• More wasteful government spending – just received a letter telling me that I would receive a census form in the mail next week.
• I think that Toyota should rethink their slogan – Moving Forward.
• Have you noticed that Iraqis are risking their lives to vote and get the purple finger, yet most Americans don’t exercise their greatest right?
• I am all for five day mail delivery. That just means that I get junk mail 5 days instead of 6.
• Why do people care about who wore what at the Oscars? Why do people even care about the Oscars?
• Rush Limbaugh says that he will leave the country if Congress passes the health care bill. We might want to go with him.
• Carl Edwards was only given a three race probation for intentionally wrecking Brad Keselowski at Atlanta. Boy, is Bristol gonna be fun!
• Unemployment continues to rise. Tell me again how that stimulus package was supposed to work.
• Can’t understand the buzz about 3D TV. I can’t watch most of the stuff on my 2D TVs.
• Pray for the troops y’all!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Crash blamed on motorist shaving privates

KEY WEST, Fla., March 7 (UPI) — The Florida Highway Patrol alleges a two-vehicle crash in Cudjoe Key, Fla., was caused by a female motorist trying to shave her private parts.

Trooper Gary Dunick alleges the woman, identified as Megan Mariah Barnes, was attempting to shave her bikini area while her former husband was holding the wheel when Barnes’ car crashed into the back of a pickup truck, the Key West (Fla.) Citizen reported Friday.

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Dunick alleges. “If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it.”

Two female passengers in the pickup truck were treated for minor injuries after Tuesday’s accident.

Authorities said one day before the accident, Barnes was convicted of driving under the influence with a prior and driving with a suspended license, the Citizen reported. As a result of the conviction, her driver’s license was revoked for five years and her car was supposed to be impounded.

The Citizen said Barnes, 37, is facing charges of driving with a revoked license, reckless driving and driving with no insurance. She is also facing a charge of leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries for allegedly driving an additional half-mile after Tuesday’s crash.

I guess now there will be a law that you can’t shave your privates while driving much like the law about texting.

Headlines

PELOSI HEALTHCARE: ‘We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it’…

Ain’t that a bit backards? Usually you read what is in the bill, discuss it, and then vote on it.

New Zealand woman sells souls to highest bidder

Our politicians having been doing that for years.

McDonough woman sentenced to federal prison for Katrina fraud

One down and few thousand to go!

Chief Justice Roberts ‘Troubled’ by Scene at the State of the Union Address

I was troubled by the whole State of the Union Address.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Two ninety year old men, Joe and Sam, have been friends all their lives. It seems that Sam is dying, and Joe comes to visit him every day.

“Sam,” says Joe, “You know how we have both loved baseball all our lives, and how we played minor league ball together for so many years. Sam, you have to do me one favor. When you get to Heaven, and I know you will go to Heaven, somehow you’ve got to let me know if there’s baseball in Heaven.”

Sam looks up at Joe from his death bed, and says, “Joe, you’ve been my best friend many years. If it is at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.” And shortly after that, Sam passes on.

It is midnight a couple of nights later. Joe is sound asleep when he is awakened by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calls out to him, “Joe…. Joe….”

“Who is it?” says Joe sitting up suddenly. “Who is it?”

“Joe, it’s me, Sam.”

“Come on. You’re not Sam. Sam just died.”

“I’m telling you,” insists the voice. “It’s me, Sam!”

“Sam? Is that you? Where are you?”

“I’m in heaven,” says Sam, “and I’ve got to tell you, I’ve got really good news and a little bad news.”

“So, tell me the good news first,” says Joe.

“The good news,” says Sam “is that there is baseball in heaven. Better yet, all our old buddies who’ve gone before us are there. Better yet, we’re all young men again. Better yet, it’s always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never get tired!”

“Really?” says Joe, “That is fantastic, wonderful beyond my wildest dreams!
But, what’s the bad news?”

“You’re pitching next Tuesday.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

Since we don’t have any racin’ this weekend, here is a picture of real racin’.

Jeff Gordon, driver of the No. 24 DuPont Chevrolet, participated in a Pinewood Derby with Atlanta-area Boy Scouts at Atlanta Motor Speedway last weekend.

Ain’t True

MONTESANO, Wash. (AP) — Autopsy results show a Washington man was electrocuted by touching a downed power line with his hand, not through his urine stream, as first suspected.

Grays Harbor County Chief Deputy Dave Pimentel (PIM’-en-tel) said the results showed 50-year-old Roy Messenger of Elma touched the wire and the current shot through his body to his feet.

Pimentel said Thursday that Messenger may have been urinating at the time, but it had nothing to do with his death.

Messenger’s car collided with a power pole Friday, knocking down the wire, and he called relatives to help pull his car from a ditch.

When relatives found him dead, it appeared he had urinated on the downed wire.

Ain’t true that he died from peeing on the downed power line, but I bet the line shocked the pee out of him.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Life Is A Highway” – Rascal Flatts

Redneck Video of the Week:

Reagan – Obama Debate

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Legend of The Dogwood Tree Story

Two thousand years ago, few trees in the Middle East were big enough to construct anything. However, one tree was valued above the others for its thick trunk and fine, strong wood.

When the Romans came to rule over Jerusalem, their government used this same timber to build the crosses for executing criminals. A group of workers were assigned to gather wood for the crosses. Before long, every Roman official knew the best wood came from these gatherers of execution wood, so those workers became popular.

One day, the wood gatherers received a special request. An officer of the Roman court came and said, “The King of Jews is to be put to death. Deliver an extra-large cross made from your finest wood.” So, a fresh tree was cut from the forest of the trees with thick trunks and fine, strong wood. An extra-tall (and extra-heavy) cross was quickly made and delivered.

Three days after the death of Jesus of Nazareth, the chief wood gatherer got alarming news. “All of our finest trees are withering!” the messenger whispered. The wood gatherer hurried to the forest and saw that it was true.

Several years later, the chief wood gatherer heard that, every spring, many people visited the old forest that had once made his job so easy. Despite his advancing years, he set out to discover why. He saw the remains of forest, now like a salty bottoms, with only a few trees still standing tall, bare, lifeless and rotting.

But what was this? As he drew closer, his feeble eyes could make out the people walking among thousands of beautiful, flowering bushes. Seeing one of his own workers there, the old man said, “No one could ever make a cross out of this twisted wood. Our finest tree has gone to the dogs!” He noticed the beautiful white flowers, each blossom looking as if it had been burned from the touch of a miniature cross. .As told to Ben Baston by his grandmother, Louise Brown.

There Is A Legend

At the time of Crucifixion the dogwood had been the size of the oak and other forest trees. So firm and strong was the tree that it was chosen as the timber for the cross. To be used thus for such a cruel purpose greatly distressed the tree, and Jesus nailed upon it, sensed this.
In His gentle pity for all sorrow and suffering Jesus said to the tree:
” Because of your regret and pity for My suffering, never again shall the dogwood tree grow large enough to be used as a cross. Henceforth it shall be slender and bent and twisted and its blossoms shall be in the form of a cross–two long and two short petals. And in the center of the outer edge of each petal there will be nail prints, brown with rust and stained with red, and in the center of the flower will be a crown of thorns, and all who see it will remember.”

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

‘You’ve got to be very careful if you don’t know where you are going, because you might not get there’
- Yogi Berra

Redneck Ramblins

• Toyota has apologized. Now they need to go directly to rehab like everybody else that has gotten into trouble.
• Pitchers and catchers report – Spring cannot be far behind!
• It will now be referred to as sense. Common has left the building.
• Since “bi-partisan” doesn’t seem to be working, how about trying “non-partisan”?
• It doesn’t matter what you make. It’s the difference that you make that matters.
• Have you heard of any federal gummit layoffs, job cuts, or budget cuts? Every other government — city, county, and state — has.
• The IOC stunned the world this morning when they awarded U.S. President Barack Obama a gold medal for Men’s Skiing. Even though he’s never skied before. IOC spokesman said “Barack Obama is going downhill faster than anyone this year.”
• At least the kids of the air traffic controller at JFK that talked to the pilots on the ATC frequency didn’t do it a real busy airport or congested air space or something. Gee………
• Pray for the troops y’all.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

EL PASO, Texas — A mad emu gave deputies a Texas-sized hard time. El Paso authorities say the big bird was running loose Tuesday, snarling rush-hour traffic near Interstate 10 and attacking deputies trying to restrain it. Deputies with the El Paso County Sheriff’s Office tried to prevent the tall, flightless bird from running into traffic. But when deputies neared the emu, it became aggressive and slashed one deputy’s pant leg. The deputy was not seriously injured.

The emu died as it was being transported to an animal control shelter. The cause of death was not immediately known.

A different kind of road rage.

Headlines

Leno Crushes Letterman in Return

Gosh, I would have watched if I’d known he was gonna do that. What did he do, sit on him?

Senate passes $10 billion bill

Wow! They had an off day. They normally spend way more than that. Or is that the denomination of the bill will be carrying soon due to inflation?

Pilot with fake license arrested at Amsterdam airport…

Maybe he can talk to the kid air traffic controllers at JFK and just have a big crash.

Tiger tortured during Atlanta circus visit

I know people are upset with Mr. Woods, but torture?

Jon Gosselin not happy Kate is on ‘Dancing’

He is not the only one.

Redneck Joke of the Week

One hot summer day, the little boy’s granny asked him to go fetch some

drinking water so she could start supper. “Come on back now,” she told

him. “And don’t go swimming.” The little boy went obediently down to

the spring, but once there, the water looked so inviting he rolled up his

britches legs and waded in up to his knees, reasoning that he wasn’t

swimming, exactly. He hadn’t splashed around long, however, before he

remembered his errand. Reaching up on the bank for his pail, the boy

was just about to dip it in the water when he saw a mean looking pair

of beady eyes rise up out of the spring and stare at him. Frightened half

to death, the child dropped the pail, climbed out of the water, and ran

all the way back to the house, skidding to a halt at his granny’s feet

at the clothesline. His granny eyed his wet clothes and empty hands.

“Where’s my water, son? Better yet, where’s the bucket?”

“I couldn’t get you no water,” the child said, huffing and puffing and

trying to catch his breath. “There’s a big ol’ alligator in that spring.”

His granny snorted. “Aw, son, that old alligator has been living down

there as long as I’ve been up here. He’s probably just as scared of

you as you are of him.”

After briefly considered that idea the young boy said, “Granny, if he’s

as scared of me as I am of him that water ain’t fit to drink anyway!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

There is all kinds of architecture – Doric, Ionic and then there is Moronic!

Racin’

The trip out west turned out good for Jimmie Johnson – winning at California and at Vegas. Now it is to the fast Hotlanta track.

Picks:

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Kevin Harvick
3. Clint Bowyer

Ain’t True

KALISPELL, Mont. — A cargo plane door opened in flight over Montana and likely turned two bags into air mail. Crews are searching the Bob Marshall Wilderness Complex for the two priority mail bags that might have fallen out of the plane last weekend.

Alpine Air reported that a cargo hatch on the twin-engine turboprop opened during the flight between Billings and Kalispell and the pilot was unable to close it. The plane carried about 3,000 pounds of mail.

Postal workers aren’t sure any mail is missing, but if any is, they say it’s likely two bags, or about 25 packages.

Weather hampered the search on Thursday for the bright orange mail bags.

Kalispell customers who believe they’re missing priority mail packages are asked to call the Kalispell Post Office.

Ain;t true that the mail wasn’t delivered. It was just to the wrong address.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Jack Ingram – Barefoot And Crazy

Redneck Video of the Week:

The Census Is Getting Personal

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Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

The Washington Post babbled again today about Obama inheriting a huge deficit from Bush, blah blah blah.  Amazingly enough, a lot of people swallow this nonsense.

So once more, I’ll try a short civics lesson.

Budgets do not get approved by the White House.  They are passed only by CONGRESS and the party that controlled Congress since January 2007 is the Democratic Party.  They controlled the budget process for FY 2008 and FY 2009, as well as FY 2010 and FY 2011.  In that first year, they had to contend with George Bush, which caused them to compromise on spending, when Bush somewhat belatedly got tough on spending increases.  For FY 2009, though, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid bypassed George Bush entirely, passing continuing resolutions to keep government running until Barack Obama could take office.  At that time, they passed a massive omnibus spending bill to complete the FY 2009 budgets.

And where was Barack Obama during this time?  He was a member of that very Congress that passed all of these massive spending bills, and he signed the omnibus bill as President to complete FY 2009.

Let’s remember what the deficits looked like during that period:

If the Democrats inherited any deficit, it was the FY 2007 deficit, the last of the Republican budgets.  That deficit was the lowest in five years, and the fourth straight decline in deficit spending.  After that, Democrats in  Congress took control of spending, and that includes Barack Obama, who voted for those budgets.  If Obama inherited anything, he inherited it from himself.

In a nutshell, what Obama is saying is I inherited a deficit that I voted for and then I voted to expand that deficit four-fold since January 20^th, 2009.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“There is nothing wrong with America that can’t be cured by what is right with America.”

–Henry Clay, famous southerner and political statesman

• Haiti must be all better. Haven’t seen anything on the news or in the papers in almost a week. Only thing that matters now is the Winter Olympics and Tiger.
• Same goes with the Swine Flu that was gonna kill everybody.
• When the going gets tough, the tough take a nap.
• Dang gummit says that the stimulus created 2.1 million jobs. Really? Must be gummit jobs or jobs overseas. They ain’t here in the private sector.
• If Congress doesn’t want term limits, then we should limit their terms by voting the bums out!
• Why are all the robo political calls screaming their message?
• Politicians should be covered under the Do Not Call List.
• Since Tony Kornheiser has been suspended from ESPN for a couple of weeks, I might even watch the show. What a jerk!
• Had another snow emergency in the DFW area this week. It snowed and almost stuck to the ground. Total panic on the airwaves……..
• Pray for the troops that keep you free.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

PINE LAWN, Mo. — A suburban St. Louis woman has been arrested after police said she shot at her husband when he refused to give her some of their tax return money. Pine Lawn police said the unidentified woman was being held on a $75,000 cash-only bond on suspicion of first-degree assault and armed criminal action. It was not immediately known whether she had an attorney.

Police said she followed her husband to work Saturday morning at a barber shop and fired when he refused to turn over any money. The bullets missed the husband.

Investigators said the woman then went to St. Louis and threw the gun in a sewer. She turned herself in after police contacted her.

Pine Lawn Assistant Police Chief Daniel O’Conner said the woman felt “more than justified” about the shooting.

Glad me and Mrs. Redneck gotta pay this year.

Headlines

Wal-Mart — first quarterly sales drop at U.S. stores

My “Don’t Shop at Wal-Mart” campaign is working!

McCain: I was mislead on bailouts……

So were we!

Don’t knock naps, they make you smarter

Sure wish I had taken more in the early years, but I’m getting smarter now.

10% Say Congress is Doing a Good Job

Must be them and their family and friends. 71% say that they are doing a poor job.

Redneck Joke of the Week

There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings..

Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.

So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine..

Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Smokey was no fool.  He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty,
so he got down on his knees and cried:

“Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?”

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke………..

(you’re going to love this)

“Repaint!  Repaint!
And thin no more!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Never Tick Off a Woman Who Can Drive a Backhoe

Racin’

I would rather be lucky than good, but Jimmie Johnson was both last week in winning California.

This week it is Vegas!

The picks:

1. Kyle “Hometown Boy” Busch
2. Kurt “Hometown Brother” Busch
3. Greg Biffle

Ain’t True

Groom arrested twice on wedding night

LEWISTON, Idaho – A marriage got off to a rocky start after the 21-year-old groom from northern Idaho was arrested twice on his wedding night and charged with assaulting his new wife in nearby eastern Washington.

Court records show the suspect was charged Tuesday in Asotin County Superior Court with second-degree assault and interfering with a report of domestic violence.

The Nez Perce County Sheriff’s Office in Idaho said the man was married Sunday and later arrested for drunken and disorderly conduct in Lewiston.

Police said that after the suspect was released on bail, he assaulted his new wife at a home in nearby Clarkston, Wash. The bride told authorities she was slapped and choked during the altercation, the Lewiston Tribune reported.

The man was scheduled to be arraigned March 1.

Ain’t true that this marriage is gonna last long.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Backwoods – Justin Moore

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Redneck Video of the Week:

Toyota Lawnmower Recall

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

This is about as clear and easy to understand as it can be – read it!!

The article below is completely neutral, .not anti republican or democrat.

Charlie Reese, a retired reporter for the Orlando Sentinel has hit the nail

directly on the head, defining clearly who it is that in the final analysis must

assume responsibility for the judgments made that impact each one of us every day.

It’s a short but good read.  Worth the time.  Worth remembering!

545  PEOPLE–By Charlie Reese

Politicians are the only people in the world  who create problems and then campaign against them..

Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don’t propose a federal budget.  The president does.

You and I don’t have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.

You and I don’t write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don’t set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don’t control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one  president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human  beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally,  and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague  this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress.   In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority.  They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing.   I don’t care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash.  The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator’s responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault.    They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall.   No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits…..   The president can only propose a budget.    He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.   Who is the speaker of the House?    Nancy Pelosi.  She is the leader of the majority party.  She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want.  If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted — by present facts — of incompetence and irresponsibility.   I can’t think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people.  When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it’s because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it’s because they want it in the red

If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ, it’s because they want them in IRAQ

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it’s because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power.   Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like “the economy,” “inflation,” or “politics” that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power..

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees…

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

- Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper and journalist for 45 years.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.

– Abraham Lincoln
16th president of US (1809 – 1865)

• Sorry the post is a little late this week. Because of a foot of global warming in the DFW area, we did not have power for three days. Running a bit behind……….
• Really do appreciate heat, lights, hot water……….. I think the next big purchase will be a generator.
• Although the experience was just like a long campout, Mrs. Redneck don’t like camping! She likes her luxuries……..
• Best part of being without electricity was not watching the news. Refreshing!
• I thought there for a while that they were going to rename Daytona Beach to Danica Beach with all the press she was getting.
• DC was shut down for a week. Did anybody notice?
• The top Taliban military commander has been captured. Must be Bush’s fault.
• Toyotas have fast acceleration and then you can’t stop them. Dang, sounds like a great racecar to me. No wonder that they do so well in NASCAR.
• Golf tour needs Tiger back. It is dying. TV ratings suck big time.
• Must be political season. The mudslinging has begun.
• Pray for your troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

ALBERT LEA, Minn. – Nothing says “I love you” like a half-mile wide heart made out of manure.

A southern Minnesota man created the Valentine’s Day gift for his wife of 37 years in their farm field about 12 miles southwest of Albert Lea .

Bruce Andersland told the Alberta Lea Tribune that he started the project with his tractor and manure spreader Wednesday and finished Thursday.

His wife, Beth, says it’s the biggest and most original Valentine she has ever received. She says some people might think it’s gross, but she says it’s cute and “Why not do something fun with what you got?”

She says the heart would be darker except for the recent heavy snowfall that mixed with the manure.

This is a bit too mushy for me!

Headlines

Obama: I ‘don’t begrudge people success or wealth’

He just wants to take it away or tax it so he can give it to others.

Obama: I’ll Meet GOP Halfway on Health Care Bill

Of course no one else in his administration will.

REPORT: Alabama shooter is ‘far-left political extremist who was ‘obsessed’ with President Obama’…

Knew she was crazy.

Scientists discover the secret of ageing

Duh. It’s because you get older.

Redneck Joke of the Week

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back-country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch .I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low my heart was full.

As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say,

” I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

Daytona is done and the pot hole was repaired with bondo. Great finish after two long delays.

So it is off to California.

The picks:

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Kasey Kahne
3. Matt Kenseth

Ain’t True

CALLAHAN, Fla., Feb. 7 (UPI) — A Florida woman, 66, said she has to crawl between two railroad cars to go anywhere from her home after being trapped by the cars.

Aretha Brown said a train parked 40 cars on the tracks that run in front of her Callahan house Dec. 27 — and just left them there, the Jacksonville (Fla.) Times-Union reported Saturday.

Brown said she must crawl under the cars even to go to her mailbox, or else walk 20 minutes to get around the train. She struggles to keep her Sunday best clean when she goes to church. It’s very difficult making her way under the train with a bag of groceries, the newspaper reported.

“My house is falling apart and I can’t get anyone to come and make repairs because they won’t climb under the train,” Brown told the Times-Union.

She said she banged her shoulder crawling under the cars and it hurt for weeks.

Brown said her parents bought the old white house more than 30 years ago. Her sister and niece, Mae and Rita Hailey, lived in an adjoining house before they moved out in frustration a few weeks ago. Her brother, Frank Cheavers, still lives in the adjoining house.

“I really don’t think anyone would want to buy this,” she laughed when asked if she would sell the homes.

Mae Hailey said she asked CSX Transportation to move the cars, or at least disconnect them in front of Brown’s house, but the railroad declined to do so.

CSX preferred to locate a new destination for the train, and also intends to build an access road that would permit Brown to reach the street without having to cross the tracks, CSX spokesman Gary Sease said.

Ain’t true that this is what they refer to as living on the wrong side of the tracks.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Tim McGraw  – My Next Thirty Years

Redneck Video of the Week:

Take a Two Minute Vacation – Pike’s Peak

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Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

I want to be Trailer Trash

I want to be trailer trash. They did not cause

any of the problems that our country faces

today. They did not get mortgages they

couldn’t afford. They did not run banks to

the ground with greed. They did not use

investors for their personal benefit. They

don’t even belong to the unions that ask

too much of their companies.

I’m tired of paying mortgage bills, utility

bills, and property taxes.

I want to live more simply, pack up

the dog and move into a travel-trailer.

I don’t mind being called “trailer trash,”

but I want to get your opinion.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence.”
- Charles Austin Beard

• Toyota can’t seem to catch a “brake” this week.
• Bubba spent all week cleaning the house. Next week he will start on the senate.
• Ever wonder why jocks think they are more special than everyone else? Could be the overcooked press conferences and nationwide live coverage from ESPN. Too bad the kid who gets a full ride from MIT doesn’t get the same treatment. He might actually contribute something to society.
• Who Dat! Nawlins got rid of Nagin and won a Super Bowl in the same weekend! Dat who!
• I picked the correct score and said that Peyton would kill em. Just picked the wrong Payton. The Ain’ts ain’t anymore
• Seems like all the people I have talked to watched the Super Bowl commercials which were interrupted by a game.
• Good news. The massive global warming has shut down DC.
• They are making fun of Sarah Palin writing notes on her palm for a speech. She was just using her Redneck Palm Pilot.
• Remember the troops that are fighting for your freedom.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Cat predicts 50 deaths in RI nursing home

A cat with an uncanny ability to detect when nursing home patients are about to die has proven itself in around 50 cases by curling up with them in their final hours, according to a new book.

Dr David Dosa, a geriatrician and assistant professor at Brown University, said that five years of records showed Oscar rarely erring, sometimes proving medical staff at the New England nursing home wrong in their predictions over which patients were close to death.

The cat, now five and generally unsociable, was adopted as a kitten at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Centre in Providence, Rhode Island, which specialises in caring for people with severe dementia.

Dr Dosa first publicised Oscar’s gift in an article in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2007. Since then, the cat has gone on to double the number of imminent deaths it has sensed and convinced the geriatrician that it is no fluke.

The tortoiseshell and white cat spends its days pacing from room to room, rarely spending any time with patients except those with just hours to live.

If kept outside the room of a dying patient, Oscar will scratch on the door trying to get in.

When nurses once placed the cat on the bed of a patient they thought close to death, Oscar “charged out” and went to sit beside someone in another room. The cat’s judgement was better than that of the nurses: the second patient died that evening, while the first lived for two more days.

Dr Dosa and other staff are so confident in Oscar’s accuracy that they will alert family members when the cat jumps on to a bed and stretches out beside its occupant.

“It’s not like he dawdles. He’ll slip out for two minutes, grab some kibble and then he’s back at the patient’s side. It’s like he’s literally on a vigil,” Dr Dosa wrote.

Dr Dosa noted that the nursing home keeps five other cats, but none of the others have ever displayed a similar ability.

In his book, “Making rounds with Oscar: the extraordinary gift of an ordinary cat”, Dr Dosa offers no solid scientific explanation for Oscar’s behaviour.

He suggests Oscar is able – like dogs, which can reportedly smell cancer – to detect ketones, the distinctly-odoured biochemicals given off by dying cells.

Far from recoiling from Oscar’s presence, now they know its significance, relatives and friends of patients have been comforted and sometimes praised the cat in newspaper death notices and eulogies, said Dr Dosa.

“People were actually taking great comfort in this idea, that this animal was there and might be there when their loved ones eventually pass. He was there when they couldn’t be,” he said.

Another reason not to like cats hanging around.

Headlines

Americans drinking more but favoring less expensive brands

It’s Obama’s fault. He is driving us to drink, but we can no longer afford the good stuff.

Obama prays for civility toward DC

That gate swings both ways, sir!

Is US bullying Toyota on recall to help Government Motors?

Hey, it is a competitive business. Kick ‘em when you can.

Obama predicts Colts victory in Super Bowl

He’s been wrong on plenty of other stuff too.

Redneck Joke of the Week

In Washington an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he
had faithfully served the people of the nation’s capital. He motioned
for his nurse to come near.

“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I
die”, whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father”, replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to The House and Senate waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived; Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi would be delighted
to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Reid commented to Pelosi,
“I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will
certainly help our images and might even get me re-elected.”

Pelosi agreed that it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest took Reid’s hand
in his right hand and Pelosi’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.

Finally Nancy Pelosi spoke.
“Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose
us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life
after Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

“Amen”, said Reid.

“Amen”, said Pelosi.

The old priest continued, “Jesus died between two lying thieves; I
would like to do the same.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Caution Rednecks at Play - FW Rodeo

Racin’

Let’s go racin’ boys! (and Danica)

The long, long off season is finally over. The good ol boys is racin’ again!

The picks for the Great American Race:

1. Tony Stewart
2. Matt Kenseth
3. Elliot Sadler

Ain’t True

NEW YORK — A New York City fourth-grader was sent to the principal’s office and nearly suspended for bringing a 2-inch toy gun to school.

(insert pic of toy gun)

Nine-year-old Patrick Timoney and a friend were playing with Legos in the cafeteria at Public School 52 in Staten Island on Tuesday when Patrick produced the tiny plastic machine gun and put it in the hands of a plastic police officer.

After Patrick’s mother got a call from the school, his parents met with the principal and persuaded her not to discipline him if he agreed to leave the toy gun at home.

The boy’s father, also named Patrick Timoney, says principal Evelyn Mastroianni “went overboard.”

Mastroianni did not immediately respond to an e-mail seeking comment Thursday.

Ain’t true that they teach or practice common sense in school anymore.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Rhett Akins, That Ain’t My Truck

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Redneck Video of the Week:

Smart Dawg’s Great Escape

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Security Alert

A math teacher was arrested today at JohnF. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” the Attorney General said. They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.” They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as “unknowns”, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.”
- Dale Carnegie

• After spending $ 1.4 trillion, the administration is now freezing federal spending?
• You can start by eliminating all the earmarks (campaign promise) and not buying votes for your legislation.
• Hearing that Favre’s retirement hinges on his endorsement deal with Waffle House.
• Ford posted a $ 2.7 billion profit for 2009 and is the only domestic carmaker to not get a gummit bailout. Ummmmmmmm.
• Bubba is trying to figure out how every insurance company can save you $300-$400 compared to the others. He is now switching from State Farm, to Progressive and then to Nationwide and then to Geico…….For long he be getting insurance for free!
• Have you noticed all the tax services that are advertising to do your 1040-EZ filing for $39? Seriously, if you need help with the EZ form, then you really do need help.
• Common sense is now an oxymoron. Ain’t too common anymore.
• Mrs. Redneck’s vehicle just alerted her that she had low tire pressure. She was not impressed with the smartness of the vehicle. She said that it should just send a message directly to me to fix it.
• Obama’s new budget axes the NASA moon missions. That’s okay, we can just climb the trillions of dollars in deficit and reach the moon anyway.
• Although I agree with Obama that there should be a playoff system in the top tier of NCAA football, please keep yer dang hands off of our beloved sport. The gummit ain’t got no bidness messing with it. It’s messed up enough already. Don’t ya even think about NASCAR or you might get hurt.
• Happy Groundhog’s Day!
• Pray for the troops.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

JOPLIN, Mo. – Police in Missouri say a man accused of stealing a ring coughed up the evidence while officers were questioning him.

Pictures of the two-carat diamond ring worth about $20,000 were sent to jewelers in the Joplin area after it was reported stolen when someone took the owner’s purse from her car on Thursday.

The Joplin Globe reports that the owner of Newton’s Jewelry recognized the ring when a man and woman came to his store a few hours after the theft and said they wanted to sell it. L.T. Newton and his staff stalled them and called police.

Police say the man swallowed the ring when officers arrived. While being questioned, he began to cough uncontrollably and eventually coughed up the ring.

The man and woman are charged with receiving stolen property.

Headlines

Obama: I’d rather be a ‘really good’ one-term president

Here’s hoping for both.

Winter Storm Smacks Dixie

Tell Al Gore that there is 4-6 inches of global warming all over the ground in the South.

NASCAR cuts team purses by 10 percent

Okay, this economy has gone far enough……..

Cessna lands on Houston golf course

Landed on 11^th fairway. Does that count as a fairway hit?

Redneck Joke of the Week

A farmer had been taken several times by a local car dealer.
One day, the car dealer informed the farmer
that he was coming over to purchase a cow.

The farmer priced the unit as follows:

Basic Cow                                            $  999.95
Shipping and Handling                               35.75
Extra Stomach                                           79.25
Two-tone Exterior                                    142.10
Produce Storage Compartment                 128.50
Heavy Duty Straw Chopper                      189.60
4-Spigot/High Output Drain System          149.20
Automatic Fly Swatter                                 88.50
Genuine Cowhide Upholstery                    170.80
Deluxe Dual Horns                                       59.25
Automatic Fertilizer Attachment                339.40
4 X 4 Traction Drive Assembly                  884.16
Pre-Delivery Wash and Comb                 69.80

Farmer Suggested List Price                   $ 3336.26
Additional Dealer Adjustment                  300.00

Total list price
(including options)                             $ 3636.26
Tax and Ear Tags                                     418.00

TOTAL PURCHASE PRICE                $ 4054.26

Redneck Picture of the Week

State Of The Union Address

“It’s All Bush’s Fault!”

Racin’

They start practicin’ on Thursday for the Shootout and the Daytona 500. Gatorade Duals this week! Life is about to return to normal.

Ain’t True

An auto shop owner in Sanibel totaled his customer’s Porsche when he took it out for “diagnostics,” hitting speeds as high as 164 mph and flipping the car on a road shoulder, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

Kenneth R. Kasten, 50, escaped without injury from the crash, which occurred on a curve by the Sanibel Tollbooth around 6 a.m. The 2008 Porsche Boxster suffered $50,000 in damage. It came to rest upside-down on the shoulder of McGregor Boulevard, east of the toll booth.

Kasten was charged with willful and wreckless driving and leaving the scene of a crash.

According to reports, the car’s owner dropped the car at Kasten’s shop, Sanibel Shell, for service on Wednesday. She was aware he had driven the sportscar home for diagnostics, the report said. She didn’t know about the wreck until notified by at trooper.

When discovered, the car was thought to be stolen. Kasten was later found at the toll parking lot at 11:30 a.m., according to the report.

He was wearing a seatbelt at the time of the crash, according to the report. Alcohol was not believed to be a factor.

Ain’t true that alcohol was a factor, but stupidity or lack of talent surely was.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Trace Adkins – “Ala Freakin Bama”

Redneck Video of the Week:

G.R.I.T.S. – Girls Raised in the South – Brantley Gilbert

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

How to Build Ultimate Deer Stand

Start with medium camping trailer

Haul to hunting area

Jam some poles in the ground

Raise using front loaders

Raise way up and fasten

Drink beer and admire your work

Add a deck so you will have place to drink beer

Build some stairs so you do not have to climb ladder after drinking beer

Add bbq grill. Can't live on beer alone.

Practice shooting deer with piece of lumber

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies.”

Thomas Jefferson
3rd president of US (1743 – 1826)

• Senator Brown’s victory in Massachusetts is the most significant political event of the decade.
• Hey, Congress. Do you hear us now? This is yo wake up call or is it still Bush’s fault?
• Every time that Obama runs his mouth it cost me money either in taxes or investments. Another great use for duct tape.
• It has been a year and only three to go.
• Why is it that Girl Scouts sell their cookies during prime dieting season?
• Saints vs Colts. Let the hype begin.
• Two weeks of Super Bowl hype is like the political campaign season. Wake me up when the fun begins.
• Our phone is ringing again. Must be election time.
• Time to start the Farve retirement watch again. Will he or won’t he?
• Bet he retires and then toward the end of training camp comes back to play for yet another team.
• Pray for the troops.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Cops: Mom forces son to kill hamster for bad grade

By Alexis Stevens

The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Thursday, January 21, 2010

As punishment for bad grades, a Georgia mother forced her 12-year-old son to kill his pet hamster with a hammer, police said.

The day after he was forced to kill his pet, the child told his teacher, Meriwether County Sheriff Steve Whitlock told the AJC Thursday evening.

The teacher reported the incident to DFCS authorities, who contacted police, Whitlock said. The pet’s death allegedly took place at the family’s Warm Springs home.

On Friday, 38-year-old Lynn Middlebrooks Geter was arrested, Whitlock said. Geter faces one charge each of animal cruelty, child cruelty and battery.

Geter remained in the Meriwether County jail Thursday evening, Whitlock said. Meriwether County is located about 90 minutes southwest of Atlanta.

Headlines

Dems in Panic?

Might as well join the rest of us.

FRENCH ACCUSE USA OF HAITI 'OCCUPATION'...

Then y’all come and we can go home.

President Obama: We Lost Touch with American People Last Year

Duh……….

Wal-Mart cuts about 11,200 Sam’s Club staffers

Watch for falling jobs at Wal-Mart.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Brother John entered the “Monastery of Silence” and the Abbott said,
“Brother, this is a silent monastery; you are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so.”

Brother John lived in the monastery for five years before the Abbott said to him, “Brother John, you have been here five years now; you may speak two words.”

Brother John said, “Hard bed.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” the Abbot said. “We will get you a better bed.”

After another five years, Brother John was called by the Abbott. “You may say another two words, Brother John.”

“Cold food,” said Brother John, and the Abbott assured him that the food would be better in the future.

On his 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Abbott again call Brother John into his office. “Two words you may say today.”

“I quit,” said Brother John.

“It is probably best; you’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

The Sign of Change

Highway 15 & 501 Lamm’s Grove Intersection Near Durham, NC

Racin’

Speed Weeks in Daytona starts next week. The good ol’ boys will be runnin’ again.

Ain’t True

FAIRBANKS, Alaska – An Alaska man who hit a Taco Bell manager in the face with a double-decker taco has been sentenced to one day in jail and one year probation.

Warren Strickland of Fairbanks must also pay a $100 fine after pleading guilty Tuesday to disorderly conduct.

The 31-year-old says he threw the taco because it contained spit after he went through the drive-thru twice because the restaurant messed up his order. He claims the manager accused him of lying to get free food.

Strickland is barred from Taco Bell during his year of probation.

Ain’t true that the judge gave him the worse sentence. He could have made him go to Taco Bell every day for a year. That would be cruel and unusual punishment for sure.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Pants on the Ground” General Larry Platt

(try getting this one out of your head)

Redneck Video of the Week:

Maxine Waters Slips Up or Reveals Liberal Strategy?

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Public Service Announcement – Older Man Scam – Beware!

Please be aware of the following circumstances.

At this time of the year, you need to really pay attention!

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and
in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men.

I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.

A ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular Lowe’s, Home Depot,
Costco, or even Wal-Mart customers.

This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out
shopping.

Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic.  Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.

Here’s how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college aged girls will come over to your car or truck
as you are packing your shopping into your vehicle. They both start
wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost
falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look).
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ but instead ask
for a ride to McDonalds.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the
other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen November 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th,
20th, 24th, & 29th. Also December 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd,
26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming
weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take
advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

By the way, Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones
for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their
stores.

Also, I never did get to eat at McDonalds.

But, I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe’s, to
Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.

So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them
to be on the look out for this scam. (The best times are just before
lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon!)

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759
US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 – 1790)

• Federal intelligence. That’s an oxymoron, right?
• Hey, Al Gore. Please tell the South about that global warming thing again.
• Got to think Pete Carroll’s leaving USC largely due to NCAA investigations.
• Reid would be a racist except he is a Democrat.
• Soon it will costs as much to fly your bag as you.
• Conan O’Brien – NBC’s redheaded stepchild.
• Bubba has figured out how to get aid to global disasters real quick. Ya just need to send it with the TV News correspondents. They somehow get there within hours.
• I hereby withdraw my name from consideration as the next head coach at Tennessee. Had to do it since everyone else is.
• Obama wants to tax the bailout banks. Why not just call it a fee. Serves them right.
• USC = Unable to Stay Clean
• The best part of an election year is that it is the only time politicians speak the truth. They call each other liars.
• Happy Confederate Heroes Day! (Tuesday, January 19^th)
• Pray for your troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Wife allegedly changes wires on saw to shock hubby

The Associated Press

OLYMPIA, Wash. — Court papers allege that an Olympia woman, angry that her husband left her, tampered with his power tools so that he received a powerful electric shock. Carolyn Paulsen-Riat was booked Friday into the Thurston County Jail for investigation of third-degree assault, domestic violence, and second-degree malicious mischief. A judge released the 33-year-old woman on her own recognizance.

The Olympian newspaper reported that court documents said that on Jan. 1, the man was using a 220-volt table saw when he received the shock, knocking him to the ground. Thurston County sheriff’s deputies said the man did not need to go to a hospital.

In the documents, deputies said the woman told them she had reversed the wires on his power tools because she was angry he was leaving.

That is just downright low to mess with a man’s tools.

Headlines

REPORT: Corrupt China officials pocket 50 billion...

Our politicians can teach them a thing or two….

California lawmakers to decide whether to consider legalizing pot for pleasure.

The state will still be broke, but they won’t care, Man!

Lane Kiffin leaves Tennessee for USC

Why mess around with minor NCAA infractions when you can go big time.

Joe Biden update: He meets on transparency today. But the meeting is closed

It is very transparent that they don’t want anyone to know what they’re doing.

Redneck Joke of the Week

It Pays to be Old

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An Elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had
moved back to their old neighbourhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school.
I t was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk
they’d shared where Andy had carved ‘I love you, Sally.’

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of
an armored car, practically landing at their feet.
Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure
what to do with it, they took it home.
There, she counted the money:
fifty-thousand dollars!

Andy said, ‘We’ve got to give it back.’

Sally said, ‘Finders keepers.’

She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood
looking for the money and knocked on the door.

‘Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag
that fell out of an armored car yesterday?’

Sally said, ‘No.’

Andy said, ‘She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.’

Sally said, ‘Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile.’

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.

One says:  ’Tell us the story from the beginning’
Andy said, ‘Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . …’

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, ‘We’re outta here.’

Redneck Picture of the Week

Stampede

Racin’

Less than a month to the Daytona 500.

Ain’t True

Duck hunters spark nuclear weapons plant lockdown

A pair of duck hunters has trigged a security alert at a nuclear weapons assembly plant in Amarillo, Texas.

Officials locked the plant after getting reports of individuals in camouflage gear stalking across the road from the factory.

They turned out to be two plant employees who had decided to spend their day off hunting fowl.

The plant was briefly shut as a “precautionary measure,” a plant official said.

“They were just doing what people do around here,” said Carson County Sheriff Tam Terry.

“They just had a lot more company than they were planning on.”

The pair, who sparked the alert when spotted early in the morning carrying arms and dressed in camouflage gear, were later found in a nearby field setting up decoys.

No charges will be filed against the men who both had permission to hunt from the local landowner.

Ain’t true that their ammunition was from the plant inventory.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Brooks & Dunn – Play Something Country

Redneck Video of the Week:

Lost Generation

(watch all the way to the end)

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

IT DON’T COST NUTHIN’ TO BE NICE

At a Touchdown Club meeting many years before his
death, Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant told the following
story:

I had just been named the new head coach at Alabama
and was off in my old car down in South Alabama recruiting a
prospect who was supposed to have been a pretty good player
and I was having’ trouble finding the place..
Getting hungry I spied an old cinder block building
with a small sign out front that simply said
“Restaurant.” I pull up, go in and every head in
the place turns to stare at me. Seems I’m the only white
fella in the place. But the food smelled good so I skip a
table and go up to a cement bar and sit. A big ole man in a
tee shirt and cap comes over and says, “What do you
need?”
I told him I needed lunch and what did they have
today?

He says, “You probably won’t like it here,
today we’re having chitlins, collared greens and black
eyed peas with cornbread. I’ll bet you don’t even
know what chitlins are, do you?”(small intestines of hogs prepared as
food in the deep South)

I looked him square in the eye and said, “I’m
from Arkansas , I’ve probably eaten a mile of them.
Sounds like I’m in the right place.”

They all smiled as he left to serve me up a big plate.
When he comes back he says, “You ain’t from around
here then?”

I explain I’m the new football coach up
in Tuscaloosa at the University and I’m here to find
whatever that boy’s name was, and he says, “Yeah I’ve
heard of him, he’s supposed to be pretty good.” And he
gives me directions to the school so I can meet him and his
coach.
As I’m paying up to leave, I remember my manners
and leave a tip, not too big to be flashy, but a good one
and he told me lunch was on him, but I told him for a lunch
that good, I felt I should pay. The big man asked me if I
had a photograph or something he could hang up to show
I’d been there.
I was so new that I didn’t have any yet. It really
wasn’t that big a thing back then to be asked for, but I
took a napkin and wrote his name and address on it and told
him I’d get him one. I met the kid I was looking’
for later that afternoon and I don’t remember his name,
but do remember I didn’t think much of him when I met
him.

I had wasted a day, or so I thought. When I got back
to Tuscaloosa late that night, I took that napkin from my
shirt pocket and put it under my keys so I wouldn’t
forget it. Back then I was excited that anybody would want a
picture of me.
The next day we found a picture and I wrote on it,
“Thanks for the best lunch I’ve ever had.”

Now let’s go a whole buncha years down the road.
Now we have black players at Alabama and I’m back down
in that part of the country scouting an offensive lineman we
sure needed.
Y’all remember, (and I forget the name, but
it’s not important to the story), well anyway, he’s
got two friends going to Auburn and he tells me he’s got
his heart set on Auburn too, so I leave empty handed and go
on to see some others while I’m down there.
Two days later, I’m in my office in Tuscaloosa and
the phone rings and it’s this kid who just turned me
down, and he says, “Coach, do you still want me at
Alabama ?”

And I said, “Yes I sure do.” And he says OK, he’ll come.
And I say, “Well son, what changed your mind?”

And he said, “When my grandpa found out
that I had a chance to play for you and said no, he pitched
a fit and told me I wasn’t going nowhere but Alabama ,
and wasn’t playing for nobody but you. He thinks a lot
of you and has ever since y’all met.”

Well, I didn’t know his granddad from Adam’s
housecat so I asked him who his granddaddy was and he said,
“You probably don’t remember him, but you ate in
his restaurant your first year at Alabama and you sent him a
picture that he’s had hung in that place ever since….
That picture’s his pride and joy and he still
tells everybody about the day that Bear Bryant came in and
had chitlins with him…”
“My grandpa said that when you left there, he
never expected you to remember him or to send him that
picture, but you kept your word to him and to Grandpa,
that’s everything. He said you could teach me more than
football and I had to play for a man like you, so I guess
I’m going to.”

I was floored. But I learned that the lessons my mama taught me were
always right. It don’t cost nuthin’ to be nice. It don’t cost nuthin’ to do the right thing most of the time, and it costs a lot to lose your good name by breaking
your word to someone.

When I went back to sign that boy, I looked up his
Grandpa and he’s still running that place, but it looks
a lot better now; and he didn’t have chitlins that day,
but he had some ribs that would make Dreamland proud and I
made sure I posed for a lot of pictures; and don’t think
I didn’t leave some new ones for him, too, along with a
signed football. I made it clear to all my assistants to keep this
story and these lessons in mind when they’re out on the
road. If you remember anything else from me, remember this.
It really doesn’t cost anything to be nice, and
the rewards can be unimaginable. ~ Coach Paul
“Bear” Bryant

*********************************

Editor’s Note: Coach Bryant was in the presence of
these few gentlemen for only minutes, and he defined himself
for life. Regardless of our profession, we do define
ourselves by how we treat others, and how we behave in the
presence of others, and most of the time, we have only
minutes or seconds to leave a lasting impression… We can
be rude, crude, arrogant, cantankerous, or we can be nice.
Nice is always a better choice.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“As an American I am not so shocked that Obama was given
the Nobel Peace Prize without any accomplishments to his
name, but that America gave him the White House based on
the same credentials.”

- Newt Gingrich

• Only in Alabama can you go see the Championship trophy at Wal-Mart. Latest report is that the $30,000 trophy’s price has now been rolled back to $ 88.87.
• Reid says he apologized for his “poor word choices” and Obama accepted. Wow. If a conservative had said what Reid said, there would have been a hanging.
• I think sixty senators had poor word choices. They said yes, when they shoulda said no.
• I had a dog in the fight and he won, but I still don’t like the BcS.
• Only thing a prevent offense or prevent defense does is prevent you from winning. Dang near happened to Bama the other night.
• Gotta give it to Texas. They never quit.
• Bubba was watching that Miller Lite commercial the other night where the girlfriend makes the guy decide between her and his dog. So he did a ‘speriment. Bubba locked his dog and his wife in the trunk of the car for an hour to see which one would be the most glad to see him. Doc says that the swelling should go down in a couple of days to allow him to see again –outta one eye anyways.
• Billions and billions in stimulus and still no jobs?
• Pray for our troops.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Headlines

Children who are spanked are more successful later in life

Well at least our redneck kids will be very successful.

Obama ends Hawaiian vacation by visiting the zoo

Just getting ready to reacclimatize to DC

Pelosi tells C-SPAN: ‘There has never been a more open process’

Maybe never been more open to her

Naked jogger nabbed near White House

Too much transparency near the White House that has none.

Redneck Joke of the Week

DEER CAMP

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Frank’s wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn’t going.

Frank’s friends are very upset that he can’t go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

“Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?”

“Well, I’ve been here since yesterday.

Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, ‘Guess who?’”

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose pedals all over.

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, “Do what ever you want.”

So, Here I am.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Dual Air Bags

Racin’

Only a little more than a month to go until the Daytona 500.

Ain’t True

Man Ties Record for Largest Largemouth

A man was being credited with tying the 77-year-old world record for catching the biggest largemouth bass. The International Game Fish Association announced Friday that it had confirmed the 22-pound, 4-ounce fish caught by Manabu Kurita. The Florida-based group said Kurita caught the fish July 2 on Lake Biwa, Japan’s largest lake.

Kurita’s fish tied the record of George Perry, who caught his bass on Georgia’s Montgomery Lake on June 2, 1932.

Kurita used 25-pound test line and a live blue gill as bait.

Ain’t true. The largest largemouth is Pelosi.

Redneck Song of the Week:

Yea Alabama – Million Dollar Band

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Redneck Video of the Week:

Redneck Water Skiing

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Southern Flight Control

Atlanta Airport
You gotta love this one even if you’ve never lived in the South. Some of you will enjoy this more than others…. Southerners can be so polite!

Atlanta Tower: “Saudi Air 511 — You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9R.”

Saudi Air: “Thank you Atlanta . Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel’s runway 9R – Allah be Praised.”

Atlanta Tower: “Iran Air 711 –You are cleared to land westbound on runway 9L.”

Iran Air: “Thank you Atlanta ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel’s runway 9L. -Allah is Great.”

Pause…

Saudi Air: ATLANTA TOWER- ATLANTA TOWER !”

Atlanta Tower: “Go ahead Saudi Air 511.”

Saudi Air: “YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE. INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE!”

Atlanta Tower: “Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus. Y’all go on ahead now and tell Allah “hey” for us, ya hear?”

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Bowl Games                          22 – 12           .647

Season                                   266 – 86         .756

I know what the dead of winter means – no more college football and no racin’. It’s dead.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“The old lessons (work, self-discipline, sacrifice, teamwork, fighting to achieve) aren’t being taught by many people other than football coaches these days. The football coach has a captive audience and can teach these lessons because the communication lines between himself and his players are more wide open than between kids and parents. We better teach these lessons or else the country’s future population will be made up of a majority of crooks, drug addicts, or people on relief.”

- Paul “Bear” Bryant

• The Designated Driver program just turned 21. Does that mean it can drink now?
• If Congress wants to pass a bill, here is one. There shall be no blue football fields. The Humanitarian Bowl is played in Idaho on that dang blue field. The game was almost unwatchable until it snowed a bit and muted some of the blue. There is no such thing as blue grass. Yea, there is bluegrass in Kentucky, but it is still greenish. Glad I did watch –great game especially the finish.
• Note to Mike Leach – The boss is the boss. Insubordination is never a good play call.
• The talking heads on all the sports shows are missing the point of Leach’s firing. They are saying it was because he abused a player. He got fired for his lack of smarts in dealing with the administration.
• Obama and Rush both vacationing in Hawaii at the same time? Is that little state big enough for both of their egos?
• Bubba likes to recycle. He plans to do his best to recycle everybody in Washington at each election.
• Still can’t believe that the Senate gave us the Christmas present of the Affordable Healthcare Act. Nobody still understands what’s in the bill, but they voted on it. Unbelievable and unforgivable.
• These are the times that try men’s souls.
• Hoping that 2010 is the best that’s ever been.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Funeral home offers drunk drivers a free burial

The Associated Press

ROME, Ga. — Planning to drink and drive this New Year’s? A north Georgia funeral home has a deal for you. Between now and noon Thursday, drivers can visit McGuire, Jennings and Miller Funeral Home in Rome to sign a contract stating they plan to drink or take drugs and then drive on New Year’s Eve. If they die in a wreck that day, the funeral home will give them a free burial.

Services included in the package are a casket, grave, limousine and preparation of remains.

Funeral home officials said the program is designed to save lives by making partygoers think twice about drinking and driving.

Headlines

Americans most admire Obama, Clinton, Palin

I most admire our soldiers, teachers, preachers, nurses – people that make a difference instead of a fortune.

Reports: Wizard’s Arenas, teammate pull guns in dispute

This supposedly happened at the Verizon Center in DC. Therefore it could not have happened, because you cannot have guns in DC. They must have just misunderstood the term shoot around.

East Coast Faces Deep Freeze; Florida Oranges Threatened…
Cold, Colder, Coldest
Iowa temps ‘a solid 30 degrees below normal’…
Peru’s mountain people ‘face extinction because of cold conditions’…
Beijing — coldest in 40 years…
World copes with Arctic weather…

Are you sure we don’t have a global cooling problem?

Elton John Helping Eminem With Drug Abuse Problem

What? Is he buying the drugs or helping him abuse them?

Redneck Joke of the Week

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.  She has her food prepared for her.  She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365.  Her meals are provided at no cost to her.  She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.  For this she pays nothing and nothing is required of her.  She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep.  If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.  She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free.  She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.  All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head…. My dog is a Democrat !

Redneck Picture of the Week

Sign in Rockwall, Texas

Racin’

Just 6 more weeks until the Daytona 500!

Ain’t True

MOUNT CLEMENS, Mich. — Taking a bite out of crime has never been so bland at a southeast Michigan jail.

Failing freezers have forced Macomb County Jail inmates to forgo warm meals in favor of an endless stream of bologna and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Sheriff’s officials said Wednesday that mold was spotted last month in the jail’s 50-year-old freezers. But with no money for replacements, the sandwich diets may continue through early next year.

The Detroit Free Press reports that county officials warned commissioners as early as 2005 that the freezers needed to be replaced. Officials next month plan to ask commissioners for emergency funds to buy new refrigerators.

Ain’t  true that Yankees is all that smart. It is below freezing in Michigan this time of year. Just put the food outside. Problem solved.

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Wild-Eyed Southern Boys” – 38 Special

Redneck Video of the Week:

Congressional Candidate Lieutenant Colonel Allen West

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

U. S. Oil Discovery- Largest Reserve in the World

About 6 months ago, a writer was watching a news program on oil and one of the Forbes Bros. was the guest.. The host said to Forbes, “I am going to ask you a direct question and I would like a direct answer; how much oil does the U.S.  have in the ground?”  Forbes did not miss a beat, he said, “more than all the Middle East put together.”  Please read below.

The U. S. Geological Service issued a report in April 2008 that only scientists and oil men knew was coming, but man was it big.  It was a revised report (hadn’t been updated since 1995) on how much oil was in this area of the western 2/3 of North Dakota, western South Dakota, and extreme eastern Montana ….. check THIS out:

The Bakken is the largest domestic oil discovery since Alaska ’s Prudhoe Bay , and has the potential to eliminate all American dependence on foreign oil. The Energy Information Administration (EIA) estimates it at 503 billion barrels. Even if just 10% of the oil is recoverable… at $107 a barrel, we’re looking at a resource base worth more than $5.3 trillion.

“When I first briefed legislators on this, you could practically see their jaws hit the floor. They had no idea.” says Terry Johnson, the Montana Legislature’s financial analyst.

“This sizable find is now the highest-producing onshore oil field found in the past 56 years,” reports The Pittsburgh Post Gazette.  It’s a formation known as the Williston   Basin, but is more commonly referred to as the ‘Bakken.’  It stretches from Northern Montana, through North Dakota and into Canada.  For years, U. S.  oil exploration has been considered a dead end.  Even the ‘Big Oil’ companies gave up searching for major oil wells decades ago. However, a recent technological breakthrough has opened up the Bakken’s massive reserves….. and we now have access of up to 500 billion barrels.  And because this is light, sweet oil, those billions of barrels will cost Americans just $16 PER BARREL!

That’s enough crude to fully fuel the American economy for 2041 years straight.  And if THAT didn’t throw you on the floor, then this next one should – because it’s from 2006!

Stansberry Report Online – 4/20/2006

Hidden 1,000 feet beneath the surface of the Rocky Mountains lies the largest untapped oil reserve in the world. It is more than 2 TRILLION barrels.  On August 8, 2005 President Bush mandated its extraction. In three and a half years of high oil prices none has been extracted. With this mother load of oil why are we still fighting over off-shore drilling?

They reported this stunning news:  We have more oil inside our borders, than all the other proven reserves on earth. Here are the official estimates:

- 8-times as much oil as Saudi Arabia

- 18-times as much oil as Iraq

-21-times as much oil as Kuwait

- 22-times as much oil as Iran

- 500-times as much oil as Yemen

- and it’s all right here in the Western United States  .

HOW can this BE? HOW can we NOT BE extracting this? Because the environmentalists and others have blocked all efforts to help America become ndependent of foreign oil! Again, we are letting a small group of people dictate our lives and our economy…..WHY?

James Bartis, lead researcher with the study says we’ve got more oil in this very compact area than the entire Middle East -more than 2 TRILLION barrels untapped.  That’s more than all the proven oil reserves of crude oil in the world today, reports The Denver Post.

Don’t think ‘OPEC’ will drop its price – even with this find?  Think again!  It’s all about the competitive marketplace, – it has to. Think OPEC just might be funding the environmentalists?

Got your attention yet?  Now, while you’re thinking about it, do this:

Pass this along.   If you don’t take a little time to do this, then you should stifle yourself the next time you complain about gas prices – by doing NOTHING, you forfeit your right to complain.

Now I just wonder what would happen in this country if every one of you sent this to every one in your address book.

By the way…this is all true. Check it out at the link below!!!

GOOGLE it, or follow this link.  It will blow your mind.

http://www.usgs.gov/newsroom/article.asp?ID=1911

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Boise State loses to TCU

Fiesta Bowl

Iowa loses to GA Tech

Orange Bowl

Central Michigan loses to Troy

GMAC Bowl

Texas loses to Bama

BcS National Championship

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“You reach a point where you don’t work for money.”
- Walt Disney