Posts Tagged ‘Bubba’

Issue 153

Redneck Ramblins

• At my age, if I had a woman go cougar on me, she most likely would have a walker.
• Bubba and Earl have been doing exhaustive research on the NCAA Basketball Tournament. After many six packs while watching many, many games, they have determined that the team with the most points wins. They say that this is a small testing sample and must do much more drinking, uh research.
• I never will forget the time that I went to Nebraska, but I am still trying.
• Looks like the Jets now have two quarterbacks that can’t throw, but at least they have one guy that has been a winner wherever he’s been.
• Did ya see the vicious hit the Saints took? Wonder if there was a bounty on that one.
• Peyton Manning ended up in Denver. Surprising! Rumor had it that Auburn and Florida were offering the most money.
• I only drink during Truck Month. Fortunately I live in Texas and that is every month.
• The Texas Rangers will be offering a $26 one pound hot dog covered in onions, cheese, and chili this season. Everything’s bigger in Texas!
• Bubba says that he is a light beer drinker. As soon as it’s light, he’s drinkin’.
• Jerry Jones fires himself as the General Manager of the Cowboys. Now that is Fantasy Football!
• God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

School Busts 5th Grader For Organizing NCAA Tourney Pool

OMAHA, Neb. (CBS Houston) — An elementary school plays bracket buster to one fifth grade boy.

Columbian Elementary in Omaha shut down an NCAA tournament pool put together by 11-year-old Max Kohll, the Omaha World-Herald reports.

“I got in trouble because I was filling out a bracket with my friends and we bet money,” Kohll told the World-Herald. “We each brought $5 each.”

When Kathy Nelson, the school’s principal, found out about the pool, she put an immediate stop to it and called Kohll’s mother about the situation. Janet Kohll was quite amused at what her son did.

“My policy has always been you get in trouble at school, you get in twice as much trouble at home, but this was just too funny,” she told the paper.

Max did not receive any disciplinary action from the principal for setting up the pool.

“It’s not ok to gamble,” he told the paper. “It’s like illegal, sort of.”

Max has North Carolina going all the way.

Tweet of the Week

Charlie Daniels ? @CharlieDaniels

I speak with a southern accent, enjoy the company of rednecks, believe I have a right to own guns and can’t eat with chopsticks Proud hillbilly

Headlines

Golf legend Palmer: The old Tiger Woods will be back

Hope he is referring to the golfer and not the sex addict.

Radio caller charged after allegedly bragging how she faked PTSD to avoid jury duty on air
Can’t fix stupid.

John Edwards denies report he hired a prostitute

Of course you can believe him. He has never lied, right?

The Tim Tebow workout

Bet it features a lot of kneeling.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Redneck Picture of the Week

Sign of the Week

Redneck Song of the Week:

Luke Bryan – Country Man

Redneck Video of the Week:

Texas Tornado in Dallas

Must be April – The Tornado Sirens Are Blaring

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Epitaphs From Near And Far

Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico cemetery:

Here lies

Johnny Yeast

Pardon me

For not rising.

Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:

Here lies the body

of Jonathan Blake

Stepped on the gas

Instead of the brake.

In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:

Here lays Butch,

We planted him raw.

He was quick on the trigger,

But slow on the draw.

A lawyer’s epitaph in England:

Sir John Strange

Here lies an honest lawyer,

And that is Strange.

Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in

the cowboy days of the 1880’s. He’s buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in

Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore

Four slugs from a .44

No Les No More.

John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:

Reader if cash thou art

In want of any

Dig 4 feet deep

And thou wilt find a Penny.

On Margaret Daniels grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:

She always said her feet were killing her

but nobody believed her.

In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:

On the 22nd of June

- Jonathan Fiddle -

Went out of tune.

Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that

sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:

Here lies the body of our Anna

Done to death by a banana

It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low

But the skin of the thing that made her go.

More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:

Gone away

Owin’ more

Than he could pay.

On a grave from the 1880’s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:

Under the sod and under the trees

Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.

He is not here, there’s only the pod:

Pease shelled out and went to God.

The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:

Who was fatally burned

March 21, 1870

by the explosion of a lamp

filled with “R.E. Danforth’s

Non-Explosive Burning Fluid”

Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

Born 1903 – Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if

the car was on the way down.

It was.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle

Age 102

The Good Die Young.

In a London, England cemetery:

Here lies Ann Mann,

Who lived an old maid

But died an old Mann.

Dec. 8, 1767

In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:

The children of Israel wanted bread

And the Lord sent them manna,

Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,

And the Devil sent him Anna.

In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist

All dressed up

And no place to go.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.
William James

Issue 152

Redneck Ramblins

• Obamacare gives free healthcare to illegals, but Obama wants to cut the health benefits of our troops and veterans? No way, Jose!!!
• In America, everyone takes responsibility for their actions. Except of course, celebrities and poLIEticians.
• Did you watch the Wetona Firehundred?
• Juan Pablo Montoya blowing up the jet dryer beats anything I have ever stepped in.
• What are the odds that a car hits the jet dryer under caution? Juan in 42.
• Only Rush Limbaugh could be so right and yet so very wrong.
• Big shock that Putin won the Russian election. He was crying at the outcome and I bet the Russian people are too.
• Prediction: Israel 1, Iran 0
• You haven’t heard much from Bubba and Earl for a while. They have been producing “alternative fuels’ lately. Fuel companies call it ethanol instead of white lightnin’. Bubba and Earl’s is high octane like racin’ fuel.
• God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Plane taking off dumps toilet contents on couple below.

MALVERNE, N.Y. (CBSNewYork) — One Malverne couple was enjoying the mild night Thursday when they became covered by sludge as a plane taking off from Kennedy Airport flew overhead.

“A plane was coming over. Next thing you know she says ‘Oh my God it’s raining.’ I said ‘No it’s not’,” Artie Hughes told 1010 WINS’ Sonia Rincon.

“Some black liquid, black oil came off on her face, and I walked around and I looked and said ‘Oh my God.’ There was quarter-sized, nickel-sized, dime-sized drops all over my deck, my barbecue, my table,” he said.

Thinking something was wrong with the plane, they called police.

“It was oily in substance, blackish-greenish oil. I thought it was hydraulic fluid and then the policeman came down and said ‘No I don’t think so. Looks like something nastier than that’,” Hughes said.

The officer suspected it was most likely treated sewage, returning after making several phone calls for confirmation.

“He had spoken to somebody down at either the Port Authority or the FAA and said ‘Yeah, it looks like there was an incident,” he said. “Some lavatory excrement had leaked out.”

The couple tell Rincon they just want an explanation, and for this kind of incident to not happen again.

“I think they should investigate and find out what happened,” Hughes said. “Was a button pushed? Was the lavatory filled to capacity before it left the ground?”

Tweet of the Week

American Humor ? @AmericanHumor

Snooki is pregnant? Apparently there isn’t enough chlorine in the gene pool.

Headlines

Documents: PETA kills more than 95 percent of pets in its care

Another organization that does not live out its values. Must only be concerned with fund raising, influence, and political power.

UK Government ‘has run out of money’

That’s okay. The US will print them more.

Will rising oil prices snuff out stock rally?

Yep and any other economic recovery we have been able to make.

84-Year-Old Fall River Woman Tries To Vote, Told She’s Dead

What’s the big deal? The dead have been voting in Chicago for decades.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introducing himself to the first person he sees and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers “241.”

“That is wonderful,” says Einstein. “We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have much to discuss.”

Then Einstein introduces himself to a woman and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the woman answers “144.”

“That is great,” responds Einstein. “We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!”

Einstein goes to another person and asks, “What is your IQ?” to which the man answers, “51.”

Einstein responds, “How about them Auburn Tigers?”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

Lots of celebrating in the Commonwealth of Virginia this week as two of its native sons won last week in Phoenix. Hamlin and Sadler took the trophies.

The Phoenix race was rather boring compared to Daytona. No rain delays, jet dryers blowing up, or 80% of the cars being wrecked.

Vegas was won by Smoke. Good race with lots of passin’. Jr even led a bunch of laps.

Now it is on to The World’s Fastest High Mile in Bristol.

The picks:

1. Kenseth
2. Jimmie Johnson
3. Anybody but a Busch!

Sign of the Week

Redneck Song of the Week:

Woman Like You – Lee Brice

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

WE NEED TO BE HEARD!!!

I am a member of golf’s lower 99%.

I am a mediocre golfer, and there’s no way I could ever make it to the professional level. I will never put in the practice time to be the best. I will never have the shots, skills, or mental toughness to “make it” in the sport. I just never felt like working all that hard at it.

… However, I am a part of the golfing community and, as such, feel I should be paid by the top 1% of golfers for what I do. It isn’t fair that those players who have worked harder, have studied the game, have better equipment and are more skilled and dedicated should make all that BIG money.

Where’s my share? I’m a Victim!

The top 1% should pay for my club memberships and green fees and lessons, buy me new clubs, balls, clothes and shoes, and pay me some of their winnings. They can afford it. They are “The Rich.” The whole system should be changed to accommodate people like me. I think we should get together and occupy a golf course and demand that those who are better at what they do, pay for us who generally suck. Whining should get us something – maybe we’ll make the cover of Time Magazine, garnish some public sympathy.
Heck,, during this election year we may even get a law or two passed by legislators who want our votes.

P.S. Don’t mention this to tennis players. We thought of it first.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

- Ronald Reagan

Issue 149

Redneck Ramblins

• If a man stands in the middle of a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
• My only New Year’s resolution is to not make any New Year’s resolutions.
• Why is it that we seem to hate lawyers so much, yet continually elect them to political office?
• How can a restaurant serve “homemade” food?
• Bubba is gonna double his exercise program this year. He is gonna make two beer runs per day instead of one.
• “Every barrel of oil that comes out of Canada is a barrel we don’t have to buy from a foreign country” – Gov. Rick Perry – makin’ Texans proud everyday!
• Turned on the TV to watch the Washington – Baylor football game and a track meet broke out.
• If the Mayan calendar is correct, the end of time will happen exactly one week before I am eligible for Social Security. Just my luck.
• Of course the New Age interpretation is that it marks the start of time in which Earth and its inhabitants may undergo a positive physical or spiritual transformation, and that 2012 may mark the beginning of a new era. I guess it all depends if you are Democrat or Republican and if Obama is re-elected or not.
• Happy New Year Y’all!
• God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Handicap Scooter Bumper Car Competition At Walmart Ends In 2:30 AM Arrest Of Drunken Louisiana Guy

An early morning game of drunken bumper cars–using Walmart handicap scooters–was broken up Saturday morning by Louisiana cops who arrested a 22-year-old man who copped to driving to the store while intoxicated.

Officers with the West Monroe Police Department arrived at the Walmart around 2:30 AM in response to a call about a disturbance. Store management told cops that a group of intoxicated suspects were “playing ‘bumper cars’ with the handicap scooters in the store,” according to a probable cause affidavit.

A police sergeant contacted Christopher Butler, who appeared “very intoxicated.” Butler admitted driving his 2004 Ford truck to the retailer after consuming “five to six beers.” A subsequent Breathalyzer recorded Butler’s blood alcohol content as .133 (the legal limit is .08).

Butler’s fellow bumper car enthusiasts apparently escaped arrest.

Tweet of the Week

Twitter is over capacity.

Please wait a moment and try again

Happened a lot over the last two weeks………….

Headlines

New laws make life harder for illegal immigrants

Keyword here is “illegal”.

OBAMA PLAYS 90TH GOLF ROUND OF PRESIDENCY

I want to be President so I can play golf. I’m retired and don’t play that much.

Poll: U.S. sees Obama as liberal

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…………….

Maher slammed for Tebow tweet

Why doesn’t he lose his gig like Hank, Jr did? Oh, that’s right, he is a liberal and it is okay.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.

By the time they do arrive, everyone’s whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they’ll eat everything by the time he gets back.

Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles’ graves that they won’t touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.

Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. “I NEED FOOD!” he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.

“NO!” Joe retorts. “We promised.”

Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.

“Just for that, I’m not going.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Sign of the Week

Redneck Song of the Week:

Brad Paisley – Anything Like Me (Live on Letterman)

<

Redneck Video of the Week:

FedEx Deliveries

FedEx Response to Customer Video

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Black-eyed Peas for New Year’s Luck

Southern Traditions

By Amanda Galiano, About.com Guide

Do you know why black-eyed peas are lucky on New Year’s Day? As with most superstitions, there are several answers to the question. Typically, the belief that black-eyed peas are a lucky New Year’s meal is especially popular in the south, so it has to do with our history, right? Maybe.

Most Southerners will tell you that it dates back to the Civil War. Black-eyed peas were considered animal food (like purple hull peas). The peas were not worthy of General Sherman’s Union troops. When Union soldiers raided the Confederates food supplies, legend says they took everything except the peas and salted pork. The Confederates considered themselves lucky to be left with those meager supplies, and survived the winter. Peas became symbolic of luck.

Black-eyed peas were also given to slaves, as were most other traditional New Year’s foods. Let’s face it: a lot of the stuff we eat on New Year’s is soul food. One explanation of the superstition says that black-eyed peas were all the southern slaves had to celebrate with on the first day of January, 1863. What were they celebrating? That was the day when the Emancipation Proclamation went into effect. From then on, peas were always eaten on the first day of January.

Others say that since the south has generally always been the place for farming, black-eyed peas are just a good thing to celebrate with in the winter. Not many crops grow this time of the year, but black-eyed peas hold up well, were cheap and just make sense.

The oldest explanation for this tradition I found is on Wikipedia. According to Wikipedia, the tradition dates as far ancient Egypt. During the time of the Pharaohs, it was believed that eating a meager food like black-eyed peas showed humility before the gods, and you would be blessed. According to Wikipedia, the Babylonian Talmud, which dates to 339 CE, instructs the faithful Jews to eat black-eyed peas at Rosh Hashanah. The belief was similar: those who ate black-eyes showed their humility and saved themselves from the wrath of God.

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Bowl Games – Part 1                       16 – 7                         .696

Season                                              283 – 101                  .737

Ticket City Bowl

Penn State loses to Houston

Outback Bowl

Michigan State loses to Georgia

Capital One Bowl

Nebraska loses to South Carolina

Gator Bowl

Ohio State loses to Florida

Rose Bowl

Wisconsin loses to Oregon

Fiesta Bowl

Okie State loses to Stanford

Sugar Bowl

VA Tech loses to Michigan

Orange Bowl

West VA loses to Clemson

Cotton Bowl

Kansas State loses to Arkansas

BBVA Compass Bowl

SMU loses to Pitt

GoDaddy.com Bowl

N. Illinois loses to Arkansas State

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“People ask me where I get my jokes. I just watch Congress and report the facts.”

- Will Rogers

Issue 148

Redneck Ramblins

• I just got background checked for the 5^th time this year. The different organizations should just check with Santa Claus. He knows who has been naughty and nice.
• The Iraq War is over for the US, but unfortunately the war ain’t over.
• Cletus is trying to get hold of Santa. He wants to know names of the naughty girls.
• If at first you do not succeed….at least have someone video it for YouTube.
• Help! I Tebowed and I can’t get up.
• Y’all have got to watch Rocket City Rednecks on the National Geographic Channel. These rednecks are real rocket scientist during the week in Huntsville, AL and on the weekends invent great redneck stuff. It is a hoot
• Lying, obstruction, perjury and misleading investigators plus illegal drug use only gets you probation and home confinement? No wonder punishment for breaking the law is not a deterrent anymore.
• Gonna take a break from blogging the next couple of weeks to enjoy family and THE reason for the season. Y’all do the same.
• Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
• God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Dear Santa: Give me Bieber or I’ll kill you

A 13-year-old British girl shocked her mother by asking Santa Claus for a bunch of presents — including “the real-life Justin Bieber” — and threatening to kill Santa if he refuses to deliver.

Metro UK reported this week that the girl, Mekeeda Austin, who lives in Brickhill in Bedford, also threatened to “hunt down” Santa’s reindeer so she could “cook them and serve their meat to homeless people on Xmas day.”

The girl said she was mostly joking.

“I don’t really believe in Santa anymore, but I was angry because I thought I wasn’t going to get all the presents I wanted this year,” she said.

Tweet of the Week

AmericanHumor American Humor

The Japanese have bought everything in America except the politicians. They’d buy those too, but they prefer quality products.

Headlines

Obama: Don’t raise taxes, shut down government

Sounds like a plan to me!

Why not get a bachelor’s degree in 3 years?

Because you will not be able to find a job when you graduate?

Ex-Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac execs charged

‘Bout time!

Barry Bonds gets probation, home confinement

2 years probation and 30 days confinement in a Beverly Hills mansion? Heck, drivers have gotten worse sentences this year for criticizing  NASCAR on Twitter.

SEVERE DROUGHT LEAVES TEXAS WITH 600K FEWER CATTLE

Less BS too!

Redneck Joke of the Week

Twas the Night before Christmas, and all through the shack

Not a creature was stirrin’, cept the lice on muh back.

The Skoal cans wuz nailed to the screen door with care,

With hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were sleepin’, all snug in their beds,

While visions of  tractor pulls danced in their heads.

And Ma in her nightgown all stained with pound cake.

Had just settled down to watch Ricki Lake.

When out in the driveway, a loud noise I heard,

I opened the winder to check muh T-bird.

I ran to the door, like I’s on a mission,

But I tripped on some parts from muh granny’s transmission.

The moon shone outside, the hound dog wuz barkin’.

Muh daughter weren’t  home yet, she wuz still out parkin’.

When what to muh whiskey blind eyes should I see

But a Chevy S-10, pulled by eight flyin’ sheep.

With a fat nasty driver, so disgustin’ and sick

I said, “Shoot Fire! That must be St. Nick!

More rapid than X-lax his wooly sheep came

And he belched and he hollered, and he called ‘em by name.

Now CLIFFORD! Now VERNON! Now LESTER and ENUS!

On FESTUS!  On ELMER!  On ROSCOE and CLETUS!

From the top of the shack to them there garbage bins

Now Dash Away! Dash Away! Dash Away youins!

I heard a loud sound on the roof of muh shack.

Pud down muh beer and went fer muh gun rack.

He fell through the roof, plum killed my dog,

I swear that ole’ Santa looked just like Boss Hog.

He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front,

And his jeans were all bloody from that morning’s hunt.

A big nekkid lady tattooed on his arm,

And he wore black boots that he’d picked up in ‘Nam.

His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey.

From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky.

A scar on his cheek from a fight with the cops.

The veins on his face looked ready to pop.

The butt of a Marlboro clung to his lip

He wore a hip pack full of B-B-Q chips.

He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly.

I ain’t seen one that big since muh ex-wife Shelly.

He was gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three

And I laughed cause that redneck was smarter than me.

A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head,

From his hair came a rat that ran under the bed.

He reached in his sack, sipped his gin and tonic,

Then filled the kid’s stockings with Hooked on Phonics.

His toys came from Big Lots and they weren’t very nice

But he had lots of them and yuh can’t beat the price.

He gave us a tape of them hound dogs that sing Jingle Bells.

Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream pies,

And a Nascar T-shirt in Double X size.

When the presents were gone and he had no more,

He staggered and stumbled right through muh screen door.

He hopped in his truck, to his sheep gave an order

“Hurry up youins! To the Tennessee border!”

And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl,

“MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU REDNECKS! MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL… YEE HAWWWW!

Redneck Picture of the Week

Bubba and Earl Dun Decorated

Redneck Song of the Week:

Redneck Christmas–Ray Stevens

Redneck Video of the Week:

Joe Diffie – Leroy The Redneck Reindeer

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Redneck Christmas Gift Ideas – Redneck in a Box

Getya a 24 can camo cooler from Bass Pro and fill the cooler with some of the following;

WD-40. According to the WD-40 website, there are over 2000 uses for this handy solvent. WD-40 removes sap, tar, adhesives, labels and tape from surfaces without damaging existing paint. It’s an effective cleaner for tools, equipment, and vehicles. It can be used to remove splattered bugs from the front of cars.

Camouflage duct tape. Duct tape is the “Handyman’s Secret Weapon” some Redneck uses include using on cars to hold together, patching boats, gutters or hoses. Duct tape can be used instead of nuts, bolts, glue, staples or propane tanks and solder.

Truck fresheners. Make your own with some felt scrapes and essential oil. Cut out a shape from the felt, a deer head, rifle, beer can and then poke a hole in the top for a piece of string. Sprinkle the essential oil over the felt for a homemade redneck truck freshener.

Beef jerky Purchase a selection of beef jerky or deer jerky or make your own from a piece of flank steak or any of your other killins.

T-shirts. Any of these Redneck t-shirts from this Zazzle store. They have a nice selection of trashy T’s and bumper stickers perfect for any self respectin’ redneck.

A Redneck Cookbook. Print and staple the Top Ten Recipes from Paula Deen’s website

Other ideas include;

Bandanas

Camouflage license plate frame

Gummy worms, sour gummy worms, Swedish fish and fishing bobbers

Honey Buns

King of the Hill boxer shorts

A copy of Bill Engvall’s Here’s Your Sign

DVD of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour

Bass Pro has other useful additions depending on what your recipients specialty is, hunting, fishing, camping, just sitting outside drinking beer…

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Last Week                             1 – 0               1.000

Season                                  267 – 94           .740

New Mexico Bowl

Wyoming loses to Temple

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

Ohio loses to Utah State

New Orleans Bowl

LA – Lafayette loses to San Diego State

Beef O’Brady Bowl

Marshall loses to Fla – International

Poinsettia Bowl

LA Tech loses to TCU

MAACO Bowl

Arizona State loses to Boise State

Hawaii Bowl

Nevada loses to So. Miss

Independence Bowl

NC loses to Missouri

Little Caesars Pizza Bowl

W. Michigan loses to Purdue

Belk Bowl

Louisville loses to NC State

Military Bowl

Air Force loses to Toledo

Holiday Bowl

California loses to Texas

Champs Sports Bowl

Notre Dame loses to Florida State

Alamo Bowl

Washington loses to Baylor

Armed Forces Bowl

BYU loses to Tulsa

Pinstripe Bowl

Iowa State loses to Rutgers

Music City Bowl

Wake Forest loses to Miss State

Insight Bowl

Iowa loses to Oklahoma

Meineke Care Care Bowl

Northwestern loses to TX A&M

Sun Bowl

Utah loses to GA Tech

Fight Hunger Bowl

UCLA loses to Illinois

Liberty Bowl

Cincy loses to Vandy

Chick-fil-A Bowl

Auburn loses to VA

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want – and their kids pay for it.
Richard Lamm

Issue 147

Redneck Ramblins

• Bubba doesn’t have time for procrastination. He is too busy trying to live for yesterday.
• You think you had a bad week. Ndamukong Suh was suspended by the NFL for two games for stomping on another player and then wrecked his car into a tree after reckless driving.
• Talk of Farve coming out of retirement to play for the Bears. Just say no, Brett! Stay retired!!!
• Bubba and Earl had another beer summit trying to figure out women. Earl says, “You have fake hair, fake nails, fake boobs, fake tan, and fake eyelashes but you want a real man?”
• I got an e-mail from American Airlines reminding me that I am only 58 segments from earning Platinum status – need 60 total. Don’t believe I will make it this year and better yet, don’t care. Glad to not have to travel anymore.
• Pujols will make $68,000 per day. And you wonder what is wrong with this country? #occupypujols
• Gotta take everything in life with a grain of salt. Course if you throw in a slice of lime and a shot of tequila it makes it easier to do.
• Jon S. Corzine, how in the world do lose $1.2 billion and can’t find it?
• Obama celebrated Hanukah at the White House two weeks early and lit all the candles on the Menorah.  Boy ain’t got a clue. Sad.
• God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Dog Shoots Duck Hunter From Behind

BRIGHAM CITY, UTAH — A duck hunter is recovering from minor wounds he suffered when he was shot in the buttocks by his partner’s dog over the weekend, law enforcement authorities said on Thursday.

The 46-year-old man, who was not identified, was out hunting on Sunday with a friend and his friend’s dog, a yellow Labrador retriever named Pipper, near the Bear River Bird Refuge in the northern section of the Great Salt Lake, about 10 miles west of Brigham City, officials said.

The two hunting partners had stopped their boat in a marsh area where their duck decoys were placed to retrieve a duck they had shot, and the man laid his 12-gauge shotgun across the bow of the vessel and stepped into the shallow water.

“The dog jumped into the boat and was stepping over the shotgun and made it discharge somehow.

The guy was still walking away from the boat and he took it in the buttocks,” said Box Elder County Sheriff Chief Deputy Kevin Potter.

The men called 911 and walked to a nearby road to wait for emergency assistance to arrive.

The stricken hunter was taken to Brigham City Hospital, where medical personnel removed 27 shotgun pellets from his backside. He was released a short time later.

“The direction your muzzle is pointing and all elements around add to whether accidents happen or not,” Sergeant Mitch Lane of the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources told Reuters.

Lane said the incident sounded like a “fluke” but stressed gun safety is important at all times.

Tweet of the Week

badbanana Tim Siedell

Brett Favre has thrown his hat into the ring to replace the injured Jay Cutler. The hat was immediately intercepted and returned for a TD.

Headlines

Guns are a big seller on Black Friday

They are more effective than pepper spray in getting you to the head of the line.

PELOSI: DIRT ON NEWT TO COME…

That’s all poLIEtics has come to.

Boise’s Petersen says everyone tired of BCS

Not true. The bowl committees and the BcS committee still like it.

Obama: ‘Make or break moment’ for middle class

Too late. We are already broke.

‘M-A-S-H’ star Harry Morgan dies at age 96

He was even better in Dragnet.

Redneck Joke of the Week

A redneck women had a flat tire…So she pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then she got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the women what the problem was.

The women replied, “I have a flat tire.”

The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”

The Women responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Sign of the Week:

Redneck Song of the Week:

I’m Gonna Miss Her – Brad Paisley

Redneck Video of the Week:

Big Wreck

An outing of luxury sports car enthusiasts in Japan ended in an expensive freeway pileup — smashing a stunning eight Ferraris, a Lamborghini and two Mercedes likely worth more than $1 million together.

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

“Taxes explained in beer”

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer & the bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this :

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.

The fifth would pay $1

The sixth would pay $3

The seventh would pay $7

The eighth would pay $12

The ninth would pay $18

The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59

So, that’s what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve ball.

“Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20″. Drinks for the ten men would now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes.

So the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men-the paying customers?

How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his fair share?

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by a higher percentage the poorer he was, to follow the principle of the tax system they had been using, and he proceeded to work out the amounts he suggested that each should now pay.

And so the fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100%saving).

The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% saving).

The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% saving).

The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% saving).

The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% saving).

The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% saving).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But, once outside the bar, the men began to compare their savings.

“I only got a dollar out of the $20 saving,” declared the sixth man.

He pointed to the tenth man, “but he got $10!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar too. It’s unfair that he got ten times more benefit than me!”

“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man. “Why should he get $10 back, when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison, “we didn’t get anything at all. This new tax system exploits the poor!”

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had their beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn’t have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and government ministers, is how our tax system works.

The people who already pay the highest taxes will naturally get the most benefit from a tax reduction..

Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas, where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Last Week                 8 – 4               .667

Season                      266 – 94         .739

Army loses to Navy

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

Politics will sooner or later make fools of everybody.
Dick Armey

Issue 146

Redneck Ramblins

• Bubba and Earl want to go see a water polo match. They want to know how they get that many horses in the pool.
• Who cares that the NBA is back?
• Y’all already know that I am not a fan of the BcS. However, to keep it anywhere near credible, the best two teams have to play for the championship regardless of conference ties or rematches.
• Really sad when American Airlines has to file bankruptcy just to compete with the rival airlines that received a competitive advantage when they filed for bankruptcy.
• Suffering from acute RDD – Racing Deficit Disorder. Cure is coming in less than 3 months – Daytona 500!
• Kinky Friedman: “These are strange political times in Texas. All the blondes and the Aggies are telling Rick Perry jokes.”
• You can help create jobs by buying locally and buying American-made.
• Occupy LA left behind 30 tons of trash. Then LA had 97 mph Santa Ana winds. Is that how you redistribute?
• God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Car Crash Victim Saved by Loaf of Bread

Published : Saturday, 26 Nov 2011, 6:44 AM EST

(NewsCore) – A lucky Scottish woman survived what could have been a fatal car accident thanks to a loaf of bread, which projected from the back of the car and cushioned her head against the impact of the crash.

Liz Douglas, 51, said she was on her way home to Stronachlachar after a shopping trip in Glasgow — about 40 miles (64 kilometers) away — when the back end of her car began to slide, and she headed toward a telegraph pole.

The car spun around and landed on its roof, but a loaf of bread flew out of Douglas’ shopping bags in the back seat and jammed between her head and the roof.

“A medium-sliced white loaf may quite literally have saved me from serious injury or worse,” Douglas told the Stirling Observer.

She added, “I was trapped inside the car for almost an hour in total between having the accident and whilst emergency services cut me from the car. During this time, the loaf remained as a cushion and support for my head as I was upside down.”

Douglas said she kept the life-saving loaf — complete with the impression of her head still in it.

“Now we can see the funny side, but it could have been so much worse, and I’m so grateful that I managed to walk away with just cuts and bruises,” she said.
The Bread of Life?

Tweet of the Week

@PPistonePete Pistone

Kim Kardashian: “Maybe I’m Not Supposed to Have Kids” – If only her mother would have thought the same

Headlines

L.A. Wal-Mart shopper uses pepper spray to get the good deal.

The best defense is a good offense.

EURO ON THE BRINK

So is the US dollar.

Groton Town Worker Accused Of Using Water Plant To Make Moonshine

He was just reducing the US dependency on foreign oil.

Obama tackles Europe’s debt crisis

And if he fixes that maybe he will fix ours.

Kris Humphries claims marriage was ‘fraud’

Well, duh!

Redneck Joke of the Week

10 Ways To Tell If a Redneck Is Working At a Computer in Your Office

10. The mouse is referred to as a “critter.”

9. The keyboard is camouflage patterned.

8. There is a Dr. Pepper can in the CD-ROM drive.

7. The password is “bubba.”

6. The six front keys have rotted out.

5. “Winders 95″ has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.

4. Outgoing faxes have cold drink stains on them.

3. John Deere Pocket Protectors.

2. The menus all have Dr. Pepper, and Royal Crown Cola options.

1. The monitor is up on blocks

Redneck Picture of the Week

Obama Says “I Need Another Term to Finish the Job”

Sign of the Week

Redneck Song of the Week:

Made in America – Toby Keith

Redneck Video of the Week:

Made in America

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Last Week                 22 – 6             .786

Season                      258 – 90         .741

West VA loses to So. Florida

Troy loses to Arkansas State

Texas loses to Baylor

New Mexico loses to Boise State

Fla – Atlantic loses to LA – Monroe

Middle Tenn loses to N. Texas

Oklahoma State loses to Oklahoma (Upset of the Week)

UNLV loses to TCU

New Mexico State loses to Utah State

So. Miss loses to Houston

Georgia loses to LSU

Clemson loses to VA Tech

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

Entrepreneurs and their small enterprises are responsible for almost all the economic growth in the United States.
Ronald Reagan

Issue 145

Redneck Ramblins

• Well, it is another week and another leader in the GOP polls.
• What do the Auburn Tigers and a Sand Castle have in common? They both look good until the TIDE ROLLS in.
• Did ya hear about the Auburn grads that got killed huntin’ this week? They were walking along, found tracks, and followed them. The train hit ‘em.
• Lots of upsets in college football last week, but the most upset may be the BcS.
• Bubba and Earl don’t know anybody at Penn State, but they do know lots of people in the State Pen.
• When I pulled up the AT&T U-Verse web page to pay my bill, the whole dang thing was in Spanish. That’s okay because I paid them in pesos.
• When Kurt Busch blew his transmission early in the last race, Dr. Jerry Punch from ESPN tried to interview him. TV was on commercial break and as they were standing by, KuBusch dog-cussed Punch for taking too long. To his credit, Jerry Punch just walked away and told his producers never mind. Busch and Penske Racing have since had to apologize since the incident ended up on YouTube. That’s two corporate apologizes from the Busch brothers in less than 3 weeks. Their mama and daddy have got to be proud.
• Most poLIEticians cheated in ethics class.
• Nancy Pelosi went to a health club & got one of those facial mud packs. She looked nice for a few days but then the mud wore off.
• God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

UNION CITY, Tenn. — Police in Union City, Tenn., have charged a man with throwing a ham at his mother.

According to the Union City Daily Messenger, 37-year-old Emanual Cordell Kennedy was arrested Tuesday afternoon on a charge of domestic assault.

Brenda King, his mother, told police the two argued at her home and he hit her in the back with the ham while she was walking down a hall. She left the home and went to the police department to report it.

He could have been charged with attempted hamicide.

Tweet of the Week

MarcFeinTV Marc Fein

If u want happiness 4 an hr take a nap, 4 a day go fishing, 4 a year inherit a fortune. If u want happiness 4 life help someone @nbcdfw

Headlines

Another mess for BCS

They deserve it.

Supercommittee members brace for failure

They were doomed before they started. They are a bunch of poLIEticians! Stayed Super-Committed to their own interests.

NEWT: I’m the best debater

Who cares if you can debate? Can you lead?

Pelosi Bashes Catholics: ‘They Have This Conscience Thing’…

If you had one, maybe you would understand, Nancy!

Redneck Joke of the Week

A man walks into a bar with his dog. A Sprint Cup race is on a TV. He sits down and asks how Dale Earnhardt, Jr is doing. The bartender says “Junior is in 25th”. The dog jumps up, and runs around the barstool 25 times. A couple of laps later, the bartender says “Junior is up to 10th”. The dog jumps up again and runs around the barstool 10 times. A few laps later, the bartender says “Earnhardt is up to 3rd”, after which the dog again jumps up and runs around the barstool 3 times The bartender says “WOW!! That dog is amazing!! What does he do if Dale, Jr. wins?”

“I don’t know”, says the man, “I’ve only had him for 3 years!”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

The race at Homestead for the Chase Championship was unbelievable. Tony and Carl battled to the bitter end. Holy Smoke! Wow! What a way to end a season. Best display of racin’ I have ever seen.

Don’t be sad about season ending, folks. The offseason is short. In a little more than a Kim Kardashian marriage, we’ll be back at Daytona.

Congratulations Champions:

Trucks – Austin Dillon

Nationwide – Ricky Stenhouse

Cup – Tony Stewart

Sign of the Week

Redneck Song of the Week:

Montgomery Gentry – Where I Come From

Redneck Video of the Week:

462 MPH in the Speed Demon

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Social Media Decision Making Flowchart

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Last Week                             18 – 9             .667

Season                                  236 – 84         .738

Auburn loses to Bama

This is the only game that matters, but I will pick the rest of the games just to humor you.

Texas loses to Texas A&M

Bowling Green loses to Buffalo

Tulsa loses to Houston

Arkansas loses to LSU

Louisville loses to So. Fla

UTEP loses to Cental Fla

Pittsburgh loses to WVA

Boston College loses to Miami

Texas Tech loses to Baylor

East Carolina loses to Marshall

Florida loses to Fla State

Middle Tenn loses to Fla International

GA Tech loses to Georgia

Tulane loses to Hawaii

New Mexico St loses to LA Tech

Ole Miss loses to Miss State

Duke loses to NC

Maryland loses to NC State

Iowa State loses to Okla

Clemson loses to SC

Rice loses to SMU

Memphis loses to So Miss

KY loses to Tennessee

Fla Atlantic loses to UAB

Wake Forest loses to Vandy

VA loses to VA Tech

Troy loses to WKY

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

Apparently, a democracy is a place where numerous elections are held at great cost without issues and with interchangeable candidates.
Gore Vidal

Issue 144

Redneck Ramblins

• In my opinion, all poLIEticians have had oops moments. Sometimes they say stuff that they can’t back up, don’t remember stuff they should say, and say stuff they shouldn’t. Remember in the last campaign when Obama said that he had visited 57 states and had one to go?
• Fall in Texas – that time of the year when you switch back and forth between the heater and the air conditioner.
• NBA = Nothing But Absurd
• I think both sides in the NBA issue have killed the golden goose. Not once have I heard either side mention the fans.
• NBA players miss 1st paychecks on 11/15: Kobe ($1,051,832 lost), LeBron ($667,603 lost), Dirk ($795,535 lost). Average player ($220,000 lost).
• US debt is now $15 trillion and still climbing. Stop the spending!
• Bubba and Earl heard about the hackers putting porn on Facebook. They are going to get a Facebook account…..as soon as they get a computer.
• Occupy OPEC. $100+ per barrel oil. Really?
• Happy Thanksgiving Y’all!  As bad as things seem sometimes, we still got lots to be thankful for.
• Congratulations to Coach K for becoming the coach with most wins in college basketball and for doing it the right way. Of course I said the same thing about JoePa.
• God bless America and our troops!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Man in ‘I’m A Drunk’ T-shirt arrested for DWI

A man wearing a T-shirt reading “I’m A Drunk” crashed into a police car early Thursday on Long Island and is being charged with driving while intoxicated, police said.

Kevin Daly, of Coram, N.Y., was driving a 2000 Saturn on County Road 83 at about 1:45 a.m. when he hit the patrol car.

The entire message on his T-shirt reads “I’m Not An Alcoholic, I’m A Drunk. Alcoholics Go to Meetings.”

The officer, who is assigned to the Suffolk County Police Department’s alcohol fatality enforcement team, was treated for minor injuries. Coram, 22, was not hurt.

He was set to be arraigned later Thursday. It was not immediately clear whether he had a lawyer.

At least he wasn’t false advertising.

Tweet of the Week

Fehertwit David Feherty

I’ve taken up welding in my garage, not far from where I make ammunition. What’s the worst thing that could happen?

Headlines

The female lion does more than 90% of the hunting, males rest

The way nature intended.

IHOP goes self-service at new San Diego location

Next you get to cook your own breakfast. Then it will be go to the hen house and collect your own eggs………

BIDEN TRANSPARENCY MEETING CLOSED TO PRESS!

What would you expect? The poLIEticians don’t really mean what they say.

How to avoid airline fees

That’s easy – don’t fly. Duh!

Redneck Joke of the Week

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird’s’ mouth was rude, obnoxious and  laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the  bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to  ’clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.  Then suddenly there was total quiet.  Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.  The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arm and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

White flag for the 2011 season. This is the last race of the year. The championship will be decided in Homestead.

The picks:

1. Tony Stewart
2. Carl Edwards
3. Anybody but a Busch

Sign of the Week

Redneck Song of the Week:

Dierks Bentley – Home

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Why Barns are Red

Red barns started in Europe hundreds of years ago. The barns would be sealed with linseed oil to protect them from the elements and to prevent the wood from rotting. The oil has a naturally tan color.

At some point, farmers started adding rust to the paint. Rust kills mold and moss that would otherwise destroy the wood. Eventually, by the 1800s, there was no real need for the paint to be red-colored but the tradition of having red barns has remained until today.

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Last Week                                         23 – 8             .742

Season                                              218 – 75         .744

Memphis loses to Marshall

UAB loses to So. Miss

NC loses to VA Tech

Iowa State loses to Okla State

Miss State loses to Arkansas

Middle Tenn loses to Ark State

NC State loses to Clemson

VA loses to Fla State

KY loses to Georgia

Duke loses to GA Tech

SMU loses to Houston

Fla International loses to LA – Monroe

Ole Miss loses to LSU

UConn loses to Louisville

So Fla loses to Miami

Texas Tech loses to Mizzou

LA Tech loses to Nevada

Baylor loses to Oklahoma

Tulane loses to Rice

Texas loses to Kansas State (Upset Special of the Week)

Colorado State loses to TCU

Fla Atlantic loses to Troy

UTEP loses to Tulsa

E Carolina loses to Central Fla

Tennessee loses to Vandy

Maryland loses to Wake Forest

North Texas loses to WKY

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.
Benjamin Franklin

Issue 141

Redneck Ramblins

• Bubba and Earl had one of their extended Beer Summits over the weekend and solved all of the world’s problems. Due to an acute case of beer amnesia, they can’t remember any of the solutions. They will have to try it again next weekend.
• Why don’t the “occupiers” go to OPEC? Oil is way over priced for no other reason than greed and opulence………….
• Bubba and Earl are thinking it’s time to replace the group in the White House with the guys down at the Waffle House.
• We need a “uniting” leader worse than bad.
• My redneck daughter fixed kids’ shoes at school using duct tape and zip ties. Proud Redneck Dad!
• The poLIEticians are tricking us and treating themselves.
• I developed an inflamation in my right eye. I tried to get the eye doctor to say that it is a severe allergic reaction to housework. She didn’t buy it. Maybe the wife of a redneck will.
• Happy Halloween!
• God bless America, our troops, and the Texas Rangers!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Cops Hunt Man Who Firebombed Taco Bell Because His Chalupas Had Too Little Meat

Georgia police are hunting for the aggrieved Taco Bell customer who threw a Molotov cocktail at the restaurant’s drive-thru window after phoning in a complaint that there was not enough meat in the chalupas he had purchased.

The bizarre incident occurred around 5 AM Sunday at a Taco Bell on North Slappey Boulevard in Albany. The small blaze did not cause injuries or damage to the building.

According to a police report, Taco Bell manager Cynthia Thompson told cops that, shortly before the firebombing, a man called the restaurant to complain about a reported meat shortage in his “two XL Chalupas.” The caller told Thompson that “after getting home realized that there was not enough stuffing inside of his chalupas, and demanded his order be corrected.”

When Thompson explained that she “could not accommodate him because the business was closing,” the man replied, “You must be one of them niggers up there.” He added, “That’s alright, I’ll just come and redecorate the place.”

Thompson said that shortly after the call she and other Taco Bell employees “could smell gasoline but was unaware of where it was coming from. They then realized the fire outside of the drive thru window.”

Investigators found the makeshift incendiary device–a “melting plastic bottle with a liquid substance still inside”–outside the Taco Bell, where a large sign beckons patrons to “Come Try The New XXL Chalupa. Bigger Is Better.”

The search for the firebomb suspect has been hampered since the video feed from the drive-thru window was of poor quality, cops reported.

Tweet of the Week

RickWarren Rick Warren

The most expensive gift you can give kids is your time.

Headlines

NCAA pushes $2K payment for student athletes

Not sure the athletes can stand the pay cut.

Beavis and Butt-Head are bringing stupid back

Stupid never left. Just look at Congress.

President Obama calls for an end to NBA lockout

Doesn’t he know he has a bigger stalemate in Congress.

Woman attacks nephew for using her toilet paper

Must not have been done reading it yet.

Redneck Joke of the Week

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning until night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag – it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, “Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I’d nod my head in agreement.”

“And what about the men?” the minister asked.

“They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Happy Halloween!

Racin’

Dega was as unpredictable as I predicted.

Martinsville short tracking this week. The picks:

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Denny Hamlin
3. Mark Martin
4. Anybody but a Busch

Sign of the Week

Redneck Song of the Week:

Toby Keith - Red Solo Cup (Unedited Version)

Redneck Video of the Week:

Jetman – Grand Canyon

The Grand Canyon was probably selected for the flight due to the great scenery.  Seems risky though with the various wind currents.  Great scenery to watch. Don’t try this at home.

http://www.google.com/url?sa=D&q=http://www.youtube.com/v/WgdIE2t8QkM%3F****

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Story from a Kansas State

Highway Patrol officer:

I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for speeding on U.S. 166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73  just East of Sedan , KS.

I asked for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.

In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age)to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box. Something—body language, or the way she said it—made me want to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have just one more, a .38 special in her purse. I then asked her what

was she so afraid  of.

She looked me right in the eye and said, “Not a damn thing!”

Seniors – Don’t mess with them.

They didn’t get old by being stupid.

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Last Week                             15 – 11           .577

Season                                  155 – 51         .752

Had a bad week with the pickins last week. I have recalibrated the prognosticator machine with a good lick from a hammer. Hope it is better. If not, I will go get a bigger hammer.

Rice loses to Houston

VA loses to Miami

BYU loses to TCU

Vandy loses to Arkansas

North Texas loses to Ark State

Ole Miss loses to Auburn

GA Tech loses to Clemson

Tulane loses to E. Carolina

Fla loses to Georgia

NC State loses to Fla State

Louisville loses to Syracuse

WKY loses to LA – Monroe

San Jose State loses to LA Tech

UAB loses to Marshall

Boston College loses to Maryland

LA – Lafayette loses to Middle Tenn

Kentucky loses to Miss State

Wake Forest loses to NC

Oklahoma loses to Kansas State (Upset of the Week)

Baylor loses to Oklahoma State

Tennessee loses to S. Carolina

UTEP loses to So. Miss

Kansas loses to Texas

Missouri loses to Texas A&M

Iowa State loses to Texas Tech

Tulsa loses to SMU

Memphis loses to Central Fla

Duke loses to VA Tech

Rutgers loses to WVA

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of knowing u did your best to become the best that u are capable of being.

-John Wooden

Issue 139

Redneck Ramblins

• Bubba says that he doesn’t suffer from insanity. He rather enjoys it.
• I like naps.
  • Favorite player – NAPoli
  • Favorite place – NAPles
  • Favorite foreign leader – NAPoleon
  • Favorite wine region – NAPa
  • Favorite auto parts – NAPa
• Partisan politics has paralyzed us, people!
• I hope that the passion exhibited at the Occupy Rallies is exhibited at the ballot box next November.
• Happy birthday to my redneck son!
• The phone is ringing, but it is only a paid political robocall. Almost enough to drop regular phone lines.
• Education of our children should be everyone’s top priority.
• With the Blackberry blackout and Apple sucking up all the bandwidth with its updates, the tech world almost came to a standstill this week.
• US Postal Service has the nation’s largest fleet. Why don’t we quit delivering mail on Tuesday and Saturday? I would rather get my junk mail only four days a week. Besides USPS could save money on fuel and it would reduce pollution.
• God bless America and our troops.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Suspect’s Cell Phone Dials 911 During Burglary

NEW CASTLE (KDKA) — Three people are facing charges – all because a thief’s cell phone dialed 911 during a burglary.

Police say the men allegedly broke into a garage in the 500-block of Harber Street in New Castle.

According to investigators, when 911 got the call, they heard male voices and a lot of noise and figured a burglary was in progress.

Dispatchers pinged the call, got the address and sent a police officer to the scene. When police got there, the officer saw three males in a truck filled with metal and pulled them over on Bell Avenue.The men were then arrested.

Nikia Goode, Vernon Bundy and Johnny Taylor are facing charges of criminal conspiracy, burglary, criminal trespass, receiving stolen property and marijuana possession.

Goode also faces a driving violation charge.

That’s what you call a smart phone!

Tweet of the Week

@FlyyounginnKyle

MOM ALWAYS SAID If you can’t find something to live for, then you best find something to die for.

Headlines

Part of Obama health plan canceled

They cancelled the long-term care component because they couldn’t find a way to make it fiscally possible. How ‘bout the rest of it?

Mexico’s Newest Export to U.S. May Be Water

But can we drink it?

Pelosi Left Out of Leaders Meeting on Super Committee…

There is some good news!

FEMA asks family to return thousands in aid money, tells them they actually weren’t eligible for assistance

Why are they asking? Go get it back.

Redneck Joke of the Week

My daughter just walked into the living room and said, “Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out of the window, take my TV, stereo, iPhone, iPod, and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my new car. Take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again.  And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to my brother.”

Well, she didn’t put it quite like that.  She actually said…

“Dad I have decided to work for Obama’s re-election campaign.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Racin’

The Chase is getting tighter. Who will win at Charlotte this week?

The picks:

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Carl Edwards
3. Kevin Harvick
4. Anybody but a Busch

Sign of the Week

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Bless The Broken Road” – Rascal Flatts

Redneck Video of the Week:

Jeff Foxworthy-Redneck Fashion Tips Part 1

Redneck Education Tip of the Week:

Senior Texting

Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.

Please pass this on to your children and grandchildren so they can understand your texts.

ATD:                           At The Doctor’s

BFF:                           Best Friend Fainted

BTW:                          Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT:                        Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM:                          Covered By Medicare

CGU:                          Can’t get up

CUATSC:                  See You At The Senior Center

DWI:                           Driving While Incontinent

FWBB:                       Friend With Beta Blockers

FWIW:                        Forgot Where I Was

FYI:                             Found Your Insulin

GGPBL:                     Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low!

GHA:                          Got Heartburn Again

HGBM:                       Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHO:                         Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO:                        Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL:                            Living On Lipitor

LWO:                          Lawrence Welk’s On

OMMR:                       On My Massage Recliner

OMSG:                       Oh My! Sorry Gas.

ROFL… CGU:           Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up

TTYL:                          Talk To You Louder

WAITT:                       Who Am I Talking To?

WTFA:                        Wet The Furniture Again

WTP:                          Where’s The Prunes?

WWNO:                      Walker Wheels Need Oil

GGLKI:                       (Gotta Go Laxative Kicking In)

Football Pickins:

Louie’s Losers

Last Week                             23 – 5             .821

Season                                  122 – 35         .777

Ole Miss loses to Bama

Louisville loses to Cincy

Maryland loses to Clemson

Memphis loses to E. Carolina

Florida loses to Auburn

WKY loses to Fla Atlantic

Vandy loses to Georgia

VA loses to GA Tech

Tennessee loses to LSU

North Texas loses to LA – Lafayette

Rice loses to Marshall

Miami loses to NC

Kansas loses to Oklahoma

Texas loses to Okla State

Miss State loses to S. Carolina

UConn loses to So. Fla

Central Fla loses to SMU

Baylor loses to TX A&M

Texas Tech loses to Kansas State (Upset Special of the Week)

Bowling Green loses to Toledo

UTEP loses to Tulane

UAB loses to Tulsa

Wake Forest loses to VA Tech

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Emo Philips