Posts Tagged ‘new rides’

Ramblins Issue #7

Redneck Ramblins

1. Vote all the bums out of office and I approve of this message.
2. I am old enough to remember when:
   • there was sportsmanship in sports
   • the democrats were the conservative party
   • pro ballplayers needed other jobs during the off season
   • network prime time shows were worth watchin’
3. Y’all probably noticed the ‘Ads by Google’ on this page. Well, we earned nuff income so far for the RC. Next month, we be hopin’ for the Moon Pie. Ye ain’t gotta buy anything, but click on the ads. There is some neat stuff thar!
4. Did you hear about the two Auburn students who died in the cafeteria last week? They were trying to get milk and the cow fell on them.
5. AIG stands for Arrogant Ignorant Goobers
6. Hey feds, I want $85 billion so that I can throw a $440,000 party. I have lots of rowdy friends that are coming over tonight!
7. What oughta happen is that the AIG execs have to pay the company back every penny except $ 100 per night hotel, $30 a day for food, and $ 30 per round of golf. That’s what normal working redneck stiffs pay ‘cause that’s all we can afford or allowed by our employers.
8. IRA stands for Irreversible Reducing Account
9. It’s all my fault. I decided to retire and the market crashed. My bad!
10. They oughta have ‘em debates in the Deep South. It is so dry thar that the candidates couldn’t make mud to sling.
11. The candidates want change. I already have it. It’s all that’s left of the IRA.
12. Don’t y’all just get a kick out of watching the congressional hearings of the financial dudes. Where the congressmen are railing the execs for bad financial decisions and frivolous spending. Where I come from we say that is the pot calling the kettle black.

Redneck Political News

Feel like you ain’t got no choice? Don’t know who to vote fer?

Petty – Pearson in ‘08
No Debate ‘bout It

Some people have said that King Richard doesn’t have any experience in Washington. Ain’t true. Lookie here…………..looks right at home if you ask me!

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

10-year-old driver flips van in Tenn.
Oct. 7, 2008 10:08 AM
Associated Press

A 10-year-old was driving up to 90 mph when he crashed a van carrying a man who told police he had drank at least 15 beers and a woman who was trying to swallow as many pills as she could when deputies arrived at the scene, Tennessee authorities said Tuesday.

The young driver lost control and the vehicle rolled, coming to rest on its top in northeastern Tennessee, Sullivan County authorities said. The two adults and three children in the van were taken to Bristol Memorial Hospital with minor injuries following Sunday’s crash.

Police charged 43-year-old Randy Lewis of Bristol with seven violations, including third offense DUI and felony reckless endangerment. People can be charged with DUI in Tennessee if they own the vehicle, even if they are not driving. A booking photo released by the Sheriff’s Office showed Lewis wearing a T-shirt that said, “Buy this dad a beer.” Paula Elaine Evans, who is 38 and also of Bristol, faces charges that include aggravated child abuse or neglect.

Lewis and Evans were being held in the Sullivan County Jail after a judge increased their bonds on Tuesday to $50,000 each at an arraignment hearing.

County jailers did not know if Lewis and Evans had retained attorneys and no one was immediately available to answer questions at the Sullivan County Public Defender’s office.

The sheriff’s office said Lewis acknowledged drinking liquor besides the beers.

The children – two 10-year-olds and a 6-year-old – were related to the adults, said authorities who declined to further detail the relationships.

The children were released to the Tennessee Children’s Services Department after being treated at the hospital.

Another example of “excellent parenting”. Oh, boy!!

Redneck Joke of the Week (compliments of my redneck buddy, Bill)

Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water across the lake on their 21st birthday.  On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Bubba’s 21st birthday came a round, he and his pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat …. and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother. ‘Grandma,’ he asked, ‘it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t I walk ‘cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him?’

Granny looked deeply into Bubba’s troubled eyes and said, ‘Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you dumb &#*@.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Redneck Huntin’ Dog

Racin Picks of the Week – Martinsville -The Chase is On!

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Tony Stewart
3. Ryan Newman

Ain’t True

This week somebody leaked a view at Jeff Burton’s new ride for 2009

The colossal Caterpillar 793 is one of the coolest pieces of heavy machinery on the planet. Traditionally powered by immense 16-cylinder engines churning out over 2000 HP, we’re now being told by Caterpillar that a new electric-drive version is on the way. But don’t think that means it’s going soft. The new 793F AC can carry about 250 tons of junk in its trunk, and that’s just the entry-level model. The burly 795F AC can take about 400 tons. That’s like having Arnold Schwarzenegger possessed by Al Gore…all while on horse steroids.

But it ain’t true. It don’t fit the templates at inspection……………..

Redneck Song of the Week

Waylon Jennings…Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way

Redneck Video of the Week

Bookmark this page:
http://www.fs.fed.us/conf/conditions/btb-streaming-2-north.htm
This is a live webcam atop Brasstown Bald (highest point in GA). Great fall shots!

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Redneck Economics

(compliments of my Redneck Retirement Financial Planner)

I was explaining to my youngin’s my investment strategy, why money can’t buy happiness, and some basic stock market definitions. Like the following:

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no “fun”.

BROKER — What my financial advisor has made me.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor who mistakes himself for a financial genius.

CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Former investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

In light of recent events, the Treasury Department has issued a new dollar bill………

(Thanks to my redneck buddy, Tim Bob, for this pitcher………….)

It is all about perspective…

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you will have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.   But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily and recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon! Makes you proud to be an American.

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record        6-7     .462
Season Record             53-19    .736

The whole football world went weird this past week and the redneck prognostications were a wreck. The predictin’ machine is back in the shop, so this week I am pickin’ the losers

Louie’s Losers

NC State loses to Fla St

The only Coach Bowden (the oldest one) left wins this one

Wake Forest loses to Maryland

Great game played in MD. It’ll be close one too!

Clemson loses to Ga Tech

Clemson loses its coach and this game

Memphis loses to E. Carolina

EC has to regain its winning form sometime

Duke loses to Miami

Duke is good, but the thugs win

Va Tech loses to Boston College

Wished this one was being played in VA.

Syracuse loses to So. Fla

Bet yer double-wide game of the week.

Miss St loses to Tennessee

It will be close and don’t be surprised with an upset in this one.

Ole Miss loses to Bama

Bama might not cover the spread though.

Vandy loses to Georgia

The dawgs have trouble but win.

Texas A&M loses to Texas Tech

Red Raiders romp

Arkansas loses to KY

Hogs give one away

S Carolina loses to LSU

LSU is embarrassed after last week and will not lose two in a row.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

“Bless his heart, he is so poor he can’t pay attention”
- Said by many to all retired rednecks