You have to be crazy to run for president. Unfortunately, there seems to be a limitless supply.
Sick of all of the candidates and we still have a year left before the Presidential election.
“Most games are lost, not won” -Casey Stengel. Including the Bama/LSU game.
I must be getting real old. I have lived through at least 12 Games of the Century plus at least that many 100 year floods.
Whole lot of shakin’ goin’ on – in Oklahoma?
Really upsetting hearing what is coming out of Penn State. Even as a Bama fan, I have always had respect for Penn State and JoePa for the way they conducted their program. Don’t know what to think now. Sad day, but even sadder years ago what happened with those kids.
Demonstrates that all the good you have done, all the kids you have helped for years and years, can all be undone in one mistake.
The senseless, egregious, wreckin’ rage that Kyle Busch demonstrated in the Texas truck race was the worse I have seen in over 50+ years of watching racin’.
Most of Kyle fans are blaming NASCAR and/or the media for the penalties, but why don’t they blame the perpetrator?
Some have defended Kyle B by saying that he is still young. Well, then why don’t we park him until he grows up?
The ladies on the CMA show were all about dressing up in the latest fancy dresses. The guys were just jeans, boots, hats, and t-shirts.
God bless America, our veterans, and our troops.
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Daly Runs Out of Balls, Runs Out on Tournament
SYDNEY – It seems John Daly has finally worn out his welcome in Australia, as well as his supply of golf balls.
The long-hitting American bolted The Lakes Golf Club after hitting into a water hazard adjacent the 11th hole seven times and informing his playing partners he did not have any more golf balls. He was 7 over through 10 holes.
Daly wrote on Twitter, “when u run out of balls u run out of balls. yes, I shook my player’s partners hands & signed my card w/rules official.”
It’s a familiar move for Daly, who hit six balls into a lake at the 1998 Bay Hill Invitational and signed for an 18 on the hole, and his actions drew a strong response from officials at this week’s Australian Open.
“It is very disappointing for the tournament. It is certainly unprofessional, and I am extremely bitter and disappointed that he has treated this championship this way,” said Trevor Herden, the Australian Open tournament director. “It is becoming a bit of a habit. . . . It is unacceptable and I certainly hope that all the tours deal with it in the appropriate manner this time.”
According to the PGA of Australia Daly’s invitation to the Australian PGA Championship in two weeks has been rescinded.
The incident began on the par-4 10th hole when Daly’s drive flew the green and landed in a bunker. He mistakenly played a golf ball from the practice range that was in a front bunker – practice balls this week have been provided by Srixon, which is the same brand that Daly plays. When he learned of his miscue he was assessed a two-stroke penalty.
“On No. 10 he hit a great tee shot and goes into the bunker and hits the wrong ball,” said Hunter Mahan, who was paired with Daly on Day 1 along with Australian Craig Parry. “I think he was quite frustrated and wasn’t enjoying himself.”
At the par-5 11th Daly’s drive narrowly found the rough and his 7-iron second shot sailed wide and into a lake, followed by six more wayward and wet attempts before he walked off the golf course.
“Once I saw two (golf balls) go in the water the effort went down pretty fast so we just kind of kept walking,” Mahan said.
Although Mahan said the incident was “not the most respectful thing,” Parry was more forgiving.
“He had the right club, he would have reached the green but the wind was blowing pretty hard from left to right,” he said. “I’m sure everyone would like to walk off at some stage in their career.”
If Australian officials have their way, the controversial American won’t get that chance again in one of their events.
Happy Birthday Marines! Semper Fi. #236 years of Honor, Courage, Commitment!
Headlines
Hugh Hefner: Lohan nude shoot is ‘very classy’
Only ‘classy’ thing she’s done in a while.
Cops find dead cougar buried in man’s freezer
That would be one cool cat!
Perry: ‘I stepped in it’
Ooops!
Penn State students riot
And made things worse than bad.
Redneck Joke of the Week
A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in an Arkansas licensed Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls, “Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls?”
The guy in the Rolls says, “Yes, of course I do…”
“I got one too… see?” the Texan says.
“Uh, huh, yes, that’s very nice.”
“You got a fax machine?” asks the Texan.
“Why, actually, yes, I do.”
“I do too! See? Its right here!” brags the Texan.
The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, “So, do you have a double bed in back there?”
The guy in the Rolls replies, “NO! Do you?”
“Yep, got my double bed right in back here,” the Texan replies.
The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. The guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up
next to it.
The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen. The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy with the Rolls says, “Hey, remember me?”
“Yeah, yeah, I remember you,” replies the Texan, “What’s up?”
“Check this out…I got a double bed installed in my Rolls.
“The Texan exclaims, “You got me out of the shower to tell me that?”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
After a wild week in Texas, it is off to the redesigned, repaved Phoenix.
The picks:
Jimmie Johnson
Tony Stewart
Carl Edwards
Anybody but a Busch
Sign of the Week:
Redneck Song of the Week:
Springsteen – Eric Church
Redneck Video of the Week:
Ron Hornaday vs Kyle Busch
2011 NASCAR Camping World Trucks Texas
You know that I am not a fan of Kyle Busch. It isn’t because of his talent. He is one of the most talented drivers out there. It is because of “Busch league” stuff like this….
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 21 – 6 .778
Season 195 – 67 .744
Virginia Tech loses to GA Tech
Syracuse loses to So. Fla
Miss State loses to Bama
Tennessee loses to Arkansas
LA – Lafayette loses to Ark State
Kansas loses to Baylor
TCU loses to Boise State
WVA loses to Cincy
Wake Forest loses to Clemson
Fla – Atlantic loses to Fla – International
Miami loses to Fla State
Auburn loses to Georgia
Middle Tennessee loses to LA – Monroe
WKY loses to LSU
Ole Miss loses to LA Tech
Pitt loses to Louisville
Rice loses to Northwestern
Boston College loses to NC State
Maryland loses to Notre Dame
Texas Tech loses to Okla State
S Carolina loses to Florida
Navy loses to SMU
Central Fla loses to So. Miss
Texas loses to Mizzou
Texas A&M loses to Kansas State (Upset of the Week)
North TX loses to Troy
Marshall loses to Tulsa
Memphis loses to UAB
E Carolina loses to UTEP
KY loses to Vandy
Duke loses to VA
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
I got a feeling about political correctness. I hate it. It causes us to lie silently instead of saying what we think. Hal Holbrook
Kim K is getting divorced after only 72 days. Who cares?
Wish we would spend as much time and energy on those that make a difference as we do on the trash of the world.
Gotta love the banks that rolled back they plans to charge for using your debit cards. They have stated that “it was not in the best interest of our valued customers.” No – it was because your valued customers rebelled by closing accounts.
ACORN officials fire workers and shred documents after they were exposed as players behind Occupy Wall Street. No shock there!
So if you have passion and pride, work hard, and persevere you will grow up to be a greedy capitalist?
The NBA and the players still haven’t reached an agreement. The lockout continues. Boy, the tattoo parlors must be hurtin’.
A leader is a good thing, but how about the first follower.
“I think the most dangerous threat to our national security right now is debt…” – Leon Panetta, 1992. Don’t look now, Leon!
Still worn out from the World Series. So close in game 6 for the Rangers to win it all. Guess you can’t beat destiny.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
5 Trapped in Border Tunnel Filled with Sewage
Five people were trapped in a tunnel near the U.S.-Mexico border and had to be rescued early Wednesday.
The four men and one woman were discovered inside the tunnel partly filled with sewage in Otay Mesa. The tunnel is believed to lead to Mexico, which is about 150 meters away.
The five were trapped at a point in the tunnel where a fence made it impossible to get through to the U.S.
U.S. Border Patrol agents used a dog to find the opening in the 9800 block of Via De La Amistad behind a company called Artic Containers.Agents believe a manhole on the Mexican side is the entrance.
San Diego and Chula Vista firefighters worked for about 45 minutes to dig out the trapped victims, bringing them out one by one. They then hosed down each person because of their exposure to sewage. The men were stripped to their underwear. The woman was taken behind a tarp where she was hosed off.
A robot was sent into the hole to investigate, but it got stuck according to officials.
Border tunnels are not new to the Tijuana-San Diego region. In November 2010, a tunnel running 600 yards under the border was discovered along with nearly 30 tons of pot. Soon after, a second tunnel was discovered equipped with lighting, ventilation, and a rail system for drugs to be carried on a small cart. U.S. authorities have discovered more than 125 clandestine tunnels along the Mexican border since the early 1990s, though many were crude and incomplete.
This sounds like a real poopy deal until you discover that these people were entering this country illegally.
The”Class” you’re in, upper, middle or lower isn’t a constant!Upper class can end up broke(Mark Brunel) lower can end up rich! (Herman Cain)
Headlines
Lindsay Lohan sent back to jail
Wow. History does repeat itself.
Obama now less interested in assigning blame for economy…
Maybe because his administration is to blame for a lot of it?
A woman was caught smuggling 65 snakes in her bra!
Know one thing for sure. That was not the wife of this retired redneck.
MOTOWN TEETERS ON BRINK OF INSOLVENCY…
That would hurt my soul.
Redneck Joke of the Week
While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop.
The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
Billy Bob won 1st place- a year’s supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra thin spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart.
Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, “Great!, I love spaghetti!”
Billy Bob asked Bubba, “How ’bout you, how’s the toilet brush? “Not so good,” replied Bubba, “I’m thinking ’bout switching back to paper.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Rednecks Move Into the White House
Racin’
Martinsville was a wreckfest with several more Chase contenders taken out.
Texas Motor Speedway is next. Just three to go.
The picks:
Smoke
Carl Edwards
Dale Jr.
Anybody but a Busch
Sign of the Week:
Redneck Song of the Week:
Brad Paisley-Camouflage
Redneck Video of the Week:
Mike Kelly, a Chevy/Cadillac dealer in western PA…got himself elected to congress last term….listen to him take the entire congress to the “woodshed”.
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Great Ways to Annoy Yankees
1. Refer to EVERY soft drink as a Coke
2. When they talk nostalgically about the North, tell them Delta is ready when they are.
3. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak more slowly so you can understand what they’re saying.
4. Take your own sweet time
5. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When they don’t have it, raise a ruckus!
6. Offer to send up a bottle of fresh air.
7. Talk loudly and often about SEC football, ACC basketball, and NASCAR.
8. Insist on being addressed by your first AND middle name. ( For example: Lisa Marie – John Michael – Jim Bob )
9. Frequently bring up “The War of Northern Aggression” in conversation. If anyone ever says the words “Civil War” Always interject that “there weren’t nothing Civil about it.”
10. Address all males as “son” and women as “honey.”
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week: 19 – 10 .655
Season: 174 – 61 .740
There really is only one game this week – Bama/LSU that really matters, but we will pickem anyways.
Bubba and Earl had one of their extended Beer Summits over the weekend and solved all of the world’s problems. Due to an acute case of beer amnesia, they can’t remember any of the solutions. They will have to try it again next weekend.
Why don’t the “occupiers” go to OPEC? Oil is way over priced for no other reason than greed and opulence………….
Bubba and Earl are thinking it’s time to replace the group in the White House with the guys down at the Waffle House.
We need a “uniting” leader worse than bad.
My redneck daughter fixed kids’ shoes at school using duct tape and zip ties. Proud Redneck Dad!
The poLIEticians are tricking us and treating themselves.
I developed an inflamation in my right eye. I tried to get the eye doctor to say that it is a severe allergic reaction to housework. She didn’t buy it. Maybe the wife of a redneck will.
Happy Halloween!
God bless America, our troops, and the Texas Rangers!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Cops Hunt Man Who Firebombed Taco Bell Because His Chalupas Had Too Little Meat
Georgia police are hunting for the aggrieved Taco Bell customer who threw a Molotov cocktail at the restaurant’s drive-thru window after phoning in a complaint that there was not enough meat in the chalupas he had purchased.
The bizarre incident occurred around 5 AM Sunday at a Taco Bell on North Slappey Boulevard in Albany. The small blaze did not cause injuries or damage to the building.
According to a police report, Taco Bell manager Cynthia Thompson told cops that, shortly before the firebombing, a man called the restaurant to complain about a reported meat shortage in his “two XL Chalupas.” The caller told Thompson that “after getting home realized that there was not enough stuffing inside of his chalupas, and demanded his order be corrected.”
When Thompson explained that she “could not accommodate him because the business was closing,” the man replied, “You must be one of them niggers up there.” He added, “That’s alright, I’ll just come and redecorate the place.”
Thompson said that shortly after the call she and other Taco Bell employees “could smell gasoline but was unaware of where it was coming from. They then realized the fire outside of the drive thru window.”
Investigators found the makeshift incendiary device–a “melting plastic bottle with a liquid substance still inside”–outside the Taco Bell, where a large sign beckons patrons to “Come Try The New XXL Chalupa. Bigger Is Better.”
The search for the firebomb suspect has been hampered since the video feed from the drive-thru window was of poor quality, cops reported.
The most expensive gift you can give kids is your time.
Headlines
NCAA pushes $2K payment for student athletes
Not sure the athletes can stand the pay cut.
Beavis and Butt-Head are bringing stupid back
Stupid never left. Just look at Congress.
President Obama calls for an end to NBA lockout
Doesn’t he know he has a bigger stalemate in Congress.
Woman attacks nephew for using her toilet paper
Must not have been done reading it yet.
Redneck Joke of the Week
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning until night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag – it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said, “Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod my head in agreement.”
“And what about the men?” the minister asked.
“They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Happy Halloween!
Racin’
Dega was as unpredictable as I predicted.
Martinsville short tracking this week. The picks:
Jimmie Johnson
Denny Hamlin
Mark Martin
Anybody but a Busch
Sign of the Week
Redneck Song of the Week:
Toby Keith - Red Solo Cup (Unedited Version)
Redneck Video of the Week:
Jetman – Grand Canyon
The Grand Canyon was probably selected for the flight due to the great scenery. Seems risky though with the various wind currents. Great scenery to watch. Don’t try this at home.
I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of Sedan , KS.
I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.
In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age)to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.
She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box. Something—body language, or the way she said it—made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what
was she so afraid of.
She looked me right in the eye and said, “Not a damn thing!”
Seniors – Don’t mess with them.
They didn’t get old by being stupid.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 15 – 11 .577
Season 155 – 51 .752
Had a bad week with the pickins last week. I have recalibrated the prognosticator machine with a good lick from a hammer. Hope it is better. If not, I will go get a bigger hammer.
Rice loses to Houston
VA loses to Miami
BYU loses to TCU
Vandy loses to Arkansas
North Texas loses to Ark State
Ole Miss loses to Auburn
GA Tech loses to Clemson
Tulane loses to E. Carolina
Fla loses to Georgia
NC State loses to Fla State
Louisville loses to Syracuse
WKY loses to LA – Monroe
San Jose State loses to LA Tech
UAB loses to Marshall
Boston College loses to Maryland
LA – Lafayette loses to Middle Tenn
Kentucky loses to Miss State
Wake Forest loses to NC
Oklahoma loses to Kansas State (Upset of the Week)
Baylor loses to Oklahoma State
Tennessee loses to S. Carolina
UTEP loses to So. Miss
Kansas loses to Texas
Missouri loses to Texas A&M
Iowa State loses to Texas Tech
Tulsa loses to SMU
Memphis loses to Central Fla
Duke loses to VA Tech
Rutgers loses to WVA
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of knowing u did your best to become the best that u are capable of being.
When I heard about the wild animals on the loose, I first thought that Congress had escaped.
For all the animal lovers who were upset that they had to put the wild animals down, have you ever watched Animal Kingdom and seen a tiger attack?
Another Middle East tyrant found hiding in a hole like a rat. Why didn’t they look in all the holes to begin with?
I think our federal gummit stopped to think and forgot to start again.
NBA? Does anybody care?
Capitalism is good! Greed is bad.
The White House strongly stated on Sunday that Obama’s bus tour of small towns in NC/VA was not political. Therefore, it was part of his regular job financed by the taxpayers. However, at every stop, he bashed the GOP. Sounds political to me. I want my money back!
Who can get you with the most fees – banks or airlines?
Presidential debates are nothing more than poLIEticians acting badly. What is the use? All they do is bash other candidates and promise the moon and stars.
Good to see that our seniors are going to get an increase in Social Security. Just remember that Congress has gotten one every year and far greater than SS.
God bless America and our troops.
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Woman arrested for cupcake attack
CHICAGO, Oct. 17 (UPI) — A Chicago woman arrested on a domestic battery charge allegedly hit her husband over the head and pelted him with cupcakes, police said.
Chicago police said they were called to a home Saturday night in the Brighton Park neighborhood on the Southwest Side of the city and officers arrived to find the husband with smudges of icing on his head and body, the Chicago Tribune reported Monday.
The husband told police he feared for his safety.
Police said the woman admitted to throwing the cupcakes and used “a very aggressive tone” when speaking to officers, the Chicago Sun-Times reported.
Dawn Montesdeoca, 60, was arrested on a misdemeanor count of domestic battery. Cook County Circuit Judge Adam D. Bourgeois Jr. ordered electronic monitoring for the woman Sunday and set bail at $10,000.
Hey, she could be a bad baker and those cupcakes could have been deadly weapons – even weapons of mass destruction.
Scientists at Stanford University devise formula by which Dale Earnhardt Jr wins the Chase. Involves meteor hitting Earth.
Headlines
Poll: Washington more to blame than Wall Street
If you agree, then vote them out next election.
Susan Sarandon calls Pope a ‘Nazi’…
Guess she can’t sing the intro for Monday Night Football either.
Cowboy Church inspires 96-year-old to be baptized
100-Year-Old Man Completes Marathon
11-Year-Old Boy Begins Freshman Year At University…
Never too old or too young!
Michelle Obama shifts into 2012 campaign mode…
Her husband never shifted out of campaign mode.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Rednecks Go Fishing
Two rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment – the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.
As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?”
The other guy says, “Wow! Then it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
Five races down and five to go in the Chase. This week is ‘Dega where anything and everything can happen.
The picks:
Junior
Jimmie Johnson
Happy Harvick
Anybody but a Busch
Sign of the Week
Redneck Song of the Week:
Trace Adkins - Just Fishin’
Redneck Video of the Week:
Jeff Foxworthy-Redneck Fashion Tips Part 2
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
As you open your pockets for the next natural disaster, please keep these facts in mind:
· The American Red Cross President and CEO Marsha J. Evans salary for the year was $651,957plus expenses
· The United Way President Brian Gallagher receives a $375,000 base salary along with numerous expense benefits.
· UNICEF CEO Caryl M. Stern receives $1,200,000 per year (100k per month) plus all expenses including a ROLLS ROYCE. Less than 5 cents of your donated dollar goes to the cause.
· The Salvation Army’s Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization. 96 percent of donated dollars go to the cause.
· The American Legion National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
· The Veterans of Foreign Wars National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
· The Disabled American Veterans National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
· The Military Order of Purple Hearts National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
· The Vietnam Veterans Association National Commander receives a $0.00 zero salary. Your donations go to help Veterans and their families and youth!
AND, the Masonic lodges and their branches, contribute $2.5 million, with absolutely 0 admin costs. It’s all voluntary; all goes to charities. Oh, and the $2.5 mil. is what they raise DAILY.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 18 – 5 .783
Season 140 – 40 .778
UAB loses to Central Fla
Louisville loses to Rutgers
Syracuse loses to WVA
Tennessee loses to Bama
Ole Miss loses to Arkansas
NC loses to Clemson
Maryland loses to Fla State
Marshall loses to Houston
WKY loses to LA-Lafayette
North Texas loses to LA-Monroe
Auburn loses to LSU
GA Tech loses to Miami
Fla – Atlantic loses to Middle Tenn
Texas Tech loses to Oklahoma
Missouri loses to Oklahoma State
Cincy loses to S Fla
So. Miss loses to SMU (Upset of the Week)
New Mexico loses to TCU
Bowling Green loses to Temple
Iowa State loses to TX A&M
Rice loses to Tulsa
LA Tech loses to Utah State
Army loses to Vandy
NC State loses to VA
Boston College loses to VA Tech
Duke loses to Wake Forest
Redneck Quote of the Week:
I’m not a professional politician. I’m a professional problem solver, and I believe we should cut the salaries of senators and congressmen 10 percent until they balance the budget. I call that conservative common sense. Herman Cain
Bubba says that he doesn’t suffer from insanity. He rather enjoys it.
I like naps.
Favorite player – NAPoli
Favorite place – NAPles
Favorite foreign leader – NAPoleon
Favorite wine region – NAPa
Favorite auto parts – NAPa
Partisan politics has paralyzed us, people!
I hope that the passion exhibited at the Occupy Rallies is exhibited at the ballot box next November.
Happy birthday to my redneck son!
The phone is ringing, but it is only a paid political robocall. Almost enough to drop regular phone lines.
Education of our children should be everyone’s top priority.
With the Blackberry blackout and Apple sucking up all the bandwidth with its updates, the tech world almost came to a standstill this week.
US Postal Service has the nation’s largest fleet. Why don’t we quit delivering mail on Tuesday and Saturday? I would rather get my junk mail only four days a week. Besides USPS could save money on fuel and it would reduce pollution.
God bless America and our troops.
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Suspect’s Cell Phone Dials 911 During Burglary
NEW CASTLE (KDKA) — Three people are facing charges – all because a thief’s cell phone dialed 911 during a burglary.
Police say the men allegedly broke into a garage in the 500-block of Harber Street in New Castle.
According to investigators, when 911 got the call, they heard male voices and a lot of noise and figured a burglary was in progress.
Dispatchers pinged the call, got the address and sent a police officer to the scene. When police got there, the officer saw three males in a truck filled with metal and pulled them over on Bell Avenue.The men were then arrested.
Nikia Goode, Vernon Bundy and Johnny Taylor are facing charges of criminal conspiracy, burglary, criminal trespass, receiving stolen property and marijuana possession.
MOM ALWAYS SAID If you can’t find something to live for, then you best find something to die for.
Headlines
Part of Obama health plan canceled
They cancelled the long-term care component because they couldn’t find a way to make it fiscally possible. How ‘bout the rest of it?
Mexico’s Newest Export to U.S. May Be Water
But can we drink it?
Pelosi Left Out of Leaders Meeting on Super Committee…
There is some good news!
FEMA asks family to return thousands in aid money, tells them they actually weren’t eligible for assistance
Why are they asking? Go get it back.
Redneck Joke of the Week
My daughter just walked into the living room and said, “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone, iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car. Take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.”
Well, she didn’t put it quite like that. She actually said…
“Dad I have decided to work for Obama’s re-election campaign.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
The Chase is getting tighter. Who will win at Charlotte this week?
The picks:
Jimmie Johnson
Carl Edwards
Kevin Harvick
Anybody but a Busch
Sign of the Week
Redneck Song of the Week:
“Bless The Broken Road” – Rascal Flatts
Redneck Video of the Week:
Jeff Foxworthy-Redneck Fashion Tips Part 1
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Senior Texting
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.
Please pass this on to your children and grandchildren so they can understand your texts.
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CGU: Can’t get up
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWBB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry Gas.
ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI: (Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In)
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 23 – 5 .821
Season 122 – 35 .777
Ole Miss loses to Bama
Louisville loses to Cincy
Maryland loses to Clemson
Memphis loses to E. Carolina
Florida loses to Auburn
WKY loses to Fla Atlantic
Vandy loses to Georgia
VA loses to GA Tech
Tennessee loses to LSU
North Texas loses to LA – Lafayette
Rice loses to Marshall
Miami loses to NC
Kansas loses to Oklahoma
Texas loses to Okla State
Miss State loses to S. Carolina
UConn loses to So. Fla
Central Fla loses to SMU
Baylor loses to TX A&M
Texas Tech loses to Kansas State (Upset Special of the Week)
Bowling Green loses to Toledo
UTEP loses to Tulane
UAB loses to Tulsa
Wake Forest loses to VA Tech
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. Emo Philips
They say that if you are doing something then you are gonna make mistakes. Then Tony Romo must be doin’ a lot.
Besides the impact on the polls, coaches now have another reason to run up the score. No lead is safe after Cowboys and Aggies last weekend.
The jobs bill is nothing more than another stimulus package with a different name. Been there done that twice already and they were absolute failures. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity!
TCU has been invited to the Big XII? (Which is actually the Big IX with A&M leaving and maybe the Big VIII if Missouri leaves too.)
Reggie Jackson certainly doesn’t have to worry about losing his title of Mr. October to ARod.
ALCS = ARod Latest Clutch Strikeout
So Palin and Christie are running! Running FROM the presidential nomination! Smart people.
Herman Cain is the only one that is making sense. ‘Course he isn’t a true poLIEtician and probably won’t be elected any way.
Obama is telling the GOP to quit playing partisan politics. Starts at the top, Bud!
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Westboro Church Uses iPhone to Announce Steve Jobs Funeral Protest
The Westboro Baptist Church took to an iPhone when they heard about Steve Jobs’ death Wednesday night, sending out a message saying the Apple founder would be going to hell and calling for a protest of his funeral.
“Westboro will picket his funeral. He had a huge platform; gave God no glory and taught sin,” wrote Margie Phelps, daughter of the church’s founder.
The controversial group often pickets outside of soldiers’ funerals to draw media attention to their cause, which includes anti-gay material. Phelps tweeted the messages from her account, with an automatic note appearing at the bottom of the Tweet saying “via Twitter for iPhone.”
“No peace for man who served self, not God,” she wrote with the hashtag, #hellgreetedhim. “Westboro must picket.”
Thursday morning, Phelps responded to widespread criticism of her using the iPhone to Tweet the messages, saying that the phone was created by God–not Jobs–for that purpose.
“Rebels mad cuz I used iPhone to tell you Steve Jobs is in hell.God created iPhone for that purpose! ” she wrote.
Arrangements for Jobs’ funeral haven’t been announced.
Tweet of the Week
@Lady31RCRSheri Albritton
RT @zachlutz: 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash – Now we have no Jobs, no Hope and no Cash.
Headlines
Man Arrested For 65th Time After Holding Woman And Her Children Hostage
I think I pick up on a trend here.
OBAMA: AMERICANS FRUSTRATED -- WITHBANKS...
And that ain’t all, partner!
Biden to Fifth Graders: It's All Bush's Fault...
Just like a true poLIEtician!
Hank Williams tells ESPN: Me, My Song, and All My Rowdy Friends are OUT OF HERE…
Atta boy, Bochephus!
Redneck Joke of the Week
Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way.
One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.
The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Merv asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” And the gentleman answered, “Why yes, I couldn’t help but notice you have no ears.”
Merv got very angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?” and she replied: “Well, you have no ears.”
Merv again was upset and tossed her out.
The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question:
“Do you notice anything different about me?” And to his surprise, the young man answered: “Yes. You wear contact lenses.” Merv was shocked, and said, “What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?”
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, “Well, it’s pretty damn hard to wear glasses with no ears!”
Redneck Picture of the Week
I’m Retired and Got an RV
Racin’
The Chase is tightin’ up! Kansas Speedway this weekend:
The picks:
Carl Edwards
Jimmie Johnson
Jeff Gordon
Anybody but a Busch!
Sign of the Week
Redneck Song of the Week:
Brantley Gilbert - Country Must Be Country Wide
Redneck Video of the Week:
Steve Jobs’ 2005 Stanford Commencement Address
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Athletes’ Wit
I’m working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect.
Doug Sanders, professional golfer
All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives “See, there’s a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.”
Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers Pitcher
Last year we couldn’t win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn’t think of anyplace else to play.
Harry Neale, professional hockey coach
When it’s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers; I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time.
Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver
I found out that it’s not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you’re having trouble.
Tommy LaSorda, LA Dodgers manager
My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.
E. J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations
My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren’t as good.
Vic Braden, tennis instructor
Blind people come to the ballpark just to listen to him pitch.
Reggie Jackson commenting on Tom Seaver
When they operated, I told them to put in a Koufax fastball. They did – but it was Mrs. Koufax’s.
Tommy John N.Y. Yankees recalling his 1974 arm surgery
I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.
Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles
We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.
John Breen, Houston Oilers
The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.
Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints after viewing a lop-sided loss to the Atlanta Falcons
When I’m on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo.
Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher
The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday.
Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach
I have discovered, in twenty years of moving around the ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats.
Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner
Because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to blow the whole day..
Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon.
I have a lifetime contract. That means I can’t be fired during the third quarter if we’re ahead and moving the ball.
Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach
I won’t know until my barber tells me on Monday.
Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game
I tell him “Attaway to hit, George.”
Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett on hitting
I learned a long time ago that “minor surgery” is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.
Bill Walton, Portland Trial Blazers
Our biggest concern this season will be diaper rash.
George MacIntyre, Vanderbuilt football coach surveying the team roster that included 26 freshmen and 25 sophomores.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 19 – 7 .731
Season 99 – 30 .767
WKY loses to Middle Tennessee
Vandy loses to Bama
Auburn loses to Arkansas
LA – Monroe loses to Arkansas State
Iowa State loses to Baylor
Boston College loses to Clemson
Akron loses to Fla International
Georgia loses to Tennessee
Maryland loses to GA Tech
East Carolina loses to Houston
Florida loses to LSU
Idaho loses to LA Tech
Missouri loses to Kansas State
So Miss loses to Navy
Central Mich loses to NC State
Louisville loses to NC
Fla Atlantic loses to N. Texas
Texas loses to Oklahoma
Kansas loses to Okie State
Memphis loses to Rice
Kentucky loses to S. Carolina
San Diego State loses to TCU
Texas Tech loses to Texas A&M
LA – Lafayette loses to Troy
Miami loses to VA Tech
UAB loses to Miss State
Marshall loses to Central Fla
Wake Forest loses to Fla State
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.”
Laws without enforcement are nothing. We have too many laws and not enough enforcement.
Deadbeats should be beat dead.
Lots could be solved in this country by responsibility and commitment.
The Hiney Lick Maneuver is far more effective than the Heimlich Maneuver for choking.
Speaking of choking – how ‘bout the Red Sox and Braves epic collapses.
I wrote a book on “How to Win Baseball Games”. Score more runs than the other team. The End.
Which is better Five Guys or In-N-Out? Gonna take lots of investigation to determine.
Earl though he was indecisive, but now he is not so sure.
Another 100 degree day added to the hottest summer on record for DFW. As my Granddaddy used to say “it was hotter than the hinges of hell.”
After 36+ years, the wife of this retired redneck still wants me……………to make the bed, wash the dishes, mop, vacuum, dust, clean the bathrooms, do the laundry, mow the lawn…..it’s nice to be wanted.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Jail or Church
BAY MINETTE, Ala. — Authorities say non-violent offenders in southern Alabama will have a new choice: Go to jail, or go to church every Sunday for a year.
WKRG-TV reports that Operation Restore Our Community begins next week.
The city judge in Bay Minette will let misdemeanor offenders choose to work off their sentences in jail and pay a fine; or go to church every Sunday for a year.
If offenders select church, they’ll be allowed to pick the place of worship but must check in weekly with the pastor and police.
If the one-year church attendance program is completed, the offender’s case will be dismissed.
Bay Minette Police Chief Mike Rowland says the program could change the lives of people heading down the wrong path. So far, 56 churches are participating.
Haas shld take the $11mil HE just EARNED & divide it among the rest of the tour. Even tho they didn’t perform as well. What do you think?
Headlines
Feds create task force to end payments to dead people after $600M paid out…
Good idea, but how will they gonna live without gummit assistance?
Cain calls Obama’s rhetoric ‘bull****’
If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, its probably a duck…………
Rich man to Obama: ‘Please raise my taxes’
Just for the record, that was not me!
Redneck Joke of the Week
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two large plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. Unfortunately, there’s a rip in one of the bags and every once in a while, a $20 bill falls out onto the pavement!
Noticing this, a policeman stops her…. ‘Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag … ‘
‘Oh, really? Darn,’ says the little old lady. ‘I’d better go back and see if I can collect them. Thanks for the warning!
‘Well, now, not so fast,’ says the cop. ‘How did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?’
‘Oh, no,’ said the little old lady. ‘You see, my backyard is right next to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee through the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I say, ‘$20 or I cut it off ‘
‘Well, that seems only fair,’ laughs the cop. ‘OK, good luck! By the way, what’s in the other bag?’
‘Well….’ says the little old lady, ‘…not everybody pays”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Redneck Dad Has Been Watchin’ Junior Again!
Racin’
Smoke smoked ‘em again in New Hampshire. Dover’s Monster Mile is up next.
The picks:
Kenseth
Smoke
Jimmie Johnson
Anybody but a Busch
Ain’t True
New York Football Coach Suspended for Taking Team to Cemetery
Published September 30, 2011 | Associated Press
A junior varsity football coach suspended for making his players lie down in a central New York cemetery as a post-defeat motivational ploy said he borrowed the idea from a pivotal scene in the 2000 Denzel Washington film “Remember the Titans.”
Craig Tice, superintendent of the Marcellus school district outside Syracuse, announced Thursday that coach Jim Marsh has been suspended for two weeks without pay for last weekend’s spur-of-the-moment stop at a rural cemetery.
Marsh’s team was returning from a loss last Saturday at neighboring Skaneateles when he had the bus pull over at a cemetery and told the 24 players to lie down between rows of graves. The coach then talked to them about the importance of playing hard.
Tice said some of the players, who were still in uniform, laid down on top of graves at St. Francis Xavier cemetery, near the Marcellus school campus 12 miles southwest of Syracuse. Some parents complained to school officials after being told by the players what had occurred.
Marsh apologized during a meeting with players and their parents at the school Thursday night, telling them he was trying to inspire the team by recreating a scene from “Remember the Titans,” which told the story of a newly integrated Virginia high school’s football team in 1971, with Washington portraying the head coach.
During one scene set at the team’s preseason camp at Pennsylvania’s Gettysburg College, the players stop for a breather in a fog-shrouded Civil War graveyard during a training run. Washington’s character uses the setting to tell his players, black and white, to “take a lesson from the dead” and start playing together as a team or face defeat.
“I tried to seize an opportunity to inspire the team with a theme from `Remember the Titans,”‘ Marsh’s statement to players and parents read. “My only thought was to bring them to a realization of what a great thing it is to be able to play football with your friends, and how great it would be to work hard and triumph the following Saturday.”
Marsh offered to resign as coach but Tice said he refused to accept it.
Tice described Marsh as a well-liked and highly regarded teacher and coach in Marcellus. Marsh was teaching classes Friday and wasn’t available for comment, Tice said.
“There were a number of critics but many more supporters” of Marsh’s graveyard ploy, Tice told The Associated Press on Friday.
Marsh offered to donate two weeks of coaching salary, $750, to the cemetery for upkeep of the grounds, the superintendent said.
The suspension has no bearing on Marsh’s job as English teacher at the Marcellus high school or his role as the coach of the school’s boys’ varsity basketball team, Tice said.
“I do not regret the message of asking players and students to give all that they have for themselves, their peers, and their community,” Marsh said in his statement. “I do not regret telling my students, my players, to be resilient when faced with challenges, to accept the responsibility for your actions, and to handle these things with class and dignity.”
The junior varsity team is being led by an assistant coach.
Ain’t true that people got any common sense left.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Eric Church – Drink In My Hand
Redneck Sign of the Week:
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
NOW YOU UNDERSTAND WASHINGTON POLITICS!
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.
However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows,(as well as
their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.
Now consider a group of Baboons.
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of ALL primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of Baboons? Believe it or not ……. a Congress!
I guess that pretty much explains the things that come out of Washington!
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 21 – 8 .724
Season 80 – 23 .777
UTEP loses to Houston
S Fla loses to Pitt
Florida loses to Bama
W Ky loses to Ark State
Baylor loses to Kansas State (Upset Special of the Week)
Wake Forest loses to Boston College
Ole Miss loses to Fresno State
Miss State loses to Georgia
NC State loses to GA Tech
Fla Atlantic loses to LA – Lafayette
Hawaii loses to LA Tech
Marshall loses to Louisville
Kentucky loses to LSU
Memphis loses to Middle TN
East Carolina loses to NC
Ball State loses to Oklahoma
Auburn loses to SC
Rice loses to So. Miss
SMU loses to TCU
Buffalo loses to Tennessee
UAB loses to Troy
Iowa State loses to Texas
Arkansas loses to TX A&M
Kansas loses to TX Tech
North Texas loses to Tulsa
VA Tech loses to Clemson
Bowling Green loses to WVA
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason. J. P. Morgan
Wish we would see as much outrage on election day as we saw against the changes on Facebook.
There are just some countries that cannot live in a civilized society with any kind of rational governance. Why do we keep pouring trillions into these places?
It’s eleven o’clock. Do you know what conference your school is in?
Amazing the musical chairs games these universities are playing. It is all about the cash.
Congress. Please cut 15% of your spending immediately. That is what your citizens have had to do for the past 3 years. Yes. 15% across the board including social security and medicare. There is enough waste and fraud in these areas to well cover the reduction without any rightful recipient suffering.
Haven’t heard from Bubba and Earl in quite a while. Maybe they got hit by that falling satellite or maybe they are just at one of their lengthy beer summits.
I would certainly like to see all Americans pay their fair share of taxes – even the 50% that pay no taxes at all.
Everyone seems surprised that the market is crashing. Do you have any confidence in the economy or gummit leadership?
I do not wish any ill will on anybody, but I do wish some of our federal government leaders would eat more cantaloupes.
Charlie Sheen says that he really was losing just as its announcement that he is receiving a $25 million settlement? Go way please and take Lohan with you.
Dear Sears Part Dept. Sending me an e-mail telling me my part shipped two days after I received it is a fail. Fast shipping is a win.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Horses 9, 1 and 1 finish first on Sept. 11
ELMONT, N.Y., Sept. 13 (UPI) — The Belmont Park racetrack in New York state said the first three winners on the 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks bore the numbers 9, 1 and 1.
The Elmont track, which served as a staging area for workers and emergency vehicles in the days following the attacks, said horses bearing the numbers were the first three winners Sunday, the New York Post reported Tuesday.
“The odds were probably about a million to one,” said David Jacobson, the trainer at Drawing Away Stable, which owns the first two winners from Sunday.
“It’s unimaginable. We were amazed.”
The pick-three result paid $18.60 for a $2 bet, the racetrack said.
The Most Patriotic Thing You Can Do: Bust your ass and get rich. Make a boatload of money. Pay your taxes. Lots .
Headlines
A $16 muffin? Justice Dept. audit finds ‘wasteful’ and extravagant spending
Really? In our national gummit?
Markets sink as Fed unveils stimulus plan
No more stimulation, please!
Ex-Giant: Fewell teaches how to fake injuries
Should have gotten a pro soccer player.
Last Meal -Brewer’s order of two chicken fried steaks, a triple meat bacon cheeseburger, a cheese omelet, a large bowl of fried okra, three fajitas, a pint of Blue Bell ice cream, and a pound of barbecue with a half loaf of white bread
The ol’ boy went out fuller than a tick.
Redneck Joke of the Week
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet.
“How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the CAT scan, it’s now $150.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Texas A&M vs Baylor
Racin’
Smoke smoked ‘em in rainy Chicago to start the Chase.
Loudon, New Hampshire this week. The picks:
Smoke
Newman
Truex, Jr.
Anybody but a Busch.
Ain’t True
OKLAHOMA CITY — Authorities are warning military families about a cruel hoax. The Oklahoma National Guard was notified about an alleged incident involving two people acting as military personnel.
They allegedly told a metro woman her husband had been killed in combat.
The National Guard tells us Tinker Air Force Base alerted them to the alleged incident.
Officials report the two people showed up at her home in Oklahoma City and wanted her to sign a few papers.
The woman contacted military officials and found out her husband was fine.
The Oklahoma National Guard is now warning all military personnel.
It has posted a warning on Face book.
It says in part:
“Notification of death or serious injury will always be made by a member of the same branch of theU.S. Armed Forcesas the service member. Notification officers will always be in a dress uniform and never in any type of field (camouflage) uniform. Notification officers will always present paperwork with information about the service member to include full name, date of birth, social security number and the names of family members that should be notified of the injury or death. If the family of a deployed service member believes they are the intended victim or victims of a hoax involving individuals claiming to be members of the U.S. Armed Forces, they should call the Oklahoma National Guard at (405) 228-5000 and report the incident.”
Hope they catch these low lifes. Hanging is too good for them.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Brooks & Dunn - Hillbilly Deluxe
Redneck Video of the Week:
In My Seat….
(this is long, but one of the most impactful videos I have seen. Watch it ‘til the end.)
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
True story and most people will never know it.
Here’s an interesting side bar. After the Japanese decimated our fleet in Pearl Harbor Dec 7, 1941, they could have sent their troop ships and carriers directly to California to finish what they started. The prediction from our Chief of Staff was we would not be able to stop a massive invasion until they reached the Mississippi River. Remember, we had a 2 million man army and war ships……all fighting the Germans. So, why did they not invade?
After the war, the remaining Japanese generals and admirals were asked that question. Their answer……they know that almost every home had guns and the Americans knew how to use them.
That’s why all enemies, foreign and domestic, want to see us disarmed.
Food for thought when next we consider gun control.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 19 – 7 .731
Season 59 – 15 .797
NC State loses to Cincy
Central Fla loses to BYU
Arkansas loses to Bama
Fla Atlantic loses to Auburn
Rice loses to Baylor
Tulsa loses to Boise State
Clemson loses to Fla State (Upset special of the week)
Tulane loses to Duke
UAB loses to E. Carolina
Kentucky loses to Florida
LA – Lafayette loses to Fla International
Ole Miss loses to Georgia
North Carolina loses to GA Tech
North Texas loses to Indiana
LA Monroe loses to Iowa
WVA loses to LSU
Temple loses to Maryland
Kansas State loses to Miami
Bowling Green loses to Miami (OH)
LA Tech loses to Miss State
Missouri loses to Oklahoma
Vandy loses to S. Carolina
UTEP loses to S. Fla
Memphis loses to SMU
Okla State loses to Texas A&M
Nevada loses to Texas Tech
Middle TN loses to Troy
So. Miss loses to VA
Marshall loses to VA Tech
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature. Socrates
If my call is so important to you, then why does it take 20 minutes for a customer service rep to take it?
$cam Newton had a great first day with the Panthers. Hope he can weather the pay cut to play for them.
Rumor is that the University of Miami – Ohio State game this week will not have a normal officiating crew. It will have a warden and prison guards.
People who preach tolerance are the most intolerant people I know.
Common sense is so uncommon.
Did something I have never done this week. I went to am exhibition at the Dallas Market Hall and went in the front door. I have been in that center at least 200 times, but always as an exhibitor. I didn’t even know where the front door was. Things are so different in retirement!
Another thing different. The kids are both traveling this weekend and I am at home. That was the other way for 30+ years.
The NFL is requiring more security measures for fans entering the stadiums. What about the felons on the field?
Interesting that the grocery stores are removing the self-scan lines “in order to provide more personable customer service.” They are doing it because of money! Too much was walking out the door unpaid.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
HOMEWOOD (WLS) – A south suburban woman died Thursday after apparently injecting heated beef fat into her face.
Janet Hardt, 63, of the 1000 block of W. 186th St. in Homewood, was pronounced dead at 6:25 p.m. at Advocate South Suburban Hospital in Hazel Crest, according to the Cook County Medical Examiner’s office.
An autopsy Friday determined Hardt died of peritonitis, a severe abdominal inflammation caused by a bacterial infection suffered from weakened walls in her colon, according to the medical examiner’s office.
Infections she suffered in her face from the injections did not lead to her death, which was ruled natural, according to the medical examiner’s office.
A source said shortly before Hardt died, she injected heated beef fat into her face around her mouth and chin, a procedure she had done before on several occasions.
Her face reportedly looked “grotesque’’ and the infections in her mouth and lip also had scarring from performing the injections “for some time.’’
The victim was reportedly “obsessed’’ with the process of performing self-injections and had developed her own “process,’’ according to a source. She would boil the beef herself, extract the fat and inject it into her face.
Hardt went to the hospital after complaining that her face felt like it was burning, according to the source.
She had previously undergone multiple facial surgeries, the source said. Her face had a “tight’’ appearance and was not very wrinkled.
Homewood spokeswoman Rachael Jones was not available to comment Friday afternoon.
STOCKS SLAMMED…Obama jobs package fails to lift spirits…
Stimulation just doesn’t work on us anymore.
Perry Slammed as He Calls Social Security a Ponzi Scheme
‘Bout time a poLIEtician told the truth.
Obama: My bill will create 1.9 million jobs
Wonder what the over/under is in Vegas? I will take the under.
Redneck Joke of the Week
(a little outdated, but still a great message)
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni(R) suit, Gucci(R) shoes, RayBan(R) sunglasses and YSL(R) tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”
Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, why not?”
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell(R) notebook computer, connects it to
his Cingular R A ZR V3(R) cell phone, and surfs to a N A S A page on the
Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location
which he then feeds to another N A S A satellite that scans the area in an
ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in A
dobe Photoshop(R) and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg,
Germany .Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot(R) that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL(R) database through an ODBC connected Excel(R) spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry(R) and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet(R) printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have
exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”
“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your
business is, will you give me back my calf?”
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”
“You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government”, says Bud.
“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”
“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying
to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living – or about cows, for that matter. This is a
herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Daddy Watched Junior Again
Racin’
Ol’ Happy Harvick showed ‘em at Richmond. Now the Chase starts at Chicagoland Speedway.
The picks:
Jeff Gordan
Tony Stewart
David Reutimann
Anybody but a Busch
Redneck Song of the Week:
Ronnie Dunn – Bleed Red
Redneck Video of the Week:
Redneck Chauffer
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
The Green Thing…….
In the line at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.
The woman apologized to him and explained, “We didn’t have the green thing back in my day.”
The clerk responded, “that’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment.”
He was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.
But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
We walked up stairs because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.
But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.
Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that old lady is right; we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.
Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room.
And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana .
In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us.
When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she’s right; we didn’t have the green thing back then.
We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.
We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But we didn’t have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.
We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets To power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?
Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart-ass young person.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 21 – 5 .808
Season 40 – 8 .833
Miss State loses to LSU
North Texas loses to Bama
Troy loses to Arkansas
Duke loses to Boston College
Wyoming loses to Bowling Green
Akron loses to Cincy
Auburn loses to Clemson
Tennessee loses to Florida
Kansas loses to GA Tech
LA Tech loses to Houston
Louisville loses to Kentucky
WVA loses to Maryland
Ole Miss loses to Vandy
VA loses to NC
Miami vs Ohio State – they are both losers
Fla State loses to Oklahoma
Tulsa loses to Okla State
Marshall loses to Ohio
Navy loses to S Carolina
Texas loses to UCLA (Upset Special of the Week)
Idaho loses to TX A&M
LA Monroe loses to TCU
New Mexico loses to TX Tech
Tulane loses to UAB
Fla International loses to Central Fla
Arkansas State loses to VA Tech
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. Kin Hubbard
Bubba says that beer gets better with age. The older he gets, the better he likes it.
Notice how peaceful and calm it was when Congress and POTUS were away from Washington? They didn’t mess up anything either.
Earl just added $100 to the value of his truck. He filled it up with gas.
My theology does not support karma, but in a couple cases I hope I am wrong.
Happy to give a hand up, but hacked to give a hand out.
Happy wife = happy life. Therefore, the woman formerly known as Mrs. Redneck is now known as the wife of a retired redneck.
Presidential debates 14months from the election? Haven’t we all suffered enough already?
You know that you are going to have a bad day when Jim Cantore of the Weather Channel shows up in your area.
Ten years ago my hero died. The day we buried him America lost a bunch of heroes. Miss you Daddy!
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Drunk Moose Found in Tree
STOCKHOLM (AP) — A seemingly intoxicated moose has been discovered entangled in an apple tree by a stunned Swede.
Per Johansson says he heard a roar from his vacationing neighbor’s garden in southwestern Sweden late Tuesday and went to have a look. There, he found a female moose kicking about in the tree. The animal was likely drunk from eating fermented apples.
With the help of police and rescue services, the 45-year-old Johansson later managed to set the moose free in part by sawing off tree branches.
But the animal appeared confused and wandered into Johansson’s garden, where she was still resting Thursday.
Other neighbors in the Goteborg suburb Saro had seen the animal sneaking around the area for days. Johansson said the moose appeared to be sick, drunk or “half-stupid.”
Bubba had that happen to him once. He blamed Earl for overserving him and sticking him in the tree.
Low confidence in the economy or the poLIEticians ?
Obama, Bernanke speak; markets fall…
Y’all please shut up. Us retirees can’t stand for too much more talk.
Obama asks if GOP will ‘put country before party’
Pot calling the kettle black. We need a uniter not a divider.
Redneck Joke of the Week
The RedneckTruckers
Zek and Luke went to a trucking company to apply for a “Team” truck driving job. The personnel manager decided, after talking to them both that they weren’t the sharpest knives in the drawer. He decides to interview them separately. He first interviews Zek. After 15 minutes he completes the interview. Zek barely passes. Next he interviews Luke. He begins by asking the usual transportation related questions. Luke also barely passes.
The personnel manager next interview them together. He presents them with this potential problem: Now Zek and Luke, lets say that you two are a driving team. One of you is driving the rig and the other is asleep in the back. You are going down this very steep hill with sixty thousand pounds of steel on the truck. All of a sudden your breaks go out and your speed is increasing. What would be the first thing you’d do ?
About a minute passes and there was no answer. Then, all of a sudden Luke spoke up.
“I know, I know, I know the first thing I’d do”. The personnel manager says “yes Luke, what is the first thing you’d do?” Luke says, “I’d wake Zek up.” The personnel manager replies, “WHAT ! “Why would wake Zek up ?”
Coos, says Luke, “He ain’t never seen no big accident before!”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
The last race before the Chase. Richmond!
The picks:
Jeff Gordon
Denny Hamlin
Clint Bowyer
Anybody but a Busch
Ain’t True
CHARLESTON, W.Va. — Tennessee police said they got a shock on Saturday when they discovered a wild raccoon in the car of a Parkersburg man arrested for streaking at a NASCAR event.
Joshua Greene, 27, was naked when officers arrested him in a local subdivision in Bristol, Tenn., said Bristol Police Capt. Matt Austin.
Multiple witnesses called police after Greene went streaking through Pit Row Market, where concerts were being held for the weekend’s races, Austin said.
During the investigation, officers were surprised when they saw that Greene was keeping a live raccoon confined in the backseat of his car, Austin said.
“He had it in a large plastic tote with some holes in it so it could breathe,” he said. “I wouldn’t let officers open the tote until the Wildlife Agency got there to tell us what to do with it.”
The Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency was called out to safely remove the wild animal.
Greene and his girlfriend found the raccoon in nearby Warriors’ Path State Park and chased it into their car, Austin said.
“They had in their minds, for their reasons, that they were rescuing it,” he said.
Police charged Greene with public intoxication and indecent exposure. The Wildlife Agency charged him with being in possession of a wild animal.
Greene was taken to the Sullivan County Jail $1,500 bail. He was released Sunday, a Circuit Court clerk said.
Ain’t true that this is how NASCAR fans act. Most of us don’t have wild raccoons in our backseats.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Rodney Atkins – It’s America
Redneck Video of the Week:
A Tribute to 9-11
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Interesting when it’s put into a prospective that people can understand,…
Why S&P downgraded the USA’s credit rating,…..
• U.S. Tax revenue: $2,170,000,000,000
• Federal budget: $3,820,000,000,000
• New debt: $1,650,000,000,000
• National debt: $14,271,000,000,000
• Recent budget cuts: $38,500,000,000
Let’s remove 8 zeros and pretend it’s aHousehold Budget
• Annual family income: $21,700
• Money the family spent: $38,200
• New debt on the credit card: $16,500
• Outstanding balance on the credit card: $142,710
• Total budget cuts: $385
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Last Week 19 – 3 .864
Season 19 – 3 .864
Arizona loses to Okla State
Fla International loses to Louisville
Penn State loses to Alabama
New Mexico loses to Arkansas
Memphis loses to Arkansas State
UAB loses to Florida
Middle Tenn loses to GA Tech
North Texas loses to Houston
Central Mich loses to Kentucky
Marshall loses to So. Miss
Fla Atlantic loses to Michigan State
Auburn loses to Miss State
W Ky loses to Navy
Rutgers loses to North Carolina
UTEP loses to SMU
Georgia loses to South Carolina
Ball State loses to So. Florida
TCU loses to Air Force (Upset Special of the Week)
Cincinnati loses to Tennessee
BYU loses to Texas
Tulane loses to Tulsa
UConn loses to Vanderbilt
Boston College loses to Central Fla
Indiana loses to Virginia
E Carolina loses to VA Tech
Wake Forest loses to NC State
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
A great people has been moved to defend a great nation. Terrorist attacks can shake the foundations of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America. These acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the steel of American resolve.
America was targeted for attack because we’re the brightest beacon for freedom and opportunity in the world. And no one will keep that light from shining.
Today, our nation saw evil, the very worst of human nature. And we responded with the best of America — with the daring of our rescue workers, with the caring for strangers and neighbors who came to give blood and help in any way they could
