Posts Tagged ‘things not to say to game wardens’

Issue #13

Redneck Ramblins

1. No matter what has happened this year, we still are blessed and should be very thankful.
2. I heard that we were getting change after the election. Looks so far to be the same ole Clinton stuff we had 8+ years ago.
3. Nothing is going to change until we go from “me” to “we”. The good of America has to come before the good of a few individuals.
4. What do you do in case of a tornado? Go to Auburn. They never have a touchdown there.
5. Heard that Tiger Woods lost his Buick endorsement deal. That and him being off work due to injury, I am worried that he might not make it. Hope he has that insurance!
6. No question that Auburn has been looking for a quarterback. Tuberville was out recruiting the other day and found an athlete just right for Auburn. When he asked the recruit if he could pass a football, he replied “Hell yeah, if I can swallow it.”
7. Now that gas is under $2 a gallon, let’s blame Bush for that too.
8. I hear Coach Saban is being pegged for the new administration’s Secretary of Defense. Although, I doubt he’d take a less prestigious job and the huge pay cut.
9. Y’all can probably tell that it is Alabama – Auburn week. No rivalry like it anywar.
10. Holiday travel warning: Airlines used to lose your luggage for free. Now they charge to do it.
11. This stock market is making plenty of people millionaires. Of course they were billionaires before this mess started.

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

Lucky man survives after being run over by train
HUNTSVILLE, Ala. (AP) — Talk about being lucky – a north Alabama man is alive after being run over by a train on Thursday afternoon. Huntsville Fire and Rescue officials said a train engineer spotted 61-year-old Arnold Romine lying across railroad ties. Witnesses said the conductor sounded the horn and tried to stop the train.

Firefighters said by the time the coal train was stopped, 8 rail cars had passed over Romine’s body.

Miraculously, he suffered what appeared to be minor injuries. He was later treated and released at Huntsville Hospital.

It’s unclear why Romine was lying on the tracks.

Hell yeah it’s clear. It’s just an Auburn fan following tracks while huntin’.

Redneck Joke of the Week

Two hunters from Auburn were dragging their dead deer back to their car.

Another hunter, from Tuscaloosa, approached pulling his along too.

“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.”

After the Bama hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!”

“Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.

Redneck Picture of the Week

Happy Thanksgiving Y’all

Racin’

Ain’t True

ROME (AP) – Serie A side Catania has come up with a creative way to score from a free kick: block the goalkeeper’s vision by having players drop their shorts down in a wall.

The Sicilian team carried out the maneuver to perfection when Giuseppe Mascara scored in Sunday’s 3-2 win over Torino.

Three Catania players dropped their shorts down near their knees so Torino goalkeeper Matteo Sereni couldn’t see Mascara’s kick.

“This is a strategy that (Catania coach Walter) Zenga tries continually in training,” the club’s chief executive Pietro Lo Monaco told RAI state radio Monday.

Former referees coordinator Paolo Casarin called the move “unsportsmanlike and in bad taste.”

“It’s a trick that should not be tolerated anymore by the referees,” Casarin said.

Lo Monaco responded, “A trick? I wouldn’t say so. It’s up to the referee to decide if it should be penalized, otherwise I don’t see where the problem is….Good taste is relative.”

Ain’t true that it was a full moon!

Redneck Song of the Week:

You Can’t Hide Redneck – Tracy Lawrence

Redneck Video of the Week:

Bubby J
http://www.jeffdunham.com/#/bubbaj

Redneck Education Tip of the Week: Law

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, ‘Where did you get that turkey?’
The boy replied, ‘What turkey?’

The game warden said, ‘That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.’

The boy looks down and said, ‘Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!’

The game warden said, ‘Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I’m going to do to you.

If you break his leg, I’m gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I’ll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I’ll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?’

The little boy said, ‘I guess I’ll just kiss his butt and let him go!’

Rebel Football Pickins

Last Week Record        13-7    .650
Season Record              122 – 43    .739

Louie’s Losers

TX A&M loses to Longhorns
Bet the double-wide game of the week.

Toledo loses to Bowling Green
It will be close one though!

UTEP loses to E Carolina
Miners make sure everything is fine in Caroline

Arkansas loses to LSU
LSU rights the shrimp boat after recent storms

Miss State loses to Ole Miss
Rebels take to the air to win intra-state rivalry

Pittsburgh loses to West Va
Good game will be close

Auburn loses to #1 Alabama
Bama stays unbeaten until they play Florida

North Texas loses to Arkansas State
Coach Dodge really wishes he was back at Southlake Carroll

Maryland loses to Boston College
Terps get turned upside down

South Carolina loses to Clemson
Ole Ball Coach is mad after this one

Florida State loses to Florida
Bobby Bowden beaten badly

Georgia loses to Ga Tech
Rabblin’ Wreck upsets the dawgs

Rice loses to Houston
Cougars steam Rice

Duke loses to North Carolina
At least until basketball season

Oklahoma loses to Okie State
Upset special of the week

SMU loses to So Miss
Eagles fly

Baylor loses to Texas Tech
Red Raiders take embarrassing loss out on Bears

UAB loses to UCF
Central Fla flogs Blazers

Virginia loses to Va Tech
Beamer beams

Vanderbilt loses to Wake Forest
Close one to the home team

Redneck Rebel Quote of the Week:

I don’t hire anybody who’s not brighter than I am. If they’re not brighter than I am, I don’t need them.
Paul “Bear” Bryant, I Ain’t Never Been Nothing but a Winner