1. With our luck, the tool bag that slipped away on the space walk probably had the million dollar hammer in it.
2. Anybody remember Chrysler’s $2.99 per gallon gas guarantee?
3. Redneck son and I went out and bought more memory yesterday. No, not for me, for the computer. I don’t want more memory, but I could stand to have some more reliable memory.
4. The BCS is BS. There is no C to it. Please O’Bama get us a playoff in Division 1 College Football. You could do a lot to bring this country together with just that one thing.
5. I have no dog in the fight, but if I was a fan of Texas or Texas Tech, I would be mighty upset ‘bout now over the South Division Big 12 championship.
6. Running up the score to impress some soulless computer ain’t right. Sportsmanship still has a place in sports.
7. I am getting disturbed over this un-retiring trend. First Brett Favre, then Lance Armstrong, and now Bill Snyder at Kansas State. I hope it ain’t an epidemic! Is there a vaccine?
8. Hey, Plexico Burress. If you need to carry a gun to someplace for your protection, good chance you shouldn’t be there to begin with, dumb butt. And how the heck do you plead not guilty to the felony of carrying a loaded firearm. Dude, it was your gun in your pocket that shot your sorry butt!
9. For the first time in 2190 days Bama fans get bragging rights in the Great State of Alabama. Roll Tide Roll!!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

City threatens to put lien on blind woman’s house over a penny
Eileen Wilbur was one penny short when she paid last year’s water bill. Now the city of Attleboro, Mass., is threatening to take action.

In a letter they paid 42 cents to mail, city officials say they’ll place a lien on the blind 74-year-old’s house unless she coughs up a penny by Dec. 10, according to the Associated Press.

City Collector Debora Marcoccio tells The Sun Chronicle that Wilbur should have paid the balance on her account when they sent out the original bill.

She says the lien notices are automatically printed. “It would be fiscally irresponsible for me to have staff weed through the bills and pull out any below a certain amount,” she says, according to the paper. ” And what would that amount be?”

The dang gummit at any level never uses common sense …………

Redneck Joke of the Week

……..you might be a redneck at Christmas if……

You spell out NASCAR with your lights
Santa refuses to let your kids sit on his lap
Yer Christmas tree has beef jerky ornaments
You go shopping at the dollar store
You ask for a price check
You take down your Christmas tree in September; you put it back up in October
Yer mama has ammo on her list
You shop at a truck stop
You bought those lime green satin ornaments at the grocery store (really)
You have the talking tree, wreath, deer and singing lampposts
You have every Chia pet there is
You spray paint sauerkraut gold and hang it on your tree
You misspell something with your Christmas lights.
You have used the same ribbon, boxes, and bows for 5 years now
Redman sends you a card.

Redneck Picture of the Week

It’s Fixin’ to be Christmas Y’all

Times is tuff – Do It Yerself Christmas Tree

Racin’

Redneck Song of the Week:

12 Days of Redneck Christmas

Redneck Video of the Week:

Redneck Christmas – Here’s Your Sign

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Physics

Does Santa Exist?
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhists except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the work load for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each.

Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to works with, thanks the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming east to west travel (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the Earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second – 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can
run (at best) 15 miles per hour (0.25 miles per second). The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.

Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO® set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the “flying”
reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job cannot be done with eight or even nine of them – Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the Monarch).

600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the Earth’s atmosphere.

The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3
quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating a deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mile per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he’s dead now. Merry Christmas.

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record        15 – 5    .750
Season Record                   137-48    .741

Louie’s Losers

Middle Tenn loses to LA – Lafayette
Only because the game is in LA

Louisville loses to Rutgers
Rutgers too tuff

W KY loses to Fla International
But who cares

Arkansas State loses to Troy
State loses to #2 team in Alabama

South Fla loses to West VA
Mountaineers backfield is strong

E Carolina loses to Tulsa in Conf USA Championship
Tulsa is way good

Boston College loses to VA Tech in ACC Championship
Beamer brings home the bacon for Redneck Ron

#1 Bama loses to Florida
Hate to pick against the Tide, but Gators’ offense scores enough points to win against a great Bama defense.

Mizzou loses to OU
Dang Boomer Sooners’ offense just too strong for MU

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

You must be the change you want to see in the world.
Mahatma Gandhi
Indian political and spiritual leader (1869 – 1948)