulls in $457,000, way more than even the Los Angeles Police Chief.

Headlines

Tiger on the loose in South African neighborhood

I thought he was supposed to be practicing for the PGA.

Investigators Recommend Rangel Get Slap On Wrist

That is because the investigators are House members also and that is what they want when they get caught.

WikiLeaks disclosures are a ‘tragedy’

Understatement of the year!

Al Gore won’t face prosecution in sexual assault allegation

“I did not have sexual relations with that women”…………Learned from the best!

Redneck Joke of the Week

A doctor from Israel says: “In Israel the medicine is so advanced that we cut-off a man´s testicles, we put it into another man and in 6 weeks he is looking for work”

The German doctor comments:”That´s nothing, in Germany we take part of the brain out from a person, we put it into another person´s head and in 4 weeks he is looking for work”

A Russian doctor says: That’s nothing either. In Russia we take out half of the heart out from a person, we put it into another person´s chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.

The US doctor answers immediately: That´s nothing colleagues, you are way behind us….in the USA (about a year ago) we grabbed a person with no brains, no heart and no balls….we put him as President and now….the whole country is looking for work!!!!!

Redneck Picture of the Week

Rednecks Got Holdof Air Force One

redneck-air-force-one

Racin’

Jamie McMurray won at Indy last week to add to his Daytona 500 victory. Good year for the kid that Roush let get away.

This week is the second race at Pocono – the triangle track with three distinct turns. The picks:

Denny Hamlin
Tony Stewart
Anybody but a Busch

Ain’t True

BETHLEHEM, Pa. – An eastern Pennsylvania woman has been cited for harassment after her son told police she cleaned the bathroom with his toothbrush, then returned it to its holder.

Police in Lower Saucon Township say 52-year-old Deborah Woist decided on July 18 that a bathroom inside her home needed a good scrubbing because it hadn’t been cleaned in two months.

Her 26-year-old son, Justin Novack, says the scrubbing was done with his toothbrush. He says his mother put it away when she was done.

Ain’t true that this was such a bad thing. She used the bathroom cleaner that says that it kills 99.9% of germs.