1. Ya know how to keep Auburn players out of your yard? Put a goal post in it.
2. Why is it when people talk about something going bad they say that it went south. When I go South, it is a good thing!
3. It would be even better if all the Yankees went North!
4. Politicians like to rob Peter to pay Paul. I am tired of being Peter all of the time. Let’s rob Paul to pay Peter just once!
5. What a tragedy! Two Auburn students were killed this week raking leaves. Yep. They fell out of the tree.
6. Does anybody really care about the love lives of celebrities? Talk about something important like racin’, college football, and the War of Northern Aggression!
7. A recent poll showed that 91% said that the political debates had not changed their minds about which candidate they would vote for. Then why the heck have the stupid things?
8. Guessing that Osama bin Laden will be caught in the next week or so just in time for the election.
9. Some people want the federal gummit to do everything for them. No wonder we are so screwed up.
10. Common sense ain’t too common anymore.
11. Many people went to college, but did not get an education. Never let school get in the way of an education.
12. The media has already elected the next president.
13. Please vote. If you don’t, you do not have the right to gritch about the results for the next four years.

Redneck Political News

Feel like you ain’t got no choice? Don’t know who to vote fer?

Petty – Pearson in ‘08
No Debate ‘bout It

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Suit against God thrown out over lack of address

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) – A judge has thrown out a Nebraska legislator’s lawsuit against God, saying the Almighty wasn’t properly served due to his unlisted home address. State Sen. Ernie Chambers filed the lawsuit last year seeking a permanent injunction against God.

He said God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents in Omaha, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

Chambers has said he filed the lawsuit to make the point that everyone should have access to the courts regardless of whether they are rich or poor.

On Tuesday, however, Douglas County District Court Judge Marlon Polk ruled that under state law a plaintiff must have access to the defendant for a lawsuit to move forward.

“Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice,” Polk wrote.

Chambers, who graduated from law school but never took the bar exam, thinks he’s found a hole in the judge’s ruling.

“The court itself acknowledges the existence of God,” Chambers said Wednesday. “A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God’s omniscience.” Therefore, Chambers said, “Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit.”

Chambers has 30 days to decide whether to appeal. He said he hasn’t decided yet.
Chambers, who has served a record 38 years in the Nebraska Legislature, is not returning next year because of term limits. He skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians.

And who elects these fools?

Redneck Joke of the Week

1. It has an aquarium – only it’s stocked with live minnows.
2. The town newspaper is published monthly.
3. The town is named after everyone’s distant relative.
4. It was founded on April Fools’ Day as a practical joke.
5. The Ice Cream Store has only two flavors – vanilla & chocolate.
6. There is no hospital – only a first aid kit.
7. For fun on Saturday nights, people drive up and down Main Street.
8. There is no bank – as soon as someone gets enough money, they leave town.
9. The only traffic jam is caused when a farmer drives down Main on his combine.
10. The local phone book has only one yellow page.
11. Hardware, dry goods, grocery, clothing, and farm supplies are sold in the same store.
12. Third street is on the edge of town.
13. You don’t use turn signals because everyone knows where you are going anyway..
14. No social events are scheduled when the school gym is being varnished.
15. You call a wrong number and they give you the correct one.
16. Everyone knows the news before it’s published.
17. People only read the paper to see if the publisher got the fact right.
18. The city limit signs are both on the same post.
19. The 7-Eleven is only open from 8 – 5.
20. The only road crossing Main is a dirt road.
21. The New Year’s baby was born in October.
22. There is no place to go that you shouldn’t.
23. At the last beauty contest, nobody won 2nd or 3rd.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Bubba’s 6 Pack Abs

Yep them cans are tattooed on there! Even the plastic thingee that holds ‘em together.

Note that even though this guy was a Dale Jr fan when he drove the Bud car and has a 6 pack of cans tattoo, Bubba is drinking Coors light in a bottle.
Duh?

Racin Picks of the Week – Hot ‘Lanta- The Chase is On!

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Dale Jr.
3. Jeff Gordon

Ain’t True

11-Year-Old Leads Police on High-Speed Chase in Foster Mom’s Car
WASHINGTON, Pa. — An 11-year-old who stole his foster mother’s car led police on a high-speed chase through western Pennsylvania, striking a cruiser and slamming into a utility pole, officials said.

The boy’s guardian notified police that he was missing Sunday evening. Minutes later, the boy was spotted on a suburban road about 25 miles southwest of Pittsburgh.

Police say the boy drove up to 85 mph westbound on Interstate 70, swerving wildly between lanes. He got off the highway briefly, only to get back on going eastbound.
Officials say he then exited the interstate, hit a police cruiser and smashed into a utility pole.

The boy suffered a head injury that was not life-threatening.

The above story is true, but it is not true that Joe Gibbs has already signed him to a developmental driver contract.

Redneck Song of the Week

I know you were standing at attention when this was played.

Redneck Video of the Week: (Compliments of DK, The WVA Ridgerunner)

http://mybeautifulamerica.com/BeautifulDixie.htm

Makes me miss down home…………

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Chemistry    (compliments of Redneck Bill)

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record    13-0    1.000
Season Record        66-19    ,776

Last week I was perfect pickin’ the losers. So it continues………………

Louie’s Losers

Auburn Loses to West VA

It was reported that Auburn head football coach Tommy Tuberville will only be dressing twenty players for this game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

NC St Loses to Maryland

Terps are trouble for the Wolfpack.

Wake Forest Loses to Miami

Hurricanes hurt the Deamons.

Boston College Loses to NC

Close but no cigar for BC

A&M Loses to Iowa St

The battle for the bottom of the Big 12

Kentucky Loses to Florida

Gators win in the swamp.

Arkansas Loses to Ole Miss

Close game to the Rebels

Duke Loses to Vandy

A brain game

SMU Loses to Navy

Mustangs sunk by the Midshipmen

Tennessee Loses to Bama

Great rivalry game in the SEC. Bama barely beats the Vols.

Okla St Loses to Texas

Team dressed in orange will win this one.

LSU Loses to Georgia

Upset special of the week. Tigers get bit by the dawgs.

Kansas State Loses to Oklahoma

Bet the double-wide on this one.

VA Tech Loses to Florida State

Semiholes beat Beamer

Wyoming Loses to TCU

Horned Frogs frolic

Baylor Loses to Nebraska

Huskers to strong for the Baptist

Kansas Loses to Texas Tech

The air will be full of footballs.

Middle Tennessee Loses to Miss. St.

Won’t be a lot of offense in this one.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week: