Redneck Ramblins

1. Happy New Year!
2. No matter what happened in ’08 that wasn’t great and ’09 might not be so fine, we still have been blessed and have much to be thankful for.
3. We get so wrapped up in making a living that we forget to live life.
4. Dallas Cowboys owner needs to fire his general manager.
5. The Cowboys are the shining example of a team with tons of talent that isn’t a team.
6. After spending some time in Kansas over Christmas, I will take some global warming. Beats the heck out of global cooling.
7. Besides, if it warmed up in the North, then the Yankees could stay there instead of moving South.
8. There is a leak in Washington. It is in the common sense bucket!
9. Always do the right thing.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Police Report
True story: Told by the Jacksonville, FL driver at his first AA meeting

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink.
His friends plead with him to let them take him home.
He says no he only lives a mile away.

About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the man to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.

The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Joe is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.

The police have his driver’s license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing.

Redneck Joke of the Week

1. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
2. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ‘em.
3. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … when the pastor says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering,” five guys and two women stand up.
4. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
5. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because “It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of” (Love it!)
6. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the choir is known as the “OK Chorale”.
7. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
8. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … people think “rapture” is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
9. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized ” Wheeling ” washtub.
10. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob’s Barbecue.
11. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the collection plates are really hubcaps from a’56 Chevy
12. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.
13. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if .. the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks
14. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the communion wine is Boone’s Farm “Tickled Pink”.
15. You Know You’re in a Redneck Church if… “Thou shall not covet” applies to huntin’ dogs, too.
16. You know You’re in a Redneck Church if … the final words of the benediction are, “Y’all come back now, Ya hear”.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Picture of My Birthday Cake This Past Week

Racin’

Ain’t True

Dead man receives calls in grave
Published: Dec. 21, 2008 at 3:02 PM

NEW YORK, Dec. 21 (UPI) — New York defense lawyer John Jacobs continues to receive voice-mail messages three years after he was buried with his beloved cell phone.
Jacobs’ family buried him with his fully charged Motorola T720 phone after he died of pancreatic cancer, the New York Post reported Sunday.
His wife, Marian Seltzer, also a defense lawyer, continues to pay his monthly $55 phone bill and his cell number is etched into his gravestone under the words “Rest in Peace.”
The first call after death came during the funeral from Jacobs’ son, Simon. “The poor grave diggers. I thought they’d have a heart attack,” Seltzer said.
Seltzer and her two sons, who regularly leave messages, hear this when they dial his number: “Hi. You’ve reached the voice mail of John Jacobs. After you hear the beep, leave a voice mail and I will return your call.”
Seltzer said she keeps her husband up to date on sports news and how their sons are doing.
“Some people talk to God,” Seltzer said. “I talk to my deceased husband.”

Ain’t true that he is picking up his messages though…

Redneck Song of the Week:

Jason Michael Carroll “Where I’m From”

Redneck Video of the Week:

Happy New Year! Enjoy the fireworks………………
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9uL8iRL6nI

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Economics

(compliments of Redneck Leslie)

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record        7 – 2    .778
Season Record                 152 – 51    .749

Louie’s Losers

Humanitarian Bowl
Nevada loses to Maryland

Texas Bowl
W Mich loses to Rice

Holiday Bowl
Oregon loses to Okie State

Armed Forces Bowl
Air Force loses to Houston

Sun Bowl
Pitt loses to Oregon St

Music City Bowl
Vandy loses to Boston College

Insight Bowl
Minnesota loses to Kansas

Chick-Fil-A Bowl
LSU loses to Ga Tech

Outback Bowl
S Carolina loses to Iowa

Gator Bowl
Nebraska loses to Clemson

Capital One Bowl
Mich St loses to Georgia

Rose Bowl
Penn State loses to USC

Orange Bowl
Cincy loses to Va Tech

Cotton Bowl
Ole Miss loses to Texas Tech

Liberty Bowl
KY loses to East Carolina

Sugar Bowl
Utah loses to Bama

International Bowl
UConn loses to Buffalo

Fiesta Bowl
Ohio State loses to Texas
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

I think it better to do right, even if we suffer in so doing, than to incur the reproach of our consciences and posterity.
Robert E. Lee

Redneck Ramblins

1. Say a prayer for our troops today – and everyday.
2. Well it’s now official. We are in a recession and have been for a year according to the gummit. Hello!!I know that a recession is definable by reduced GNP of several quarters and that can only be seen retroactively, but it didn’t take a genius to figure this one out!
3. I like the idea of replacing the CEO’s of all the bailout companies and holding them accountable. I also like the idea of replacing everyone in our dysfunctional congress and holding them accountable.
4. Has anyone talked to Lee Iacocca? He has experience in a government- backed auto company restructuring and successful comeback.
5. Tell me that Auburn didn’t run off their coach. The one that was 7-3 against Bama; the one that delivered them a 13-0 record 5 seasons ago; the one that won them a SEC championship. Who they gonna get that is any better? Deserves them right.
6. You’d have to be nuts to wanna be a head coach in the SEC. The expectations are way too unreasonable; caused by boosters who run the athletic departments. You have to win at all costs including your integrity and doing the right things. Are you listening Turner Gill?
7. Of course Auburn’s athletic director said the very next day that he and the university president pleaded with Tuberville not to resign and then were shocked when he did. They then said that they would pay his buyout of $ 6 million because it was the right thing to do. Save yer watches, boys. It’s getting’ deep.
8. Obama: “You know, the days of just pork coming out of Congress as a strategy, those days are over.” When pigs fly! This is coming from a man that ranks #2 in all pork spending…right behind Hillary!! Time to start walking the talk.
9. Now that OJ is doing time, who is going to look for the real killers?

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Deer gets revenge after hunter shoots him

SEDALIA, Mo. (AP) — A hunter bagged a big buck on the second day of firearms season, but the kill caused him a lot of pain. Randy Goodman, 49, said he thought two well-placed shots with his .270-caliber rifle had killed the buck on Nov. 19. Goodman said the deer looked dead to him, but seconds later the nine-point, 240-pound animal came to life.

The buck rose up, knocked Goodman down and attacked him with his antlers in what the veteran hunter called “15 seconds of hell.” The deer ran a short distance and went down, and died after Goodman fired two more shots.

Soon Goodman started feeling dizzy and noticed his vest was soaked in blood.

So he reached his truck and drove to a hospital, where he received seven staples in his scalp and was treated for a slight concussion and bruises.

I’d call it a tie – Hunter 1    Deer 1 – except the deer ended up dead. That would be the ultimate tie breaker.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Sign From God

An Auburn fan and Bama fan collide in a huge accident on I-20 on the way to the Iron Bowl. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.

“This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends.” says the Auburn fan. “I agree,” replies the Bama fan.

The Bama fan then returns to the wreckage of his car and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.

“Look,” he says to the Auburn fan, “this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival”

He hands the bottle over to the Auburn fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Bama fan, who then puts the top back on and returns the bottle to his car.

“Aren’t you having any?” asks the Auburn fan. “No,” replies the Bama fan, “I think I’ll wait ’til the police get here.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

Ain’t True

Top 10 stupid gifts from chickens to toilet golf
Tue Dec 2, 2008 2:45pm EST

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Short of gift ideas for that person who really does have everything? Then how about an underwear repair kit or maybe a Barack Obama “Yes, We Can” can opener?

Web site Stupid.com, which claims finding a truly stupid gift is an art form, on Tuesday unveiled its second annual list of the top 10 “stupidest” holiday gifts for 2008.

“2008 might have been a bad year for the economy, but it was a great year for stupidity,” said Stupid.com’s founder Gary Apple. “Weird products seemed to come out of the woodwork this year. There was almost too much stupidity to choose from!”

Last year the list featured a Hillary Clinton nutcracker, a Mother Teresa breath spray, and portable mistletoe with a suction cup to attach to your forehead.

Here is New York-based stupid.com’s top 10 list for 2008 (http://www.stupid.com/fun) which is not endorsed by Reuters:

1. Screaming Chicken, The World’s Most Annoying Toy:
   This rubber chicken doesn’t squeak or squawk. It screams.
2. Wealth Redistribution 2008 Holiday Ornament:
   This tree ornament announces that the ornament that used to be there has been removed and given to someone who needs it more. The Redistribution Holiday Ornament will let everyone know you’re spreading the wealth whether you want to or not.
3. Mini Guitar Hero:
   This miniature version of that mega-hit game is barely 6-inches long but you can still rock out to songs by Queen, Cheap Trick, Nirvana, and The Police
4. Potty Putter:
   Why waste time on the toilet, when you can use it to get ready for the fairway? Potty Putter contains everything you need for an exciting round of golf without leaving your seat including a putting green for around the toilet, mini putter, flag stick and two golf balls.
5. Wasabi Flavored Gumballs:
   These potent little green confections offer an intense explosion of wasabi. Strangely, the gum is actually delicious.
6. Men’s Underwear Repair Kit:
   In this troubled economy, don’t throw away your old underwear but repair it with the Men’s Underwear Repair Kit. This handy, inexpensive kit provides everything you need to get your unsightly undershorts back into presentable shape.
7. Obama “Yes We Can” Opener:
   Every election spawns some interesting products, but this has to be one of the stupidest. To Obama fans, the “Yes, We Can” opener, seizing on his campaign refrain, could be a treasure.
8. “How To Tie A Tie” Tie:
   Still struggle with your tie? This stylish tie has simple knot-tying instructions printed right on the front. Just follow the six step-by-step diagrams and you’ll look as dashing as George Clooney in seconds.
9. 2009 Dog Poop Calendar:
   Each month features a spectacular landscape or breathtaking tableau, but somewhere in every shot there’s a pile of dog poop. Distasteful? You bet it is, but the contrast between the beautiful photography and dog poop is remarkable.
10. Pole Dancer Alarm Clock:
    When the alarm goes off, dance music plays and disco lights flash. At the same time, a buxom blonde dancer gyrates around a pole under the spinning disco ball.

Ain’t true if you buy any of the above that it is the thought that counts…….

Redneck Song of the Week

Leroy the Redneck Reindeer

Redneck Video of the Week

Larry the Cable Guy Tries to Sing Christmas Carols

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: History According to the BCS

BCS Declares Germany Winner in World War II; US #4

AP - After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II

“Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland , France , Norway , Sweden , Denmark , Belgium and the Netherlands . Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work–including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule–our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking.”

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated “The US only had two major victories–Japan and Germany . The computer models, unlike humans, aren’t influenced by head-to-head contests–they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event.”

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said “Yes, we lost to the US ; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks.” Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn ’style points’ to enhance Germany ’s rankings. Hitler protested “Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces.”

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented “ France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2.”

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

United States head coach Harry S Truman was criticized by many as having poor taste for scheduling a “politicking” interview during halftime of the German bombing raids over Great Britain.

In that interview, Truman stated, “Any way you look at it, there is going to be a really good military force that gets left out. But when you come right down to it, our head-to-head victory over the Germans has to be the deciding factor.”

A US fan also made the point that “ Germany is getting all the style points right now because of their sexy offense, which continues to obliterate weaker opponents and show off their might after the battle is already won. But what about defense?”

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record        8 – 1    .889

Season Record                 145 – 49    .747

End of Regular Season

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“Neither current events nor history show that the majority rule, or ever did rule.”
- Jefferson Davis, The Best President We Ever Had!

Redneck Ramblins

1. No matter what has happened this year, we still are blessed and should be very thankful.
2. I heard that we were getting change after the election. Looks so far to be the same ole Clinton stuff we had 8+ years ago.
3. Nothing is going to change until we go from “me” to “we”. The good of America has to come before the good of a few individuals.
4. What do you do in case of a tornado? Go to Auburn. They never have a touchdown there.
5. Heard that Tiger Woods lost his Buick endorsement deal. That and him being off work due to injury, I am worried that he might not make it. Hope he has that insurance!
6. No question that Auburn has been looking for a quarterback. Tuberville was out recruiting the other day and found an athlete just right for Auburn. When he asked the recruit if he could pass a football, he replied “Hell yeah, if I can swallow it.”
7. Now that gas is under $2 a gallon, let’s blame Bush for that too.
8. I hear Coach Saban is being pegged for the new administration’s Secretary of Defense. Although, I doubt he’d take a less prestigious job and the huge pay cut.
9. Y’all can probably tell that it is Alabama – Auburn week. No rivalry like it anywar.
10. Holiday travel warning: Airlines used to lose your luggage for free. Now they charge to do it.
11. This stock market is making plenty of people millionaires. Of course they were billionaires before this mess started.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Lucky man survives after being run over by train
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. (AP) — Talk about being lucky - a north Alabama man is alive after being run over by a train on Thursday afternoon. Huntsville Fire and Rescue officials said a train engineer spotted 61-year-old Arnold Romine lying across railroad ties. Witnesses said the conductor sounded the horn and tried to stop the train.

Firefighters said by the time the coal train was stopped, 8 rail cars had passed over Romine’s body.

Miraculously, he suffered what appeared to be minor injuries. He was later treated and released at Huntsville Hospital.

It’s unclear why Romine was lying on the tracks.

Hell yeah it’s clear. It’s just an Auburn fan following tracks while huntin’.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Two hunters from Auburn were dragging their dead deer back to their car.

Another hunter, from Tuscaloosa, approached pulling his along too.

“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.”

After the Bama hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!”

“Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Happy Thanksgiving Y’all

Racin’

Ain’t True

ROME (AP) - Serie A side Catania has come up with a creative way to score from a free kick: block the goalkeeper’s vision by having players drop their shorts down in a wall.

The Sicilian team carried out the maneuver to perfection when Giuseppe Mascara scored in Sunday’s 3-2 win over Torino.

Three Catania players dropped their shorts down near their knees so Torino goalkeeper Matteo Sereni couldn’t see Mascara’s kick.

“This is a strategy that (Catania coach Walter) Zenga tries continually in training,” the club’s chief executive Pietro Lo Monaco told RAI state radio Monday.

Former referees coordinator Paolo Casarin called the move “unsportsmanlike and in bad taste.”

“It’s a trick that should not be tolerated anymore by the referees,” Casarin said.

Lo Monaco responded, “A trick? I wouldn’t say so. It’s up to the referee to decide if it should be penalized, otherwise I don’t see where the problem is….Good taste is relative.”

Ain’t true that it was a full moon!

Redneck Song of the Week:

You Can’t Hide Redneck – Tracy Lawrence

Redneck Video of the Week:

Bubby J
http://www.jeffdunham.com/#/bubbaj

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Law

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, ‘Where did you get that turkey?’
The boy replied, ‘What turkey?’

The game warden said, ‘That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.’

The boy looks down and said, ‘Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!’

The game warden said, ‘Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I’m going to do to you.

If you break his leg, I’m gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I’ll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I’ll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?’

The little boy said, ‘I guess I’ll just kiss his butt and let him go!’

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record        13-7    .650
Season Record              122 – 43    .739

Louie’s Losers

TX A&M loses to Longhorns
Bet the double-wide game of the week.

Toledo loses to Bowling Green
It will be close one though!

UTEP loses to E Carolina
Miners make sure everything is fine in Caroline

Arkansas loses to LSU
LSU rights the shrimp boat after recent storms

Miss State loses to Ole Miss
Rebels take to the air to win intra-state rivalry

Pittsburgh loses to West Va
Good game will be close

Auburn loses to #1 Alabama
Bama stays unbeaten until they play Florida

North Texas loses to Arkansas State
Coach Dodge really wishes he was back at Southlake Carroll

Maryland loses to Boston College
Terps get turned upside down

South Carolina loses to Clemson
Ole Ball Coach is mad after this one

Florida State loses to Florida
Bobby Bowden beaten badly

Georgia loses to Ga Tech
Rabblin’ Wreck upsets the dawgs

Rice loses to Houston
Cougars steam Rice

Duke loses to North Carolina
At least until basketball season

Oklahoma loses to Okie State
Upset special of the week

SMU loses to So Miss
Eagles fly

Baylor loses to Texas Tech
Red Raiders take embarrassing loss out on Bears

UAB loses to UCF
Central Fla flogs Blazers

Virginia loses to Va Tech
Beamer beams

Vanderbilt loses to Wake Forest
Close one to the home team

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

I don’t hire anybody who’s not brighter than I am. If they’re not brighter than I am, I don’t need them.
Paul “Bear” Bryant, I Ain’t Never Been Nothing but a Winner

Redneck Ramblins

1. Too bad most houses now don’t have porches. A good porch sittin’ could take everybody’s mind of this election and economy. Besides takin’ the edge off, you might actually get to know yer neighbors.
2. Taken a couple of trips in the last several weeks to Topeka to visit an ailin’ mother-in-law. I know one thing for sure – Oklahoma roads suck!
3. I am sick and tired of “Stock Analysts”. They are punks that sit in offices in New York City and figure how much money a company should make so that they hit their portfolio earnings for the quarter. Then the poor ole company CEO has to hit that number or the company’s stock crater. “The company reported record sales and earnings today, but they did not hit analyst’s expectations, so the stock went down 10%.” Male bovine excrement!! No wonder companies cheat.
4. Insurance companies should be required to pay claims within 30 days. They are notorious for withholding payment to doctors, hospitals, and you and me, because they “question” something or just outright deny the claim. You wonder why health care is so expensive. Just try being a day late with y’alls premium payment and see what happens.
5. Just heard that Auburn is changing their names from the Tigers to Possums because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
6. Notice that gas prices aren’t coming down as fast as they went up.
7. Did you know that 12 of the 18 provinces in Iraq have been turned over to Iraqi government control? Didn’t think so. Dang liberal US media doesn’t want you to know. Got this out of the UK off that internet that Gore invented.
8. Vote all the bums out! And I approve this message.

Redneck Political News

Feel like you ain’t got no choice? Don’t know who to vote fer?

Petty – Pearson in ‘08
No Debate ‘bout It

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

This was actually printed in a newspaper?

And I thought “No” would win in a landslide!

Redneck Joke of the Week (compliments of redneck Hiker Daniel)

**Virus Alert**

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends.

If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Redneck Picture of the Week  (compliments of Redneck Phil)

Racin’ at Hotlanta!

Everybody was slipping and sliding Sunday in Atlanta. They all were slideways the entire race. Poor ole Cousin Carl Edwards goes out and wins the race only to find out that Jimmie Johnson came back from a lap down and 30th place to finish 2nd. That’s what champions do!!

Racin Picks of the Week – Texas - The Chase is On!

1. Cousin Carl Edwards
2. Jimmie Johnson
3. Anybody else with Roush Racing

Ain’t True

Some say that this is police abuse. Ain’t true!! Bravo for Sheriff Judd!!!

Some “dirtbag” in Polk County Florida who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop ended up “executing” the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range.  Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.  A state-wide manhunt ensued.  The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit the guy 68 times.

Now here’s the kicker:
Naturally, the media asked why they shot him 68 times. Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd, told the Orlando Sentinel:

“That’s all the bullets we had!”
(Talk about an all time classic answer!!!)

Redneck Song of the Week

“Redneck Girl” – Bellamy Brothers

Redneck Video of the Week: (Compliments of my redneck son)

Fishing Down South (Way Down South in Australia)

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Redneck Test

This test really can’t be cheated on… either you know the answers or you don’t.   Yankees may score a 2 or 3, whereas the natives typically score around 20+.   If you score over 30, you should be living in a trailer park with the Trans Am up on blocks.

1. How many Vienna Sausages are in a can?
2. What was the number and color of Richard Petty’s cars?
3. Bill Dance is good at what?
4. What university does Bill Dance root for?
5. Where did Herschel Walker play (college) football?
6. After boiling peanuts for an hour you have what?
7. In cubic inches, how big is the smallest 1966 GM small-block  V8?
8. A Cajun is likely to speak what furrin’ language?
9. What is a chigger?
10. What is scrapple?
11. Where is “The Redneck Riviera”?
12. What’s that fuzzy stuff hanging off the oak trees?
13. What follows logically?  Johnson, Mercury,_______________.
14. What’s the common name for a bowfin?
15. If you mated a heifer and a steer, what would you get?
16. Who sang “Your Cheatin’ Heart”?
17. What are grits made out of?
18. Who was nicknamed “The Bear”
19. Why is the Blue Ridge blue?
20. What did The Baldwin Sisters make?
21. Who was Andy Taylor’s love interest?
22. What are the radio station call letters that carries “The Grand  Ol’ Opry”?
23. Where would you find Vidalia County?
24. What sport requires 3 legs and a rope?
25. What instrument did Bill Monroe play? (typically)
26. How many strings on a banjo? (two possible answers)
27. When you argue with a fool, what is he doing?
28. What is a scuppernong?
29. Do you want the goats to get into the kudzu?
30. Why do you want to eat “high on the hog”?
31. What color is a John Deere?
32. What do you call the offspring of a mule?
33. What will you harvest when you plant “shade”?

Answers:

1. 7
2. 43, red and blue
3. Fishin’
4. University of Tennessee
5. University of Georgia
6. Hard peanuts
7. 283
8. French
9. A red bug (small parasite)
10. A sausage-like loaf made out of pig parts
11. Panama City, FL
12. Spanish moss
13. Evinrude
14. Mudfish
15. Nothing.  A steer has been castrated.
16. Hank Williams
17. Corn
18. Paul Bryant
19. Because of the pollen
20. “The Recipe”
21. Helen
22. WSM
23. Georgia
24. Calf roping
25. Mandolin
26. 5
27. The same thing
28. A wild grape
29. Yes
30. Because that’s where the better cuts of meat are. Rich folks live high on the hog.
31. Green
32. Another trick animal husbandry question.  Mules are generally sterile.
33. Tobacco

Ah heck. I scored 31. I guess I have to tell Mrs. Redneck we’s moving to the trailer park.

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record    16-2    .889
Season Record               82-21    .796

I am 29-2 since I started picking the losers versus the winners, so on we go……………

Louie’s Losers

Ark St loses to Bama

Saban’s boys don’t run up the score.

Clemson loses to Boston College

Tigers get beaned in Boston

Georgia loses to Florida

The dawgs may want some cocktails after the World’s Largest Cocktail Party

Ga Tech loses to Florida St

Yellow Jackets get stung in a close one

Syracuse loses to Louisville

Orangemen lose at home

Tulane loses to LSU

The battle of the bayou

Miami loses to Virginia

Mild upset of the week

Auburn loses to Ole Miss

Tigers can’t win at home and certainly not on the road

Kentucky loses to Miss St

Wildcats slain in Starkville

Baylor loses to Mizzou

Gotta like what’s going on in Waco, but MU has more talent

Nebraska loses to Oklahoma

Honestly, I wish they could both lose

UAB loses to So. Miss

Blazers beat themselves

Texas loses to Texas Tech

Longhorns leave Lubbock in their rearview mirror losers. Upset of the week!

Texas A&M loses to Colorado

This will be a good game decided in the final minute

Duke loses to Wake Forest

Demons dunk Duke

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

If you’re a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light, you might be a redneck.
- Jeff Foxworthy

Redneck Ramblin’s

1. Ya know how to keep Auburn players out of your yard? Put a goal post in it.
2. Why is it when people talk about something going bad they say that it went south. When I go South, it is a good thing!
3. It would be even better if all the Yankees went North!
4. Politicians like to rob Peter to pay Paul. I am tired of being Peter all of the time. Let’s rob Paul to pay Peter just once!
5. What a tragedy! Two Auburn students were killed this week raking leaves. Yep. They fell out of the tree.
6. Does anybody really care about the love lives of celebrities? Talk about something important like racin’, college football, and the War of Northern Aggression!
7. A recent poll showed that 91% said that the political debates had not changed their minds about which candidate they would vote for. Then why the heck have the stupid things?
8. Guessing that Osama bin Laden will be caught in the next week or so just in time for the election.
9. Some people want the federal gummit to do everything for them. No wonder we are so screwed up.
10. Common sense ain’t too common anymore.
11. Many people went to college, but did not get an education. Never let school get in the way of an education.
12. The media has already elected the next president.
13. Please vote. If you don’t, you do not have the right to gritch about the results for the next four years.

Redneck Political News

Feel like you ain’t got no choice? Don’t know who to vote fer?

Petty – Pearson in ‘08
No Debate ‘bout It

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Suit against God thrown out over lack of address

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) - A judge has thrown out a Nebraska legislator’s lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn’t properly served due to his unlisted home address. State Sen. Ernie Chambers filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God.

He said God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

Chambers has said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are rich or poor.

On Tuesday, however, Douglas County District Court Judge Marlon Polk ruled that under state law a plaintiff must have access to the defendant for a lawsuit to move forward.

“Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice,” Polk wrote.

Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam, thinks he’s found a hole in the judge’s ruling.

“The court itself acknowledges the existence of God,” Chambers said Wednesday. “A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God’s omniscience.” Therefore, Chambers said, “Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit.”

Chambers has 30 days to decide whether to appeal. He said he hasn’t decided yet.
Chambers, who has served a record 38 years in the Nebraska Legislature, is not returning next year because of term limits. He skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians.

And who elects these fools?

Redneck Joke of the Week

1. It has an aquarium – only it’s stocked with live minnows.
2. The town newspaper is published monthly.
3. The town is named after everyone’s distant relative.
4. It was founded on April Fools’ Day as a practical joke.
5. The Ice Cream Store has only two flavors – vanilla & chocolate.
6. There is no hospital – only a first aid kit.
7. For fun on Saturday nights, people drive up and down Main Street.
8. There is no bank – as soon as someone gets enough money, they leave town.
9. The only traffic jam is caused when a farmer drives down Main on his combine.
10. The local phone book has only one yellow page.
11. Hardware, dry goods, grocery, clothing, and farm supplies are sold in the same store.
12. Third street is on the edge of town.
13. You don’t use turn signals because everyone knows where you are going anyway..
14. No social events are scheduled when the school gym is being varnished.
15. You call a wrong number and they give you the correct one.
16. Everyone knows the news before it’s published.
17. People only read the paper to see if the publisher got the fact right.
18. The city limit signs are both on the same post.
19. The 7-Eleven is only open from 8 – 5.
20. The only road crossing Main is a dirt road.
21. The New Year’s baby was born in October.
22. There is no place to go that you shouldn’t.
23. At the last beauty contest, nobody won 2nd or 3rd.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Bubba’s 6 Pack Abs

Yep them cans are tattooed on there! Even the plastic thingee that holds ‘em together.

Note that even though this guy was a Dale Jr fan when he drove the Bud car and has a 6 pack of cans tattoo, Bubba is drinking Coors light in a bottle.
Duh?

Racin Picks of the Week – Hot ‘Lanta- The Chase is On!

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Dale Jr.
3. Jeff Gordon

Ain’t True

11-Year-Old Leads Police on High-Speed Chase in Foster Mom’s Car
WASHINGTON, Pa. — An 11-year-old who stole his foster mother’s car led police on a high-speed chase through western Pennsylvania, striking a cruiser and slamming into a utility pole, officials said.

The boy’s guardian notified police that he was missing Sunday evening. Minutes later, the boy was spotted on a suburban road about 25 miles southwest of Pittsburgh.

Police say the boy drove up to 85 mph westbound on Interstate 70, swerving wildly between lanes. He got off the highway briefly, only to get back on going eastbound.
Officials say he then exited the interstate, hit a police cruiser and smashed into a utility pole.

The boy suffered a head injury that was not life-threatening.

The above story is true, but it is not true that Joe Gibbs has already signed him to a developmental driver contract.

Redneck Song of the Week

I know you were standing at attention when this was played.

Redneck Video of the Week: (Compliments of DK, The WVA Ridgerunner)

http://mybeautifulamerica.com/BeautifulDixie.htm

Makes me miss down home…………

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Chemistry    (compliments of Redneck Bill)

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record    13-0    1.000
Season Record        66-19    ,776

Last week I was perfect pickin’ the losers. So it continues………………

Louie’s Losers

Auburn Loses to West VA

It was reported that Auburn head football coach Tommy Tuberville will only be dressing twenty players for this game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

NC St Loses to Maryland

Terps are trouble for the Wolfpack.

Wake Forest Loses to Miami

Hurricanes hurt the Deamons.

Boston College Loses to NC

Close but no cigar for BC

A&M Loses to Iowa St

The battle for the bottom of the Big 12

Kentucky Loses to Florida

Gators win in the swamp.

Arkansas Loses to Ole Miss

Close game to the Rebels

Duke Loses to Vandy

A brain game

SMU Loses to Navy

Mustangs sunk by the Midshipmen

Tennessee Loses to Bama

Great rivalry game in the SEC. Bama barely beats the Vols.

Okla St Loses to Texas

Team dressed in orange will win this one.

LSU Loses to Georgia

Upset special of the week. Tigers get bit by the dawgs.

Kansas State Loses to Oklahoma

Bet the double-wide on this one.

VA Tech Loses to Florida State

Semiholes beat Beamer

Wyoming Loses to TCU

Horned Frogs frolic

Baylor Loses to Nebraska

Huskers to strong for the Baptist

Kansas Loses to Texas Tech

The air will be full of footballs.

Middle Tennessee Loses to Miss. St.

Won’t be a lot of offense in this one.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week: