Redneck Ramblins

1. I told Mrs. Redneck the other night that now that I don’t have to impress anybody anymore that I was going to grow a mullet. Mrs. Redneck let me know ratnow that this was not a good idea. She even gave me THE LOOK!
2. Since I have paid all of my bills on time, why do I feel like I am about to be screwed on the gummit buyout deal?
3. Who oversees the overseers?
4. It’s all about GREED!
   1. Corporate greed
   2. Shareholder greed
   3. Consumer greed – don’t buy somethin’ ya can’t pay fer!
5. I have time now that I am retired to play the gas market. Yep, I get to decide when to fill up the muscle car with premium.
6. I am glad that I am writing this blog. I have heard from folks that I haven’t heard from in years. Amazing when you dis their team how angry they get. No, Vince Jr, I will not kiss yours, because your butt’s in B’ham and I ain’t traveling. Same to Marilyn in Jax and her big toe.  Also to many, it is physically impossible to do that to myself.
7. As my redneck son reminded me, I knowed them lines before I drawed ‘em.
8. Everybody seems surprised that China is producing products that are crap and that are making kids sick, killing pets. Folks, they don’t have gummit regulations over there (no EPA, no OSHA, no labor laws) that would cost them millions and millions per plant. That’s how they produce it so cheap. And what is worse, is that they don’t care! Do not buy China junk – ‘course good luck buying almost anything anymore not made in China. My grandmamma used to say “You get what you pay for”.
9. Almost the same goes for Mexico. The recent scares in the veggie bidness? They irrigate their crops with sewage water (good fertilizer though) and then use non-potable water in the produce plants. Any wonder why e. coli and salmonella end up in yer food? Remember the saying “Don’t drink the water”? The big surprise to me was that our federal gummit took 6 whole weeks to figure it out.
10. Is there a bigger dummy than Josh Howard? Where else can an average basketball player make the millions he does? Hey, Josh, why don’t you take yer ignert butt someplaceelse. And folks want to know why I don’t watch the NBA? Same reason I don’t watch anything out of Hollywood.
11. Think gas cost a lot now? Wait until a hurricane does major damage to gulf petro facilities or someone shoots somebody’s camel in the Middle East.
12. The politicians should have included themselves in the Do Not Call list and I approve of this message.

Redneck Political News

I heard a guy on the radio today talking about “Petty” politics. I told you that the Petty campaign is getting noticed.

There is No Debate

Petty – Pearson ‘08

Do you think that McCain just caught Petty sneaking up on him?

Could Be Worse I Reckon

Passengers Forced to Get Out and Push Broken Airplane Off Runway

Friday , September 26, 2008

A budget Chinese airline took flying pains to a new level Thursday after it made passengers get out and help push their broken plane to the gate, the Daily Mail reported.

The CRJ7 plane, with 69 passengers and seven crew members on board, had just flown from Guilin in the south of China, to Zhengzhou, the capital of Henan province. The plane landed safely but then died before it could taxi to the arrivals terminal.

The staff could not push the airplane on its own, so the passengers were asked to pitch in. Even with the added muscle power, it took the group nearly two hours to get the plane off the runway.

“Thank God it was only a 20-ton medium-sized airplane,” one of the airport workers told the Daily Mail. “If it were a big plane, it would have knocked us out.”

My redneck friends at American assure me that this is not an idea for one of their new fees. It’s just another example of Chinese crap quality.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Inmate wins $295K because of moldy, smelly mattress

A jury ruled last week that a convicted felon should receive $295,000 because he was forced to sleep on a “wet, moldy and foul smelling” mattress at a prison in Wisconsin, The Smoking Gun reports.

Reggie Townsend, 29, is serving a 23-year sentence for his role in the shooting death of an 11-year-old girl.

The Wisconsin State Journal says jurors concluded that guards denied Townsend “the minimal civilized measure of life’s necessities.” “I think the jury was rightfully upset at the way the prisoners had been treated,” David Harth, his lawyer, tells the paper. “It wasn’t a one-off thing. It was what happened during a 60-day stay in segregation.”

The prison guard may appeal the ruling, according to the State Journal.

Even though I think that this is a huge waste of the judicial system’s time and effort, I am okay with the verdict as long as he gives the $295k to the 11-year-old victim’s family.

Redneck Joke of the Week (compliments of my redneck buddy, Doug)

A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. At the height of the party, the host said, “I have a 10 ft man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.” The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its butt!

Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell.

Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, “Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.”

“No, that’s okay. I don’t want it,” said Leroy.

The rich man said, “Man , I have to give you something.”

“You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?”

“No thanks, I don’t want it,” answered Leroy.

The host said, “Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?”

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, “Well, Leroy, then what do you want?”

Leroy said, “I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!”

Redneck Picture of the Week  (compliments of my redneck brother)

Alabama Smoke Detector

Set Yer Tivo!

“My Big Fat Redneck Wedding” (The Series)
CMT

Racin’ at Kansas

Gotta give to “Concrete” Carl Edwards for trying to beat JJ in that last lap. He went into turn 3 wide butt open and made the pass only to find the “concrete” wall.

Racin Picks of the Week – ‘Dega -The Chase is On!

1. Jimmie Johnson
2. Elliott Sadler
3. Brian Vickers

Ain’t True

The dummies in Washington think that building a wall will solve our immigration problem. “It’s the economy stupid”, as they like to spout. The Mexican economy is so far worse than that in the USA that their people risk their very lives to enter this country. A wall will not stop them. They will just use the thousands of tunnels that they have already dug or ride in the back of a semi.

Maybe the dummies in Washington are to blame. They passed the legislation that makes us give the illegal aliens free education, freemedical care, drivers licenses, and other public assistance all without having to pay any taxes or insurance. What part of illegal do they not understand?

Maybe we oughta build a wall on the Canadian border! Them Canucks are really causing a problem, eh!

Redneck Song of the Week:

“Down Home” – Alabama

Redneck Video of the Week

Redneck Amusement Park

Redneck Education Tip of the Week

Now that I have the time, I have written that book that I have always wanted to write. In fact I have written three. As a free gift for reading this blog, here they are in their entirety:

Business

“How to Make a Profit”
Sell it for more than it cost ya.

Sports

“How to Win”
Score more points than ‘em.

Diet

“How to Lose Weight”
Burn more calories than ya take in.

Durn Yankee publishers want 400 other pages of gobblygook before they will even print these.

Rebel Football Pickins

I had to send the Rebel Pickins crystal ball to the shop for recalibration after last week. I guess the equinox and/or full moon got it all caddywampus. It did, however, predict the “black-out” at Georgia!! Roll tide!!!

Didn’t it make you feel good that the Univ of Super Conceit got beat last week! Way to Ore St!!

Last Week Record    7-6    .538
Season Record      38-8    .826

S. Fla whoops Pitt

Speed kills!

Memphis over UAB

Memphis barbeques Blazers

Bama tames Ky Wildcats

Bama rolls!

Auburn barely beats Vandy

Tigers better be careful now, ya hear!

Florida hangs the Hogs

Upset by the upset last week, Gators bet their double-wides.

Fla International beats UNT

Gotta be the game with the worst teams this week.

Ga Tech beats Duke

Yellow Jackets engineer a win to make Blue Devils blue.

Fla State upsets Miami

Upset special of the week in a game only a warden could love

Ole Miss beats S. Carolina

Ole Ball Coach loses a close one

Okie State runs over Aggies

Aggie Band wins another halftime

Tx Tech thumps K. State

Wildcats have no defense. High scoring game

Tulane marches over Army

Cadets get no Southern hospitality

Va Tech defeat W. KY

This one will not be even close.

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week

“We really don’t care how you did it up North!”
- All rednecks