Issue 97

Redneck Ramblins

Rangel is accused of 13 ethics violations and Obama wants him to end his career with “dignity”?
Hey there, BP. Changing your brand from BP to Amoco will not fool people.
Good to see that Farve has decided to stay retired. Retirement is a good thing. (Reprinted from Issue 47).
Brett Favre is gonna retire for the third time? Stay retired this time. If you need retirement counseling, give me a call. I’ll teach you how it’s done, boy!
I have known Bubba a long time and have never seen him jealous. Even the time that his dad finished the fifth grade before he did.
Mrs. Redneck and I just celebrated our 35^th anniversary and I must admit that I married her for her looks. Just not the looks she has been giving me since I retired.
Chelsea’s wedding really costs $3 million? Really?
And to think that not long ago Hillary was having trouble paying off her campaign debts.
God bless American and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Stimulus Money Being Wasted

Dance and ants. Dogs and dinosaurs. Windows for an abandoned building; new sidewalks replaced by newer sidewalks; and, a facelift for a fort few can reach.

According to a report released Tuesday by two Republican Senators, these are just a few of the questionable projects being funded with money from President Obama’s $862 billion dollar economic stimulus package.

One of the report’s authors, Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma said, “There is no question the stimulus bill has had a positive effect on the economy to a certain degree and… our criticism is, it could have had a far greater effect.”

Coburn claims common sense would dictate that stimulus money is wasted or mismanaged on the 100 projects outlined in a report he co-authored with Arizona’s John McCain titled “Summertime Blues.”

Among the projects singled out for criticism in the report:

–A half million dollars for new windows at the Mt. St. Helens visitors center in Amboy, Washington. The building has been closed since 2007 and there are no immediate plans to reopen it.

–$6.9 million dollars for repairs to an 1846 brick fort marooned on Dry Tortuga at the end the Florida Keys. Few people can visit this remote national park unless they hire a seaplane or take a four-hour round-trip boat ride.

–Creating a museum in an abandoned train station in Glasboro, NJ, at the cost of $1.2 million.

–$2 million dollars to send researchers from the California Academy of Sciences to islands in the Indian Ocean to study exotic ants.

–A study of dog domestication at Cornell University with a price tag of $296-thousand dollars.

–$141-thousand dollars to send students from Montana State University to China to study dinosaur eggs.

–$762-thousand dollars to create interactive choreography programs at the University of North Carolina. Dancers would wear electronic monitors to analyze their movements.

–$89-thousand dollars to replace sidewalks in Boynton, Oklahoma that were just replaced five years ago. One of them goes nowhere near any houses or businesses and leads directly into a ditch.

Coburn and McCain claim these and other projects are misconceived and mismanaged, while creating few, if any, new jobs.

As Senator McCain put it: “The stimulus package was supposed to create jobs. Unemployment was going to be 8%. That’s what the president said. That’s what his chief economic advisor said. That’s what the Secretary of the Treasury said when they sold this debt to the American people. It does not create jobs.

The Obama Administration disagrees. In July, the White House announced that about three million new jobs have been saved or created by the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act, as the stimulus package is officially titled.

Vice President Joe Biden insisted, “The economic initiatives that we took, they are working.”

Noting that the report from Coburn and McCain comes just months before the mid-term elections, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs suggested “Summertime Blues” isn’t really about jobs. He said, “I think… this has much more to do with politics.”

The whole mess is about politics!

Headlines

Drinking Rate Edges Up Slightly to 15-Year High…

These poLIEticians, they be driving us to drinkin’.

IDOLS LOSING THEIR SHINE…

If they go to Jumior Johnson, he will sell them more. He’s got the best in Wilkes County.

105 to 107 degrees in North Texas today? But, hey, it’s a dry heat .

Still don’t have to shovel it and it keeps the Yankee count down. It is still not as bad as it was back in the summer of 1980, when we didn’t have global warming.

CDC: 30% obese in 9 states in South

That’s because nobody eats as good as we do. If we could get the mosquitoes to suck fat instead of blood, we could solve this thing.

Redneck Joke of the Week

There’s a little redneck fellow named Bubba who hangs out at Martin’s Convenience Store. Mr. Martin, the owner hasn’t figured out what Bubba’s problem is, but the boys ’round town like to tease him. They say he’s not hittin’ on all eight… just not too bright.

As evidence, often they’ll offer lil’ Bubba his choice between a nickel and a dime. Now Bubba, he always takes the nickel… They say, because it’s ‘bigger’ and they all get a big chuckle.

One afternoon, just after Bubba grabbed his nickel, Mr. Martin pulled him off to one side and said, “Bubba, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don’t know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it’s bigger, or what?”

Bubba sorta grinned and said, “Well, if I took the dime, reckon they’d quit doing it!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Texas Motorcycle Seat

txmotorcycle seat

Racin’

Greg Biffle won an exciting Pocono race. At least the end was exciting; the middle was good for a 1 ½ hour nap.

This week is the road course at Watkins Glen. The picks:

Tony Stewart
Marcos Ambrose
Anybody but a Busch

Ain’t True

Police: Wendy’s robber complains about skimpy haul

The Associated Press

ATLANTA — Police say a man who robbed a fast-food restaurant with a gun was so mad about the amount of loot that he called back twice to complain.

The man walked up to the drive-through window of an Atlanta Wendy’s late Saturday night, wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.

He demanded the cash drawer, grabbed it and ran away.

But police say he later called the fast food restaurant to complain about the amount of cash.

Police say in one call he said that “next time there better be more than $586.”

He called again with a similar complaint.

Ain’t true that even crooks are doing good in this economy. (Unless you are elected)

Redneck Song of the Week:

Jamey Jamey Johnson – In Color

Redneck Video of the Week:

Dem Leader: Expiration of Bush Tax Cuts is ‘Republican Tax Increase’

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

How to Stop a Church Gossip

country church

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business..
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Earl, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s
only bar one afternoon. .

country bar