Obama announced his reelection campaign this week. His slogan for 2012 is “I Hope I Change”.
Bubba and Earl have been doin’ research – so far they have discovered that the team with the most points wins and that people who keep having birthdays live longer. It has taken a lot of beer to fuel that brain power.
Texas state legislature just voted in a law that allows for speed limit of 85 mph. Guess they want to slow people down.
After watching the Country Music Awards, there is no doubt that the majority of the voters were – teenage girls.
Wanna stop the federal gummit shutdown? Just stop paying Congress and their staff – no salary – no benefits. Also do not supply their offices with a/c or electricity.
It is not cool to say “What’s shaking?” in Japan.
What if Congress mediates the NFL disagreement. They could disagree in disagreeing there too.
If Donald Trump is the answer, then it is a serious bad question.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Man glued to toilet seat at Walmart
ELKTON, Md. — Elkton police say a man became stuck to a department store toilet seat after someone spread glue on it.
It happened at the Walmart in Elkton. Officials refused to say how long the man was stuck before he was able to get help.
Police say emergency workers removed the seat from the toilet and took the man out with seat still attached to him. The seat was removed at the emergency room at Union Hospital.
Police say the incident is a second-degree assault case that may have been a random prank.
Confucious: He who stuck to toilet is hooked on pot.
Butler blaming bad shooting on Kirstie Alley’s fall on DWTS – something about disrupting the earth’s revolution
Headlines
Charlie Sheen Booed Off Stage
Who saw that comin? Still winning Charlie?
27% of communication by members of Congress is taunting, professor concludes
The other 73% of their time is split between lining their own pockets and getting reelected.
LAWMAKERS DISAGREE OVER WHY THEY CAN’T AGREE
If they would quit disagreeing on why they disagree, maybe they could solve the dang thang.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Congress
Redneck Picture of the Week
Post Mortem Picture of Congressperson
Racin’
Martinsville was a great race. Jr leading in the last twenty laps only to be beat by Happy Harvick in the last 4 laps. The ol’ heart was pumping hoping for an 88 win. Not used to that lately.
Racin’ at the home track this week – Texas Motor Speedway. This will be a fast and furious race in the dark.
The picks:
1. “Cousin Carl” Edwards
2. Jimmie Johnson
3. David Regan
4. Anybody but a Busch.
Ain’t True
Was talking with one of my friends this week about NASCAR. She said that it was a sport for rednecks to go fast, make left turns, and run in a circle all day.
Ain’t true! They run in ovals all day.
Redneck Song of the Week:
This Is Country Music – Brad Paisley
Redneck Video of the Week:
What Happens When You Pick on Somebody One Too Many Times
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Comments made in the year 1955!
That’s only 56 years ago!
‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things
keep going the way they are,
it’s going to be impossible to
buy a week’s groceries for $10.00. ‘
‘Have you seen the new cars
coming out next year? It won’t
be long before $1, 000.00 will
only buy a used one.’
‘If cigarettes keep going up in
price, I’m going to quit; 20 cents
a pack is ridiculous. ‘
‘Did you hear the post office is
thinking about charging 7 cents
just to mail a letter.’
‘If they raise the minimum wage
to $1.00, nobody will be able to
hire outside help at the store.’
‘When I first started driving, who
would have thought gas would
someday cost 25 cents a gallon.
Guess we’d be better off leaving
the car in the garage.’
‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the
movies any more. Ever since they
let Clark Gable get by with saying
DAMN in ‘GONE WITH THE WIND’,
it seems every new movie has
either HELL or DAMN in it.’
‘I read the other day where some
scientist thinks it’s possible to put
a man on the moon by the end of
the century. They even have some
fellows they call astronauts
preparing for it down in Texas ..’
‘Did you see where some baseball
player just signed a contract for
$50,000 a year just to play ball?
It wouldn’t surprise me if someday
they’ll be making more than the
President. ‘
‘I never thought I’d see the day
all our kitchen appliances would
be electric. They are even making
electric typewriters now. ‘
‘It’s too bad things are so tough
nowadays. I see where a few
married women are having to
work to make ends meet. ‘
‘It won’t be long before young
couples are going to have to hire
someone to watch their kids so
they can both work.’
‘I’m afraid the Volkswagen car
is going to open the door to a
whole lot of foreign business.’
‘Thank goodness I won’t live to
see the day when the Government
takes half our income in taxes. I
sometimes wonder if we are
electing the best people to
government.’
‘The drive-in restaurant is
convenient in nice weather,
but I seriously doubt they
will ever catch on.’
‘There is no sense going on short
trips anymore for a weekend. It
costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay
in a hotel.’
‘No one can afford to be sick
anymore. At $15.00 a day in
the hospital, it’s too rich for
my blood.’
‘If they think I’ll pay 30 cents
for a haircut, forget it.’
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.” Groucho Marx
Apologizes for missing a week on the blog. The ol’ Dell desktop died and had to transfer all of the stuff to the laptop. Love technology, except when it doesn’t work. Thank God for the 1.5 TB backup drive.
Google is a term for a number and a million zeros or our national debt in two years.
Commodity, food, and gas prices are all surging. Another recession is around the corner. Happens every time………
The tower controller at Reagan National was asleep on duty. Not the first time people have been asleep on the job in DC.
Bubba and Earl have been real quiet lately. That’s what you do when you are laying low.
Ever notice how people point to their wrist when they want to know what time it is. Aren’t you glad that they don’t point when they ask where the restroom is located?
What is happening to all of the school districts nationwide is criminal. Politicians need to quit playing games and put the money where their mouths are.
Earl done come down with the crud. He got him some of that 150 proof mountain medicine and should be feeling better by the time the hangover is over.
Opening day at the ballparks across America. It don’t get no better than that.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Mistake leaves Ohio man with $16M cable TV charge
BEAVERCREEK, Ohio (AP) — Try fitting this cable bill into the monthly budget.
An Ohio man says Time Warner Cable told him he owed the company $16.4 million.
Daniel DeVirgilio, of Beavercreek, says his payment was rejected because it wouldn’t cover the total. His bill is usually $80.
DeVirgilio tells the Dayton Daily News he wanted to watch the NCAA basketball tournament’s Sweet 16 but didn’t expect it to cost a million dollars per team. He jokes he should have added Showtime to his channels because the charge of a few extra dollars doesn’t seem big in comparison.
Time Warner says human error is to blame for the payment problem. Officials say a worker typed the wrong amount owed, and a letter to DeVirgilio was automatically generated. They’re working to resolve the issue.
Free the slaves so they can get real jobs like everybody else.
U.S. wine sales top France for the first time
In the Wine War, France must have surrendered.
AT&T is getting married to T-Mobile. There will be no reception afterwards.
FARK.com headline writer wins this week’s award. Unfortunately, it probably be true.
A year after passage, health care law still abstract
Cause nobody has read the thing yet.
11 stocks turned $10,000 into $100,000 in 2 years
Wonder how many stocks turned $100,000 into $ 10,000 in the same time?
Obama is locked out of the White House
Awright, who let him back in?
Redneck Joke of the Week
An Irish priest was transferred to Texas. Father O’Malley rose from
his bed one morning to find it was a fine spring day in his new Texas
mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the
beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his
front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this: ”Good morning. This is Sergeant
Jones. How might I help you?”
”And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O’Malley at St.
Ann ’s Catholic Church. There’s a jackass lying dead on me front lawn.”
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a
smirk, ”Well now, Father, it was always my impression that you people
took care of the last rites!”
There was dead silence on the line for a moment.
Father O’Malley then replied: ”Aye, ’tis certainly true; but we are
also obliged to notify the next of kin.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
The jinx on Kyle Busch didn’t work at Bristol. Good race, just the wrong winner.
The big ol’ 2 mile track in Fontana, California produced a heck of a finish. Harvick was happy with his pass on the last lap for the come from behind win.
This week it is back to the paperclip short track and Martinsville hot dogs.
The picks:
Denny “Homeboy” Hamlin
Jimmie Johnson
Jeff Gordon
Anybody but a Busch
Ain’t True
Rocker Sammy Hagar Says He Was Abducted by Aliens
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – No doubt Sammy Hagar, a former lead singer for Van Halen, has enjoyed a lot of far out experiences in life, but on Monday, the rocker told perhaps his farthest out tale to MTV. He was abducted by aliens.
Or, at least, his brain was.
In an interview for his new book, “Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock” at mtvhive.com, Hagar lets go of what even he admits might make him “sound like a crazy person” to some readers.
He and the reporter are talking about dreams he claims to have had about UFOs, and when asked whether he believed he had been abducted, Hagar answers: “I think I have.”
The reporter seemed surprised. “What? Really? I was kidding. You seriously believe that?” he asks.
Hagar laughs and goes on to explain that a passage in the book described as a dream in which he is contacted by aliens from outer space in California was, in fact, reality.
The tale describes how the beings tapped into his mind through a wireless connection.
“It was real,” Hagar told the reporter, according to the story on MTV’s Hive website. “They were plugged into me. It was a download situation … Or, they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment.”
Hagar goes on to describe another experience at the age of four where he believes he saw an alien space ship in broad daylight hovering over a country field where his family lived.
The rock guitarist and vocalist is no stranger to wild times. He was a part of several bands, including Montrose, during the “sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll” era of the 1970s and 1980s, and during its heyday Van Halen was among the biggest acts in rock music.
In his book and in the interview with MTV’s Hive, Hagar lets the stories fly on the sex and drugs he did during those years, and he even has a few not-so-nice things to say about another Van Halen lead singer, David Lee Roth, whom Hagar replaced in 1985.
Ain’t true that the drugs had any effect?
Redneck Song of the Week:
Jason Aldean- My Kinda Party
Redneck Video of the Week:
Funny Cats
(Maybe the Reason They Need 9 Lives)
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Jails and Nursing Homes
Here’s the way it should be:
Let’s put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes. This would correct two things in one motion: Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks. They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical
treatment, wheel chairs, etc. They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring, so they would be helped instantly… if they fell or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes. All meals and snacks would be brought to them.
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education…and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing – ie. shoes, slippers, pj’s – and legal aid would be free, upon request. There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost. They would receive daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.
As for the criminals:
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised.
They would receive showers once a week.
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out.
Sounds like justice to me…
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president. “ Johnny Carson
If God is your co-pilot, then switch seats. It is written that Jesus sits at the right hand of the God Almighty. Then that leaves me back in the cabin, hopefully in first class, and I go wherever they go.
Wow! It took a 8.9 earthquake and tsunami to knock Charlie Sheen off of the front page.
No NFL this fall? Too bad I will have to watch NASCAR and college football. Please don’t throw me in that briar patch.
Must be spring in Texas. Tornadoes to the east of us and wildfires to the west.
This morning when I heard of the possibility of a meltdown, I wondered which Hollywood star went zulu today.
Think that the BCS just took over the NCAA basketball tournament selection.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Man fires gun to protest slow service at Denny’s
ORLANDO, Fla., March 12 (UPI) — A man decided to let employees at a Denny’s restaurant in Florida know he was unhappy about delayed service by firing three shots outside the door, police say.
Frederick Louis Sims, 31, of Orlando was arrested near the restaurant Tuesday afternoon, the Orlando Sentinel reported. Police officers said they found a small quantity of marijuana and a .22-caliber Ruger pistol in Sims’s Cadillac Escalade.
Sims was being held in lieu of $2,600 bail on charges that include possession of the marijuana and firing a weapon in public.
The Ruger was seized by police. Investigators said it had a cartridge in the chamber and four in the magazine.
Heck if everybody did that, they could turn every Denny’s into a shooting range. Their service is always slow.
Headlines
CBS Fires Charlie Sheen
Wow! Who say that comin’? Are you still winning, Bud?
Four Auburn football players arrested, dismissed from team
Not a big Auburn fan, but do applaud the swift dismissal from the team. More coaches need to do this.
NFL formally announces lockout of players…
Mutual greed is gonna kill the golden goose.
Obama Focuses on Bullying
He should set a better example than to bully himself.
Redneck Joke of the Week
The Magic Green Hat
The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.
I guess they decided that they weren’t that sick after all.
Here’s the hat.
It also works at DMV. It saved me 5 hours.
At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.
But…don’t try it at McDonald’s. The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order!
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
No Cup racin’ this past week. This week is Bristol! Rubbin’, swappin’ paint, bumpin’ and runnin’ on the World’s Fastest Half-Mile!
Picks:
Kurt Busch
Kyle Busch
Carl Edwards
Trying to put the jinx on. I pickem’, they wreck.
Ain’t True
83 rescued from Ky. eatery that floated downstream
COVINGTON, Ky. – A seafood eatery aboard a barge broke from its moorings on the flood-swollen Ohio River, then drifted downriver during the dinner rush before emergency crews rescued 83 patrons using a precarious gangplank of ladders and ropes, authorities said Saturday.
Covington Fire Department Capt. Chris Kiely said diners at Jeff Ruby’s Waterfront restaurant used cell phones to call for help Friday night as the restaurant floated about 85 to 100 yards downstream. Everyone on board, including former Cincinnati Bengals star Cris Collinsworth, was safe after the hours-long rescue, Kiely told The Associated Press. All were led off one at a time, wearing life jackets.
TV footage of the rescue showed dinner patrons pacing aboard the barge as firefighters put up the makeshift bridge of ladders that spanned swirling, debris-filled water. Work boats edged close amid the flashing lights of fire trucks nearby. Patron Kathy Kinane told the AP on Saturday morning that she and her husband had been finishing their dinner with another couple when they felt a bump. Her husband, Bill, looked out the window and saw that the usually stationary boat was moving.
“That was not a good thing,” she said. “We said, ‘Let’s get up and leave.’”
By then, a crowd had gathered by the exit. The walkway ramp had broken loose from shore. But rescuers and tugboats arrived quickly, and the fact the power stayed on helped prevent a panic, she said. Outside, the current was moving very quickly, though the Kinanes hadn’t been concerned about eating there because they had been there before when the river had risen, she said.
The Kinanes, frequent patrons of the restaurant, had worn snorkels and masks when they arrived to surprise the manager. They returned the gear to their cars — though Kinane joked they should have kept it with them.
“We were joking about the river,” she said. “Well, the joke’s on us now.”
Everyone on the boat had been completely cut off because all the gangplanks were torn away or damaged, Kiely said by telephone.
Emergency crews strapped the life jackets on those whose dinner of shrimp and seafood was abruptly interrupted. Women were taken to shore first, across the improvised ladder bridge, Kinane said. She said she had to take off her heels to make her way out.
Kiely, after returning from the rescue, said he saw Collinsworth — the former Bengals star wide receiver and NBC pro football commentator — among those rescued. Collinsworth, who was a star at the University of Florida, has long been associated with Ruby, who offers “Steak Collinsworth” at several of his restaurants.
On Saturday morning, efforts were continuing to keep the restaurant secured. Tree limbs and other debris filled the water and garbage piled against one end of the restaurant.
Rob Carlisle, one of the owners of C&B Marine of Covington, directed efforts by one of his company’s towboats to secure the front end of the restaurant.
He told AP the restaurant had become wedged against the Clay Wade Bailey Bridge, one of several linking Cincinnati with northern Kentucky.
“If the bridge wasn’t there it could have traveled down the river quite a ways,” he told the AP. Light traffic moved across the three-lane bridge, as did trains on an adjacent track.
Carlisle said authorities were discussing the possibility of a crane on a barge being brought in to help put the restaurant back in place as river levels permit in coming days.
Two other waterfront restaurants in Newport, Ky., had closed recently because of high waters from heavy rains. The Ohio River already was above flood stage and was expected to crest at 4 feet to 5 feet above flood stage. Low-lying areas just east of Cincinnati on the Ohio side have experienced some moderate flooding.
The restaurant is one of several along the river, on the Kentucky side just opposite Cincinnati.
Ain’t true that this was supposed to be a dinner “cruise”.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Voices – Chris Young
Redneck Video of the Week:
Zach Enyeart Trick Shot Long Snapper
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Southern Translations of California Euphemisms.
In California
InThe South
Diverse or Lifestyle Choice
Sinful and Perverted
Arsenal of Weapons
Gun Collection
Delicate Wetlands
Swamp
Undocumented Worker
Illegal Alien
Cruelty-Free Materials
Synthetic Fiber
Assault and Battery
Attitude Adjustment
Heavily Armed
Well-protected
Narrow-minded
Righteous
Taxes or Your Fair Share
Coerced Theft
Commonsense Gun Control
Gun Confiscation Plot
Illegal Hazardous Explosives
Fireworks or Stump Removal
Nonviable Tissue Mass
Unborn Baby
Equal Access to Opportunity
Socialism
Multicultural Community
High Crime Area
Fairness or Social Progress
Marxism
Upper Class or “The Rich”
Self-Employed
Progressive, Change
Big Government Scheme
Homeless or Disadvantaged
Bums or Welfare Leeches
Sniper Rifle
Scoped Deer Rifle
Investment For the Future
Higher Taxes
Healthcare Reform
Socialized Medicine
Extremist, Judgmental, or Hater
Conservative
Truants
Homeschoolers
Victim or Oppressed
Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing
High Capacity Magazine
Standard Capacity Magazine
Religious Zealot
Church-going
Reintroduced Wolves
Sheep and Elk Killers
Fair Trade Coffee
Overpriced Yuppie Coffee
Exploiters or “The Rich”
Employed or Land Owner
The Gun Lobby
NRA Members
Assault Weapon
Semi-Auto (Grandpa’s M1 Carbine)
Fiscal Stimulus
New Taxes and Higher Taxes
Same Sex Marriage
Legalized Perversion
Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting
Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“The smallest deed is better than the greatest intention.”
Gaddafi, Qaddafi, Gadhafi, Kadhafi – which one is right spelling? I have seen each, even on the same CNN website. I think his last name should be spelled Idiot.
The federal gummit, states, counties, cities, school systems, postal service, etc. are all broke and some people think more gummit is the answer.
Heard that the federal gummit might have to shut down. Whoopie!! Oh, wait they passed an emergency spending bill to keep it going. Dang!
I may disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it. Unless you want to shout it at the funeral of someone who did, in fact, defend to the death your rights.
The Supreme Court ruling is constitutional correct, however, the Westboro Baptist Church is morally wrong.
Charlie Sheen has now passed into the Irrelevant Club joining Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and others. And these fools get paid millions per episode or concert? Pay the soldiers, preachers, and teachers – people who make a difference!
Bubba and Earl have been “away” for a while. They were pulled over last week and told to walk the line. They were busted when they told the officer to quit wiggling it.
Things ain’t gonna get any better until people start voting in real elections as often as they vote on American Idol and Dancing with the Stars.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Most NASCAR drivers don’t come to mind when you think of Las Vegas crimefighters, but then again, most NASCAR drivers aren’t 69-year-old Morgan Shepherd. The veteran of 44 NASCAR seasons was getting out of his rental car in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart store Monday evening just minutes away from Las Vegas Motor Speedway just as three men burst from the store’s entrance with security forces trailing behind.
Thats when Shepherd, a daily jogger and fitness perfectionist, sprang into action. “I just got out and took off after them,” Shepherd said. “I caught one of them just as they were getting ready to hop a little wall at the end of the parking lot. I yanked him down and got on top of him.” Shepherd said in a matter of seconds a Las Vegas police officer pitched the ageless NASCAR driver a pair and handcuffs and continued pursuit of the other two suspects, along with the store’s security force.
“I cuffed him and sat on top of him,” Shepherd said. “The police department officers showed up and asked if I could hold him a while longer while they ran down the others. I told them he wasn’t going anywhere.” Shepherd said while the young shoplifter pleaded with him to let him go and about the possibility of going to jail, Shepherd used the time to lecture the youth about his poor choices.
Headlines
Long Bread Lines and Open Revolt in Libya’s Capital
Glad I am not a baker in Libya.
High gas prices rattle drivers and businesses
And in other news, the sun rose in the east this morning.
Is media aiding in Charlie Sheen’s downfall?
Charlie is doing a great job of distructing all by himself.
Obama takes a butter knife to the budget
Better get out the chain saw there buddy.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, ‘Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.
‘The second old guy says, ‘That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too.I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate’
The first old guy says, ‘Well, Maybe I can help you find her..What does she look like?’
‘ The second old guy says, ‘Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes,
long legs, and is wearing short shorts.
What does your wife look like?’
To which the first old guy says, ‘Doesn’t matter,
— let’s look for yours..’
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
After the wreckfests of Daytona and Phoenix, my fantasy racin’ team ain’t doin’ too good. We’ll gettum this week at Vegas.
Picks:
1. Carl Edwards
2. Greg Biffle
3. Or one of the other Roush guys
4. Anybody but a Busch
Ain’t True
BONAPARTE, Iowa, March 1 (UPI) — Experts said a 4.1-ounce egg laid by an Iowa chicken is unusual, but not without precedent.
Nathan Batten, 37, said Aussie, a black Australorp chicken, laid the egg measuring 3 1/2-inches long and 6 1/2 inches in circumference at his farm near Bonaparte Feb. 18, The Des Moines Register reported Monday.
The egg weighs about twice as much as an egg labeled large by U.S. Department of Agriculture standards and exceeds the average 2 1/2 ounces for a jumbo egg.
Sean Skeehan, who raises chickens at Blue Gate Farm in Chariton, said egg size is dictated by breed, not by diet. He said the huge egg was not surprising given previous 3-ounce eggs laid by Aussie.
Hongwei Xin, director of Iowa State University’s egg industry center, said he heard of two similarly sized eggs at a farm near Winterset last year.
Batten said he is planning to contact Guinness World Records to determine whether the egg was a record-setter. On its Web site, Guinness makes no mention of largest egg laid by a chicken. It lists a more than 5-pound ostrich egg as the biggest egg laid by a bird.
Ain’t true that this is a world record. PoLIEticians lay bigger eggs than that and they are chickens.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Eric Church-Homeboy
Redneck Video of the Week:
Morse Code vs. Text Messaging
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Getting Old
A distraught senior citizen
Phoned her doctor’s office.
‘Is it true,’ she wanted to know,
‘that the medication
You prescribed has to be taken
For the rest of my life?’
‘Yes, I’m afraid so,’ the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
Before the senior lady replied,
I’m wondering, then,
Just how serious is my condition
Because this prescription is marked
‘NO REFILLS’..’
***********************
An older gentleman was
On the operating table
Awaiting surgery
And he insisted that his son,
A renowned surgeon,
Perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia,
He asked to speak to his son
‘Yes, Dad, what is it? ‘
‘Don’t be nervous, son;
Do your best
And just remember,
If it doesn’t go well,
If something happens to me,
Your mother
Is going to come and
Live with you and your wife….‘
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point
When you stop lying about your age
And start bragging about it.
———————————
The older we get,
The fewer things
Seem worth waiting in line for.
———————————
Some people
Try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know ‘why’
I look this way.
I’ve traveled a long way
And some of the roads weren’t paved.
********************
When you are dissatisfied
And would like to go back to youth,
Think of Algebra.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you are getting old when
Everything either dries up or leaks.
——————————-
One of the many things
No one tells you about aging
Is that it is such a nice change
From being young.
——————-
Ah, being young is beautiful,
But being old is comfortable.
—————————————-
First you forget names,
Then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It’s worse when
You forget to pull it down.
———————————
Long ago
When men cursed
And beat the ground with sticks,
It was called witchcraft….
Today, it’s called golf.
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.”
Henry David Thoreau US Transcendentalist author (1817 – 1862)
Gotta feel bad a little bit for Mubarak. You know you sucked at your job when the whole nation celebrates when you leave.
Talk is cheap. If not, everything would be fixed – economy, education crisis, Social Security, Medicare, illegal immigration……..
Am I the only one that puckers up when I hear, “Let me be clear”?
The Washington Post is reporting that the total of the federal, state, and local government debt is now more that the entire US economy. Skeered yet?
Seems UK’s Easyjet airline needs a little cultural awareness. On a flight from Tel Aviv to London its only food offerings were ham sandwich melt and bacon baguettes. Not kosher dudes!
Somebody said that there was an NBA All-Star game last Sunday. Anybody watch it?
My RDD (racin’ deficit disorder) is easing up a bit now that racin’ season is back
Gaddafi says that he wants to be a martyr. Does he know that he can only be a martyr if he’s dead?
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Tampa mom makes son wear sign announcing 1.22 GPA
TAMPA, Fla.—A Tampa mother is defending her decision to stick her teenage son on a street corner with a sign that says, among other things, “GPA 1.22 … honk if I need education.”
Ronda Holder says she and the boy’s father have tried everything to get their 15-year-old to shape up academically. They’ve offered help, asked to see homework, grounded, lectured him and confiscated his cell phone. James Mond III’s indifference at a school meeting last week was the final straw. The next day, Holder made the sign and made her son wear it for nearly four hours.
Experts criticized the move as humiliating and ineffective, and someone reported Holder to the Department of Children and Families.
Holder insists she’s fighting for her child’s education.
Headlines
Detroit Pistons to retire Dennis Rodman’s No. 10 on April Fool’s Day
How appropriate!
Cyclist Lance Armstrong officially retiring – again
Please don’t do a Farve and come back. Know when you are done!
Arrest made after trees at Auburn’s Toomer’s Corner poisoned
Senseless act no matter what team you pull for. They oughta make him drink some of the poison as part of his punishment.
Defiant Gaddafi vows to fight on
Yeah, that really worked for your buddy Mubarak.
Redneck Joke of the Week
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
“Not a chance,” says the husband, “it is 3:00 in the morning!”
He slams the door and returns to bed.
“Who was that?” asked his wife.
“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.
“Did you help him?” she asks.
“No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!”
“Well, you have a short memory,” says his wife.
“Don’t you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too.
Feeling ashamed the man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”
“Yes,” comes back the answer.
“Do you still need a push?” the husband calls out.
“Yes, please!” comes the reply from the dark.
“Where are you?” asks the husband.
“Over here on the swing set,” replied the drunk.
Redneck Picture of the Week
Wanna Fight?
Bring it on!
Racin’
Congratulations to the Wood Brothers and Trevor Bayne for the Daytona 500 win. I am not too sure if I like the 2 X 2 plate race drafting, but boy what a finish.
Phoenix this week.
The picks:
Jimmie Johnson
Mark Martin
Anybody but a Busch
Ain’t True
Climber Who Survived 1,000ft Fall Says ‘Thanks’
A climber who survived a 1,000ft fall has personally thanked the helicopter team who came to his rescue.
Adam Potter, 35, slipped on ice at the peak of Sgurr Choinnich Mor near Ben Nevis last month and fell a distance equivalent to the height of the Eiffel Tower.
He tumbled down a steep slope that included a number of sheer drops, each around a hundred feet.
Miraculously, he suffered only cuts, bruises and a few minor fractures.
A Royal Navy rescue team based at HMS Gannet in Prestwick were called to the scene and, on the basis of the details they were given, fully expected to be dealing with a fatality.
Instead, they found Mr Potter standing beneath the mountain peak, reading his map as he tried to orientate himself.
Climber Adam Potter with the HMS Gannet team
Adam Potter with members of the crew who rescued him
He told Sky News: “I am obviously very lucky to have survived this fall.
“It was very important to me to be able to thank the Royal Navy crew who came to my rescue so quickly.
“Without their almost immediate assistance, it’s anyone’s guess what may have happened.
“I know I was standing up, but I was also in extreme shock and very disorientated.
“Who knows what I may have tried to do? The guys did an amazing job.”
I’ve picked up people who have died after falling fifteen feet. To fall that far and walk away relatively unscathed is pretty amazing.
Wayne Ashton, Navy paramedic
Mr Potter, from Glasgow, let it be known he wanted to shake the hands of the crewmen who came to his aid and the Navy set up a reunion at the Prestwick base.
Wayne ‘Taff’ Ashton, the Navy paramedic who treated Mr Potter, told Sky News:
“When we got the call, there was a bit of trepidation at first, because when someone’s fallen that far, you tend to expect the worst.
“When we saw Adam, he was stood, looking down, shaking, and at first we thought he wasn’t the guy who had fallen but someone else in the climbing party who had managed to get down the hill quickly.
“Then he looked up and you could see he had panda eyes from grazing his face on the way down. I was gobsmacked that he had survived.
“I have picked up people who have died after falling fifteen feet. To fall that far and walk away relatively unscathed is pretty amazing.”
Amazing, too, is Mr Potter’s next climbing project. Undeterred by his Highland adventure, he still plans to scale Mount Everest.
Ain’t true that he thanked the right one for saving his life. The good Lord may have had a hand in it.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Alan Jackson & Jimmy Buffett -It’s Five O’ Clock Somewhere
Redneck Video of the Week:
Breaking the Michael Young news to a three-year-old….
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
And This is What Class Looks Like
Michael Young met with Gavin Justice-Farmer after seeing video of his young fan’s disappointment to the news Young might be traded. “We had a fun time,” Young said. “The young fans are the best part of the game.”
Through all the trade talk and all, Michael Young showed up at the Ranger’s Spring Training and is working hard to learn yet another infield position.
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.“
I know that all Redneck males are good with remembering important dates like the first day of huntin’ season and when the Daytona 500 will be run, but here is a fair warnin’ that next Monday is Valentine’s Day!
The Government has issued a travel warning due to the cold weather.
They suggest that anyone traveling in the current icy/snowy conditions should make sure they have the following:
Shovel
Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Flashlight with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Empty gas can
First Aid Kit
Booster cables
Bubba and Earl looked like dang fools getting’ on the Greyhound bus with all their stuff.
If you are wondering if the Super Bowl will return to Arlington, TX after the bad weather, ice falling off of the dome injuring folks, the seat debacle, etc., remember this – it’s all about the money. If the NFL cleaned up, then the SB will be back.
Now that the Super Bowl is over, we can focus on more important things. Like the Daytona 500!
So Christina flubbed the National Anthem. It’s not like111 million, the largest audience in the history of TV, were watching or anything.
Attention big event planners: If you need to have the National Anthem sung, please consider military choirs or bands, college or high school bands, or even young children. They will do it with the respect that it deserves and will not put their own “interpretation” to our nation’s song.
Only another week until pitchers and catchers report to spring training. The key word here is spring!
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
No joke: Ex-mayor’s name too funny for Ind. Center
FORT WAYNE, Ind. – A former Indiana mayor who won four terms in the 1930s and 1950s is proving less popular with modern-day city leaders, who say they probably won’t name a new government center for him because of the jokes his moniker could inspire.
Harry Baals is the runaway favorite in online voting to name the new building in Fort Wayne, about 120 miles northeast of Indianapolis. But Deputy Mayor Beth Malloy said that probably won’t be enough to put the name of the city’s longest-tenured mayor on the center.
The issue is pronunciation. The former mayor pronounced his last name “balls.” His descendants have since changed it to “bales.”
Supporters said it’s unfair that the former mayor can’t be recognized simply because his name makes some people snicker. But opponents fear that naming the center after Baals would make Fort Wayne the target of late-night television jokes.
“We realize that while Harry Baals was a respected mayor, not everyone outside of Fort Wayne will know that,” Malloy said Tuesday in a statement to The Associated Press. “We wanted to pick something that would reflect our pride in our community beyond the boundaries of Fort Wayne.”
An online site taking suggestions for names showed more than 1,000 votes Tuesday for the Harry Baals Government Center. That’s more than three times the votes received by the closest contender.
Jim Baals, 51, who has lived in the city his entire life, said it’s unfortunate that his great-uncle’s name won’t be considered for the building.
“Harry served four terms and was a wonderful mayor. I don’t know what the problem is,” he said. “I understand people are going to poke fun at it. That’s OK. I’ve lived with that name for 51 years now and I’ve gotten through it. I think everybody else can, too.”
City spokesman Frank Suarez said the city has no regrets about opening the name selection up to people online.
“It is a new way of reaching out to the community,” he said. “The fact that 17,000 votes have come in tell us the buzz created by this is really good. When was the last time somebody could say they had fun with their government? We’ve had fun with this.”
Suarez told The Journal Gazette that Mayor Tom Henry will meet with local groups and choose from up to 10 finalists from the suggestions submitted. Online voting ends Friday.
Headlines
Top five reasons Green Bay beat Pittsburgh in the Super Bowl
Only one really counts. Green Bay scored more points than Pittsburgh.
Another winter storm hits Dallas-Fort Worth
Maybe Jerry Jones can apply to have the Winter Olympics here.
NFL, Players’ Union Cancel 2nd Day of Talks in DC
Bet the golden goose gets put on life support before these two sides come to agreement.
Cold Weather Could Bring Return To Rolling Blackouts For TX…
Bubba and Earl having rolling blackouts too, but usually from too much drinkin’
Redneck Joke of the Week
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
“No,” the man replied, “The seat is empty.”
“This is incredible,” said the first man.
“Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?”
The second man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven’t been together since we got married in 1967.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else — a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”
The man shook his head. “No, they’re all at the funeral.”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Racin’
The Bud Shootout is Saturday, February 12th.
The Gatorade Duel’s are February 17th.
Finally some racin’!
Ain’t True
No Cluckin’ WAY! Man Stabbed To Death By Rooster At Cockfight
Los Angeles – A man has been killed by a rooster as he tried to flee a police raid on an illegal cockfight near Fresno, California, according to a report Tuesday by CBS 47 News.
Luis Ochoa, 35, bled to death after a razor that was attached to the rooster’s leg sliced through an artery on his calf. The report said the rooster attacked him as participants and spectators of the illegal contest tried to scatter when police arrived at the fight.
Lieutenant Rick Ko with the Fresno County Sheriff’s Department said it was the first time a human has died as a result of a cockfight.
‘We’ve seen people cut with minor cuts when they put on the knives … but nothing severe,’ said Ko.
Ain’t true that there is “no clucking way”. If there is something madder than a wet hen, it is a rooster trained to fight with razor blade knives attached to it legs.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Sugarland – Down In Mississippi (Up To No Good)
Redneck Video of the Week:
Freddie-The World’s Fastest Fish
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Remembering Ronald Reagan
He Would Have Turned 100 This Week
“Some People Spend An Entire Lifetime Wondering If
They Made A Difference.
The Marines Don’t Have That Problem.”
President Ronald Regan
Socialism only works in two places: Heaven where they don’t need it and hell where they already have it.”
- Ronald Reagan
‘Here’s my strategy on the Cold War:
We win, they lose.’
- Ronald Reagan
‘The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’
-Ronald Reagan
‘The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they’re ignorant; it’s just that they know so much that isn’t so.’
-Ronald Reagan
‘Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.’- Ronald Reagan
‘I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.’
-Ronald Reagan
‘The taxpayer: That’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.’
- Ronald Reagan
‘Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.’-
Ronald Reagan
‘The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.’ -
Ronald Reagan
‘It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.’
- Ronald Reagan
‘Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it’
- Ronald Reagan
‘Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.’
- Ronald Reagan
‘No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.’-
Ronald Reagan
‘If we ever forget that we’re one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under.’
-Ronald Reagan
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“In a crisis, don’t hide behind anything or anybody. They are going to find you anyway.”
I asked Mrs. Redneck what to make for supper since it was 18 degrees outside. She said to make it chilly. So I opened the door. What? We have a communication problem?
Bet that Clay Matthew’s snub as defensive player of the year in the NFL motivates this Packer in the Super Bowl. He will play with a rabid animal mentality.
10, 2, and 4. Most of our most experienced citizens remember these as times for Dr Pepper. Now we think they are times for naps.
Punxsutawney Phil predicts an early spring. Bring it on, but don’t get your hopes up. That dang varmint is rarely right.
While y’all are watching the Super Bowl, please note that it is in ARLINGTON, TX no matter what the talking heads on TV say. Arlington citizens’ tax dollars helped build JerryWorld – not Dallas, who wanted nothing to do with the project.
For all you yankee journalist hatin’ on DFW’s preparedness for extreme winter weather, you should have been here last week when it was 80. But then you would’ve probably been hatin’ on us for the heat.
Fact is Texas deployed all of its snowplows to the area – all 74 of them. We don’t invest in somethin’ that we would use maybe once every twenty years. We rely on a higher power for snow/ice removal. God put it here and God will take it away, eventually.
Cowboy Stadium costs $1.3 billion and is the largest domed stadium in the world and still it is not big enough to hold Jerry Jones’ ego.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Bill would require all S.D. citizens to buy a gun
Five South Dakota lawmakers have introduced legislation that would require any adult 21 or older to buy a firearm “sufficient to provide for their ordinary self-defense.”
The bill, which would take effect Jan. 1, 2012, would give people six months to acquire a firearm after turning 21. The provision does not apply to people who are barred from owning a firearm.
Nor does the measure specify what type of firearm. Instead, residents would pick one “suitable to their temperament, physical capacity, and preference.”
The measure is known as an act “to provide for an individual mandate to adult citizens to provide for the self defense of themselves and others.”
Rep. Hal Wick, R-Sioux Falls, is sponsoring the bill and knows it will be killed. But he said he is introducing it to prove a point that the federal health care reform mandate passed last year is unconstitutional.
“Do I or the other cosponsors believe that the State of South Dakota can require citizens to buy firearms? Of course not. But at the same time, we do not believe the federal government can order every citizen to buy health insurance,” he said.
Headlines
Comcast officially takes control of NBC Universal
Does that mean that your favorite TV show will now air sometime between 6 and midnight?
US orders non-essential personnel to leave Egypt
Does that include network news anchors?
Mubarak says he will not run again
Wonder if he can teach that to our poLIEticians?
Violence in Cairo troubles Mubarak
Troubles the rest of us in the world, too.
Redneck Joke of the Week
The Department of Labor claimed a small Rancher just outside of Cut and Shoot, Texas was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him. Gov’t agent: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
Rancher: Well, there’s my first hand that’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there’s the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with the wife occasionally.
Gov’t agent: That’s the guy I want to talk to…the mentally challenged one.
Rancher: That would be me.
Redneck Picture of the Week
No Worries Being Ready for the Super Bowl
DFW Has Called in Reenforcements to Clear the Snow
Ain’t True
Ain’t true that anybody changed the zodiac signs. Relax! Your horoscope will be wrong as usual.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Lady Antebellum “Never Alone”
Redneck Video of the Week:
Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG does a barrel roll inside a tunnel
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
National Debt
Per Capita Share of US National Debt 2011 $ 46.000 approx
Per Capita Income $ 25,000 approx
This means that if the IRS took 100% of the US income in taxes for almost 2 years, we might be able to payoff the national debt. That assumes that Congress wouldn’t increase the national debt for the next two years.
Football Pickins:
Louie’s Losers
Steelers lose to Green Bay
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
In case you’re worried about what’s going to become of the younger generation, it’s going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation. - Roger Allen
Found it interesting that the acronym for “Winning the Future” is WTF.
Watched the entire State of the Union. Lots of talk about reducing the budget and deficit and lots of talk about spending lots elsewhere. Lots of rhetoric about working together. Talk is cheap and easy. Execution is where it’s at.
Less than a month until the Daytona 500. Have been suffering from RDD (Racin’ Deficit Disorder).
Packers vs Steelers. Can’t wait for the hype to be over.
Good to see that the Packers beat the Bears. Now Obama will have to stay in DC and not come to the Super Bowl. It is gonna be crazy enough around here that week without having to mess with the President’s presense.
Taco Bell was slapped with a suit over its “beef”. Wait until the lawyers find what is on top of pizza
Bubba lost 2 lbs. yesterday. He set down his 32 oz. beer and couldn’t find it.
Remembering the words “Roger. Go at throttle up” this week. Can’t believe that it was 25 years ago.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Lego-lover Builds Replica Of Ohio State Stadium
Lego Replica Of Ohio State’s Horseshoe-shaped Football Stadium Took 1 Million Pieces, 2 Years
COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) – A Columbus-area man has created a Lego replica of Ohio State’s horseshoe-shaped football stadium, complete with a decorated archway and scoreboard made of the small blocks.
Paul Janssen used about a million Lego pieces to build the 8-foot-by-6-foot model, which has room for 6,000 Lego people.
The 42-year-old Ohio State researcher tells The Columbus Dispatch it was a challenge to create the rounded model out of the mostly rectangular blocks that fill his basement in stacked containers.
It took about 1,000 hours over two years. He studied the stadium, bought or traded for pieces and improvised, such as making pipes for the restrooms out of chrome parts from a Lego truck.
Now he’s talking about adding a BCS or Heisman trophy to the display.
And he built the stadium without public funding!
Headlines
SNOWIEST JAN IN NYC HISTORY!
Must be Sarah Palin’s fault. She has been blamed for everything else.
White House to Push for Gun Control…
Wow! Who saw that coming?
China Has Major Concerns Over U.S. Dollar
So do I………..
Obama to Egypt’s Mubarak: Make Good on Your Word
Practice what you preach.
Redneck Joke of the Week
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS , and bought a mule for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day…
The next morning the farmer drove up and said, ”Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news . The mule died last night.”
Curtis & Leroy replied, ”Well, then just give us our money back.”
The farmer said, ”Can’t do that. I went and spent it already..”
They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”
The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”
Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”
The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”
Leroy said, “We sure can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”
A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.
“What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”
They said,”We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”
Leroy said,”Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.”
The farmer said,”My word, didn’t anyone complain?”
Curtis said, ”Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back.”
Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.
They’re overseeing the Bailout Program.
Redneck Picture of the Week
Ain’t True
Baseball Player Quits, Says “I Don’t Deserve $12M”
Royals starter Gil Meche walks away from a guaranteed contract
Okay, Gil Meche hasn’t been great since signing a big contract with the Kansas City Royals. But not many players would feel so badly about their performance that they would walk away from a guaranteed $12 million.
Meche announced last week he will retire, giving up the payday due on the last year of his deal. Meche has always been known for his integrity, according to The New York Times, but this move left the baseball world stunned. Meche said he just didn’t like the idea of not earning his keep.
“When I signed my contract, my main goal was to earn it,” Meche told the paper from his temporary home in Lafayette, La. “Once I started to realize I wasn’t earning my money, I felt bad. I was making a crazy amount of money for not even pitching. Honestly, I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I didn’t want to have those feelings again.”
Meche made more than $50 million playing baseball, with most coming in the five-year, $55 million deal he signed with the Royals when he left Seattle in 2007.
“This isn’t about being a hero — that’s not even close to what it’s about,” Meche said. “It’s just me getting back to a point in my life where I’m comfortable. Making that amount of money from a team that’s already given me over $40 million for my life and for my kids, it just wasn’t the right thing to do.”
Meche, who is just 32, posted an 0-5 record last season with a 5.69 ERA. In his four years with the Royals, he won 29 games and lost 39.
He said he has no regrets and is now looking for a new home in the area where he grew up.
“I want to get back to what I remember as a kid, the way of life here in Louisiana,” Meche said. “We tend to think we live a little differently down here. It’s a lot of culture, a lot of French culture. Everywhere I’ve been in the country, for some reason, this is the place I can’t get away from.”
Ain’t true that all pro athletes are greedy, egotistical prima donnas.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Redneck Side by Justin Moore
Redneck Video of the Week:
The 7 Most Effective Ways to Quit Golf by Will Robins
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Atlanta, GA
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.
Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turnaround and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree” and include the phrase, “When you see the Waffle House.” except that in Cobb County, where all directions begin with, “Go to the Big Chicken.”
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke’s all they drink there so don’t ask for any other soft drink unless it’s made by Coca-Cola. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it’s still called Coke.
The gates at Atlanta’s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.
The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:30 pm. (Don’t forget the lunch time rush hour!)
Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 a.m. Saturday.
Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is ” pawntz duh LEE-awn.”
And yes, they have a street named simply, “Boulevard.”
The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it’s on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta which has a posted speed limit of 55 mph but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over and is known to truckers as “The Watermelon 500.”
Don’t believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked “East” and “West” but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the “Inner Loop” and the “Outer Loop.”
If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.
Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one has seen before.
If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites. If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu.
It’s not a shopping cart, it’s a buggy.
“Fixinto” is one word (I’m fixinto go to the store) – also can be pronounced “Fixinta”.
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re 2 years old.
“Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”
“How’s Momma-nem” means: “How’s Mother and all of the other children and other members of the family doing?”
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“Football is an honest game. It’s true to life. It’s a game about sharing. Football is a team game. So is life.”
Wow. Scam Newton is leaving Auburn for the NFL. Didn’t think he could afford the pay cut.
And with Fairley also leaving, Auburn will be way under the salary cap and can go recruit some more awesome talent.
Y’all heard of the big bird kills in Arkansas and Louisiana around New Year’s Day. There were other bird kills that you may have missed – 53 Eagles dead in Philly, 53 Falcons dead in Atlanta, 53 Ravens dead in Baltimore, 53 Seahawks dead in Seattle. There are no birds left in the NFL.
Dear Pro Athletes: You are setting an example for our younger players. Your bad sportsmanship is deplorable. Shape up!
Welcome to the club. The following announced their retirement this week:
Regis Philbin
Joe Lieberman
Brett Farve
Kay Bailey Hutchinson
I sure wish the Girl Scouts would quit selling their cookies in single serving boxes.
Bubba went by the gym the other day. He says the parking lot was full as he drove by.
You know how stores have very convenient parking spaces “Reserved for Employee of the Month”. First, these should be reserved for Customers of the Month, but every time I am at these stores the employees of the month are never working.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Bundesliga side ban strippers at games
HAMBURG, Germany (AFP) – Top German football club St Pauli has shown the red card to strippers performing inside a corporate box owned by one of Hamburg’s many lap dance clubs — but they can dance once matches are over.
The Susis Show Bar on Hamburg’s main red-light drag, the Reeperbahn, has installed a large mirror and a pole in their box for their strippers to dance for guests invited to watch Bundesliga games.
But the club has blown the whistle to the idea guests in the box can watch football while the strippers perform, and say the women can only dance after the 90 minutes of action on the pitch is over.
St Pauli bosses acted after fans complained about the image of the club, which has something of a cult following and whose supporters are staunch anti-fascists, being tarnished.
“We had a discussion with the owner of the box and made it clear there can not be dances during the matches,” St Pauli president Stefan Orth told German daily Bild.
“There can be performances after the matches, there can be dances, but they must not end up nude.
“If they dance just once naked, they will be out of here!”
Prices for a box at St Pauli’s 24,850-capacity Millerntor Stadium start at 65,000 euros (87,500 dollars).
St Pauli has never been afraid of ground-breaking initiatives and are the first football club in the world to install a kindergarten so children of fans can be looked after at the club while their parents cheer their team.
St Pauli are 15th in the Bundesliga after winning promotion last season.
Hope this doesn’t happen in the NFL. If they ban the cheerleaders, it wouldn’t be worth watching.
Headlines
OBAMA PLANS BILLION-DOLLAR REELECTION CAMPAIGN…
Man knows how to spend the money.
Brett Favre files retirement papers
Don’t get too excited. He filed these same papers in 2008, 2009, and 2010 only to ask for reinstatement.
Cheney says he may have to have heart transplant
This is a complete shock to the Liberals who thought that he didn’t even have a heart.
Funeral homes find new life by hosting other events
We are having a party to die for!
Redneck Joke of the Week
Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It
seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink
So when Bubba’s 21st birthday came around, he and his pal, Jim Bob, took
a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat and
nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother. “Grandma,” he
asked, “it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like my
pappy, his pappy, and his pappy before him?”
Granny looked deeply into Bubba’s troubled eyes and said, “Because your
father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in January
when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you dumb-butt!”
Redneck Picture of the Week
Ain’t True
Fox shoots man
(Reuters) – A wounded fox shot its would be killer in Belarus by pulling the trigger on the hunter’s gun as the pair scuffled after the man tried to finish the animal off with the butt of the rifle, media said Thursday.
The unnamed hunter, who had approached the fox after wounding it from a distance, was in hospital with a leg wound, while the fox made its escape, media said, citing prosecutors from the Grodno region.
“The animal fiercely resisted and in the struggle accidentally pulled the trigger with its paw,” one prosecutor was quoted as saying.
Fox-hunting is popular in the picturesque farming region of northwestern Belarus which borders Poland.
Ain’t true that huntin’ is so much fun when the game shoots back at the hunter.
Redneck Song of the Week:
Rodney Atkins – Watching You
Redneck Video of the Week:
This is Sportsmanship!
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
Are You a True Southerner? (Afew things every true Southerner knows)
Who “they” were… is “why” we are
Every true Southerner knows the difference between a conniption fit and a hissie fit and that both are “pitched” not just “had”
Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who’s got trouble is a platter of hot crispy fried chicken, homemade buttermilk biscuits and a big bowl of cold potato salad.
(If the neighbor’s trouble is of an extreme crisis, they are also known to add a tall thin layer chocolate cake and hopefully a large banana puddin’!)
A true Southerner always has a pretty good estimate of how many fish, turnip greens, collard greens or butter beans it takes to make a good mess, just like they know…
What the general direction of cattywumpus is
That “gimme sugar” applies to everyone from toddlers to the revered elderly and it does NOT mean pass the sugar bowl from the middle of the kitchen table
That if someone’s “fixin” to do something, they surely will
The distinct difference between Yankees and Damn Yankees!
A good family dog is worth his weight in pure gold
A “right fer piece” is way over “yonder”
That a “redneck” has a will of iron and a solid gold heart
You can’t buy real gravy from a store
You don’t shop with shopping carts; you put your groceries in buggies
Tea is served SWEET and COLD from a tall glass that is refilled FREELY until you’ve had your fill
Coffee can be served before the meal, during the meal and after the meal from a bottomless cup with ample cream and sugar if desired.
“Y’all” means ALL of you all and requires no addition of an ” S ” as it is plural already. ONE is NEVER called ” Y’all “
A true Southener knows how good an ice cold Pepsi and a Lance nab are and where they come from!
Rocking chairs on front porches and bench swings in the back yard are guaranteed stress relievers
An elderly person in either of them is a valued history lesson
Being called “dahlin” is not reserved for romance but always expresses tenderness. You do NOT however wish to be called “dahl”
Southern Belles are also Steel Magnolias and are always held in the highest esteem
Homemaking skills are an acquired art studied and refined as they pass from grandmother, to mother, to daughter
and finally…
God loves everyone, even the Yankees
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“One man practicing sportsmanship is far better than a hundred teaching it.”
Bubba made a New Year’s resolution to not drink any more. Of course he isn’t gonna drink any less either.
Senseless act in Tucson.
Now even more senseless blaming.
If we truly want to be a unified country, we have got to start respecting each other.
Earl says that he is 46 weeks ahead of everybody in putting up his Christmas decorations for this year.
Congrats to Auburn on their 2nd National Championship. Great State of Alabama now has back-to-back champs. Tide will make it a 3-peat next season.
Would love to see the game between TCU & Auburn.
Capital One Bowl week is finally over. Started December 18th and ended January 10th. Amazing 35 bowls with 70 teams. Way too many even for a diehard college football fan.
Yankees don’t understand why we Southerners have so much trouble with snow and ice. We don’t have snowplows or salt trucks. Heck, we don’t even have snow shovels. We don’t invest in something we would use once every ten years or so. God put it here and he will take it away – eventually.
God bless America and our troops!
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Minn. baby girl born at 1:11 a.m. on 1/11/2011
ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) — It’s one for the record books. A lot of ones, that is.
A Minnesota woman gave birth at exactly 1:11 a.m. on Tuesday – Jan. 11, 2011.
That’s 1-11-2011.
Amy Zeller and Codjo Mensah of Eagan welcomed their daughter, Flora Mensah, at United Hospital in St. Paul.
Zeller tells KARE-TV that they were watching the clock click down and the baby was born at exactly the right moment.
Both baby and mother are doing well.
Should be easy for that kid to remember her birthday.
Headlines
Judge sentences Tom DeLay to 3 years in prison
One poLIEtician down, a bunch to go.
Auburn tips Ducks for BCS title
Hope they get to keep it and don’t have to give it back due to sCam Newton mess.
Chevy Volt wins car of the year
Shocking!
Billion$ for Haiti — but No Idea How It’s Spent?
Just like America’s Katrina, stimulus, and bail-out packages.
Obama might soon form re-election campaign
When has he quit campaigning from last time?
Redneck Joke of the Week
I saw a fundamentalist Muslim extremist fall into the Rio Grande River this morning; he was struggling to stay afloat because of all the guns and bombs he was carrying.
Along with him was an illegal Hispanic drug cartel member who was also struggling to stay afloat because of the large backpack of drugs that was strapped to his back.
If they didn’t get help, they’d surely drown.
Being a responsible Texan and abiding by the law to help those in distress, I informed the El Paso County Sheriff ’s Office and Homeland Security.
It is now 4pm, both have drowned, and neither authority has responded.
I’m starting to think I wasted two stamps
Sincerely,
Cooter Bob
Redneck Picture of the Week
Winter Sports Redneck Style
Ain’t True
Okla. boy rescued after tongue gets stuck on pole
WOODWARD, Okla. (AP) — In a scene straight from the movie “A Christmas Story,” an 8-year-old Oklahoma boy got his tongue stuck to a metal pole after he licked it on a dare.
Officials say when rescue crews arrived Tuesday morning, the boy was standing on his tiptoes, trying to wriggle his frozen tongue free from a stop sign pole across the street from Woodward Middle School.
Paramedics were able to help the boy by pouring water on his tongue. Once free, the boy told officials he got stuck after his brother dared him to lick the pole.
The boy was taken to a Woodward hospital for treatment.
The scene was similar to one in “A Christmas Story,” a 1983 movie adapted from Jean Shepard’s memoir of a boy in the 1940s.
Ain’t true that you can back down from a double dogged dare.
Redneck Song of the Week:
“I’m Movin’ On” – Rascal Flatts
Redneck Video of the Week:
Passing the Gavel
The Video You Didn’t See on CNN
Redneck Education Tip of the Week:
How to catch snapping turtles with bare hands.
Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:
“Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese. “ -Dennis Miller
