Redneck Ramblins

1. Y’all know that Mrs. Redneck is not an uppidty woman. She don’t like to talk ‘bout it, but little known fact that she does have a live-in maid, live-in cook, live-in landscaper, live-in maintaince man, and live-in chauffer. Sure glad that she let’s me live-in!
2. Looks like A-fraud has done for the Yankees what he did for the Rangers all those years. No playoffs again.
3. The MLB playoffs with no NY teams? Hell Yeah!!
4. Is it just a coincidence that homers are way down this year and so was steroid use?
5. I wish I was a dog and everyone in congress was a tree. They were investigatin’ performance enhancing drugs in baseball when they should’ve been investigatin’ Wall Street. Time to throw all the bums out!
6. Who’s gonna bail out the airline industry, auto manufacturers, bakeries……me?
7. I jest figured it out! The politicians are trying to screw up our economy so bad that it will solve the immigration problem. All ‘em illegal aliens will go home because it will be better there.
8. I wuz watchin’ some of the bail out stuff on TV the other night and had deju moo. Yep, that’s when you’ve heard this bull before.
9. Back in the day, we didn’t live as high on the hog, and I swear we were happier.
10. Now that we are fixin’ the economy, let’s pay preachers, teachers, policemen, firemen, and our service people what they are really worth! Same goes for politicians and CEO’s.

Redneck Political News

Feel like you ain’t got no choice? Don’t know who to vote fer?

Petty – Pearson in ‘08
No Debate ‘bout It

The STP candidate:

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Hospital tells grandfather, 71, that he’s pregnant

PORTLAND, Ore. (AP) - A patient treated for agonizing abdominal pain received this surprising news in the hospital’s paperwork: “Based on your visit today, we know you are pregnant.” Surprising indeed for 71-year-old John Grady Pippen.

The staff at Curry General Hospital in Gold Beach gave the retired mechanic and logger the ridiculously happy news this month, along with some pain pills.

Hospital administrator William McMillan says an errant keystroke caused the hospital’s computer to spit out the wrong discharge instructions for the grandfather.

Yepper, we have us a health care crisis!

Redneck Joke of the Week (compliments of my wannabe redneck buddy, Yankee Frank)

A Redneck from Alabama walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Bakersfield on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank’s president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the south for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into
the bank’s underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The Alabama Redneck replied, “Where else in New York City, can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Please Tell Me This Will Never Happen

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/biztech/10/01/volt.car.nascar/index.html

Racin’ at ‘Dega

Dega is known for the big one and Sunday the big one happened twice. Really screwed up 10 of the chasers’ day and wiped out half of the field. You think that was bad, check out the big one in 1960 at Daytona that involved 37 cars. They just kept a wreckin’.

Racin Picks of the Week – Lowes Motor Speedway -The Chase is On!

1. Tony “Smoke” Stewart
2. Kasey “Pretty Boy” Kahne
3. Travis “Doing More with Less” Kvapil

Ain’t True

I didn’t check Snopes or Hoax busters to see if this actually works or if it’s a scam or hoax (pronounced hoe axe in the Deep South) cause I received this from my Redneck Bud, Bullseye. He is usually on target with this kinda stuff.

It has been said that…..
If you ever get the sudden urge to run around naked,
You should spray yourself with some Windex immediately…..
It’ll keep you from streaking.

Ooops!. The neighbor lady’s screaming. Must be a hoax!

Redneck Song of the Week

Gretchen Wilson - Redneck Woman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L30V5vnYHzk

Hell yeah! Makes a feller’s heart go pitty patter don’t it.

Redneck Video of the Week

Redneck Fishing Tournament
(they bees Rednecks all over)

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: (compliments of Redneck Tim)

Texas Geography & Other Interesting Facts

1. Beaumont to El Paso – 742 miles
2. Beaumont to Chicago – 770 miles
3. El Paso is closer to California than to Dallas
4. World’s first rodeo was in Pecos, July 4, 1883.
5. The Flagship Hotel in Galveston is the only hotel in North America built over water. (it was damaged just a touch by hurricane Ike)
6. The Heisman Trophy was named after John William Heisman who was the first full-time coach at Rice University in Houston.
7. Brazoria County has more species of birds than any other area in North America.
8. Aransas Wildlife Refuge is the winter home of North America’s only remaining flock of whooping cranes.
9. Jalepeno jelly originated in Lake Jackson in 1978.
10. The worst natural disaster in US history was in 1900, caused by a hurricane, in which over 8,000 lives were lost on Galveston Island.
11. The first word spoken on the moon was “Houston”.
12. King Ranch in South Texas is larger than Rhode Island.
13. Tropical storm Claudette brought a US rainfall record of 43” in 24 hours in Alvin in July 1979.
14. Texas is the only state to enter the US by treaty (known as the Constitution of 1845 by the Republic of Texas to enter the Union) instead of by annexation. This allows the Texas Flag to fly at the same height as the US Flag and may divide into 5 states.
15. A live oak tree near Fulton is estimated to be over 1500 years old.
16. Caddo Lake is the only natural lake in Texas.
17. Dr Pepper was invented in Waco in 1885. There is no period in Dr Pepper.
18. Dublin, TX has the oldest and only Dr Pepper bottling company that is still working and producing the original Dr Pepper.
19. Texas has had 6 capital cities: Washington-on-the-Brazos; Harrisburg; Galveston; Velasco; West Columbia; and Austin.
20. The Capitol dome in Austin is the only dome in the US that is taller than the Capitol Building in Washington, DC – by 7 feet.
21. The name ‘Texas’ comes from the Hasini Indian word ‘tejas’ meaning friends. Tejas is not Spanish for Texas.
22. The state mascot is the armadillo. Interesting bit of trivia about the ‘dillo is they always have 4 babies. They have one egg which splits into four and they either have four males or four females.
23. The first domed stadium in the US was the Astrodome in Houston.

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record       9-4    .692
Season Record        47-12    .797

Louisville over Memphis

Cardinals BBQ Memphis

Auburn assails Arkansas

Tigers grease the pigs.

Boise St mashes So. Miss

At least this one won’t be played on that terrible blue field

E. Carolina barely over Virginia

EC wins by a FG

LSU gets by Gators

Upset special of the week.

GA bulldogs Tenn

Fulmer fumes again

KY scratches by Gamecocks of SC

The old ball coach loses a close one.

TAMU whips KSU Wildcats

Intra-family agro-game of the week. If Aggies win, I got the pick right. If KSU wins, we have bragging rights in the family. I win either way.

Sooners lasso Longhorns

Mack Brown can’t beat Oklahoma.

TX Tech nukes Nebraska

Too bad both teams can’t lose.

Tulsa smashes SMU

Bet the double-wide game of the week.

Vandy edges by Miss St

This will be a good one. How ‘bout Vandy beating Auburn last week for the first time since 1955?

WVA slaps Syracuse

Ridge runners run over Orangemen.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week

If your neighbors think you’re a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.

- Jeff Foxworthy