1. Went to the store the other day and bought some milk. The picture of the Auburn offense was on the carton.
2. Why is it that when someone works hard and succeeds, others want to dummy down the system to make things fair? How ‘bout working harder to succeed yourself.
3. By the time you read this, most likely we will have elected a new president and many others to office. If you are not happy about the outcome; if you feel that you want your country back, do something about it. It starts with each one of us. Reach out to others. Mentor a kid, teach Sunday School, pray for others, get off your back side and do something to make a difference one person at a time. Then hold those in office accountable!
4. You know the difference between an Auburn win and a UFO? People claim that they have seen UFO’s.
5. Why is it when we set our clocks back in the fall, we never use that extra hour to sleep? Most of us spend the hour resetting clocks.
6. I am all for the redistribution of wealth. I got dibs on Bill Gates or Warren Buffet. Heck, I’d even take Robert Gates or Jimmy Buffet. More than likely I will get Billy “The Bum” Buffet.
7. Texas is getting more like California each day. On Thursday, 10/30, we had minor earthquakes followed on Saturday by tremors.
8. Saw this on a t-shirt at Texas Motor Speedway this weekend

“I Love My Country – But Its Government Scares Me”

And I approve this message.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Ghost car racks up tickets

Published: Nov. 2, 2008 at 2:14 PM

CHICAGO, Nov. 2 (UPI) — Chicago police say they are investigating how a 1992 Chevrolet Lumina racked up nearly $4,000 in tickets in the year after it was presumed crushed.

Cheryl Thomas said the police became involved after notices seeking payment for nearly $4,000 were mailed to her home in Alsip, the Chicago Sun-Times reported Sunday.

“The police told me the car was destroyed, but it’s still moving around,” said Thomas, whose son, Gene, owned the car until it was impounded last year and ordered crushed by police after he failed to pay $500 in storage and towing fees, the Sun-Times reported.

During the next 12 months, toll cameras photographed the car nearly 200 times as it breezed through tollbooths without paying a cent, the Sun-Times reported.

Untangling the car’s recent history has been difficult with police reporting the car was crushed, not crushed, sold, then not sold, the Sun-Times reported, noting police say the car currently is undriveable and sitting in a city-owned lot, though police would not allow the Sun-Times to see the car.

This from a city where dead people have been voting for years!

Redneck Joke of the Week

BUBBA AND EARL

One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said, “Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it’s a po-leece roadblock! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!”

“Don’t worry Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat.”

“What fer?” asked Bubba.

“Just let me do the talkin’, okay?” said Earl.

They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, “Have you boys been drinking?”

“No sir,” said Earl, “We’re on the patch.”

Redneck Picture of the Week

Bubba Heard That Huntin’ Season Started

Racin’ at Texas

Redneck son and I spent a picture perfect weekend in fellowship with 200,000 of our friends smelling burning rubber and spent racin’ fuel. Cousin Carl Edwards crew chief made a calculated gutsy call to stay out 10 laps longer than anybody else to win the Dickies 500 in a fuel mileage slapdown. Edwards cut deeply into Jimmie Johnson’s points lead (only 106 point ahead with two races to go.) Bet NASCAR checks the capacity of that 99 Ford’s fuel cell!

Racin Picks of the Week – Phoenix –The Chase is On!

1. Clint Bowyer
2. Denny Hamlin
3. David Reutimann

Ain’t True

UCLA Study Finds That Searching the Internet Increases Brain Function in Older Adults

Researchers found volunteers with prior experience in Web searching registered a twofold increase in brain activation

(10/29/2008)

UCLA scientists have found that for computer-savvy older adults, searching the Internet triggers key centers in the brain that control decision-making and complex reasoning. The findings demonstrate that Web search activity may help stimulate and possibly improve brain function.

The study, the first of its kind to assess the impact of Internet searching on brain performance, is currently in press at the American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry and will appear in an upcoming issue.

As the brain ages, a number of structural and functional changes occur, including atrophy, reductions in cell activity, and increases in deposits of amyloid plaques and tau tangles, which can impact cognitive function.

Researchers noted that pursuing activities that keep the mind engaged may help preserve brain health and cognitive ability. Traditionally, these include games such as crossword puzzles, but with the advent of technology, scientists are beginning to assess the influence of computer use—including the Internet.

For the study, the UCLA team worked with 24 neurologically normal research volunteers between the ages of 55 and 76. Half of the study participants had experience searching the Internet, while the other half had no experience. Age, educational level, and gender were similar between the two groups.

Researchers found that during Web searching, volunteers with prior experience registered a twofold increase in brain activation when compared with those with little Internet experience.

Ain’t true that if you spend all of your time surfing the web that you will be any smarter. It just means that your lazy butt has no life!

Redneck Song of the Week

Redneck Anthem – Ty England

Redneck Video of the Week: (Compliments of Redneck Rich J)

National Anthem sung the way it should be by 5 sisters at a Texas Tech basketball game in February 2008.

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Diversity Training

Football Season: North vs. South

Women’s Attire

Up North:
Chap stick in their back pocket and a $20 bill in their front pocket.

Down South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, powder, mascara (waterproof), concealer, and a fifth of bourbon. Wallet not necessary – that’s what dates are for.

Stadium Size
Up North:
College football stadiums hold 20,000.

Down south:
High school football stadiums hold 20,000.

Names
Up North:
Doug Flutie.

Down South:
Kenny ‘The Snake’ Stabler

Weather
Up North:
Snow and Ice.

Down South:
Sunny, highs mid-60s, lows in the thirties.

Fathers
Up North:
Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.

Down South:
Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

Attire
Up North:
Male and female alike: woolly sweater or sweatshirt, jeans.

Down South:
Male – khakis or shorts, oxford shirt, cap with team logo. Female – Knee-length skirt or Jeans, team logo tattoos on cheek, Pom Pom.

Alumni
Up North:
Take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.

Down South:
Take prospects on fishing trips so they don’t leave for the NFL their senior year.

Campus Decor
Up North:
Statues of Founding Fathers.

Down South:
Statues of Heisman Trophy winners.

Homecoming Queen
Up North:
Also a physics major.

Down South:
Also Miss USA.

Heroes
Up North:
Mario Cuomo.

Down South:
“Bear” Bryant.

Getting Tickets
Up North:
5 days before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still purchase tickets.

Down South:
5 months before the game you can walk into the ticket office on campus and still be placed on the waiting list for tickets.

Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game
Up North:
Students and Teachers are not sure if they are going because they have class on Friday.

Down South:
Teachers cancel class on Friday because they don’t want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class on Friday.

Parking
Up North:
An hour or two before game time the university opens the campus for game parking.

Down South:
RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend’s festivities. The real faithful begin arriving on Tuesday.

Game Day
Up North:
A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

Down South:
Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting Game Day “Live” to get on camera and wave to the idiots from up North who wonder why Game Day is never broadcast from their campus.

Tailgating
Up North:
Wieners on the grill, beer with a lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.

Down South:
30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by Hootie & the Blowfish, who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off your bottle of bourbon.

Getting To The Stadium
Up North:
You have to ask, “Where’s the stadium?” When you find it you walk right in with no line.

Down South:
When you’re near it, you’ll hear it. On game day, it becomes the state’s third largest city.

Concessions
Up North:
Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.

Down South:
Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team’s mascot — filled less than halfway to ensure enough room for bourbon.

When The National Anthem Is Played
Up North:
Stands are less than half full.

Down South:
80,000+ fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.

The Smell In The Air After The First Score
Up North:
Nothing changes.

Down South:
Fireworks with a twist of bourbon.

Commentary (Male)
Up North:
“Nice play.”

Down South:
“Dammit you slow sumbitch — tackle him and break his legs!!!”

Commentary (Female)
Up North:
“My, this is a violent sport.”

Down South:
“Dammit you slow sumbitch — tackle him and break his legs!!!”

After The Game
Up North:
The stadium is empty before the game ends.

Down South:

Another rack of ribs on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next week’s party.

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record    9-6    .600
Season Record        91-27     .771

Last week was a rough one for the picker. Lots of losers turned into winners in close games.
Did get the Texas Tech upset right!

Louie’s Losers

LSU loses to No. 1 Bama
Saban knows how to win in Baton Rouge. Dun it before!

Va Tech loses at home to Maryland
Hope I’m wrong on this one Redneck Ron!

NC State loses to Duke
Can’t say this in most years except in basketball.

Vandy loses to Florida
Vandy covers the spread

North Texas loses to Fla Atlantic
In the battle of the best losers

Clemson loses to Fla State
Seminoles war dance on the Tigers

Kentucky loses to Georgia
Dawgs are down after Fla game, but not that down

NC loses to Ga Tech
Tar Heels are upset at the Hill

Texas A&M loses to Oklahoma
Kyle Field can’t even help the Aggies in this bet the double-wide game.

Baylor loses to Texas
Closer than many think it will be!

Okla State loses to Texas Tech
Red Raiders roll continues

Virginia loses to Wake Forest
Close one!

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

If you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors, you might be a redneck.
- Jeff Foxworthy